JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

If they made a clone of Elsa's sister, they would say, "Anna 1, Anna 2."

 

One day I accidentally overturned my golf cart.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: “Are you okay, what’s your name?”
“I’m Phil and I’m OK thanks,” I replied.
“Phil, forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I’ll help you get the cart up later”.
“That’s mighty nice of you,” I answered, “But I don’t think my wife would like it”.
“Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive . . . and I was weak.
“Well OK,” I finally agreed, and added, “But my wife won’t like it”.
After a few restorative brandys, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my hostess.
“I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset”.
“Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile: “She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?”
“Under the cart….” I said.

 

When playing golf, you should always wear two pairs of pants in case you get a hole in one.

 

Parents of a football player paid thousands of dollars to send their son to college and all they got was a quarterback.

 

"The Cure aren't a goth band" - Robert Smith.

He was joking, yes?

 

You know why people with empathy pet cats?

Because they like to get in touch with their felines.

 

Doctor Who had a robotic companion named K-9. Afterwards, he should have had a robotic feline companion named KI-10.

 

An Irish builder employed a young apprentice. His first job was to nail weatherboards onto a shed. The builder showed him how to align, support and nail the board, then turned away to start another job. A half hour later, he returned to see how the apprentice was doing.
Some progress had been made but the builder watched as the young man reached into his nail bag, drew out a nail, threw it over his shoulder, reached in again and drove the next nail. This happened a number of times. The builder, bemused, approached the apprentice.
“What are you doing, throwing away perfectly good nails like that?” he asked.
“Some of them are no good, you see. They have the points on the wrong end,” came the reply.
“No, no, NO, lad! You keep them for the other side of the building!”

 

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor Who?
Exactly.

 

That's good. But it could use a little extra....

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor Who?
Exactly
[TARDIS whooshing]

 

Stealing someone's coffee is called mugging.

The other day I held the door open for a clown. It was a nice jester.

Pasteurize: too far to see.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no-bell prize.

Energizer Bunny arrested: charged with battery.

I put my grandma on speed dial. I call that Instagram.