The Simpsons Quote thread Strikes Back

"I get knocked down...
I get knocked down again.
You're never gonna knock me down.

I take a Whiskey Drink!
I take a chocolate Drink!
And when I have ta pee!
I use the Kitchen Sink!
I sing the song that reminds me I'm a urinating guy!"

~Homer Singing and Dancing in the bubble boy episode

 

Homer to Lisa:

"I'm washing my fat guy hat, honey."

 

"Ah Shamus, we ah won't need you to speak anymore." ~Skinner

"Whaaaaat? Ah this is yur do'n Willie. I'll turn yur groin ta pudd'n!" ~Shamus

"Aaahr, you speeak like a poet, but you punch like one tooo." ~Willie

 

"Ohhhhhh... Marge, the little guy hasn't done anything yet and you know when he does it's gonna be cool..." -- Homer (on the little Yakuza who could)

//"HIIIIIYA!", thump, thwap, bump, CRASH (the Yakuza flies in through the Simpsons' kitchen window)
"So sorry. My apologuies." -- Little Yakuza

"I'm... from... Canada... and they think... I'm... slow... eh?" -- Canadian Boy

"Homer, I understand your decision and I respect it. I can't argue against family. However, if you could kill some of these guys on your way out, I'd really appreciate it!" -- Scorpio

"Ohhhhhh... the DENVER BRONCOS?!?" -- Homer
"They seem nice." -- Marge
"You just don't understand football..." -- Homer

"Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!" -- Shopkeeper
"That's bad." -- Homer
"But if comes with a free frogurt!" -- Shopkeeper
"That's good!" -- Homer
"The frogurt is also cursed." -- Shopkeeper
"That's bad." -- Homer
"But it comes with your choice of free toppings!" -- Shopkeeper
"That's good!" -- Homer
"The toppings contain potassium benzoate." -- Shopkeeper
...
"That's bad." -- Shopkeeper
"Can I go now?" -- Homer

"No TV and no beer makes Homer... something, something..." -- Homer
"Go crazy?" -- Marge
"Don't mind IF AH DO!!!" -- Homer
//goes crazy

"I'll vote for a third party!" -- Citizen
"GO AHEAD!!! THROW YOUR VOTE AWAY!!!" -- Kang

"Mr. Simpson, this is a simple lie-detector test. It measures your responses to simple questions and determines whether you're telling the truth. Do you understand?" -- Special Agent Scully, FBI.
"Yes." -- Homer
//machine explodes

 

"And on a gutless act of political correctness, 'Pizza Day' will now be know as 'Italian, American, Sauce, Bread Day.'" ~Skinner


"Ah, Oooo, my heart is pounding like Thor's Hammer on Doctor Doom's Titanium infused face plate." ~Comic Book Guy

 

"Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just come in everyday and do a half-assed job. It's the American way."

 

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"Marge, it's uterUS, not uterU."

"Ah....he's got a board with a nail in it!"

 

"Eh heh heh eh, that guy is hilarious. I especially like his white shirt and blue pants. Wait a second, Angry Dad is ME!" ~Homer

"Yeah, didn't cha know. You've been world famous for and hour now." ~Lenny

"You're the Internet's #1 non-porno site." ~Carl

"Which makes you 10 Trillionth over all." ~Lenny

 

"Don't worry, I watched 'Matlock' in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the jist of it."

"I've been in front of every judge in this state. Often as a lawyer."

Lionel Hutz has the BEST quotes.

"Umm, dad, ten percent of twelve million dollars isn't 12,000. It's-" ~ Lisa.

 

"I bent my Wookiee!"

~Corran

 

Hey Apu, got any of those chips that cause diarrhea? I need to do a little spring cleaning. -Homer

 

"Smithers, who is that fellow who always messes up everything?"

"Um..Homer Simpson sir."

"Yes Simpson! I'm sure he's due for a good job."

 

"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES." Homer

 

"I think that women and sea men don't mix, sir!" -- Smithers
"We know what you think, Smithers!" -- Mr. Burns

 

"I didn't know this was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows." ~ Bart

 

(to the tune of The Flintstones)

"Simpson, Homer Simpson,
He's the greatest guy in history,
From the town of Springfield,
He's about to hit a chestnut tree... AARGH!"

 

"Dad, I'm no fan of Bart's cartoon, but you have a real problem with anger." ~Lisa

"I'm just passionate. Like all us Greeks." ~Homer

"No your angry. Look, your even punching the cat right now." ~Marge
(Homer holding and punching cat)

"No I'm not, *Gasps*! Oh, my god your right.(Puts cat down) ~Homer

"I'm a Rage-aholic!"(kneels down crying) ~Homer

"I just can't live without RAGE-ahol!" ~Homer

 

Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night -Homer

 

"If there's one thing I've learned about life, it's that it's just one miserable failure after another until you want Flanders dead." ~ Homer

 

"Mmmm.... Invisible Cola....ahhhhh"

~Corran

 

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! -Homer again

 

"To alcohol! The cause of -and solution to- all of life's problems!" ~ Homer

 

EDIT: Too slow!

~Corran

 

"Let's see, I have Mountain Dew or Crab Juice."

"Eww...gross, I'll have a crab juice."

 

"It was on one of my frequent trips to the ground that I found that Malloy was wearing sneakers - for sneaking! And the way he left us; much more vertical than usual." - Grandpa Simpson

"I wasn't asleep at the switch! I was drunk!" - Homer

"Now I don't have a fancy cape or a hammer, but I have a pair of slippers and an oatmeal spoon!" - Grandpa Simpson

"Well, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't committing crimes." - Homer