JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

I asked an alpaca for a favor. It was no probllama.

 

you know what my favourite part of rootbeer is?

Spoiler: answer

the beer.

 

Sometimes age brings wisdom. Other times it comes alone.

 

The wedding was so emotional that even the cake was in tiers.

 

Someone actually complimented my driving today. They left a note on my windshield that said "PARKING FINE."

 

Crime in the NYC area is getting ridiculous. A Jets fan stopped at a convenience store on his way to a game, leaving his ticket on the dashboard. When he came out, he saw that his car had been broken into and two more Jets tickets left on the dashboard.

 

A woman was driving to work when she hit a pig. She was tempted to just drive away, but thought better of it and called the police.

"Thanks for calling us," the dispatcher said, "and don't go anywhere. It's illegal to hit livestock in this state. That will be a $100 fine."

The woman hung up instantly, got in the car and drove away. But when she got to work, a cop was waiting with a ticket for a $100 fine.

"How did you find me?" she asked.

The cop said, "The pig squealed."

 

If a plant is sad, do the other plants around it photosympathise?

 

Eating food is just pre-ordering your poop.

 

A new mortuary is opening across the street from the old mortuary.

Sounds like stiff competition.

 

"I said hello to you already."
- friend of mine earlier today

 

Missing someone is a terrible feeling.

Just ask any sniper.

 

You don't need a parachute to jump out of a plane.
You do need a parachute to jump out of a plane twice.

 

Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.

It's a great landing if you can use the plane again.

 

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

 

If a cow agrees to testify for the prosecution, would it be turning steak's evidence?

 

Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it's hardly worth it now.

 

I'm banned from cruise ships after that whole poop deck misunderstanding.

 

The Two Unwritten Rules of Life:

1.

2.

 

They aren't making 36" yard sticks any longer.

 

Studies show that taller people sleep longer in bed.