The Monty Python Star Wars Parody Thread

(han solo sitting at desk writing somthing on a flimsy, grunts and throws it away. picks another piece up, stares at it, then rights somthing down, stares at it, and laughs uncontrollaby, the falls dead on his bed. leia walks in, seeing the flimsy and thinks it is a suicide note. reads it and dies on top of han from laughter)

narrarator: soon after this incident the couple was found. two men were lost while confiscating the joke. the power of the joke has been tested by rebels, and known to kill from yards away. the joke has been sent into action against the empire.

(recording of joke over intercom imps dying of laughter)

narrarator: the empeor has tried the same thing but with less results

Palpatine: my vornskr has no nose!

Stormtroopers: how does it smell?

palpatine:Awful!

 

Been a whie since I've seen 'Holy Grail', so this might be a little choppy....


Obi-Wan: Beware, the creature. It is mean, nasty, and has sharp teeth!

Luke: You mean, behind the Jawa?

Obi-Wan: No! You idiot, it IS the Jawa!

Luke: What? I can't believe that.
*walks out*

Jawa Jumps up and bites Luke's neck....

Obi-Wan: Run AWAY!

 

And now for something completely different: the Supreme Chancellor Election voting returns:

Holonet anchor: This one is from Coruscant Southeast Quadrant. A very interesting constituency this: in addition to the official Silly and Serious candidates there is an unofficial Very Silly candidate, in the slab of Duracrete, and he could well split the silly vote here at Coruscant Southeast Quadrant:

Mas Amedda: Senator Bail Louise Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz from Alderrest...
Holonet: (Silly)
Mas Amedda: 26,317. Senator Palpatine from Naboo...
Holonet: (Sensible)
Mas Amedda: 26,318...
Holonet: Very close!
Mas Amedda: Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Blackpool Rock Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable Brrroooo Norman Michael <rings bell> <blows whistle> Edward <sounds speeder horn> <does Jawa impersonation> <sounds buzzer> Tomas Moo... <sings> "My my this here Anakin guy..." <fires blaster> Jorge Lukass <makes lightsaber noise> "Raindrops keep falling on my" <weird noise> "Don't sleep in the sub-lightway" <cuckoo clock noise> Naabbbboooo Wyskalker...
Holonet: (Very Silly)
Mas Amedda: ...two.

 

I saw this in a captioning contest here on TFN, but I love it

:n the Death Star (II), Luke is looking out the window at the battle::

Palpatine (gesturing out towards the window): Someday, all this will be yours!

Luke: What, the curtains?

 

"We are the Jedi Knights who say Neeee"

 

uppity

 

Presenter: Good evening. Tonight: "Rontos". I have here, sitting in the studio next to me, an eopie. Ahhhh!!! Oh, I'm sorry! Anne Eopie - Mrs Anne Eopie


Anne Eopie: Miss!

Presenter: Miss Anne Eopie, who is an expert on Ron...

Anne Eopie: N' n' n' n' no! Anne Eopie!

Presenter: What?

Anne Eopie: Anne Eopie, not Anne Expert!

Presenter: No! No, I was saying that you, Miss Anne Eopie, were an , A-N not A-N-N-E, expert...

Anne Eopie: Oh!

Presenter: ...on eopie - I'm sorry, on Ronto's. I'm ...

Anne Elk: Yes, I certainly am, Max. How very true. My word yes.

Presenter: Now, Miss Eopie - Anne - you have a new theory about the ronto.

Anne Eopie: Can I just say here, Chris for one moment, that I have a new theory about the ronto?

Presenter: Uh... Exactly... What is it?

Anne Eopie: Where?

Presenter: No! No, what is your theory?

Anne Eopie: What is my theory?

Presenter: Yes!

Anne Eopie: What is my theory that it is? Yes. Well, you may well ask what is my theory.

Presenter: I am asking.

Anne Eopie: And well you may. Yes, my word, you may well ask what it is, this theory of mine. Well, this theory, that I have, that is to say, which is mine,... is mine.

Presenter: I know it's yours! What is it?

Anne Eopie: ... Where? ... Oh! Oh! What is my theory?

Presenter: Yes!

Anne Eopie: Ahh! My theory, that I have, follows the lines that I am about to relate. (starts prolonged throat clearing)

Presenter: (under breath) Oh, the Force! (Anne still clearing throat)

Anne Eopie: The Theory, by A. Eopie (that's "A" for Anne", it's not by a eopie.)

Presenter: Right...

Anne Eopie: (clears throat) This theory, which belongs to me, is as follows... (more throat clearing) This is how it goes... (clears throat) The next thing that I am about to say is my theory. (clears throat) Ready?

Presenter: (wimpers)

Anne Eopie: The Theory, by A. Eopie (Miss). My theory is along the following lines...

Presenter: (under breath)the Force!

Anne Eopie: ...All ronto's are thin at one end; much, much thicker in the middle and then thin again at the far end. That is the theory that I have and which is mine and what it is, too.

Presenter: That's it, is it?

Anne Eopie: Right, Max!

Presenter: Well, Anne, this theory of yours seems to have hit the Gungan right on the head.

Anne Eopie: ... and it's mine.

Presenter: Thank you for coming along to the studio.

Anne Eopie: My pleasure, Max.

Presenter: Tatooines newest Jawa farm...

Anne Eopie: It's been a lot of fun...

Presenter: ...opened last week...

Anne Eopie: ...saying what my theory is...

Presenter: ... Yes, thank you.

Anne Eopie: ...and whose it is.

Presenter: Yes.... opened last week...

Anne Eopie: I have another theory.

Presenter: Not today, thank you.

Anne Eopie: My theory #2, which is the second theory that I have. (clears throat). This theory...

Presenter: Look! Shut up!

Anne Eopie: ...is what I am about to say.

Presenter: Please shut up!

Anne Eopie: which, with what I have said, are the two theories that are mine and which belong to me.

Presenter: If you don't shut up, I shall have to shoot you!

Anne Eopie: (clears throat) My theory, which I posses the ownership of, which belongs to... (Sound of a single blaster shot)

Anne Eopie: (clearing throat) The Theory the Second, by Anne... (Sound of prolonged rail gun fire)

 

Yoda: What is your name?
What is your quest?
What is your favorite lightsaber color?

 

then...

what is your name?
what is your quest?
what is the capital of dantooine?

 

Let's not forget: what is the flight velocity of an unladen Watto?

 

*ahemm* if i might correct you... the phrase should be:

"what is the air speed velocity of an unladen Watto in flight?"

 

Like I said, it's been a while....

 

african or european?

 

Actually....I don't know.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

 

heres a cool monty python site:

http://www.stone-dead.asn.au/main.html

 

[image=http://www.theforce.net/humor/posters/KaaShamau-lifeofanakin.jpg/image.gif]

 

UP

 

what is your name? sir Anakin!
what is your quest? I seek the holy Blue Milk
what is your favorite lightsaber color? blue- no re- AHHHHHGGGG!!!!

 

Dooku: You fought well, now leave before I kill you

Ani: Comon you pansey!

Dooku: Your arm's cut off

Ani: No it is'nt

Dooku: What's that then?

Ani(looking at severed arm on floor): I've had worse
-------------------------------------------
The jedi leave the council chanting in latin with lightsaber handles in hand
Dora es requim Pona a serrem (wak)
Porna ce cumana Ella de trana (wak)
-------------------------------------------
We're the hunters's of Jabba's table
Our price is formanable
On many time we start to rymie
And sit around watching cable
We dine here well at Jabba's alot
we eat sand and spam and mynocks
[fill in]
We are the best hunters yet
Im a clone of Jango Fett
Dat Dat Dat Da Dat Da Da DAt DAT DA!
-------------------------------------------
i know it's incomplete, and i know everyone wants to do the black knight skit, so feel free to fill some of it in

We are the Bith who say Ni!

 

what is your name? sir Anakin!
what is your quest? I seek the holy Blue Milk
what is your favorite lightsaber color? blue- no re- AHHHHHGGGG!!!!





"The Crimson Lightsaber Assurance"

 

Hee hee! Don't know enough about Monty Python to contribute but this is really funny!

 

Monty Python Rules!!!!

Brave Jango was not afraid to die in many nasty ways
oh his head cut off
and his liver removed and his heart cut out and his arms ripped off and nostels raped and his bowls unpluged and his pen-
Will you shut it!
------------------------------------------
the famous historien sceen

Frank: Now Queen Amadala had to get to Courasaunt, but now was stranded on the desert planet of Tattoinee. Now they had a plan, and-
(darth maul shoots by on his speeder, slicing Frank's neck with his lighsaber blade)

 

(Mace Windu approaches Obi-Wan and Anakin in the Jedi Temple)

Mace: Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi...?

Obi-Wan: Me, Master --

Mace: No; me Master, you Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan (puzzled, but goes on): My Padawan, Master --

Mace: No; your Padawan, a Padawan; you Obi-Wan, me Master!

(Jocasta Nu approaches)

Jocasta Nu: Come with me, please.

Obi-Wan: Me, Madame...?

Mace: No, she Madame, me Master, you Obi-Wan!

Jocasta Nu: No, Master...

Mace: No Master? Meditate; practice saber forms!

Jocasta Nu (concerned; picks up pitcher of bluemilk): Drink, Master...?

Mace: Drink Master, eat Padawan, come with me...

Obi-Wan: You, Master...?

Mace: Me Master! You Obi-Wan! You Madame Nu! You knew too! Well whaddaya know?! Me Master!

(A Clonetrooper enters and hits Mace over the head with a rubber mynock)

Mace: Gundark!

 

No one expects the Jedi Purge!!!

 

and now the sound of an imperial officer being choked