Saga - Legends The Book of Gand, Parts 1–3 (mostly OCs)

All right, massive reply catch-up time, including massive apologies for not doing this earlier and, most of all, MASSIVE GRATITUDE for all of these awesome comments!

You are very welcome indeed—I am so glad that was helpful to you and that you’ve enjoyed reading!

Well, shucks, thank you! And thank you so much for your readership, too.

Well, shucks again! Coming up with all of this—and piggybacking on such wonderful established resources—has been one of the most enjoyable parts of writing this story. There’s always some corner to be fleshed out if one looks!

So, I have to admit it that a lot of it was indeed for the look and sound! I wanted something longish and complicated-ish both (a) to denote that it is an ancient name within this culture and (b) to explain why Zuckuss may not have gone on using regularly once he was out in the galaxy! And since it’s not easy for me to pronounce myself (also part of the point—probably sounds better and is easier when one has mandibles and such!), you have now got me curious to hear how it sounds when read by an ebook app or screen reader or similar!

Oh, isn’t she just, if I do say so myself? She gets to chime in part four as well. Once again, I’m so glad you enjoyed those details and that they enhanced the story for you!

Of course!

That’s how I know this story did it’s job!

I do know what you mean, and thanks again—I am so glad that came through! They indeed aren’t just a breed apart in terms of culture, but also in community and in the way they interact with each other.

Always one of the most fun parts of world building, gotta admit!

Oh, thanks again! So, I have Michael Stackpole and the Rogue Squadron books to thank for the chitin colors—Zuckuss is of course brown, but Stackpole made Ooryl gray-green, and I want to say that there are yet other official sources where things like purple can be seen. Why wouldn’t they have similar diversity to insects here on earth?

Oh, I can’t either!

Yep, some very quick thinking aided by the Mists, there! This scene is based in part on something am told I did as a kid: snatched my mother’s purse back from a pickpocket I saw about to make off with it on a city train in Chicago. I don’t recall much about it, but I’ll take her word for it!

And she does!

I really appreciate that, because that is a concern I very often have when writing this sort of thing! I’m glad it came off all right and read in a way that fit.

Oh, I know, right? What a kid!

Oh, for sure!

As well you (and everyone) should be!

Thanks so much again! So glad those enhanced the story for you; it is always my hope that they do just that!

That you definitely shall, in the fullness of time!

You heard right! Intuition’s Hand will fall, and this kid called it!

No, and that is precisely his problem in so many ways at so many points in this story!

Add to that as well!

Oh, I absolutely agree. And there is a bunch going on, mostly a WHOLE lot of hubris and an over-the-top near-obsession with the prophecy, or at least with his own interpretation of the prophecy (which might not be a fully correct interpretation).

Aw, thanks so much again! I always imagined Gand would have to be a very beautiful place to produce this kind of talent and tradition.

He is indeed, in that quirky-but-savvy big bro sort of way!

Thanks so much, I’m so glad you enjoyed this bit—it’s one of my own personal favorite parts of part one.

Thanks again, and you certainly shall!

Oh, thank you again! One of the reasons I enjoyed writing this scene so much is that it allowed me to do just that with an art form I happen to know. Fic writers who know how to draw have so many opportunities to do this—less so those like me who practice performative arts. So I do like to take the opportunity when I can!

The song definitely has importance in a foreshadowing sort of way, and the music box itself as artifact is important too, as you’ll see. As to the old doctor, he’s indeed mostly just being a cantankerous old thing who doesn’t appreciate pretty things when he hears them!

Ah, really nice parallel there! Yes, that is pretty much exactly what I imagine happening at Zuckuss’s birth. And it certainly could have been one of the factors building up toward Fengor’s attitude toward his younger son.

It is, and fear brought on by such things can in its way be a huge motivator—and there we have another factor in Fengor’s attitude toward his son.

Oh, agreed! <3 Even though Zuckuss knows his father feels this way toward him, he would never willingly hurt him. (At least not without very good cause!)

Thanks! Given the importance of the mists to the Gand, I always thought they probably have as many words for various kinds of mist and fog as the Inuit do for various kinds and textures of snow. When I bring fog in, I’m trying in some small way to reflect that possibility.

It is both indeed, and he shall soon find out just how much!

Thanks—he really and truly was worried about his own survival for a minute there!

And you shall, and you shall!

Ah, good notice there, and good point! Yes, Shulma’s version of this vision comes out of a similar impulse, and in a way for similar reasons, and I’ll say that maybe it’s no accident that that’s the case.

Oh me too! Aren’t you just so proud of this talented little guy?

Mega-s, here, with a hearty dash of thrown in!

I’ve been saying it again and again, but it’s because I mean it: thank you so much! Your readership and enjoyment of this story mean tons to me, and I am eager to see what you will think of it’s continuation!

Oh, thank you so much, and it’s so wonderful to see you here enjoying this story and its details! I have unfortunately not had the chance to read much LeGuin, but I know she’s one of the best of the best in the area of high fantasy, so I am definitely honored by that comparison! Thanks again for coming by to read, and I hope you enjoy the rest!

First of all, thanks so much for coming by to read and comment; it means so much to me that you did, and it made my day to see your review.

You are 100% right on every single count. And you’ve hit on one of the things I have always found especially fascinating about this species and this world: the way that name can mean all those things must mean (and I would say does mean) that there is a very strong symbiosis among all those elements. And yes, this story has endeavored to be a story of that interconnection, too, so I am glad that it is succeeding in that to your estimation!

That is an immense compliment that I appreciate very, very much—thank you, and I endeavor to give satisfaction.

That kind of drama definitely seems to be one of those galactic universals, both in the GFFA and the GNFA! The clicks and clacks and such have been a fun challenge to work with; there too I’m indebted to the way Michael Stackpole wrote the character of Ooryl Qrygg in the Rogue Squadron books, with various mouthpart sounds and motions expressing his mood.

You and she are both… not at all wrong!

That is exactly what Fengor fears the most, and that fear is what drives most of his behavior in this story. Being THE GUARDIAN is the most important thing to him in the universe; passing it on to his older son after he dies is one thing, but having it taken from him by his younger son while he is still living is quite another—even though (or, especially because) there is a prophecy predicting that that very thing will happen!

I agree—rendar_writes makes many astute observations and was spot-on right about that!

You’re not the first to ask that very question about her! The best I can say is, yes, he probably was very different back when the two of them first met; people can change a lot as they grow older, and as things happen in their lives, in ways that their loved ones can’t always anticipate, even with the help of the Mists. Otila might be harboring a good bit of quiet sorrow over her marriage. Very good observation about her use of the janwuine privilege vs. his; as you note, he definitely uses it to lord himself over other people in a way she doesn’t. For her, it’s just sort of there—and a lot of that has to do with the fact that she feels less of a need to be IN CHARGE than her husband.

Isn’t he just! He is definitely taking advantage of the power differential between himself and Telfien in a big way—using his power very selfishly to further his own ends at the expense of someone much less powerful. Telfien can pick up on this, and her fear isn’t just that of a high-strung youngster—she knows he is someone to be afraid of. (As does Zuckuss, probably better than anyone else!)

Her early years have been rough, having to work so hard in her parents’ garden without a lot of appreciation and with barely any opportunity to exercise or develop her intuitive gifts. Under such circumstances, one often starts to doubt those gifts and to doubt oneself, and that's where the constant self-doubt and apologizing come from. The caring guidance of Volokoss and Zuckuss (especially Zuckuss) is helping her build up her self-confidence, and that guidance is a large part of what allows her to acquit herself so bravely during the mission to the Surface. As to her meditative connection to that realm, hold on to those guesses and thoughts!

Otila, Luyen, and Volokoss have the benefit of age and experience on their side, and they have acted as ruetsavii several times to several different kinds of people, so they definitely will have a better idea of how to act around Gands of various social classes than this apprentice who is just starting out (and who has really only spent his time in a limited segment of Gand society so far). As you’ve seen, Lekli is brusque and not always the most personable, but she isn’t just an arbitrary “mean mom” either; her practical concerns are indeed very real, given her occupation and her position in society.

It truly does mean something, and they definitely deserve that moment of silence. They were poor and rough-hewn, true, but they still cared for their family and home in their way. Telfien felt it, and her grief for them was sincere.

See you there as well, and thanks again for this wonderful and insightful comment! Always a joy and privilege to have you as a reader, and I hope you will continue to enjoy the story.

 

Sooo, you know when I said that I was going to try to review each part in one chunk in the interest of catching up faster? Well, I lied. My review for Part Two ended up being quite substantial, so I am going to break it up into three equal parts. And even then I could quote pretty much every sentence, as there was a phrase of beauty or a character/plot element worth commenting on in every word!

But, to humbly comment on what I may . . .

It's so interesting, seeing Zuckuss just a year later into his path. He's lost some of the humility he once had - I mean, rightfully so, that he's taking pride in his accomplishments; he's put no small amount of work in developing his skills as much as he has an innate, inborn talent. Yet, at the same time, there's the truism of pride going before a fall and all that . . . it's just something to be wary of, for both Zuckuss and us as readers, perhaps?

It is also interesting - and sad, ultimately - that he now recognizes his father's hostility for what it truly is as spite.

Your scenic descriptions are, as always, incredibly immersive. This read like a painting!

SO PRETTY

I loved the dancing colored flecks of light, in particular.

You are always aces at wording this kind of ritual devotion, as well.

I appreciate how much this said about everyone we newly met in this scene. It was a great bit of characterization for all three Findsmasters (and I love the going back and forth between names; it adds so much to the dialogue), and for Zuckuss too.

Again: so much good characterization going on. Zuckuss really is grappling with his pride here - even if Okkfel would be enough to make anyone bristle. (I do like Okkfel and his cantankerous self, I must admit. )

I find if very interesting, too: Okkfel's teaching style versus Volokoss'. Luyen seems to be the perfect balance of both, as perhaps fits the dean of the temple.

. . . oh.

(Although now I am really curious to see how Zuckuss goes from here to where we were first introduced to him in TESB. )

Yep; Okkfel highly amuses me. And again, I continue to enjoy the little bits of sci-fi-isms that embellish your dialogue; each one makes this entire world feel that much richer.

This was a beautiful answer, and so very true.

That is why the homeworld and the race have a common name struck me, in particular.

This is so much to process.

Hee. It's good to see that Volokoss has a bit of sass too.

It makes complete sense that this vision would come upon him while he's embarking upon his hunt, but to have Luyen's words confirmed with his own intuition can only be disconcerting, even frightening.

And you write these vision scenes so, so well, as always!

I was transfixed for every word by how Zuckuss was such a complete vessel for the Mists in this moment! The voice not his own was a particularly poignant detail! And what that voice said . . .

Those glowing golden orbs! (And I love how this mirrored Shulma's visions, once more, being that I'm reading this with your Lasat!verse already under my belt. )

And then the so it is true packed a wallop!

Whoa, temper! I mean, again, it's completely understandable why Zuckuss snapped - especially with Okkfel's behavior pushing on the wounds his father's abuse has inflicted - and yet . . .

I like the detail of the incense lamp shattering, too; every word you use feels purposefully selected to add to the scene. Nothing ever feels superfluous about your work: the beautiful descriptions and the intricate world-building go hand-in-hand with the plot and the characters, most importantly of all. (Or at least in my taste for character-driven stories. ) It's a stunning balance that pays off to powerful effect.

The use of Taagu jumped out at me! I appreciate Okkfel here; he can certainly take what he dishes, as is only right.

Befogged is one of my new favorite in-universe explicatives, yes it is.

The Mists have a sorta Dark Side of their own in the Fogs, right? This - although understandable as a very sentient reaction, once more - has a note of foreboding to it.

I love that this is just business as usual for the temple residents.

This passage was where it clicked for me: Zuckuss reminds me of Anakin, in a way! The ultra-talented-prodigy who just may have a prophesy to fulfill is a foil all on its own, but the debate of deepest fears and troubles either being a strength or weakness, ultimately, really drove that likeness home.

And, the same as with Anakin, it's hard saying exactly which route is the right one for his mentors to take. Finding a balance between both ways is tricky, especially with the stakes as high as they may yet be.

Hee, and that would be a burn.

Nope: THAT'S a burn.

And what a great way for Zuckuss to let this new talent of his slip. (It says something, too, that he unconsciously kept the portrait with him. )

Befog this old Taagu. Yep: I really, really like Okkfel.

It is yours by right - whew!

Needless to say, I have questions just as much as I have answers now, so I'm just going to keep on reading.

Yep, definitely shades of Anakin Skywalker. And again, though his emotions are so very human Gand, it's going to be a trick to keep well-earned pride from becoming a more unhealthy arrogance. Referring to himself as the Uncanny One was a big step forward. Because he isn't wrong, as this chapter more than proved, but with great power comes great responsibility and all that . . .

So you too, venerable ancestor Zukfel, are to this Gand a ruetsa’iiv and examiner. GOSH BUT I LOVE THIS LINE!

The details of the portrait were beautifully conveyed through your prose, as was the likeness between Zukfel and Zuckuss and his father, bleh!

More A1 descriptions! I especially liked faded guild banners dared twirled their way - you really created a heavy scene of tired and drudging poverty, especially when juxtaposed with the healthy and thriving market we saw from Zuckuss' youth in Part One.

Again: it's a line to walk, encouraging and rightly pushing a student with assignments to challenge their skills and not overly stoking their ego at the same time. I like Volokoss as a teacher for Zuckuss, that said, and am very interested in their relationship going forward!

More great details.

Oi! But children will always be children it seems.

My goodness, but this was so adorable.

Is this . . .

. . . IT IS!!

TELFIEN!!!

Oh, but this little boy needs no small amount of discipline.

Hee, he doesn't have a name yet.

(And Telfien already has one of her names. )

I love how Zuckuss wants to jump in and help - he has such a good heart, and bullying is as reprehensible to him as it should be. (Perhaps even more so than most, with his own background, unfortunately. )

This brat has to use his father's name to prop himself up; something tells me that's even more sneer-worthy for a Gand than it is for us.

What pride and joys these little terrors are.

ZUCKUSS SPEAKS FOR US ALL, GET 'EM!

Dang, Telfien, but you go, girl!

YEP: I SQUEED OUT LOUD!

(I have so much more to say about Telfien and Zuckuss, but I'm going to save most of that for my next review. I'll just say for now that every Uncanny One needs a Holy Madman . . . right? Maybe? )

Aw! Otila raised her boy right.



Okay, right here is my first cutoff point - but I am already deep into the next part of my review and I will be back soon with more feedback for this truly epic story!

 

And here I am with part two of my review for Part Two.

Again, you managed to convey such a vividly tired and worn setting for N'Xid. I could feel the grit and the poverty - even as I wondered if Trynfor the Mad was a telling thought in Zuckuss' ruminations here.

She did save herself, didn't she? Even as he stepped in to be her knight. Gosh, but that's a favorite trope for me.

This was a great detail, fleshing out this world even more - just as it was a beautiful thought for its own sake.

Oh, but I want to hug smol!Telfien and protect her from the world.

More great world-building details! I felt as if I was on the hoverbus right there next to them.

And: good man, once again, with Zuckuss covering her fare.

This was another great narrative device, letting us know that there's definitely more going on than we know as we wait for Volokoss' response. And this was very identifiable with us from our own RL experiences, at that.

I could hear the wonder and disbelief in this line.

I love the detail of her using her name meant that she was sure of herself - just as we had confirmed with Zuckuss that she is indeed named! Which is quite the feat for any youngster, yet alone one of such humble circumstances.

&

Now these parallels are most interesting, indeed! Methinks the Mists may have had more than a hand in facilitating their meeting . . .

That a child is this skittish and inclined to fear says so much - too much - and I don't like what it says one bit.

And I loved that Zuckuss used his personal-most name when consoling her - he meant for his words to be that firm with certainty.

A+ scenic details are A+.

Yikes, Lekli! In one scene, you were able to establish quite the character. I can't call her abusive, exactly - strict and firm, bordering on harsh, yes, and tipping over that boundary at times - but that seems to be as much a result of her circumstances and the hard conditions her family lives under, more so than any maliciousness? I truly think that Telfien's parents love her, but it's not exactly a warm and nurturing environment for her to grow in.

I take it back. Lekli can be a witch, and Telfien deserves better than this.

Dang, but the disrespect of her address - which is even more disrespectful for a Gand is just . . . I can't even blame Zuckuss for the insult he takes in his own reaction.

TELFIEN'S VISION CAME TRUE; TELFIEN'S VISION CAME TRUE!

My goodness, but I could eat all of these gorgeous details up with a spoon - especially as relates to the alien flora! I'm completely a sucker for the description of plants and flowers, especially when they are as vivid and lush as those here.

Aw, I love the use of his personal name!

And again, I hate what it says that Telfien's first reaction is fear. This job is much too much for a little one - and such a little one, at that. I understand that her parents need her help with the family business, and that their circumstances are what they are and that's going to make Telfien's childhood hard by necessity, but still . . . this isn't right. It's going to take her hours to do and potentially hurt her, when one of the adults could have had this done in a fraction of the time.

Now this is most interesting, indeed.

Needless to say, Zuckuss first meeting with Telfien is everything I could have hoped for, and I enjoyed every word, I say - every word!

Curiouser and curiouser.

Completely fair! And I appreciate how balanced Volokoss was, addressing both Zuckuss' very real concerns and his sense of superiority - and I appreciate that Zuckuss is taking those words to heart. It's difficult, with a semi-cache-based society like this one, but Findsmasters are servants of the Mists and thus, the Gand people, just as much as they are respected and given a place of honor for those same gifts. Even so, that authority doesn't supersede that of a parent over a child - especially based in the knowledge of so short a period of time - and yet . . .

Well, there's still that pretty big and yet.

Hee, famous last words.

This made me laugh out loud - these details, again, make this story so rich and immersive, and I love them all!

I can't even blame Zuckuss for this thought - Okkfel had it coming.

Veeeery interesting, indeed! It seems that Okkfel has some idea of what's going on, although he handles it in true Okkfel fashion. (And I really do have a soft-spot for this crunchy-exoskeletoned curmudgeon. )

And this is why I appreciate Okkfel - his bark is worse than his bite. His use of Taagu and his honest curiosity as he sees to what's happened to Zuckuss says more than his grumpy words ever will.

Veeeeeery interesting, indeed!

But of course.

OOH, I HAVE A GUESS, I HAVE A GUESS!

You are always aces at describing how the Force "feels" through different cultures and their traditions, and this paragraph was no exception! I was completely engrossed through the whole of Zuckuss' quest for answers!

I wonder if this has anything to do with Volokoss and Luyen being absent at the same time, at that.

And it's sad, in its own right, that Zukfel would have known that his son was home for his holiday break, but didn't even bother to make a showing. Which is all the better for Zuckuss, of course, but that's half the tragedy right there.

Ng’xvi-Ta’al-Lhúd indeed for not noticing made me crack up. Brothers are going to be brothers.

Excoskeletonize you was another great Gand phrase! And, you know. Zuckuss does have a point, even if I too had a bit of an "eek!" moment for the sake of the books.

I HAVE QUESTIONS AS MUCH AS I HAVE ANSWERS

Aw, Gorruss! I was so proud of him for his answer, just as much as he had me smiling again for his irreverence.

Fair! I can completely understand the teasing getting to be too much - that's a heavy legacy to shoulder! And again, I saw shades of Anakin here as Zuckuss deals with his perceived short-comings as an answer to prophesy.

This was such a relatable passage, and enrichened your characters even further.

Oooh, more excellent fanon all! (And I loved reading your matching post in the Fanon Thread, too! )

But of course.

I swear that I could feel the anticipation build, even as he went about a seemingly commonplace task.

Especially if there's something to the Madman's Tears actually being present in the spirit.

One: so pretty!

Two: gaaaah, but what's happening??

One: oh, that's what's happening!

Two: Zuckuss's own eyes was such a good segue! All of the writing here was just so vivid and beautiful!

Three: For emphasis -

WHAT GORRUSS SAID


Whew! And, with that, I will be back soon with the third part of my review!

 

Hello! I'm finally back!

I wanted to be much farther along in my reviews for this story than I am six months later. But I have some time to read coming up this week and intend to treat myself by diving into Part III. (Yay!) First, though, I need to finish my feedback for Part II.

So, without further ado . . .


Chapter XIII

All of your descriptions throughout this story have been incredibly tangible, even as they explain the intangible. The description of a feeble surge of electricity in a frayed wire made my heart turn heavy in my chest for just how awfully foreboding it was.

And then there was this, and the clear aftermath of such a horrible struggle . . .

Oh no!

*breathes*

All throughout this chapter, in particular, I was stagged by just how powerful Telfien is. I mean, the weather could just be a great plot device on your part - I am all for thematic scenery being a character of its own - but, given how Telfien has controlled the winds before . . .

All of these details were visceral.

Oh, Telfien.

I love how this orchid threads through Telfien's story - and I look forward to seeing how that story (and the orchid) continues to grow.

These - and every one like them - were all fantastic details. The reading experience for this entire story has been so incredibly immersive, but and this scene was no exception.

Now this is a most curious development.

An entirely fair reaction.

Oh, Zuckuss. Never stop being you. But I can't blame him for being proud of Telfien, too.

Everything about Telfien's POV on her parent's murder just hit my heart hard - especially given how she takes the plant that they gave her, for herself, in the greenhouse with her before sinking into her catatonic state. It was equally telling, on that mark, that she was able to share this memory with Zuckuss - again without consciously doing so.

. . . on the other end of the spectrum, it was sickening, how that awful governor sent his goons to do his dirty work - proving that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. I noticed that this plot point may still have a thread dangling, too, and wonder what bearing this enemy might have on Telfien in the future.

What a final line to end the chapter on!



Chapter XIV

Their bond is already so strong, it's fascinating!

So strong, and I have questions.

All of these little details really contributed to whole, again. Mothers always know.

Otila is such a good mother. I can only imagine how surprising it was for her to find her son there, and, with the tragedy all around them, of course this would be her reaction to his discovery.

I AM WONDERING JUST THE SAME

But it's hard to ask those questions when so many of these actions have been so intuitive on Telfien's part! How can you start searching for answers, when one half of that equation doesn't even realize that she's a key variable?

The detail of the fraying gold glinting was particularly striking.

I know that I don't have a lot of in-depth feedback besides and to offer right now - but and really says it all for lines like these!

This was adorable, even in the midst of everything heavy and world-altering that's going on around them. Because, while they are bond by this incredibly fundamental, spiritual connection, they are still virtually strangers to each other - and young adult strangers, at that. Of course there's going to be some awkwardness to their initial interactions - especially in the wake of such an awful night, when emotions are so high and stretched to so many extremes on every level.

So, so adorable.

Again, these xenophysiological details continue to be excellent.

I appreciated this - that her parents were trying, in their own way, to do their best by their daughter. And now they're gone, and she's left alone - or, at least, almost alone.

I want her to finish that sentence! (It hasn't bloomed? )

BUT, speaking of how deep and intrinsic their bond is . . .

THIS DETAIL

For as much as I would call Zuckuss brash and teetering on the side of too arrogant, he holds himself to such an incredibly high standard to match - maybe even too high. There wasn't anything he could have done to save Telfien's parents, but he's not going to accept that truth and absolve himself.

I mean, fair. And, as always, your in-universe expletives are the best.

Siblings are always going to be siblings! But, with their banter - little as Zuckuss is in any mood to humor Gorruss as such - ending the chapter on this note was a great decision from a narrative standpoint, as it let your readers breathe from all of the intense and heavy emotions of the precedent events.


Chapter XV

Veeeeeeery interesting, once more.

Besides Telfien's continuing story, I do love these glimpses at further Findsmaster traditions within the greater whole. Your world-building is wonderfully complex, which is one of the things that makes this story such a pleasure to read.

Oh . . . are they? (Although, here, I have the unique perspective of reading this story with knowing a little bit about how Telfien and Zuckuss' tale unfolds. )

Again, these details of how, exactly, a Findsman's power works continue to be all sorts of fascinating.

Half believed.

Ooooh . . . is that so?

Again, there's that fine line between well-deserved confidence and arrogance.

(And, more Anakin parallels, again, but Yoda believed that an apprentice would help temper Anakin's arrogance and teach him about healthy attachment (not that the latter point quite applies as much), and I can see shades of that here too. )

The entire final exam process was fascinating, but I found it very interesting how Zuckuss used the walking meditation to seek his quarry, just like Trynfor the Mad. Again, these connections between past and present are just all sorts of intriguing, even if I am just bursting with questions still.

Aw! Telfien has taken her first step into a larger world!

First. Step. Into. A. Larger. World!

*fangirl squee of fangirl squees!*

THAT BOND

(Also: Telfien is precious and adorable and I love her so much. )

And so it begins.


Epilogue

Oooh, the plot thickens.

What a quintessentially Star Wars line to end Part II on!


Needless to say, I am all sorts of excited to dive into Part III now.

 

I JUST FINISHED READING PART THREE LAST NIGHT, AND -

. . . so many mixed emotions right now! Chief amongst them being: GAAAAAAH! Followed by a good helping of boo this guy anyway and my beloveds, how I adore three! Now, I absolutely need to proceed on to Part Four to find out what happens next, because the mystery is strong with this one - on top of good ol' character driven storytelling and decadent prose and gorgeous imagery. This 'verse really just checks all of the boxes for me, and it's been a delight to read.

I will be back soon with more comprehensive feedback, but I had to start by saying that much. Along with a hearty round of applause for the author, because you deserve all of the accolades for this triumph and then some.

So, until then:

 

Here's my first round of feedback for Part Three! This will cover the first three chapters, and then I hope to cover the latter four in another review soon! (Although I may have to break that in two, we'll see. )




Chapter XVI

I've said it before, but I'm going to say it again whenever the thought really strikes me: you're so, so good at coming up with these in-verse rituals. This was just lovely to read for its own sake as much as it added to the world that these characters inhabit, as always!

Again, this reminds me of Anakin and Ahsoka in a way! I will also say that, with a little age, Zuckuss' arrogance seems to be tempering (slightly ) for confidence instead. Because it is an honor to be trusted with the education of another, and it's not an honor that's given lightly - especially for the impact that it will have on Telfien, let alone Zuckuss as her mentor.

This is most curious.

Again, I love watching the overarching mystery in this story build and build - even if we get a dozen new questions with every question you answer! Which is a mark of some mighty fine storytelling in and of itself.

Oh, I love the parallels with the beginning of Book Two!

Oh, honey!

Telfien's go-to emotion seems to be shame in some form or another, more often than not - which is understandable, given her upbringing, on top of her very natural humility and equally high standards for herself. But she is so hard on herself, and that's hard to bear as she struggles with her powers. But in that too there's a very real danger to factor in. It's just . . . it's all a lot for one so young, and one who's so recently begun her training, at that!

Ooooh, look at this connection . . .

But this is where I drew pause. This is not a positive connection between old Zukfel and his heir in Zuckuss. It's a dangerous premonition, and even more concerning for the violence of her reaction.

(I know how this plot ties together, so I'm going my best to share the thoughts I had as I was reading. )

I was at first struck by Zuckuss' command that she look him in the eye to read his truth - that struck me as poignant in its own right, and just what Telfien needed, before -

- looking him in the eye caused her powers to spike again.

These are all entirely valid emotions, and added another layer to the story!

That's our girl.

THOSE EYES AGAIN

And, as a side point, I love that I couldn't at first tell if it was the physical construction of the portrait she found beautiful, or the subject itself.

Oh, but this can't be easy to hear for Telfien - no matter how sensible such precautions may otherwise be.

She's just so hard on herself, again - which, in its own way, is understandable for her wanting to control the sheer magnitude of her gifts, but heartbreaking for how she feels that she has to earn the place she's been given to train as a Findswoman.

I love the orchid's continued presence - and just how telling its health and growth continues to be.

Oh, I like Y'keb very much! That she meditated with Telfien in order to help her regain her equilibrium was a beautiful way to wrap up what's been a very trying day for Telfien.

This was an excellent non-human detail.

THIS WAS SO QUIETLY POWERFUL AND INTENSE AND I NEED TO KNOW MORE

Just . . . just beautiful, I have no more coherent feedback than that.


Chapter XVII

This is a very wise idea! And perfect for Telfien, with her connection to the flora of Gand to begin with.

Another very wise idea.

I know that this is a big pull, but I loved all of this - the mountain's personal significance to Zuckuss and to Telfien, perhaps, too, for how significant this site was to Trynfor. Then, of course, wherever the mists are gathered so strongly together is bound to make for some interesting happenings all on their own.

Wreckage, rubble, and remains - gah! I love, as always, your speech-patterns for the Gand!

Then, it's very interesting to see the student become the teacher here - or, at least, for the teacher to benefit from the insight of the student. I appreciate the "hiss of impatience" too - Zuckuss is doing so well in so many ways, but he's still relatively young himself, even as he battles aspects of his personality that may always be there. He and Telfien just work so well together - they click, and I would have thought that already, even before knowing what I know of their future.

FAIR

But, also: darn, girl.

Ooh, this didn't even cross my mind, but now . . .

Yep: something more is definitely afoot here.

I appreciated the respect inherent of this question - and Zuckuss' discomfort, perhaps, with it? He's still a youngin' in many ways, after all. But then, it could just be his annoyance with having to state the obvious, or so he thinks.

Gorgeous descriptions, all! It's always impressive when writers can make the fantastical so immediate and tangible to a reader's senses. I could feel this - especially that shooting star, tumbling gently into the valley and illuminating that figure in the distance.

Also: (“brown-leafed gwa-rho and mountain zgaat,” he had heard her mind say) was just precious, and I loved this moment of connection.

DEFINITELY NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING

. . . and Zuckuss could see the eyes too?

And this is about where it started to click for me. After all, I would hardly think that Zukfel would be exuding this much danger - that had puzzled me until this point. But there's only one Gand in this story who is so glare-y and up to suspicious no-good with his search for the lost treasure . . .

I love how you use onomatopoeias as a whole in your work, and this instance was no exception. I could feel this storm as it unfolded.

The use of his family name really stood out to me - all did of your details about the danger of travelling through the ice storm did - and then my reader-senses were most definitely tingling.

Aw, and she's supporting him in return!

EVEN KNOWING IT WAS COMING THAT WAS STILL MY FACE TO HAVE IT CONFIRMED

*and breathe*


Chapter XVIII

Yep, this still makes me queasy. My heart was in my throat, reading this all come together . . .

ISN'T THAT THE QUESTION?

And it's a hard one to answer - since he's looking for Trynfor's treasure, and his search has apparently brought him to Telfien. I had questions at this point in the story, and I admittedly still have many of those same questions.

Yep, I am very curious about the timeline! For some reason, I didn't realize how much time had passed in-text. But that also could have been since I read these passages in big gulps, and it's very possible that it might just have felt this way to me as a result.

But dang if I wasn't all but bursting out of my skin at this point - I couldn't even stop and walk it off. I had to keep reading.

Yep, Fengor is fine.

She's such a precious dear.

YES, DEFINITELY MENTION IT

But I understand, too, how this is something Telfien can hardly make sense of for herself, and it standa to reason that she doesn't want to add another burden to Zuckuss' shoulders after this day of unexpected events.

It's a shame his mouth wasn't injured.

NOPE: I DON'T LIKE THIS AT ALL

Just when I thought that Fengor was already the worst, he found a new level of creepiness to sink to.

I find it very interesting that Zuckuss had the instinct - the intuition - to obscure the truth here.

I love this entire sentence more than I can say. This was a perfect combination of snark and very real insight, and it hit all of the right notes.

I was rivetted to my screen throughout this entire scene! I mean, it makes perfect sense that Telfien would have a knack for healing after what we've seen her do with plant life - but this was still an amazing display of power.

I am already all sorts of intrigued for this conversation if/when it comes, you better believe it.



Whew! This is where I'm going to have to cut my review, but let me end by saying that I have been enjoying this story so, so very much! I'll be back soon with more!

 

Apparently, it was ambitious of me to think I could wrap up my last review for Part 3 in one go. I had to break this into two parts, but I will most certainly be back with the rest soon, because I've just finished Part 4, and, believe you me, I have feelings to discuss.

So, without further ado . . .


Chapter XIX

Here I am, once again applauding how you set a scene and let that shape your story. Yes, I will always have to give a emoji where is due. (!)

When we were first introduced to Zuckuss in TESB, never would I have thought this to be a line I would ever read. But, it makes so much for a race that reveres the mists of their home in every sense. This is the air and the breath beautified by the voice - and fittingly raised in devotion! I think that I have mentioned that this is A1 world building before, but have to say so again.

1.) As always, you are aces when it comes to designing rituals and devotions for fictional races.

2.) Boo hiss! Down with everything about this Gand! (I say for the first time of dozens in these concluding reviews - so stand by.

Again, this was a scene I could feel - the perplexed students, and even their mentors, murmuring; that little bit of trepidation along with the confusion that always accompanies a pop quiz, so to speak; and that prevalent respect and reverence that yet prevails overall. (No matter how misplaced.

I DON'T LIKE THIS SYMMETRY ONE BIT

But also: the symmetry.

Oh, Telfien! She's growing so much - because this is definitely a situation to test her control! My nerves were well riled on her behalf!

This very much could be a conversation between mentor and mentee, but for two youngsters - albeit on different ends of that scale - who have reached such a point of comfort with each other, on top of every single way they've already been so tightly bound together . . .

( )

ALWAYS LISTEN TO THE "I'VE GOT A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS" VIBES IN SW

ALWAYS

. . . say what???

&

Why does Fengor sound like he wants his son to fail? This passive aggressive bunkum is gross on its own, but all the more so between parent and child. Fengor is jealous enough of his son that I fully believe it possible, but this is a mission with far more at risk than merely having one's pride injured through failing the assigned task. This is potentially lethal, and the lack of tender affection just baffles me.

THANK YOU, EUGH

What does it say that the mentor is being a gryckle-hen, but the father is so gleefully flippant?

Even before knowing what I know now, this line made me .

Gosh, what a beautifully poetic lyric . . .

(And the singing, again! )

Luyen is the best, and I love her. This is everything a master mentor should be.

Hear. Hear.

Again, I love how the use of Dzi'kel underscores the seriousness of this - that Telfien's concerns are being taken so seriously, at that.

To quote @Chyntuck:

CREEEEEEEP!

Exactly!

(creep, creep, creep, creep)

*shrieks*

The gall! The audacity! The disrespect! Everything about this Gand is revolting.

Revolting, and so, so, so creepy. For an older, experienced member of their order to be so interested in - obsessed - with any youth raises alarm bells in and of itself, but it does even more so with a male towards a female - especially an orphan whose sole sense of belonging in this world is through her training as a Findswoman. It's a huge chasm in power dynamics, and for him to bring the full weight of his influence to bear while he is clearly this emotionally disturbed goes from creepy to revolting. I commend Luyen's patience.

We've been building up to this realization, but to have it so starkly stated was sobering. Especially with the connotation of Hunting to their culture.

And Luyen's still so classy and dignified - all without compromising her own dignity to do so! Again, your use of Gand naming conventions really adds to the dialogue.

Point: Luyen.

Also: I mean, Fengor's swearing is comical in its own right, and you are all sorts of brilliant with designing in-universe oaths, but dang. I mean, he's a senior member of his order talking to another highly respected colleague. Where's his class? His dignity? He's coming off as entirely unhinged, as his greed and anger allows his true personality to show through.

As always, your musical footnotes are the best! Yes, I approve!


Chapter XX

This came perfectly full-circle.

She's just so adorably polite and prepared and quietly badass.

This conversation said so much! I absolutely appreciate how Zuckuss didn't dismiss Telfien out of hand, and instead took her concerns seriously. He trusts her, and he wants to protect her. Telfien isn't the sort to overreact, and her intuition is screaming at her. That he stops questioning there, and decides: yes, she's coming too, with the Surface itself mayhap being safer at the moment . . .

(Because he knows how dangerous his father is better than most, doesn't he? )

It was just a great bit of intensity between Zuckuss and Telfien, as well as deepening and moving the plot along.

She's so clearly on edge that it hurts.

Oh, Volokoss.

I really feel like he's the mentor that both Zuckuss and Telfien need - although, at this point, I wonder what Volokoss' intuition is telling him about his apprentices. (And I see that I have a one-shot to check out that may just offer some enlightenment on that score! Yep. I am checking that out next!)

It says so much that she wants to tell him - especially with everything she has been playing close to her chest in her uncertainty.

And this says so much about Telfien too - that she has these heavy personal burdens weighing on her, but that is inconsequential when there's a duty to be done.

And: As With a Mantle is still and will ever be on my mind, so the last few words upped my anticipation level by a hundred.

All of these gorgeous visuals!

Gand is one of those worlds that I, admittedly, have a hard time picturing when looking at the Wook, just because it's so different to anything that we can compare it to on Earth. But that's the fun of science fiction: exploring strange new worlds. And this is as strange to our Gand friends as it is to us. This felt like an onslaught, and the vapors disappearing into the brightness only drove that point home.

This was a very understandable moment for Telfien, as everything she has practiced in theory becomes a reality - and a potentially life or death one, at that!

This poor dear is feeling it on every front.

Warm even through their boots was such an immersive detail.

Speaking of gorgeous descriptions! This was *chef's kiss* lovely.

And it says so much that, just as Telfien is impressed by Zuckuss' skill, she's able to do even a fraction of the same herself.

It's just as telling that their intuition brought them right where they need to be.

Eugh, and boo this Gand too!

Aw yeah, it does.

Oh, this poor dear! This is so much to go through, so quickly! But this fight is most certainly is not over - to say nothing of Telfien's place in resolving that conflict.


With that, I will be back with the last part of my review for this thread as soon as I can whip it into shape from its current mess of emojis and exclamation marks. Because there were quite a few with certain scenes - as you may well imagine.

 

MIRA!

I’ll be back with proper in-depth responses to all of these awesome comments down the line, as they are more than deserving thereof—and I feel awful that I have said nothing in response to them so far. But for now let me just briefly say that each of your awesome, stupendous comments on these earlier sections of BOG have unexaggeratedly made my day each time they’ve come in. Thank you, thank you more than I can say, for those comments and for the incredible readership and love you’ve given this story and indeed this universe; it means much more to me than I can say, and that’s no exaggeration either.

 

Oh, please don't feel awful or worry in the slightest! I am just so delighted to return the joy I've had while reading, and I'm so, so happy that these reviews have made your day(s) in return! There are current story projects to work on and your own reviews to write and that pesky thing called RL with its endless adulting, I well know - so please only reply if and when you can, on whatever you'd like to reply to. Especially while I have more story left to catch up on.

So, towards that end . . .

HERE WE GO


XXI

This fits so perfectly!

I love the song rec, too - the tempo and sound of the aria really fit the energy of this chapter, along with the lyrics.

More excellent descriptions, I have to say again - and tactile ones, too, that really put me in the moment for Zuckuss. Yikes, but what an awful situation in so many ways!

That is more than slightly worrying.

MORE THAN SLIGHLY WORRYING

Though, in seriousness, your descriptions of the lava sea were just as vivid as the action aboard the careening swoop - which can be a trick on its own to convey.

*shivers*

Whew! This was calm and coolly collected and smart in the face of such chaos - even as he uses that same chaotic environment to set the trap for his distracted opponent - which really says so much about Zuckuss. (That's quite the vibe I got from reading the old EU books way back when, too - even if it's been much too long for me to remember specifics. )

Oh, Telfien! It's completely understandable that she's unable to rest, and certainly noteworthy that she's able to sink into the mists at all given their current dearth. (Over an hour, too - goodness, but how long were Zuckuss and the saboteur grappling, and before the lava? Times my comment above times two then. )

From there, these are more excellent descriptions! I could perfectly envision this mystical plane for myself as Telfien reached the realm of the mists.

THIS, THIS, THIIIIIIS

I have been WAITING for this after As With a Mantle - which remains one of my absolute favorite vignettes in any fandom.

This humble, dear sweetheart.

(Eugh, side thought, but can you imagine how Fengor would act in the face of such an honor? But then, methinks that the Realm itself is smarter than that.)

I know - I have no really meaningful feedback besides jumping up and down and pointing out look how awesome this is, I love it all!

So: look how awesome this is, I love it all!

I appreciate how Telfien accepted what was before her, even if she couldn't wholly understand it yet. Her request was so humble and soft in answer. I adore how this entire scene was phrased.

I mean, how else is there to react to that?

Also: gorgeous words continue to be gorgeous.

Atta girl.

I love how this came together - absolutely LOVE it.

by his name gave me shivers. Dang, Zuckuss!

I may have screeched out loud for this revelation.

(Also, he's still introducing himself by including his father's name. What a shameful Gand. )

I am stunned by his irreverence - his blasphemy, even. Although, this entitled brat - seems like he hasn't grown out of that - has always shown a shocking sense of self-importance, and to the point of violence in the past as well. This is just an escalation of an old pattern.

I think it's very telling that this is where Zuckuss finally lost his cool. Not that I don't second his every word, of course - and it's a shame that Sylonn's not going to hear a word he says in any way that matters.

Like that.

. . . also, I would call parasite a very amusing choice of words, as that's exactly what I - and Zuckuss too, most definitely - would call Sylonn.

At first, I thought that was a more permanent trigger pulled, but yes, yes - that's good too.

&

These descriptions were gorgeous! Cinematic, even - this is something I could imagine on the scale of the big screen.

Did I have goosebumps before? I certainly have them now.

Mine too!

And Volokoss! I just love this entire cast.

Oh, what is this you say?

So close, but so far!

What a realization to come to! And it tickled me that Telfien and Zuckuss both came to the decisions to keep secrets from each other for now, all until they could contemplate matters further on their own - no matter how much I impatiently want them to speak now.


XXII

What an honor! I appreciate Zuckuss' own humility in being uncomfortable with the respects he's being paid, at that - he's come so far from the beginning of Book Two. This is a lot for him to take in, to say the least - and understandably so.

That Fengor couldn't even be proud of his son in this moment of all moments is absolutely revolting - even if I'm enjoying Fengor having to eat crow for his initial intention for his son to fail and prove his distain right for others to see, too.

This is something else that struck me. Pain isn't just physical; it's emotional. With that in mind, for Fengor to ignore each and every wound he's ever inflicted on his son over the years - especially as a child . . .

Well, right when I didn't think I could like Fengor any less . . .

I love how present this statue is throughout TBOG, and how much it says as we begin to understand more and more of the story as it unfolds.

Gorgeous, once more!

I just . . . I cannot process this, even knowing what an utter tool Fengor is . . . for him to not only feel a lack of pride, but affronted anger for Zuckuss quite literally saving their world in the form of the terrestrial mists is . . . well, revolting is too small a word, but there it is.

Cue the sick roiling in my stomach - no matter that I'm glad that Zuckuss is coming to understand the depths of Telfien's concerns, even if he doesn't yet understand why.

See my above comment, and put it in ALL CAPS.

The simplicity of "no" made me laugh, with an audible "ha!" - no matter the growing danger of the scene.

OF ALL THE GAND IN ALL THE PLACES

CREEP

Fengor is certainly coming more than a bit unhinged, but yikes, if it isn't good writing all around. Just: "my youngest, my uncanny youngest, have at least some small inkling of" - said so much! And I love the lyrical quality of the dialogue, no matter how creepy said dialogue may be.

Of course he put his mask back on.

Although part of me wonders how long Fengor can keep up this charade. There's already how he treated Luyen, and Volokoss is aware of something too, I feel . . .

And yet this precious humble dear continues to be precious and humble - even after commanding the Realm.

Ew, ew, eeew! And then Fengor has to take his interest in that direction - I mean, even his "spiritual" obsession has tended to manifest with those undertones for more than a few thousand words now, but to be stated so starkly was revolting.

At this point, I had to wonder where Otila was throughout all of this - as we haven't heard from her in a while, and for a moment I feared the worst. I was very glad when she was very much present in Part Four. Not that it didn't stop her husband from being even more of a creep.

Hear, hear.

Oh! The lulan grove! I love it when details I already know out of order fall into place.

This was such an ironic line that I giggled.

BUT LOOK HOW YOU CONTINUE TO STOKE THE MYSTERY

THAT CLEAR MOISTURE

I didn't even notice that detail - or, at least, assign proper significance to it - until I came back to finish my reviews, with Part Four already under my belt. You have built this story up on such a solid foundation, brick by brick - which is a remarkable feat for writing a story over such a period of years.

The juxtaposition between father and son in this moment is just staggering in its repulsiveness - on Fengor's part, at least. I really feel for Zuckuss here - because his instincts are so very clearly roused to protect, but he doesn't exactly know enough of what's happening to begin to protect Telfien, and there's no way he can currently protect her from his father due to his senior rank and power of command.

FINDS, THIS DEAR HAS MY HEART - HER HEART IS JUST SO BIG

&

These descriptions are gorgeous - so much so that I need a stronger word for gorgeous, even.

Just: for their radiance could not match hers - all of the gold stars for that line in particular!

his eyes and trembling arms full of her alone - oh! This sentence absolutely gutted me, it was just so fierce and heartbreaking and desperate and protective and romantic all at once. In short: a perfectly fitting place to leave Zuckuss and Telfien at the end of this arc of the story . . . and it vividly puts father and son's connection to Telfien in start contrast once more.

. . . okay, I couldn't find the perfect gif to express the depth of my thoughts and feelings where Fengor is concerned, so this will do after already using Gina and Rosa above. (And I also have to apologize for dissolving into gifs here at the end, but that was all my brain could process - even on rereads. )

Because: gaaaaaaaaah, Fengor is just the worst. Your writing is the best, though. These last two paragraphs - and the entire finale as a whole - were thunderclap powerful. And the lyrical fanaticism of that last line - lightning.



To conclude: it has been an absolute joy to catch up on this story! I am so, so happy that there is still more yet to come in this 'verse - and I now extra love and am even more grateful that you are still here sharing your work with us a full decade later. I will see you soon over in Part Four.