Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace - rewritten

Not too bad, Darth-Stryphe, although I haven't been writing as much as I'd like to. College has been ever so hectic lately! Anyway, thanks for upping the thread again .

 

Yeah, I understand. I haven't gotten **** done on my latest book in the last couple of months. Well, don't give up. If you can, take some creative writing classes next semester (although they're usually a pain to get into unless you're a senior).

 

I'm planning to do that next year. I'm also going to do some acting this year as some people from the university near my college have cast me as the lead character in a short film! And I've promised another friend of mine to appear in his film, too, so that'll give me good experience in how to direct actors. It's a bummer having to learn all those lines, though .

 

Just upping this thread for...err...no reason at all. Hope no one minds.

 

Perhaps in the spirit of competition, eh Oakes Booing and hissing indeed, shame shame. I'm sure Geist is in therapy as we speak.

 

He just can't accept the truth! The truth that his rewrite is better than mine. Err...I mean the other way round. Yeah. Bah!

 

<<chuckles>>

 

And an up for good measure.

 

I like it, Oakessteve. You made good improvements to the original script while still keeping the basic plotline. Your characterization of Obi-Wan is much better than the movie's.

 

Here's an "up" for ya, Oakes.

 

Happy New Year Oakes!

 

Still like browsing over this rewrite from time to time, 'cause it's so d@mn good! Can't say it enough, Oakes: well done

 

Cheers, ShaneP, and Scarr1106. I will get round to reading your rewrite soon, trust me!

 

Trust you? I remember your old signature!

 

Just upping this thread to annoy everybody else. Hope no one minds .

 

Up ya go!

 

Up! BTW, Oakes, check out a very funny salute to you and many of the other more prominent members of this community on Duckman's "TPM is a gift" thread. Very funny!

 

Great Job Oakes. I read the whole thing, it had a great ending. (remember I was reading in the other thread?)

 

Shelly "Like most "rewrites" by self-important fans, this TPM rewrite sucks"

"A real class act". It's amazing that somebody would take the time to read 146 pages of something that sucked.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING STEPTHEN, WE CAN ALL TELL THAT YOU POURED YOUR HEART AND SOUL INTO THIS RE-WRITE AND THAT'S SOMETHING YOU CAN BE REAL PROUD OF. DON'T EVEN THINK OF LETTING SOMEBODY'S "CHILD LIKE BEHAVIOR" LIKE THAT BRING YOU DOWN.

I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT ONE OF GEORGE LUCAS'S GOALS OF STAR WARS WAS TO INSIRE KIDS TO DREAM AND I CAN TELL THAT YOU ARE ANOTHER ONE OF THEM!

LIKE SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE, I LOOK FORWARD TO READING MORE ABOUT YOUR VISION!

 

What's up guys? I've had a few different rewrites of this movie of my own for a little bit. When I finally finish my definitive version TPM I'll probably post it in the fan fiction. In the meantime however, here's a bastardized opening crawl of mine. I think the first paragraph is kinda clunky for now, but whatever. What do you guys think?

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away?

STAR
WARS

Episode 1

The Phantom Menace

Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. Seeking to finally put an end to a large and controversial tax dispute, the greedy Trade Federation has established a blockade of deadly battleships around the small and peaceful world of Naboo.

While the Congress of the Republic has become hopelessly deadlocked over what to do about this alarming situation, the Supreme Chancellor has secretly dispatched two Jedi Knights, the guardians of peace and justice in the Galaxy, to settle the conflict.

Unbeknownst to the Jedi and the Chancellor however, the Trade Federation has been discreetly conspiring with members of the long thought to be extinct, evil enemy of the Jedi order, The Dark Lords of the Sith....

 

Good. But a critique. Maybe leave more mystery about who is controlling the TF until later. Then you can show it.

Bash! Bash! Bash! Write more so I can bash.

 

Silly basher Anyone else?

 

Darth Zaraben

I like it!

 

Hey hi there!

It's absolutely brilliant!

You must give us more now!

 

Without a doubt, the best TPM rewrite I've read yet.