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Saga - OT The Black Star (OCs,Tendra Risant & other minor ECs | 3.5 ABY | Action, Black Comedy, Politics)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Ewok Poet, Feb 17, 2015.

  1. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2005
    Aw, I like the name Dandelion, but I can see why he goes by Dale instead. I have to say even though Brigada the intelligence officers clearly tows the party line, I really enjoyed her.

    Ha, I love these two girls interacting! And something seems amiss with Gredda...hmmmm.

    (And I really recommend Frasier, btw, the cut above you average sitcom)
     
  2. Gahmah Raan

    Gahmah Raan Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 2, 2015
    Chapter 2 Review

    Gredda seems like a reasonable individual, but Maris sounds like one of those senior citizens who have trouble accepting that advancing in society is a lot different presently than how it was back in her day.

    And Star Wars version of Instant Messenger? Love that little addition.
     
  3. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    I need to write one of those Neimoidian scammer e-mails, totally, come to think of it. :D

    And my goal was to create a story that would feature a, as some would say, a lived-in universe; so such comments mean A LOT to me.

    Maris is not even fifty. Therefore, we're talking about a person who sort of does not belong in her environment and deals with it in a pretty strange manner.

    And yup, messenger. Most likely intended to look like MSN of fifteen or so years ago in my mind.
    Dale won't appear again before the sequel, but he was - hopefully - effective here, as somebody needed to be the happy normal person among all those incredible weirdos.

    Brigada may appear again!


    And you totally want to reserve your Antonio-clone?

    ...

    Poodoo. I JUST MANAGED TO CAUSE MYSELF A NIGHTMARE.

    Reinstalled everything on the computer, I have more space and things work, so I'm totally going to do it. Thanks for the recommendation. :)
     
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  4. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    6. A Proposal for Blobbo

    Anaslinea-Hoc, Vagran, the same day

    Blobbo the Hutt was reclining on his repulsorlift floating platform and eating plain apex tree nuts. A true Vagranite despite having been born on Nal Hutta, he was aware of the dangers of junk food and, luckily, his immense wealth and enormous appetite allowed him to be incredibly well-fed and, in his opinion, incredibly healthy at the same time. The reason he chose to carve his palace inside of a mountain was pretty much of similar nature – he thought that the stone would protect him from the dangers of cosmic radiation. This was the reason he never travelled to any other planet as well.

    He called the mouse droid over to clean up the slime and activate the ceiling sonic shower. Despite the loud noise of flowing water from the Solvo sea, enhanced by minerals, he was pretty sure his probe droids registered somebody approach the cave-castle. What kind of a visitor would bother him close to the early bedtime he needed for his beauty sleep?

    “That has got to be either Darse Loor or Aerenna Gelmeen.” He said, with a strange accent that could only belong to a Hutt who spoke Basic by choice. “Fly to the door, Taggo and Maggo! Mousee, perfume me. Now!”

    Blobbo’s twin Toydarian majordomos collided in the air on their way to the gate.

    “Watch out where you’re going, Trunk-Brain!” Taggo yelled at his brother.

    “No, you watch where you’re going!” Maggo shook his fist. “I am going to make sure your trunk full of booger actually gets into your brain, through your eye sockets…wermo!”

    The person at the door was a woman, but she looked nothing like Aerenna Gelmeen to Taggo and Maggo. She had no hair to speak of, was very pale and the jetpack on her back looked like something stolen from a Mandalorian armour. She did not seem one bit interested in the twins' blasters aimed towards her.

    "Who are you?" They asked in almost perfect unison.

    "The pleasure is all mine…boyos. I’m Dryxa, from the Bounty Hunters’ guild. A Dathomirian, if that matters to your employer. I am coming here on behalf of a group of us who have a little proposal for you. And the two of you would be…?"

    “Taggo and Maggo, His Greatness' most faithful servants. What kind of a proposal is this?”

    “Oh…he will get more than he bargained for.” The woman winked and reached out to one of their trunks. “But I am not willing to disclose the details to anybody below him…if you know what I mean. Cute trunk, by the way.”

    One of the Toydarian twins - the one whose trunk she did not compliment - shrugged, titled his head and went to introduce the visitor to the Hutt crime lord. The other, seemingly kinder and slightly smitten, decided to warn her about his Master's practices.

    "What you have to know, Dryxa, is that Blobbo is no stranger to extreme measures when he does not get what he bargained for. Last year, he started dismembering a rokna blue addict who owed him thousands of credits. And the other, wimpier one cried like a tooka and ended up giving us pretty much everything he owned to pay his debt, effectively becoming a slave here."

    “What happened to these rokna addicts, Taggo?” Dryxa raised her eyebrow.

    “I’m Maggo! The first bled to death before the Master’s eyes in order to show others what will happen if they don’t follow the orders. The other...the Master traded him for a rancor cub that he wanted. And he eventually died of starvation. You don’t want to end up like him, don’t you?”

    Dryxa swallowed a lump. That was an unpleasant story. Poor rancor!

    But this had to go on. There was no way back. She followed Maggo into the main chamber of Blobbo’s cave. A couple of large amphorae stolen from various archaeological sites around Anaslinea-Hoc were displayed in a corner. Everything else was almost sterile, like a sight from a med lab. A large viewscreen was located on the straightest wall. That was the kind of place she had never seen before. Most Hutts' lairs were dirty and full of dust.

    On top of that, a Hutt that smelled of flowers and ordering a mouse droid to clean the path before his visitor, Blobbo sure was an interesting sight.

    “His greatness, Blobbo Fasolia Toupé.” Taggo pointed to his Master who, to Dryxa's surprise, moved his tail in a curtsey-like position and opened his mouth wide upon the first sight of her.

    "Dryxa Farr. Why is his greatness looking at me like that?" She turned to the Toydarians.

    "You…you have no hair. That's clean! Very, very clean." Blobbo's tail swirled. "I always need to disinfect the place after Aerenna Gelmeen comes around. I once found a red hair in my food!"

    "His greatness hates dirt." Maggo flew towards Dryxa and whispered. "And yes, he speaks Basic. His own language reminds him of goo." He looked at Taggo, who nodded.

    "So, what do I owe this pleasure to?"

    "As I have said to your loyal servants, I need certain information. Rumours travel fast and I am pretty sure that you know what I need and why I need it. And…I will bring you something you can then exchange for whatever kind of a servant or Imperial protection you desire."

    "That's…cryptic. I am going to slime and…I don't like to slime!" Blobbo looked down. "Can you be a bit more straight to the point?"

    "I could. Then again, I am not afraid of what you may do otherwise. I know your rancor died because you fed it a vegetarian diet. And I know most of your dangerous henchmen are out and about around the sector, chasing spice addicts and pimps."

    Blobbo slapped himself on the head with his own tongue and then, realising what he had done, activated the sonic shower again. Dryxa rolled her eyes.

    "So, what do you want?"

    "Something that I know your faux-Imperial associates Aerenna Gelmeen and Darse Loor could give you…a location of what is rumoured to be built somewhere in the Outer Rim…right now."

    "And why would you need that?" Blobbo straightened his tail again and reached out to grab some more snacks. "You are a mere bounty hunter, Dryxa!"

    She leaned on him. He moved back and then set the platform to raise one metre higher. She casually activated her jetpack and flew up to him again, the confused Toydarians following her. Blobbo was getting nervous.

    "D-don't infect me with otherworldly germs. Just tell me why you need that location!"

    “You know, and I know that there will be blood spilled, just like the last time around." Dryxa made a summersault in the air. "And once that happens, we can both triumph. Sure you would want a lot of high profile hostages and you will need some skilled spacers to get a hold of them? Bounty hunters are known to be great spacers, right?”

    She leaned on the Hutt again. After he failed to respond, she continued.

    "I will bring you one of the COMPNOR's most wanted reactionaries and then you can swap him for whomever you want, whatever you want. He is true scum. Your kind of bounty."

    Blobbo drooled and Taggo immediately flew towards him to clean his slime. Now, that would have made some good negotiation material.

    "Is he a spice addict? Can he be bullied into gathering others' debt?"

    "I don't think so. He is more of a party man, but that's not what matters. All of his band's works have been banned and COMPNOR has recently disposed of the person who discovered him. It was quite a scandal, even if you would ask somebody from Juicy Blabber, or whoever else is equally brain-dead."

    "So, who is that? Could it be…"

    "…Charon Valorum of Deeply Religious. I will bring him to you; you will give me the location."

    Blobbo drooled again. This was like the New Year's fete coming early!

    "I accept. Darse and Aerenna will be back from Thaeme in the morning. I will get you what you need, provided that you bring me Valorum in no more than two days. Otherwise…I assume Maggo told you how I deal with those who don't respect their part of the deal?"

    "He sure did. And trust me…you won't need to dismember this girl. Plus, you like me. You want me to dance for you or whatever else turns a Hutt on. And I would need my limbs for that."

    Blobbo nodded. He could not deny what Dryxa just said. As he watched the Dathomirian walk away, he accidentally knocked the snack bowl with his tail. Taggo and Maggo ran to eat the nuts from the shining floor before Mousee would arrive to dispose of them.

    Dryxa activated her backpack the moment she was out of the cave-castle. Five minutes later, she landed on the roof of one of the last buildings in the town, right behind the sign that read "TALIORE – ROOMS AND BREAKFAST – AFFORDABLE – OPEN 23 HOURS". The roof and the sign were the only things that actually looked like a building; below them was a dense, dense hedge-like structure.

    She knocked on the transparisteel roof door. It seems that nobody was up, which was slightly unusual for Taliore. Luckily, she did need some time. The waist bags below the jetpack were immediately dropped to the floor, so was the long scarf around her neck. She then proceeded to remove the pale make-up with markings from her face, to reveal a more or less standard Human tint.

    Just then, her radionics device beeped.

    "Sweetcorn, is that you?" the scrambled voice on the other side spoke through an immense amount of static. "Answer me!"

    "Yes!" She jumped up in the air, almost stepping on her scarf. "Lucky you're close, so we can communicate without any significant delay. Though really, you could have opted for HyperYak instead. I've been using that for a couple of years and with a good filter, nobody can trace you. Nobody."

    "I thought you called to say you were missing me." The voice sounded concerned. "This has got to be the strangest place ever; to the point where I cannot even believe it's real. But at the same time, it's nice. Not what I expected, clearly."

    "Of course I am missing you, love. I have not seen you since…that unfortunate event. But remember, this will be over, soon. And we will be together."

    "Love you too, Sweetcorn!" The static was annoying at this point and the voice was getting more and more breathy. "Now, tell me, did you manage to get the deal with Blobbo?"

    She put the radionics gadget on the letter Trill to remove the bare scalp mask and run her hands through a tiny bun on top of her head. Seconds later, she had luxurious, long hair.

    "That I did. And we're going to get what we need to know."

    "What if those hairy wermos may get it before us…"

    "Even if they do, knowing the situation, not everybody will make it to the one who needs to know. By the way, where are you? What is that noise in the background?"

    "Don't ask. Just wish me luck for tonight."

    "It's already night on Vagran."

    "Heeey!"

    "Don't worry, I am just teasing you. Good luck, love!"

    There was nothing but the static on the other side. Her partner had already gone. Just then, somebody opened the transparisteel door.

    "It's yous!" the woman in a flower skirt clapped her hands and let the young girl in.

    "Laoda Caraway Kaeni! It's been a while!"

    They hugged and continued towards the narrow, spiral stairs.

    "I has somebody for yous, by the way." Laoda said, as she was turning on the light in the dining room on the ground floor. "He arrive just the other day."

    "Oh?"
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2018
  5. Admiral Volshe

    Admiral Volshe Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Sep 2, 2012
    I love Blobbo, Maggo, and Taggo! Entertaining but authentic, too.

    But INCREDIBLE plot twist, there. I was not expecting that! This is going to be interesting, and I have a feeling everything is going to really start intersecting in the next little bit!

    Great job!! :)
     
  6. Kahara

    Kahara Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2001
    Ahahahaha... poor baby. [face_laugh] I actually like the name Dandelion too (reminds me of Watership Down, which I seem to remember you mentioned as an old fave at some point). But it does remind me of some story whose title I've forgotten; the one bit that I remember from it was that one character (male) had been named Strawberry by his mother, who didn't think about the consequences. (As the character narrating said, if you name a boy Strawberry there are going to be consequences. :p Namely, a chip on the shoulder.) Anyway, and the middle name is basically a kind of GFFA pig -- this guy really can't win.

    And this one loses no time at all. [face_laugh] Can't even get out of customs before he's trying to pick up any poor unfortunate soul with a pulse. (Okay, so I'm biased because of info I already know about this gem of an individual. ;))


    LOL, at least they kind of salvaged what could be of the social courtesies. :p I think Charon may be accustomed to being the responsible one? Anyway, this whole conversation/intro was very entertaining.

    With an intro like that, it must be so. :p Love the way that this weird peppy slogan-ese seems to get sprinkled through all kinds of social interactions on Sacorria -- though especially with the people in official jobs like Code Blue and this one (makes sense).

    Never forget. ;)

    (Also got a giggle out of the "live long and prosper" for Trek references that even I can recognize.)

    Interesting that the powers that be apparently want Nokaarbe to stay and the others to leave. And I see that Wompy reacts to all kinds of news with grace and eloquence (not).

    [face_laugh] I dunno... I'm getting the feeling that one Antonio is more than enough.

    Manicure -- that would be almost as good (or bad) as Dandelion. And wow, "possessed" -- now that sounds like there's a very strange story. [face_thinking] Huh.

    Gredda's message from these mysterious people sounds ominous. I don't trust it, either, and it worries me that she does.

    (Part 6)

    Oh my goodness a health-yuppie Hutt with hypochondriac tendencies. This is great. :D And why not? Hmm. I wonder if Hutts can do yoga? :p Also liked the colliding Toydarian twins; I can see that this is a very serious criminal empire.

    Poor rancor, indeed. ;) Given how carefully they seem to treat their rancors on Dathomir, the rest of the galaxy must seem kind of barbaric.

    Blobbo Fasolia Toupé -- that's a great name; I especially like the "Toupé" surname. [face_rofl] (And I notice he seems to be a cousin of another Fasolia?)

    He fed his rancor veggies? :oops:

    Sounds like Charon is deep in doo-doo if this bounty hunter is after him.

    "Sweetcorn" as a pet name is kind of cute. And now Laoda is connected somehow -- this gets stranger and stranger. [face_thinking]
     
  7. Gahmah Raan

    Gahmah Raan Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 2, 2015
    Chapter 2 - Part 2 Review (I made a mistake and didn't realize the chapters wouldn't stop being divided until Chapter 3)

    So, Doria's getting a job with Code:Blue now. Like the interactions so far. Also, Selonian protocol droid? Almost reminds me of "Senate Spy" introducing Neimoidian-themed BD-3000 luxury droids (with gold skin and red eyes).

    Chapter 3 Review

    The dialogue chain could use some work during the Grain Day discussion scene. When Code:Blue answered Doria's question about Dadanna, there was no indication that she was directing her question to Blue. For me, it can get kinda confusing if you don't give an idea of whom a character redirects their dialogue to within the same line the redirection comes in.

    So podracing's still around? Considering that this is sorta in the Legends setting, wouldn't podracing be outlawed by the Empire? Or is this just an underground circuit that's outside the Empire's territory?

    And good to see Deeply Religious is about to play a major part after being absent from all of Chapter 2. And looking forward to what happens on Grain Day.
     
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  8. metophlus

    metophlus Jedi Padawan star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 30, 2015
    Due to spacing/formatting issues that are beyond me to solve, I'm putting this in spoiler tags as to not flood the thread.



    Hmm. Part-Kiffar who maybe knows psychometry. That's kinda inter ---



    Oh.

    Wait. Was that all just a joke? *goes to read Antonio's profile* "Species: Human... who may have had a Kiffar grand-grandmother..." You meant "great-grandmother".

    I guess Tony uses the psychometry routine on girls, giving them an "innocent" excuse to let him touch objects close to their bodies. It makes flirting easier for both of them.


    You're only wearing a HARNESS AND A HAT! Yeah, you're covered in fur, but your fem-junk's still gonna show if you bend over to pick something up.



    *face-to-desk*


    . . .

    *face-to-desk*



    AAAAAAHHHHRRRRGGH!!

    D:<



    Why does Antonio get to stay?



    Isn't Antonio going to ask why he's the only one in his band that gets to stay?



    WTF does that mean?



    That joke doesn't make much sense.

    I'm glad this part of Chapter Five ended when it did. It's probably just me, but I was starting to lose track of who was who.

    [TBC]
     
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  9. metophlus

    metophlus Jedi Padawan star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 30, 2015
    5 continued:

    She'd get along well with Darlene from Roseanne.

    Does he like. . . take aim at speakers playing pronk and. . . go to town?

    READ IT, DORIA! READ IT NOW! GOD ****ING DAMMIT

    Aww. Antonio really was into that, wasn't he?

    Tony/Brigada all the way. I will go down with this ship.

    *dreamy sigh* Yes, very much so.

    HAHAHA!!

    OK, that was good. *claps*

    I've been saying the same thing to Ewok Poet.

    Probably better than having your eyes subjected to bland, flat fields in all directions. Oh, the desolation.

    Tendra/Doria forever. I will go down with this ship.

    Oh, come on. It's just a little demonic possession. Happens in every family.

    This is so creepy, Doria.

    :)

    This scene with Tendra and Doria redeemed the somewhat muddled first half of Chapter Five. *thumbs up*
     
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  10. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2005
    There certainly is a cast of characters, here! So this woman disguises herself as a Dathmorian bounty hunter and offers Charon to get the location of something (the Death Star?) from a clean-freak Hutt - my guess is her partner is Charon himself? And then she's joined by someone else at the end, not sure if that was a cliffhanger or just half a scene. I'm confused, but it's all very intriguing.
     
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  11. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014

    I think you may be confused about the latter because you appear to have skipped the fourth chapter. So, if you can skim through it to see who Laoda is and whom she has to meet, most likely, it will help. ;)

    As for the rest...[face_whistling]
     
  12. Findswoman

    Findswoman The Tol Fanfic Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Moderator

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    OK, I've owed you commentary on these latest chapters for far too long, and I apologize for having taken so long. It's been RL 1, Finds 0 these last few weeks. I'll start with chapter 5:

    Fun to meet the members of Steamy Wasaka Stew, who are at least as motley a crew as their colleagues (competitors?) in Deeply Religious. Dale seems like a genuinely nice fellow of the "gentle giant" or "big teddy bear" type (a type for which the name Dandelion somehow makes perfect sense). Antonio, though—what an obnoxious skirt-chaser! I can see why both Brigada and Doria are put off by him. His flirtation attempts would be laughable if they weren't also totally pathetic and a little bit scary. I am now curious, too, about whether he actually has the famous Kiffar ability of psychometry—but maybe that will be revealed later one way or the other. The fact that no one in the group, possibly not even Antonio, seems to know exactly what psychometry is jumps out at me as an interesting detail for some reason. (Not that psychometry would help Antonio get what he wants with Brigada or any other female anyway!)

    The dynamic between SWS and Deeply Religious is intriguing.The distinctions between which band is "the funky, crazy one" and which is "the straightlaced, normal one" are blurred in a cool way. Deeply Religious is arguably being the more outrageous of the two by being fully dressed and cooperating with Brigada—Charon's a real charmer in his way (and any excuse to say extra "nyah nyah's" to Antonio Makes me wonder if they have something up their sleeve: are they, perhaps, [hl=black]in some way complicit with the deportation of all the SWS members except Antonio?[/hl] (Though part of me doesn't see how...)

    And then Comrade Joak Bluestar Shrykill Glisse appears on the scene with some much-needed levity and lovable bumblingness. Poor fellow, though—he can't quite get a break, can he?

    This deportation of most of SWS is a very strange and mysterious development indeed. No doubt there some kind of obscure governmental wheels-within-wheels is at work here, given that this is basically the mid-to-late-20th-century Eastern Bloc... in SPAAAACE. It could simply be some sort of [hl=black]bizarre mixup[/hl]. But then why not just deport the whole band? Why keep just Antonio? Given [hl=black]how besotted Tendra is with Antonio[/hl], I almost wonder [hl=black]if Tendra's family is in any way involved[/hl].

    Through it all the Sacorrian bureaucracy-government-progress-speak of the various guards and officers is spot-on for that perfect combination of humorous and disconcerting—brings back memories of reading Solzhenitsyn as a teenager.

    In line for five hours with Tendra maundering on about all Antonio, all the time... Doria must have the patience of a saint! Well, that, and she really, really trusts whatever Gredda's plan is, which seems like a sound policy somehow—there's more to Gredda than meets the eye, for sure. And then another couple mysteries pop up: Doria's sudden change of attitude upon seeing this Anjie Mencuri fellow—who's being mentioned for the first time, if I'm not mistaken—pop up on screen for a fraction of a second, and then this mysterious business about a shirt that seems to be sparked by that... and then this sudden assignment of Gredda's that looks like it will pull her away from her family's celebration. Deep waters, these are... once again, and my head is swimming in them! I'm going to try not to speculate too much, though it'll be hard not to! :D

    More soon, on chapter 6...
     
  13. metophlus

    metophlus Jedi Padawan star 2

    Registered:
    Jun 30, 2015
    6

    Awesome. This paragraph is a work of flash fiction onto itself. Blobbo is an eccentric Hutt, but at the same time charmingly predictable for one of his kind. :)

    Sadly convincing cases for pro-choice.

    Mousee begs to differ.

    Blobbo's new theme song is "Extreme Ways" by Moby.

    Nobody is ever going to pay homage to TBS.

    . . .

    The disguise reveal was memorable! You wrote a great start for the secret agent sub-plot, adding a new thread in an increasingly intricate web.
     
  14. Snocone

    Snocone Jedi Knight star 1

    Registered:
    Sep 14, 2015
    Your writing reminds me of Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash, which (in my opinion) is definitely a compliment--I'm not sure if you've read any of his work, but it has this straightforward pop and snarkiness that you emulate very well. I haven't read any of the surrounding EU to give this story context (not much of a background to Corellia either, other than the Han Solo trilogy by A.C. Crispin, but I'll be getting to the Corellian trilogy pretty soon), so other than the more common EU words like flimsiplast and HoloNet, this is essentially an entirely new piece to me, with new characters. And the characters are fun, for sure. I like their interactions as well as what they don't say.

    My only recommendation at this point--humbly given, as I have much to learn as a writer myself--is that you add a bit more "surroundings" or speaker tags to the dialogue. That is, indicate more often who is speaking. I found myself getting lost, or at least having to pay close attention to the back and forth in the longer bits of dialogue, which detracted from the atmosphere.
     
  15. Findswoman

    Findswoman The Tol Fanfic Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Moderator

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    And the Society of Mahvelously Unconventional Hutts gains another member—welcome, Blobbo! :D He definitely takes Hutt unconventionality to new heights, between his meticulous cleanliness, his sterile decor (that nevertheless includes archaeological artifacts... a story there?), and his preference for Basic. But there's more at work here than just the humorous overcleanliness and flower-scentedness and gratuitous showering and Disney-vilalin-sidekick repartee from Taggo and Maggo (given an extra tinge of darkness by the snot- and trunk-related mutual insults), as cool and well-written as those things are. For there are dark and mysterious doings afoot—which, of course, is true to form for both this story and for EP writing in general. :cool:

    For one thing, there is a definite ruthless side to this scion of the kajidic Fasolia (another of whose members, is, of course, a well-known figure in this forum ;) ). I'm curious about these two unfortunates who came out on the wrong end of a bargain with him. What was the bargain? Who were they? And is that one of them really no more than ashes at the bottom of the Solleu River? [face_thinking]

    For another thing, what is this unnamed thing that's being built in the Outer Rim and that Blobbo and his associates apparently are in on? For which Dryxa is wiling to trade the notorious Charon San Valorum? And it's interesting to hear that Charon is apparently more notorious than we might have imagined. Definitely must be stories galore behind that—and more at work than just the bugaboos of a quirky regime.

    For a third thing, who's Dryxa's mysterious contact who calls her "sweetcorn"? That is quite the nickname, and they're clearly more than just business associates. Kind of reminds me of "the Collector" in Underworld: The Yavin Vassilika. The background noise on his (!) end is a detail I'm stashing in my mind for later, though I'm not sure why.

    This radionics device sounds like just the thing for spies and underworlders of all flavors. Dryxa's use of it to get close to Blobbo was very clever indeed, playing directly on his little obsessions. A clever bounty hunter knows how to play off those things, of course.

    And then, there at the end, is [hl=black]the kind old innkeeper we met in chapter four[/hl], complete with cliffhanger of sorts! Just who is it she's turning over to Dryxa? I have a couple guesses—but if it is [hl=black]the fellow who was the main character of chapter four[/hl], then [hl=black]maybe she's not so kind-old as she seemed before[/hl]. Then again, it could be my other guess, which would point to [hl=black]her and Dryxa being in cahoots[/hl]. So either way would lead to interesting things for the story. Meanwhile, the best I can to is just file these things away in my mind and enjoy the molasses-like thickening of the plot, and to apologize for any detail I may have missed. @};-
     
  16. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    Thank you - all. I will break comments into two sections and then, at some point today, post chapter seven. Really happy with how broad this story's audience is, never expected it. :)

    The next chapter, actually looks mundane...but...it's not. You'll see. [face_whistling]

    GentleFlower PigDog NormalLastname. Yes, that was the point. :D Not sure who wins the worst name award here, Dale or Blobbo. But Dale is cool, really. Not many people would put with the sex-crazed Antonio, delightful Wompy and that downer dude, Sassvar Graba.

    I think he has some standards - as in, the unfortunate soul needs female reproductive organs and to be at least somewhat humanoid. If Sebulba had a hot sister, Antonio would not chase her.

    He really likes lady cops, too!

    I think anybody would have looked responsible after Antonio!


    [hl=black]BUY SAYGO![/hl]

    :p

    I actually didn't know it was from Star Trek, says how much I know. I thought it would be a perfect sentence for Sacorrian society. :p

    Wompy is such a diplomatic fellow, isn't he? That's how he got his lovely nickname.

    The thing is, Tendra doesn't seem to get irony in this case. :eek:

    And it will be told. :)

    I am not sure if she does myself...but seriously, [hl=black]who cares about the Centerpoint Station in 3.5 ABY?[/hl]

    (Part 6)

    All serious criminal empires are located in high-end super-important places such as Anaslinea-Hoc, of course!

    Yeah, she knows how to Dathomir the right way. :p

    Yup. I wondered if he should be related to Bonvika or Eliskandro, then I picked the latter. And Chyntuck was OK with it, so...yeah, he's a blob bean wig kind of a guy.

    Of course. A side effect of..VAGRANIFICATION! I have no idea what Talon Karrde saw on Vagran, but judging by Suns of Fortune, it's the HIPSTER PLANET.

    [face_whistling]

    Spoiler: [hl=black]it will get even stranger[/hl].

    Sorry for having confused you. Didn't mean to.

    Oooh, will google them!

    I can see that both you and Snocone pointed this out and well, guilty as charged. I am not too big on dialogue tags and the fine line between them and "said bookisms", I'm more of an action nugget person; but sometimes...I leave things out too much.

    In Edge of the Empire: Suns of Fortune, which was published in January 2014, there is no word about podracing ever being banned, so...I actually had no idea about this, as my worldbuilding inspiration are mainly sourcebooks.

    But your question is a great one: I am technically going by Canon, just borrowing Legends elements as I go, as long as they do not contradict Canon. In my book, Tendra is OK, but - say - old Darth Vader comics, with Dubrava, Jazbina etc would not be (which is a shame, but yeah, Aphra >>> anything and everything :p).

    The underground circuit is a perfect idea and if I ever get to feature one, I'll credit you for it.

    I think you had a non-sexual kind of a Freudian slip throughout this review, but since it's EXACTLY what I wanted to happen when people think "gosh, this is familiar from somewhere", I won't elaborate on it...at least not until somebody says it out loud. [face_whistling]


    Now I have to clear it myself. CHARMING INDIVIDUAL, YOU ARE. SAYS WHO? SAYS YODA.

    Thanks for the correction, fixed it.

    And yes, that is precisely what he's doing. Except that there are girls who don't like it and think he's a jerk. But apparently, a lot of women actually like his whole Kiffar shtick.

    I guess the overall idea is that most of these species that don't dress, such as Wookiees, Dralls and Ewoks have A LOT of fur, so this does not happen.


    He will ask at some point, of course. Until then, he's trying to seduce a droid. [face_whistling]

    Incoherent rambling. He's stuck with Charon, a source of irritation for him, the guy who wrote a whole song about him not being handsome. :p

    Guilty as charged, I just realised that "Old Kiffar" is another fic author's fanon. I totally thought it was real.

    I guess the joke makes more sense now?

    I will have a look to see if I can make it more...bearable. Thanks for the suggestion.

    Doria or Tendra? Or


    Now, that's a nightmare right there.


    Yup, he really was into that, which makes the first half of the chapter hilarious. :p

    Love the rest of your Antonio comments, LOL.



    I...I'd still pick the fields. [face_talk_hand]

    Fields > Dudebro pretending to be Kiffar, running. :p

    "You...change your mind...like a girl changes clothes..." etc. *pretends she's Katy Perry*


    We shall be dealing with his demons later. I promise.

    Thanks, there will be more of that in Chapter Seven. :D
     
  17. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    Now I will sound psychotic, but my stories are not the same without a couple of specific reviewers getting there on time, among them - of course - you. [face_love]

    Likely both. Deeply Religious seem to be focused on social issues, while SWS are about...err...Antonio liking women a lot?

    Thank you! That is precisely how I wanted him to appear, what I was going for. :) A good guy, reliable, too.

    Antonio is

    Nobody is normal there, and you know it. ;)


    Code:Blue is Sacorria's answer to Gwig, in some way. :D

    Nope, the latter is definitely not the case here, but whatever IS the case will be gloriously bizarre. :D

    Also, it's Eastern Bloc, Tito's Yugoslavia, current Turkmenistan, some milder North Korean things, Brazilian junta and...probably even more IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE.

    Now, that's a compliment. Thank you. <3 Love his work!

    [hl=black]Knowing government-friendly people can help in a lot of situations, so...yeah, one has to be nice to them. Gredda is right.[/hl]

    [hl=black]sometimes, seeing a really, really good-looking individual makes you sweat and that sweat STINKS, even through deodorants. The fact that Doria wore a long-sleeve shirt makes it worse.[/hl]

    [face_whistling][face_whistling][face_whistling]

    Thank you. :) That is what he was supposed to be like. Living on Vagran may have made him a hipster, but unlike most Hutts, he is certainly NOT smart.

    Hmmm, is she really helpful? Faithful? Etc. [face_whistling]

    Ironically, I saw Moby right after what was Amy Winehouse's last concert. Talking about extreme...he had to deal with incredibly angry people and he did it right!


    Took me AGES to figure this one out, but now that I did...thank you, thank you, thank you! :)


    Thanks and...[face_whistling]

    I did not, but now I will have to. Thank you! :)

    The only things I got from the Corellian trilogy are the very, VERY basics on Sacorria and the character of Tendra Risant - who ended up as Lando's much younger wife in Legends - but everything else is completely new.

    And the characters are fun, for sure. I like their interactions as well as what they don't say.[/quote]

    As I have said to Gahmah Raan above, I think there is a fine line between said bookisms and dialogue tags and...sometimes I get carried away. I assume both of you had a problem with the same passage, as that one stands out as a tad bit confusing?

    Once again, thanks for the review, I just had to be curious after you liked a post in this thread. :D

    Vagran is a bit of a hipster planet, so even though backwaters like Anaslinea-Hoc may be less hipster, ONE CANNOT ESCAPE VAGRANIFICATION.

    As of this exact moment, YES. A plot bunny involving my favourite New Canon character juuust bit me. I LOVE YOU. AND YEAH, YOU KNOW.

    I did not realise how Disney they were...whoa. You're right. In my word, Disney is always noir, like it was in the 1980s and what happened before or later does not matter. It's all Christmas Carol, The Great Mouse Detective and other dark, painful films with cute creatures...


    They need to meet. I assume a lot of obsessive-compulsive cleaning would ensue for no apparent reason.

    There is a clue somewhere in previous chapters. [face_whistling] [hl=black]I would never dedicate more than a single row to a character that won't matter in the bigger picture...[/hl]

    [face_whistling]

    Just look at the titles of the songs he wrote. I...I don't think that would make him loved by the Empire. :D

    Yes, the person on the other end is definitely a he.

    Ooo, I need to read that book, knowing who is in it and all..our buggie-boo. [face_love]

    Tendra Risant uses one in the Corellian Trilogy, so that's a thing I didn't have to make up. I only had to brainstorm a bit when I realised that, if messages travel THIS fast (took ages between Tendra and Lando!), [hl=black]planets have got to be close[/hl]. ;)

    [hl=black]Regarding the first guess, it's closest to truth. And Laoda IS nice, that won't change.[/hl]

    Taliore totally needs to exist IRL. Oops, it does.

    The most mundane of details may be the most important and...[hl=black]I think you caught it.[/hl]
     
  18. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2005
    Now I know another brilliant Hutt. This one is not done by Chyntuck, but by you! Thanks for that literary experience! ^:)^
     
  19. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    7. Progress vs. Unity

    Curheg, Sacorria

    By the time the four visitors arrived to the city of Curheg, Antonio Nokaarbe was sleeping on the back seat of the shuttle. When they had stopped for a caf break earlier, he tried to make advances at GR-3, Code:Blue's musteline droid, but she did not seem particularly delighted. Sleeping seemed to be his method of coping with the second rejection of the day.

    Unlike him, the members of Deeply Religious were eagerly listening to their cheerful, grinning host, never asking any questions about why they were suddenly being taken around Sacorria.

    That proved to be a good decision.

    Finally, the speeder dove into the thick-as-durasteel clouds of suspiciously coloured smog and landed on the roof of a large building covered in pink flowers. Code:Blue, who had spent some time grinning at places they were passing by, spoke again; as if he had snapped out of daydreaming once the picturesque landscapes changed to factories and almost exclusively eleven-storey buildings.

    "Comrades, wake up! We have arrived to the glorious city of Curheg, the pride of Sacorria!”

    “I bet you’d say that about any other city.” Charon thought, scratched his nose and stretched in his seat. "So, where are we going?" He asked the host.

    "The ProSper factory, where magic is made. Magic called Saygo!" Code:Blue jumped up and down and then looked to the back of the shuttle. "Comrade Nokaarbe, do you need a bib?"

    Antonio woke up in a pool of his own drool on the cushion. Nevertheless, he seemed confused that the others were laughing at him.

    "You OK?" Anra approached the flamboyant singer with caution. "Did something happen?"

    "Something sure happened, my dear Duros. I had the most beautiful of dreams, ever. The most special, loving dream…involving a glorious individual of the female kind and I was…"

    "…her infant child who could not burp?" Charon interrupted Antonio. "Yup, we get it, pal. That’s one wicked, wicked fantasy you have there."

    Nokaarbe was angry, but he remembered Dale’s words and tried to remain calm. After all, Sacorrian trademark superfood – paranoia – was catching on him pretty fast – what if he was to become a slave at the ProWhatever factory?

    GR-3 brought a super-absorbing sponge from the speeder’s cargo compartment. Antonio raised an eyebrow and was about to say something, but she unenthusiastically stuck the sponge down his throat, turned around and followed her master, not paying any more attention to the offworlder. After all, she was programmed to despise them.

    Charon was the first to get out of the shuttle. To him, Curheg didn't look glorious. On the contrary. The sun was barely visible through the smog and some beings walked around in shirts with a ProSper logo on them. He was sure that those shirts were supposed to be yellow, but the lack of colour made them look greyish, almost dirty.

    "It feels like home here." He said, sotto voce.

    "Of course, comrade Valorum!" Code:Blue was right behind him again. "Curheg is home! Home of glory, home of progress and home of some of the most beautiful flower hybrids on Sacorria!"

    “You misunderstood me, mast…comrade Glisse. I was born in Ronto, this…this small town on Nubia that you never heard of. And one of the reasons Nuba City is so beautiful is…the obvious fact that all the ugly factories, refineries and the shipyards are located in Ronto and the surrounding grasslands.”

    Code:Blue cocked his head. Then he shrugged and started nodding repeatedly, pointing at the flowers.

    “I understand that. ProSper offices are in Sublata, of course! We will go there next, you will observe a true jewel of a city! But we don’t have much time and you need to see the factory. Comrades Renek, Nubes and – of course - Nokaarbe, come along!”

    "How can flowers even grow in this thick smog?" Anra looked at the closest iris. “I have never been to my home planet, but from what I understand, no plants grow on it and it’s polluted…this place seems to be similar.”

    He kneeled and picked a flower. The scent was surprisingly sharp, in a good way, almost intoxicating. The Duros remembered something and, while Code:Blue was describing the beauty of Curheg to Antonio and Koobs, he came up to Charon.

    “Do not smell any flowers, whatever you do!” He whispered. “I have seen Sacorrian irises before, there is something strange about these particular ones. I think they’re a very, very specific kind of a hallucinogenic.”

    “W-what? Wasn’t that a conspiracy theory from Galaxy Watch?”

    “It was. But sometimes those turn out to be true. We need to be careful.”

    “Do we tell Nokaarbe about this?” Charon put an arm on his tall friend’s shoulder. “Do you think it’s our duty to warn him, like…true comrades?”

    Seconds later, they both cackled.

    …​

    The tour of ProSper factory was marked by many instances “of course”, a lot of enthusiasm on the workers’ behalf and a lot of eye-rolling on the behalf of the two Humans, while the Ortolan and Duros mostly kept to themselves.

    At the end of the visit, a group of women in traditional Sacorrian clothing approached Code:Blue and the four musicians in main production hall. The shortest one among them, a Human with sandy-blonde hair, stepped out and presented the group with a carved wood tray.

    “Progress and unity, comrades Valorum, Renek, Nubes and Nokaarbe!” The women behind her curtsied, as she continued. “Comrade Glisse may have told you that our glorious city of Curheg was the first settlement on the planet, more than twenty-seven millennia ago. And we have kept our humble customs to this very day. Therefore, I am presenting you with the traditional dust corn bread and salt from the mines of Solana.”

    Members of Deeply Religious stepped forward and took a slice of bread each.

    “But…but…the carbs!” Antonio protested. “I do not eat…”

    “What did you say, comrade Nokaarbe?” Code:Blue almost dropped the flat datapad he had been carrying around all day. Koobs stepped on Antonio’s foot. The singer almost screamed, but – to everybody’s luck – he got the clue.

    “Sorry, I do not eat without carbs on the table. I’m so happy now. I get excited over carbs and I cannot imagine a life without a good slice of bread like this. Thank you.”

    The woman smiled and stepped back, leaving the food near a production line. She did not enjoy Antonio’s presence. As the Ortolan reached back to the tray for more sliced bread, Charon approached Code:Blue with a request.

    “I really, really need to use the ‘fresher.”

    “Marinesca, where is the refresher?”

    The woman pointed to the door on the other end of the hall.

    “Aaah...of course!”

    …​

    Sacorrata, Sacorria

    Six more hours passed by. Tendra and Doria were now sitting in front of the doors with about forty other adolescents behind them. One group appeared to be fans of SWS and the other was clearly into Deeply Religious. The latter were less chatty – they kept to themselves. It was getting unbearably hot.

    "Tendra!" somebody yelled from across the field, having spotted her red shirt. The girls turned around to see three young men arrive. "Oh…and Doria, Doria Vorr out of all people is with you. How did that happen?"

    "Doria was so kind to give me a spare ticket, so I could see…"

    "Yeah, we know. Your Aaaantonio!" Dak made an impression of a man flipping his long hair and flexing his muscles. "I am still reserved about this. You know, the critics say that Steamy Seconds is a flop."

    "Why is it a flop?" Tendra was almost angry. "Some songs on it are great!"

    "SexySpiceStarSinners was better." Dak lifted two thumbs up. "Mencuri was on it. The great one himself."

    "Dak, Dak, Dak!” Tendra raised her voice.”Why don’t you be progressive and let go of the past? Mencuri probably died by now! But...Sassvar Graba is almost as hot as Antonio! And he is...alive, too."

    "The Zabrak? He looks like a pimp. He looks like one of those men who like Twi'lek slave girls. And..."

    "Like you don't, Dak?" Tendra pouted and got up, her arms on her waist. “Why do you blame him for what all men clearly do?”

    The young man looked up. “What does he have that I don’t?” He took his yellow shirt off and threw it to Doria. “Here, hold this. I am going to spend the whole evening topless, to show you that anybody and everybody can be like Antonio or Sassvar.”

    Tendra was about to say something, but he cut her short. She turned around and headed to the refreshment booth, where a waitress droid was waiting to serve her.

    “And do not remind me that this is punishable by law!” Dak yelled after her. “If they come after me at any point, I’ll know who betrayed me. Jhorn Risant’s perfect, squeaky-clean daughter!”

    He sat down next to Doria, took out his tablet-datapad and, moments later, the familiar, mellow quetarra intro to Underlevels got her eyes glued to the screen, again. She leaned over his shoulder.

    “Are you trying to sniff me, weirdo?” Dak leaned to the other side. “Or are you into Nokaarbe, as if that annoying Jax Novo was not enough?”

    “N-no. I...like the music. I really do. Can I see any other holovid from SexySpice...?"

    “You don’t even know the full name of the album. Incredible.” He turned the tablet away from her.

    “Dak…and what if I say that I don’t care about Antonio and Sassvar?”

    "Ugh. Okay.” Dak found another holovideo. “This is Take It With You. It was recorded on Tatooine, wherever that may be. Looks like a desert planet. I…I love this band for doing things in places nobody has and nobody will ever hear of.”

    …​

    Curheg, Sacorria

    Twenty or so minutes after he left the group, Charon came back. Code:Blue, who was now entertaining the guests by having them pretend they were droids working on the production line, ran to him immediately.

    “Is everything progressive, Comrade Valorum?”

    "Yes. You have really, really nice ‘freshers here. They almost smell like those pretty flowers!"

    "Of course, comrade Valorum! Sacorrian Iris is Curheg’s number two brand and our refreshers indeed smell of it!”

    “And that lovely scent completely masked the odour of the vile, huge, crispy poodoo I just took. That said, I’m sorry, I almost clogged the duct!”

    “Poodoo, poodoo!” Koobs raised his trunk. “Great work, pal! But you’re yet to top me!”

    Code:Blue nearly broke into another round of “of course”, but he changed his mind this time. There was something strange about Deeply Religious, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2018
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  20. Kahara

    Kahara Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2001
    I'm very amused by the two bands' interaction on their tour of the scenic factories of Sacorria (and of their apparently growing unease with the ... uh, unique experience that they're having with CB's tour guiding :p).

    [face_laugh] This and the last part about "maybe, there might just be something strange about these people" (oh trust me, they're weird -- and you're weird, Code:Blue; everyone here is weird) were my favorite lines from this section. Though I also appreciate Doria and her friends talking about the band, and how Dak is determined to be a hipster about it all. :p
     
  21. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2005
    Love the description of paranoia being the Sacorrian "superfood" - very clever.
     
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  22. Findswoman

    Findswoman The Tol Fanfic Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Moderator

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    Well, I'm very curious where this strange whirlwind tour of Curheg is going to lead (other than to floral-scented bathrooms and to progress and unity, of course). There's got to be an ulterior motive here, because this is of course Sacorria. But whatever the case may be, Code Blue is quite the enthusiastic tour guide, and if things don't work out well for him in his current government office I bet he could certainly get a job with the bureau of tourism. :D

    Now, these hallucinogenic irises... I have a guess about what kind of hallucination they produce, and imagine that it's [hl=black]actually perfectly harmless, just goofy in a Sacorrian way.[/hl] But then I could be wrong.

    And hah! about the "no carbs" exchange! [face_laugh] That'll show Antonio "No Carbs" Nokaarbe (aptly named). Kudos to Koobs for that decisive gesture—which, despite the undeniable humor of the setting and the situation, might even have saved his colleague's life. :eek:

    Now, as to this Dak fellow and his friends who's in line with Doria and Tendra... wow, he gives the distinct impression of being an obnoxious creep. Especially from the way he talks to Doria while she's watching the music video with him. In a way, he's a male version of Tendra, in that he's a highly exaggerated and stereotyped example of the demographic to which he belongs. I just hope that he won't cause any serious trouble for them for the rest of the concert. (As for Tendra, incidentally, I kind of want to slap her for that comment about all men liking Twi'lek dancing girls. :p)

    And just to wrap up, my favorite quote from that section, which was just so priceless:
    =D=!
     
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  23. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    Well, I had read only the first two posts, so I started again from the beginning last night and I'll admit that this story has me confused, but in a good kind of way. It feels a little like reading multiple stories at once, but now I'm beginning to see how the different storylines are converging and I'm really, really curious to see where this is going.

    I'm really excited about your extensive fanon about Sacorria that pops up at the most unexpected moments and in the most unexpected ways, in all its glorious absurdity: turbolifts only to go up, ads on lawns, considerations about industrial beauty, and of course the most welcoming (not) reception committee at the spaceport... Kusturica can pack and go home now.

    The Byblopedia-Holopedia articles about Deeply Religious were amazing ( as a side note, we have a fantastic Greek equivalent of Byblopedia in RL, it was created of course by fascists and I'm proud to be listed in it as an anti-Hellene :p ). It was great to find out more about the band, and Poodoo!!!! What a title for an album! I'm not going to go into the details of the songs, because this post will never end.

    As you warned, Doria Vorr is annoying, but the good sort of annoying. The web chat in chapter 2 was priceless (Blasetreegoat? Best username ever!), the fact that she likes podracing is a great character trait ("my poor wookiee-ookie"???) and her friendship with Gredda, together with her involvement in the Drall community, are interesting. There seems to be a fine balance of power between the various species here, and somehow she's going to find herself navigating it.

    As for the people around her, Tendra seems okay in the end, but the boys... oh boy. Enough said. Maris is such an appalling woman (“Tell me, Doria…who was preparing your meals? Who supported you on your way there?” -- BARF!) that it makes Doria less exasperating by contrast. Poor kid. And Gredda -- she comes across as the adult in the room, but she's full of mysteries, isn't she? There's the black star pendant of course, but how does she know the "real" history of her people? And most importantly, where has she been summoned?

    Another question that needs answering is the job for which Doria was a "possible candidate" but that Code:Blue didn't know about. I loved how you created the impression that, on Sacorria, people are being shuffled around without much (or any) consultation, but somehow I suspect that this job might have been something she could have liked.

    Speaking of Code:Blue -- I'd be crying all the time too if people did the baby burp dance every time they see me! I guess that being... well, him, is both a great help and a great impediment when trying to be a loyal citizen of Sacorria. And you have no mercy on him. His encounter with Doria and Maris was almost painful to read -- how is he supposed to cope with the both of them if Gredda weren't there to rescue him? -- and his tour with the musicians was simply hilarious. There was something strange about Deeply Religious, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. You don't say.

    And then there's this gallery of characters who are competing to be more absurd than each other: Antonio Nokaarbe who doesn't eat carbs and has fantasies about female stormtroopers stunning him before sex in hyperspace (Steamy Wasaka Stew is such a fantastic name for a band, btw, it should exist in RL), Blobbo the hypochondriac Hutt who needs his beauty sleep and feeds his rancor a vegetarian diet, Taggo and Maggo's constant bickering (and cleaning up the slime, the nuts and anything else that isn't in its place), Dryxa the faux-Dathomiri bounty hunter... In this context Soleo's scornful comment about human beauty criteria came across as perfectly sensible.

    And now, more questions: Why does Antonio get to stay when the rest of SWS were kicked out? What does Dryxa want with the details of the DS2? Who was she talking to? Is Aryan Geelmen alive or not, and what is he up to? And, finally, who is Laoda and how does she fit in all this?
     
  24. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    SCENIC.FACTORIES. You are my idol this week. I don't care if the comment was posted last week. I laughed out loud. :D


    He's nice-weird, he cannot grasp weird-weird. :eek:


    Dak is a "nice guy". Tendra, she doesn't understand that he is entitled to have her or whatever. Maybe she drinks male tears, too. :(


    Thanks. ;)


    That's a comment on seven chapters of the story? And that Hutt is so good? I am not sure what to say here, but yeah, thanks.

    The ulterior motive is that there is no ulterior motive. Sacorrians show off in the only way they know how, by letting the offworlders know how progressive they are. And yes, this is based on what our politicians do to foreign visitors...I just took it up to eleven, as I cannot remember any of the bands I based these two on being taken around to see any sort of a factory when they visited my country.

    [face_whistling][face_whistling]

    Not sure if Koobs could ever picture himself willing to save Antonio's life, so this was a shock for him, too.

    And yes, THAT is what his last name was derived from.

    You're rarely ever wrong, but here, you miiight be. Tendra is just infatuated with Antonio Nokaarbe and is otherwise a decent person who may have to go a little more until she's mature (while Doria has a looooooooong way to go); Dak is just a moron who's convinced he can groom Tendra into living him. And yup

    As for the comment Tendra made, I blame it on youth and the fact that Sacorria is definitely worse to female Humans than any other planet in the sector. Maybe someday she will be banging her head against the wal;l

    I had to make a reference to Tatooine somewhere, that was a good idea.

    Thank you. <3

    It was meant to start out that way, seemingly unrelated stories come into one, yes.

    I'm...pretty sure he's here right now. So, maybe he should pack and go...someplace else, for a holiday or something? Anyway, that's a HUGE compliment, as, yes, some of the absurd stuff in his films did inspire me here. :D But there will be a faaaar more obvious reference in the sequel sometime.

    EEEK! I know people who are listed as anti-Serbs on Stormfront and...I am surprised at how calm you are about that.

    If you want to, at any point, you're welcome. :)

    You nailed it and then...you went on and denied it. Hasn't life in socialist paradise taught you more? :p :p :p

    Communism, socialism, authoritarianism et cetera are notorious for ignoring the obvious ability of those they don't consider to be obedient enough. And Doria is an orange shirt...

    I love it how you consider it normal. Because Balkans and the fact that most boys on here are swines. :p

    Demotivational comments and providing own child with food should warrant a plaque or a medal.

    [face_whistling]


    Somebody has to be a Gwig here. And it's him. The ridiculously kind man. And I adore that character, so I would not put him through something far worse. I draw the line at speaking to Maris. :p

    It does. And so does Antonio. And he did sing about weird fantasies, too. :p

    Non-Humans in this story are pretty sane compared to Humans...in true spirit of a kriff you to the New Order. :D Niiice catch!

    [hl=black]There is a prankster who likes the idea of humiliating him...[/hl]

    OK, now that both you and JadeLotus guessed it's DS2, I should no longer ignore it. So, yes, it IS DS2, as for the rest...[face_whistling]


    He is...and he's not far away from the pride of the Empire.

    Bad news: he's not in this story.

    Good news: he's going to appear #soon.

    A nice older lady who owns a hotel in Anaslinea-Hoc...[face_whistling]
     
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  25. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    8. All Things Come In Twos

    Laoda Kaeni led her curly-haired visitor to Taliore’s kitchen, located behind a large and empty dining room. The girl had a look around. The Durasteel elements were almost glistening. Everything seemed clean and the unmistakable stench of rotten food common to small hotels in backwater towns was suspiciously absent. Having seen that Taliore was nowhere as luxurious as most other seaside hotels, she was slightly confused.

    “Aren’t you cooking for your visitors?” she asked Laoda.

    “I, cooks? Ha. That take away too much time. If they wants to eat, there restaurant on the beach, about two, three hundred metres away. I cooks them Hoth chocolate or makes them a toasted sandwich with whatever I has on hand. Cooking would requires having more staff. I cannot possibly hires anybody else right now.”

    “I really like a good slice of bread with pretty much anything, so I may have to ask you to make me one of those sandwiches when we’re done with this.”

    “Okieday. Today I has nerf ham.”

    Okieday? That expression did not sound very Vagranite. The girl had heard that word before, but she could not remember where, or how. Maybe it was in one of the many holodocumentaries she had seen before she chose her current path. She shrugged and followed Laoda through the doors of the largest food conservator, as if that was the most common thing known to man. She had seen so many secret passages before, to the point where she swore she knew how to find them in almost every single place.

    “You young people, constantly messings with datapads.” Laoda objected, pointing to the device in the girl’s hand.

    “You are right. I will put that down.”

    The spiral staircase, very similar to the one leading to the first and second floor, led the two women underground.

    “Knows how I saids I knows somebody you needed to talks to? Well, I lieds. There two of them!”

    The girl was puzzled. She did hear the rumours of a Selonian slave having posed as a Stormtrooper and supposedly being eaten by the notorious burping Sarlacc, so it could not have been him. At this point, she was sure that Laoda was hiding a political prisoner from Force-knows-where in the Galaxy. Or two of them.

    The catacombs led them to a small cave, likely above the sea, since the sound of waves hitting was pretty loud. The cave had been converted into a very simple apartment.

    “Wakes up, friends.” Laoda clapped her hands. “You has a visitor.”

    A Selonian male in yellow trousers got up and grabbed a blaster. The being who was sharing the underground space with him was still snoring, under a light blanket.

    “I apologise. I always take my blaster out now that I have one again. My name is Soleo and that would be…”

    Just as Soleo said that, his roommate jumped out of the bunk, screaming, with the blanket still covering his head. “My no wanten be executed! My innocent!” He looked at the mirror and screamed again. “Eeeek, mooie scary monster! Waiten…it’s mesa!”

    Soleo shook his head and went to help his friend remove the blanket. The girl did not get over the shock of the Selonian slave being alive, and now, right before her, there stood an important figure of recent Galactic history – Jar Jar Binks.

    “Calm down, Master Binks!” She went up to him and patted him on the shoulder. “I am not here to hurt you or betray you. I know you have been hiding for quite a while and…I wouldn’t want to be you right now.”

    Jar Jar nodded and shook hands with the visitor. There were days he didn’t want to be himself either, particularly those before Soleo joined him in his little hideout. He had been on the run from a couple of months after the Battle of Yavin, ever since the day that woman killed Commodex Tahn.

    “I am here to listen to your story. Soleo’s, too, but I hope he won’t mind that you’ll go first.”

    “I won’t, of course. Not that there is much to my story, either way. A malcontent Selonian sick of being breeding stock for a Queen was lured into promise of a different life and ended up stunned on a slave transport ship. You’ve heard it all before, right?”

    The girl nodded, but sat closer to Soleo and hugged him, regardless.

    “No story of suffering and deception is less important than any other.”

    “I will brings you those sandwiches…” Laoda headed towards the secret passage again. “It looks like it’s going to be a long night!” She stopped for a moment. “Yes, Jar Jar, I brings you things that nobody else would eat, not even for a 100 000-credit bet. No worries.”

    Jar Jar, who was nervously walking around the hideout, finally sat down next to the girl and Soleo.

    “Yousa no tellen me yousa name.” He scratched one of his eye stalks. “My refuse to talken, if yousa no tellen me yousa name.”

    “Oh, silly me. I have many names. I play many games. I’m on the run, but what you need to know is that I work for the Alliance to Restore the Republic, that I’m from Aurea and that my name is Deeina Ferry. And I am here to get you out of this mess, but it will be risky.”

    “Pleased to meeten yousa, Deeina.”

    “So, what do you know? We are going to find the location of the second Death Star, so I assume there is something else. Otherwise, I just got myself into even more trouble for no reason.”

    Jar Jar took a deep breath. “The woman was with two machineeks…and she talked to one of them, he was muy scary! Mesa still scared!”

    “Sounds like that notorious assassin droid who looks like a protocol droid,” Deeina thought to herself. “And what did she say?”

    “Deysa…could not believen that Anakin Skywalker had a son and that mistress Padmé was the mother. And then…my remembered that mistress Padmé’s pregnant stomach was too big for a single babby!”

    “Oh…my.” Deeina sat down.



    // Seamadeofglass: Blasetreegoatau chat session started at 2000 GST. FAILURE TO FETCH DATE :: WEAK SIGNAL. REPORT TO support@hyperyak.gal //

    Seamadeofglass: prog!!!

    Seamadeofglass: u ther?

    BlasetreegoatAU: hai…bit bizi, but I can talk. W have u been?

    Seamadeofglass: long story. moving to vagran f. university. very sun.

    BlasetreegoatAU: get out of here! that good good news.

    // BlasetreegoatAU sets off fete fireworks for Seamadeofglass. //

    Seamadeofglass: yup, but gredda…she went away this morning. i wont even get to say gbye. aparentli she got an important job related to the centerpoint station or something. :/

    // Seamadeofglass shakes the screen, like a Rebel //

    BlasetreegoatAU: giv me sum time. slower.

    Seamadeofglass: wut iz going on w/u?

    BlasetreegoatAU: bizi…i m tell u one dai…or not.

    Seamadeofglass: wai? u, outta all beings kriffin mi mind!!!!!!!

    BlasetreegoatAU: g2 go…sori.

    // BlasetreegoatAU has left the conversation. //

    Seamadeofglass: prog?

    Seamadeofglass: prog?

    // Seamadeofglass shakes the screen, like a Rebel //

    Seamadeofglass: kriff u!!!

    Doria was close to throwing her datapad in the grass. Her mysterious HyperYak friend never acted like this before. And in a situation like this, she really wanted somebody to talk to, since Gredda was no longer responding to her calls. She had been the first person to get onto the field, the first person to grab the metal barrier and save a place for Tendra and the four boys at the very centre of the stage, yet nobody thanked her for it. For the past two hours, she and Tendra had been standing there, leaning on the barrier, with Dak to Doria’s right. He had originally been standing next to Tendra, but for reasons he could not determine, the girls had switched places. He was trying to catch Tendra’s eye, but at this point she was outright ignoring him.

    “I am going to bring us some food.” Tendra nudged Doria. “I hope you’re hungry, because I am.”

    “I am, but I have to wait until the dinner at Duchess Branna’s place…if there’s anything left by the time this is over. Mom didn’t give me any credits today.”

    Tendra frowned at even the thought of Maris. “Silly woman, your mother. Did she expect you to go without food and water all day? Anyway, even if you had credits, this would be on me.”

    “Hey Tendra, bring me a Hoth chocolate.” Dak turned to the girls, flexing his muscles, imitating Antonio Nokaarbe. “I read in Galaxy Watch that it’s a...love potion.”

    “Then go and get your own.” Tendra held her head up high and headed to the nearest food booth. Doria sat down, making sure to save her friend’s place. The three boys sat down, too. She notice Dak winking to the rest.

    “Great. She’s ignoring me again.” He said to one of his friends. “Jan, are you even listening to me?”

    Jan patted Dak on the shoulder and Porky spoke. “That’s the way it is. The wicked witches are always available.” He looked Doria’s way for a moment, or so she thought. “And the true catch never wants to look your way. How dare she torture you after you…after you put so much effort into impressing her?”

    “I…I signed up to the special defence forces to get my body to look like this. I wanted to take her to the Young Progressive Alliance party after this.” Dak threw the yellow T-shirt he was carrying to the ground and trampled it. “And she said no. She always says no. Kriffin’ no, no matter what I do!”

    “Women are poodoo, my comrade…they suck a lot.” Porky concluded. “Also, you seem to hate clothing. Keep on trying, maybe one day she will realise you’re actually…reachable, while Nokaarbe is not.”

    Doria was doing her best to make it like they were not insulting her sort-of-friend in her presence, but it was getting more and more uncomfortable. She then decided to cut them short, somehow.

    “Dak, I was wondering something. Could you give me that yellow tesh-tunic if you don’t want to wear it? It’s warmer than it was and…”

    He stopped her before she could finish the sentence and threw the shirt in her face.

    “All right, all right, blabbermouth! Just make sure you change somewhere where I don’t have to look at your horrible stormie helmets.”

    Doria shrugged and covered up with Tendra’s “ANTONIO, I LOVE YOU” banner to change underneath it.

    Footnotes

    Jar Jar is referencing the events of Darth Vader #10: Shadows and Secrets IV where Dr. Aphra has 000, the torture droid who is basically evil Threepio, kill the said Commodex. The rest is sketchy at best, as in, it's not relevant when he figured out about the twins himself.

     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2018