So I ran into my old neighbor (yes, that one) at the store this evening,...

Some of you may remember the story I told a few years ago about my neighbor's dog. The neighbor in that story has since moved out of my building as he is now married and his wife has their first child on the way. Naturally, our chat eventually came to the subject of his dog, something which didn't seem to be one of his favorite subjects.

Alto is still very much alive. Normally, Alto would run around the backyard as best he could with his limp due to the damage from his injury, this was the case until the neighbors got a large Doberman which was used for breeding. Those of you who are familiar with Alto's story can already tell where this is going, for those of you who aren't, see the link above and read on.

Alto seems to have a problem with things that hang and swing. Be it decorations, plants, toys, etc, Alto now has a reputation of being very upset whenever he sees something swing and dangle nearby. Will, my former neighbor, believes this was due to some trauma experienced by Alto at an early age before he got him from the animal rescue shelter. He and his wife are careful not to drape many things where the motion could potentially set Alto's "BLARGH!!! MUST TAKE OUT BIG SWINGY THING NAO!!!!11" instinct. Will is a professial viola player (hence the name "Alto" which later became quite apt) and musician and he even keeps his metronome up and out of the dog's sight lest the dog destroy a $300 piece of equipment. Alto' instinct to attack swingy things also lead to a serious bout of accidental self-mutilation a few years ago to which he has recovered from nicely. This being said, Alto was never a bright dog and is constantly acting on his lack of intelligence in ways which would astound anybody with an IQ greater than 12.

So, dog who doesn't like swingy things, backyard, neighbor's dog with parts attached - yes, Alto took a swipe at the neighbor's dog's, erm, "area". Thankfully he missed, but the other dog didn't take too kindly to it as there was an abrasion or scratch down there. The Doberman began to pursue Alto across the yard before Will's wife called out to him to intervene before a bad situation became worse as Alto had clearly met his match.

To make a long story short, Alto was brought inside, the Doberman was shooed away, and the neighbor now has a 7 foot tall wood plank privacy fence around his yard. Since Alto is not of a breed deemed to be overly hostile, the neighbor was unsuccessful in getting the county to deem Alto a menace which would lead to him getting put to sleep, so Alto is still among the ranks of the living for now. But his status could potentially change if he attacks again.

As a side note, Will told me that a gag gift of TruckNuts he received for Christmas has since turned into Alto's favorite chew toy. Go figure.

 

Maybe it's because I haven't finished my coffee yet, but this was a fascinating read at 7:30 am.

 

This is the best laugh I've had in a while.

I'm not sure if thats morbid or not...

 

i hate dogs

 

Maybe you should train your dog not to attack random crap so other people won't be afraid of it. Wow, proper dog training! What a thought!

 

But it's not his dog.

 

Indeed, it is not my dog. From what I gather, training may be in order, but he didn't give specifics. To be fair, he did say that the dog is much more docile after his parts were removed a few years ago.

 

reading! what!

 

You are a rotten little person who ought to be shaved, sterilized, and swatted about the backside.

Dogs > people...in EVERY case.

 

tl;dr

Snerd, you should've met the evil dog that was my father-in-law's. even Ry says so!! generally speaking though, dogs are cool.

 

heh, that was pretty short compared to some of my other stories.

 

KK, I will purchase your autobiography.

 

OK, so that's one copy I've already sold. Anyone else?