Saga Ghost Stories of the Endor Moon (ROTJ / Hardly what you'd call scary) Dead Jedi and Jar-Jar

Title: Ghost Stories of the Endor Moon
Author: oqidaun
Characters: dead Qui-Gon, dead Obi-Wan, dead Yoda, dead Anakin, DEAD Luke and Nubian Representative Jar-Jar Binks
Timeframe: Seven hours and twenty seven minutes after the Battle of Endor
Genre: Fluff_Slayer Challenge Gather Around Campfire Challenge
Author's Note: A strangely OC-less piece for me. She's there, she just can't talk.




Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Twelve of Wedge?s special guunga fruit and X-Wing engine coolant cocktails and a misplaced step on a poorly constructed Ewok tree bridge left Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight (like his father before him) in a bloody heap fifty-seven feet below on the forest floor. Eerily, Luke was not the source of the distinct Wilhelm Scream? heard on Endor that night; no, it came from an enraged mob of Beyond-the-Saga writers in another Galaxy Far Far Away.

Luke was dead?very dead.

Dead. Dead. Dead.

The only witness to the less than graceful demise of the Hero of the Battle of Yavin IV was Wicket T. Ewok, who had been tied to the base of the towering Endor Oak as a sacrificial offering to the three-eyed Ewok-Eaters? who prowled the bone littered forest floor eating obnoxiously ?cute? Ewoks. Frantically, Wicket strained against the ropes and tried to ascertain where Luke?s lightsaber had fallen. Perhaps he could reach it with one of his stubby Ewok toes? Unfortunately for Wicket, a very large and hungry Ewok-Eater was hiding in the shadows sharpening his claws in anticipation of his impending meal and Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight (like his father before him) had lost his lightsaber when the Death Star? was blown into tiny bits by Lando Calrissian and/or Wedge Antilles and/or a faulty waffle iron in Moff Jerjerod?s private quarters.

Wicket?s squirming around for the lightsaber that wasn?t, only caused the Ewok-Eater? to salivate.

Luke opened his eyes. The fall had not hurt as much as he thought it would, although it left him surprisingly sober and glowing in an odd blue light. Hmm? Glowing in an odd blue light and standing next to the remains of his own broken, bloody, kind of mushy and obviously quite dead body. Slowly, Luke looked up to the Ewok tree bridge with its broken rungs and then back down at the corpse. Perhaps, the fall had been a bit more serious than he had first surmised. The sound of a large lizard-like creature crunching the skull of an Ewok encouraged him to take a walk to sort out his thoughts.

As he picked his way through the forest, he spied a warm orange glow in the distance. At first he thought it was just the beginnings of a fire storm caused by the large radioactive chunks of the Death Star? falling through the atmosphere, but then he saw a familiar friendly blue luminescence?not unlike the one he?d recently acquired after falling to his own death. He hurried into the clearing.

?Ben??

?Luke!? The distinguished looking oldster smiled. ?I think you can drop the ?Ben? pretense, my name is Obi-Wan. ?Ben? was just an alias I assumed after your father killed all of my friends and close family like acquaintances.?

?Ben?I mean Obi-Wan, why didn?t you tell me??

?I didn?t want to be rude, Luke. I was hoping you?d catch on after those droids showed up.? He patted the spot on the log between him and Anakin. ?Have a seat, Luke and welcome to the afterlife.?

Luke sat down between his father and Obi-Wan, gave a friendly wave to Yoda and found himself staring at a dead hippy Jedi he didn?t know. Anakin realized his son had not been properly introduced.

?Luke Skywalker this is Qui-Gon Jinn.?

?Pleased to meet you,? Luke nodded.

?To train your father, Qui-Gon?s idea it was.? Yoda sneered before returning his attention to the strange fungal spores he was packing in his pipe.

?Yoda, I would have thought that you of all beings would have let go of the past.? Qui-Gon smirked.

?Murdered the younglings and burned my Temple, your ?Chosen One? did.? Yoda narrowed h

 

Soooo incredibly bizarre, and yet very funny. So Luke meets his end on a rickety bridge when it collapses...a rather ignoble way to die, the poor thing.

 

That was great! Nonstop laughter, and the "dark side" of becoming one with the Force...

Aren't Fluff's challenges fun?

 

<<?Enough,? Qui-Gon gave a stern look to the quarrelsome pair. ?I don?t want to have to separate you, but if you start in on that nonsense again I will come and sit between the two of you.?

?Sorry, Master.? They intoned looking at their feet.>>

And even after all that work on my part...trying to challenge you...you STILL snuck an OC in here! *Sigh* Figured that would happen...

Hilarious as always. How do you DO that?

I think your next challenge is going to be to write something serious.

 

I am awestruck at your ability to produce these challenge fics so quickly!

Characters: dead Qui-Gon, dead Obi-Wan, dead Yoda, dead Anakin, DEAD Luke and Nubian Representative Jar-Jar Binks

I was laughing before the story even started. The OC cameo made me do a double-take; that girl certainly knows how to get around, doesn't she?


?A story, I shall tell,? Yoda sat comfortably on the log with his little pterodactyl feet in front of him puffing on his pipe. ?Hmm, a hobbit there once was??

 

LMAO! I never thought of Qui Gon as a hippy jedi but I guess he could pass as a hippy

 

Ha hahhahahahahah.....



oqidaun, you are much too talented for your own good. But I'm not complaining!

This was funny and strange and I simply loved the banter, it was great!

According to Dr. Phil you two,? he stopped to include Obi-Wan in his assignment of guilt, ?Really dropped the ball raising me.?



and I can tell you, that OC's entrance really spooked me...(she's everywhere!!)
but it really made me giggle.

Your fics are always so enjoyable!

 

Oh my word! Thank goodness I'm not at work yet I would never have been able to keep from laughing out loud while reading this!

The bickering, Yoda's story, and gah! JarJar! Poor Luke, instead of Paradise he found the exact opposite!

Too funny!

 

Oh man, hilarious from the very beginning to the very end. Which, technically, shouldn't exist cause they're bickering ghosts now for all of eternity.

 

That was really funny!

 

?Murdered the younglings and burned my Temple, your ?Chosen One? did.? Yoda narrowed his eyes at Anakin. ?And killed Dooku in cold blood. Owed me credits, Dooku did. Never paid back I was, thanks to your ?Chosen One?.?

COMEDY GOLD!

My ribs hurt from laughing so hard. Great job!

 

Hold-on one gall-dang minute. I saw that title and mesa wanted me some dead Jar-Jar. Where's my dead Jar-Jar? Hmmm? HMMM? I claim false advertising! I want my money-back!

But to be perfectly unserious here, I would excerpt my favorite parts, but that would be half the story so I'll just say this was frickin' funny.

 

(is laughing too hard to make any sort of proper response)

This was wonderful! Random, yes, but hilarious.

"Do I need to seperate you two?"

I can just see it happening too!

"At least I have a full head of hair."

Brilliant retort on Anakin's part! I don't think I've laughed this hard in a while. Bravo!

Stormqueen

 

Scroob, my friend, I did not advertise a dead Jar-Jar, therefore no refund for you.

evidence for my defense:
Characters: dead Qui-Gon, dead Obi-Wan, dead Yoda, dead Anakin, DEAD Luke and Nubian Representative Jar-Jar Binks




To all you who've reviewed this silly little story, please make sure you check out Fluff_Slayer's challenges over on the Fan Fiction Writer Resource board. There's a small crew of us crazy folk who do her bidding.

I glad you've enjoyed it.

 

OMG, I had to cover my mouth to keep from howling at this. Starting from the scream at the beginning--I imagined all the Luke-loving-Beyond-people coming after you for killing Luke--until Jar Jar's appearance, I laughed so hard. Your set up and imagery was perfect too, especially Luke's fall and crumpled body. Great job--writing effective comedy is not easy! (You're a good canon character writer too--see they're not so bad, lol!)

 

Way to squeeze an OC in there, oqi. Hats off to you for completing yet another Ridiculous challenge with style. I love your brand of humour.

Now I'm all excited for the next challenge. *hugs ridiculous guidelines* They make people write good stories.

 

I completely laughed my butt off!!

OMG!! Just hilarious!!!

 

Oh dear Poor Luke stuck with a bunch of bickering old ghosts for eternity.

All the details were perfect, from the trademarked Death Star to Yoda plagiarizing Tolkein. Good, good stuff!

 

Too bad Mace wasn't there. He would have strangled Anakin.

 

Now this is funny!

 

Hilarious I say!!!


?My story?? Yoda puffed his pipe. ?In holes, Hobbits live. Ring made by dark lord there was.? Yoda looked at Anakin who was suddenly interested in the story. ?Different dark lord??

That line had me in tears! and it's good to know the afterlife has some special treats to look forward to(oh yea, and candy too).

And yes, you didn't actually say Jar-Jar would be dead, but there was hope, we all had it...a fool's hope apparently.

 

Is this a vignette/one shot story? If not it needs to be continued - It's too funny.

 

Very, very funny!

I loved it when they asked if Yoda's story was going to be a long one... Yup.... those Hobbitt stories are VERY long!

 

Truly hilarious!

Twelve of Wedge?s special guunga fruit and X-Wing engine coolant cocktails and a misplaced step on a poorly constructed Ewok tree bridge left Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight (like his father before him) in a bloody heap fifty-seven feet below on the forest floor.

Great start. Something I really could see coming and it dragged me right into the story. I'm a big softy for wonderful First sentences.
What made this especially funny were all those tiny details, and subjunctive clauses containing eg. a dying Ewok.

Wonderful sense of humour.