JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

What does a Bloodthirster daemon eat for breakfast?
Khorneflakes.

 

Cyclops: How do you spell Hawaii?
Wife: With two i's.
Cyclops: My life is just a joke to you, isn't it?

 

Ole and Sven were drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Minneapolis and one day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Ole said, "I vish ve had somethin ta drink!"
Sven says, "Me too. Y'know, I hear ya can drink dat jet fuel and get a buzz. Ya vanna try it?"
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and got completely smashed.
Next morning Ole woke up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
The phone rang. It was Sven who asks "How iss you feelin dis mornin?"
Ole says, "I feel great. How bout you?"
Sven says, "I feel great, too. Ya don't have no hangover?"
Ole says, "No dat jet fuel iss great stuff -- no hangover, nothin. Ve oughta do dis more often."
Sven agreed."Yeah, vell, but dere's yust vun ting."
Ole asked, "Vat's dat?"
Sven questioned, "Haff you farted yet?"
Ole stopped to think. "No "
"Vell, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Iowa."

 

Once upon a time there was a shepherd tending his sheep at the edge of a country road. A brand new Cadillac Escalade screeches to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Briani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, Swiss wrist watch, and a power tie gets out and asks the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the sprawling field of sheep and says, "Okay."

The young man parks the SUV, connects his notebook and wireless modem, enters a NASA site, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then prints a 150 page report on his high tech mini printer. He then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."

The shepherd answers, "That's correct! You can have your sheep."

The young man takes one of the animals and puts it in the back of his vehicle. The shepherd looks at him and asks, "Now, if I guess your profession, will you pay me back in kind?"

The young man answers, "Sure."

The shepherd says, "You are a consultant."

"Exactly! How did you know?" asks the young man.

"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Third, you don't understand anything about my business - and I'd really like to have my dog back."

 

I'm reading a horror story in Braille.
Something bad is about to happen.
I can feel it.

 

What kind of bear has no teeth?

A gummy bear.

 

I asked the librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat. She said that rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if she had it or not.

 

What’s grey and comes in pints?

an elephant.

 

What is Sub Zero's favorite movie?
Frozen.

 

What do you do when you see a spaceman?

You park your car in it, man

 

The new Invisible Man movie came out this weekend.

I can't see them making a sequel.

 

I saw an ad for a coffin and I thought, "That's the last thing I need."

 

A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says, “I think I’m a type-o.”