The Jedi Council Movie Script

(Basically this is an average day at the Jedi Council for our hero?s. Shorty is posting in his Bistro restraunt, the Slackers are still gone and a rumor of an Episode I DVD is floating around.
So I figured it was time for a Jedi Council epic to be made, in a thread...in the form of a script.
The trick is to write as if you where writing a script for a movie.
Write in any characters you want any fights can happen and you can make any changes you want.
Before killing of a member of the Jedi Council note that you're going to do so.)

*Scene 1, The Jedi Council Community*

-We sweep down to the large and industrialized Jedi Council community forum. Members from every walk of life are walking around from thread to thread while glowing nodes of information travel through the city like message board. Zoom in slowly to a walkway with Tellesto walking along. Tellesto is walking peacefully when a small grimy looking man in rags comes up to him holding a tin can-

Man: Scuze me sir! Do you know about the end?

Tellesto: No and I don't expect to know about it either.

Man: Well, that's all fine and dandy...cept the end is com'n, and there is only one place where you can hide from it.

Tellesto: (faking interest) Oh?

Man: Yes sir! (Nodding) It's known as the Slacker Council. Only they can save you from...the Troll forces.

Tellesto: No, you're wrong. Only the administration can stop the Troll Empire, not the Slackers.

Man: But...but...do you have some spare change?

-Tellesto throws the man some change and heads into the "Golden Age Cafe" for a drink-

 

Meanwhile...

Cigam is hanging about in a giant library, known as the "Literature Forum." He starts a quiet debate with another member.

Dude #1: "Man, Dark Empire rox!"

Cigam: "What are you talking about? It brings down the entire EU. It's nothing but a lame rehash of the classic trilogy."

Dude #1: "Yeah, but it wuz soo awsome! I mean, those big-ass devo-stators, Luke went to the Dark Side..."

Cigam: "Yeah, that's what bugs me. Luke had already faced and denied the Dark Side in Jedi. Not only that, but it signifigantly diminishes Anakin's sacrifice to destroy evil, when according to those comics, the Emperor transfered bodies all the time."

Dude #1: "Yeah...but it roxs!"

Personal Message Mailman: "Telegram for Cigam!"

Cigam reads the note and rushes out of the library.

 

(ext. to abandoned warehouse)

-sharky walks around, looking for the secret thingy that is rumored to be able to bypass the "1 post per minute" rule.

Sharky: I am looking for the thingy that will bypass the "1 post per minute" rule.

-lights in warehouse blast on, 3 giant, robotic clowns enter. A strange squeaky little voice in background-

Sharky: Richard Simmons!

....(ext. to next scene)

-EDIT- Is Cigam coming to help me!?


SHARKY

 

Back to the Lit. Forums:

Art is just talking to his EUDF buddies.

Art: It has been quite a while since we had any EU bashers around.

Yodaboy: Yeah, I know. It is too quiet.

Suddeny a member burst in trying to report urgent news

Unidentified person: Commander Core, we have big rumblings happening. It is the biggest EU bash I have ever seen.

Art: That's it, alert all members. I have a bad feeling about this...

(cuts to another scene)

 

(Sithie is laying out on the beach in her party thread. She senses something is wrong, takes off her sunglasses and sits up)

Sithie: WTF...

 

(cut to ware house)

Sharky: I sure could use some help...

Richard Simmons: C'mon now! I know everybody wants to drop that flop! Say it with me, "Drop that flop!", "Drop that flop!", "Drop that flop!"

Sharky: Eerrr..I kinda don't need to loose weight, otherwise I wouldn't be trying this mission...

Simmons: Oh, no you don't! We need to take the flab, out of your abs!

-Sharky slaps his face-


SHARKY

 

*Running down the street at full pace Cigam crashes right into Short Round McFly*

Cigam: (rushed) Hey Shorty, can't talk right now, but I'll cya later!

Shorty: But Cigam..I wanted to know if you wanted some coffee or something.

Cigam: Maybe another time, I gotta go take care of something!

Shorty: What?

*Cigam stops now looking a bit annoyed but still ready to explain*

Cigam: It has to deal with the Trolls.

Shorty: The Trolls?! But they've been extinct for a few weeks...

Cigam: Yes, but we must prepare for I fear another invasion is upon us.

Shorty: What can I do to help?

Cigam: Nothing for right now..well..(pondering) get a task force of the best Jedi Council members. We'll meet at the clock tower in 2 hours to prepare for a fight.

Shorty: Right!

 

Gonkdarn you people!
Post in this thread!!!


Heh heh..faces makes my upping so much more lifelike.

 

(terrapin rolls out of bed, and puts his shoes on)

(stares blankly at the camera)

i just thought we needed another story line here.

 

Anything works for me..

 

*wanders out of the PM system*

"Hey, the Imperial-class Star Destroyer is actually Imperator..."

 

//suddenly, the Chimaera, carrying me and my crew, drops out of hyperspace//

Lt.Cmdr.Thrawn: Navigation, where are we and WTF just happened? Say it calmly, if possible.

Random Crewer: (hyperventilating) We appear to have jolted from Hyperspace in the E2/3 SA forum. (Whimpers)

Lt.Cmdr.Thrawn: You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Another Random Crewer: Sir, incoming N.E.W.B.I.E.-Wings! They're launching Flame Torpedoes!

Lt.Cmdr.Thrawn: Shields up; their antiquated technology is no match for us. Speaking of which, how can there be flame in space? But no matter - man the guns! Helm, get us out of here as soon as we move out of the gravity shadow!

EDIT: Okay guys, I know this doesn't much fit with your story so far, but I hadn't seen most of your posts when I wrote it...

 

//Suddenly, the Chimaera drops from hyperspace again//

Thrawn: Okay, what's wrong now?

Crewer #1: We appear to be in... //dramatic music and a close up of his face// The Future!

//We look around at the devastation. Fire has consumed much of the council, the sole exception being the Fan Fiction board, where the survivors tell stories of happier times. I search the nearby wreckage, finding only one post that is semi-readible...//

Thrawn: It says something like, uh... "The ones from under the bridge have returned! Get back! Call the Admins! Chyren, Ludicrous, where are y..."

//I use my Superior Intellect to realize this means tha the Troll Forces have returned and destroyed the Council//

Thrawn: We must return to the past! I expect them to be rallying at the Clocktower; We must join them! We must stop Christmas from com... er, We must stop the Troll Invasion!

 

Mooorre!

 

Rogue1-and-a-half: It's quiet around here. A little too quiet.

Stranger: Keep talking to yourself then.

Rogue1-and-a-half: Okay, I will. Seems like somethings about to happen. Maybe the EUDF knows something.

Rogue runs off to contact Art_Core. A sinking feeling is growing in the pit of his stomach.

Stranger: That one knows something. As if Cigam wasn't going to be enough trouble.

Stranger pulls his black coat around him and walks off.

Stranger: Cigam must be dealt with. Now.


Thrawn hurtles through hyperspace.

Thrawn: We musn't be too late.

EDIT: I've got to go. I'll be back tomorrow. Keep me involved if you can, somebody.

 

*cut to a dark room*

//Apoc is snoring softly, a sheaf of papers clutched in her sweaty fist. Slowly, she comes awake, rolling off the top bunk and crashing to the floor in a flurry of papers and curses.//

"OF all the bloody--"

//She's cut off, as she comes to a sudden realization.//

"I have no idea what the heck is going on! Aiigh! I slept through the first part! What kinda moron am I?!"

//Apoc leaps up and digs out her dusty skintight plate armor. She tosses on a black trenchcoat and laces up her boots.//

//On her way out the door, she stops in her tracks and gasps dramatically, reaching up to the sky and pointing.//

"Good god, it's almost time for Outlaw Star! I slept through Tenchi again!"

//Apoc dashes back into her room and turns on her plasma tv.//

 

This is an Oscar winner for sure!

 

(damn straight!)


*cut to the Golden Age cafe being seemingly deserted expect for Tellesto sitting at the Counter nursing down a cup of coffee and reading a basic newspaper.
Suddenly Short Round McFly busts in through the doors and starts pulling on Tellesto's coat*

Shorty: They are back! We must go my friend!

Tellesto: Who?

Shorty: The Troll Empire! They have emerged from the place under the bridge!

Tellesto: Banland!

Shorty: Yeah..that's the ticket!
We gotta get some intelligent posters and prepare for a fight!

Tellesto: Nah..I gave up those days long ago, I never really did anything for the Jedi Council anyway.

Shorty: Wha!?

Tellesto: Yeah, you heard me...now let me be with my coffee and paper, a small editorial about Howlrunner and his flying donkey is on the cover and I want to read in in peace.

Shorty: GonkDarn you Tellesto..forget me ever having hope in you...

*Shorty gets up to leave*

Tellesto: Wait..

Shorty: What?

Tellesto: Will there be women?

Shorty: No, but we can recrute one to help us...

Tellesto: I'm in!

 

*Back to dark room*

"Where's that gonkdarned remote! I wanna watch these DVDs before somebody bursts in here begging for my help, and I end up having to dash halfway across the galaxy and fight some nasty, pitched battle!"

*Apoc pauses to let her words sink in*

"Helloooooo!"

 

Uppers..

*Tellesto hears the questioning question*

Tellesto: yes?

Shorty: Who are you talking to Tell?

Tellesto: Dunno..

 

JW: Bow before me.
Rest of council: *bows*
JW: Thank you all.

 

[ This is cool! ]
( Cut to Starbucks on... whatever planet )
( Katriel, JediTrace, taramidala, callista35 are sitting at a table, talking )
Katriel: Have you seen those people in the Episode II and III forum?
JediTrace: You mean the nasty trolls?
Katriel: Yes. One of them called himself Roddyswatter or something. Sounded like that other flamer, what was his name? Sorbo?
( GAT appears )
Grand Admiral Thran: Sorbo is the actor who played Hercules in that abominable series.
( Horse's hoofs heard, Eaglejedi rides up, almost falls off horse )
callista35: Tough day discussing How the Empire is Evil?
Eaglejedi: Yeah. Almost got into a lightsaber duel with Vader again. That QuietQueen, though, is pretty nice. So what's up here, guys?
taramidala: Not much. Wormie2 and See-Ay just left. We were just talking about those awful trolls in the Episode II forums, there's one of them called Roddyswatter or something like that.
Eaglejedi: Oh no.
callista35: What?
Eaglejedi: Where's Tee-Aich-Ex-Darth?
Katriel: Don't know. He hasn't been around.
Eaglejedi: Where is that pain in the @$$ when you need him? I gotta go, guys. But first...
( Walks over to coffee machine, gets quick espresso, gulps it down, mounts his horse )
callista35: Where are you going?
Eaglejedi: I have to get the Community Light Side Council chambers.
( Rides away )
( TIE Phantom cuts through space )

 

INT. Cafe

And the ETHRIL walks in.

Ethril: Hello.

ETHRIL turns around.

Ethril: Goodbye.

ETHRIL walks out.

 

Sean Is In the Fan-Ficton Fourm In an intence light sabre battle when i big voice said

Sean We Have The JC join us or suffer the rath of the trolls

Sean Then Went To The JC Comunity with His Saber Ignited He was looking for any one eles who had that mesage

 

Dark Stranger One spys Cigam: Cigam knows too much. I have a plan to deal with Cigam.

Dark Stranger Two: What is it?

DSO: Watch and learn.

DSO sprints up to Cigam.

DSO: Dark Empire rocked the house, foo'

DSO sprints away.

Cigam: Well, that was fairly pointless.

Rogue: Their kind always is.

DSO: It didn't work.

DST: What was supposed to happen?

DSO: Well, I think therefore I am. So, I tell Cigam that DE rocked, proving that because Cigam doesn't like it, Cigam isn't thinking. Therefore, since Cigam isn't thinking, Cigam ceases to exist. QED.

DST stares at DSO in horror.

DSO: What?

DST: Since that plan didn't work,you weren't thinking when you came up with it. Therefore, since you aren't thinking . . .

DSO goes very pale. DSO dissappears in a puff of logic.

DST: Cigam appears to be more trouble than I had at first believed. This calls for escalation.