JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

Why do people make bad chemistry jokes?
Because all the good ones Argon.

 

Reminds me:

 

Did you hear the joke about the ceiling?

Never mind, you wouldn't get it anyway. It's over your head.

 

Did you hear the one about the rope?

Naw, skip it.

 

For a while, Harry Houdini would use trap doors in his performances. It was a stage he was going through.

 

An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a check-up and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in....
The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"....
The old timer said, "I'm a biker and that's why I'm in such good shape”....
“I'm up well before daylight on Sundays and out sliding around corners, "shootin" sand washes and riding up and down the steepest, wildest mountains I can find at the crack of dawn”....
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?"....
The old biker said, "Who said my dad's dead?"....
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"....
The old biker said, "He's 99 years old and, in fact, he went riding with me this Sunday, and that's why he's still alive... he's a biker too”....
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it”...
How about your dad's dad?....
How old was he when he died?....
The old biker said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"....
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living!”....
“How old is he?"....
The old biker replied, "He's 117 years old”....
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went riding with you this Sunday too?"....
The old timer said, "No... Grandpa couldn't go this week because he got married”....
The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Good Lord!!!”....
“Why would a 117-year-old guy want to get married?"....
To this the old biker smiled and answered,
"Who said he wanted to?"....

 

What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
Their middle name.

 

What's the difference between a gecko and another type of lizard?
One sells you car insurance, the other doesn't.

 

Ursula's favorite song about shoes: Poor Unfortunate Soles.

 

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said:
"Dr. Geezer's Clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000."
Mr "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine,
thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Mr Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Mr Young: " Aaagh !! This is petrol!”
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Mr Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Mr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Mr Young: "Oh, no you don't, that is petrol!”
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500.”
Mr Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Mr Young: "My eyesight has become weak ---I can hardly see anything!!!!
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, here's your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill)
Mr Young: "But this is only $10!
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! ; that will be $500.”
Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer".
Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.

 

A bloke walks into a Fish and Chip shop and says: "Can I have some fish please?"
"OK, it won't be long" says the bloke behind the counter.
"Well, it better be fat then."

 

Stratfordianism.