Before - Legends Danger and the Dark Side or The Marble of Doom (Writer's Race Challenge 3)

Well, I wanted to try to keep this story as non-weird as possible. Alas, folks, this is not a success. Convoluted, hastily written, and not very good. (Writer?s Race Challenge 3.)

Edit: I've decided to go ahead and delete the bold now.

Danger and the Dark Side (or The Marble of Doom)

"I don't want to jump.?

?Then don?t,? came the calm response.

Obi-Wan stood still and solid, his arms folded across his chest, hands tucked in his armpits to ward off the chill. He and his Master had spent most of the morning climbing to this vantage point three-quarters of the way up the Kreling Mountain. It was sunset, a glorious wash of dusky rose leaking over the world, and flocks of avians flew below, merging and coalescing and breaking apart in constant shifting patterns. Their bodies were dark against the sunset, wings spread wide in round billows of leathery skin. The locals called them parachutes, and they had teeth like draigons.

?Why were you thinking of jumping?? Qui-Gon asked curiously, still bent over the comm equipment.

Obi-Wan shook his head, unable to answer. For several days now he?d been unable to hold onto his thoughts?they were like ball-bearings covered in oil, slipping away from his grasping mental fingers to ricochet wildly about the room. Until now he managed to keep the thoughts imprisoned, but this last one had escaped the bars of lips, to his chagrin.

Qui-Gon glanced up. ?It really would be most inadvisable to jump. It?s a bit far to levitate, and I don?t see any wings sprouting from your shoulders.?
Obi-Wan smiled weakly, shivering a little. ?Any luck??

The Jedi Master sighed and abandoned his efforts with the comm ?I think someone has tampered with the equipment. I don?t understand. Very few knew we were coming here. And what would be the point of sabotaging a retreat?? He shook his head and gazed over the dusky plain, watching the flight of the parachutes.

Obi-Wan looked at his Master with wide eyes. ?Someone sabotaged our comm??

?I believe so, yes. It?s quite irreparable. Most of the wires are fused together.?

The Padawan stepped over to study the tangle of wires Qui-Gon held up to his disbelieving gaze. "How can you be so calm while you're telling me this?"

Qui-Gon quirked a smile. ?You ought to know the answer to that by now, my apprentice. I just let the Force guide me."

Obi-Wan crouched down with a sigh, rubbing his arms to warm them. "And what is the Force telling you now?"

?To wait. There is a purpose for us here.?

?What kind of purpose, do you think??

Qui-Gon smiled warmly, settling back on his heels. ?Perhaps to teach you patience, little one.?

Obi-Wan sighed again, a bit more gustily. He was seventeen now, and he appreciated that nickname less and less as time wore on.

?Are you in a mood?? Qui-Gon asked with amusement. ?All the sighs and groans you?ve been utterly lately. I could find them quite distracting, if I wasn?t so good at focusing.?

Obi-Wan said nothing. He had pulled something round from a pouch on his belt and was rolling it between his fingers, gazing at it in contemplation.

Qui-Gon shrugged. "Perhaps I should ask again later."

He fell silent, studying the boy with same intent concentration Obi-Wan gave whatever he was holding in his hand. Something about the Padawan?s behavior in the past few days bothered him, but he couldn?t decide why. Obi-Wan wasn?t disrespectful or disobedient, he hadn?t shirked his responsibilities at all, but he seemed distracted and dreamy. Not the focused, eager apprentice Qui-Gon knew.

?Padawan. Look at me, please.?

Obi-Wan looked up, surfacing from his daze a little bit. He seemed . . . disoriented. Qui-Gon frowned. This did not bode well for the kind of retreat this was turning out to be?the kind where everything went wrong.

?Are you coming down with something, Obi-Wan?? Qui-Gon shifted to sit next to him and felt his forehead. No fever. A Force-scan revealed no obvious illness.

Obi-Wan made a small, absent noise that said nothing, continuing to stare at his toy. It

 

Excellent. I loved how you made a real story out of it. I especially liked what you did with the pointy ears.

Bravo!

KD

P.S. I LOVE your title!

 

Loved your evil marble of doom, and your evil planet.

 

Healer_Leona Thanks! That's one of my favorite lines I've written lately. I can just see Qui-Gon saying it, too.

Knight_Dilettante I especially liked what you did with the pointy ears.

I'm surprised no one else tried that tack.

jodiwent Loved your evil marble of doom, and your evil planet.

I was reeeaaaallly stretching on this one. Not the best story I've ever written, but fun in spite of the frustration.

 

Your talent really shines through with this one, maychorian. You did so well with the challenge guidelines, keeping characters in character and describing everything nicely.