Saga Turn Your Face to the Sun (DDC 2015: Obi-Wan) COMPLETE, and please vote for your fave DD2015 fic!

Title: Turn Your Face to the Sun
Timeframe: Post-ROTS
Characters: Obi-Wan, Luke, Owen, Beru, Yoda, others
Genre: Drama, character study
Summary: Obi-Wan chronicles his exile on Tatooine
A/N: Written for the 2015 Dear Diary Challenge. Also, the proverb in this part and from which the title is taken is actually a quote attributed to Charlotte Whitton.

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Dear Qui-Gon,

I am tired of talking and thinking into thin air, so I have decided to write down my meditation. I have resolved not to return to Dannar’s Claim unless necessary, since I am unsure of my reception there now that Annileen is gone. I was able to get a transport to Bestine to purchase a few personal items including the journal in which I now write these words. On this planet it actually seems like it will be more durable than a datapad, and I find writing very therapeutic - something about the elegant movement of a stylus on paper seems so much more civilised than the tip and tap of fingers on a datapad.

Since I fear discovery of the boy more than anything, I have also purchased a small locker with a combination access code, in which I will store this journal as well as my lightsaber. And of course, the lightsaber of….

I’ve discovered that Anakin is alive – no – I should use his new name. Darth Vader. I immediately went to the Lars homestead, as this changes things dramatically. Owen and Beru decided to let Luke carry the name of Skywalker rather than Lars, evidently to honour Anakin’s mother. I saw no problem with this before, as he is their child now and thus it is their decision. However with Vader alive the situation is much more dangerous for us all. I know that Anakin hated this planet and would have no reason to return, and it is too late for Owen and Beru to claim Luke as their child. And yet it seems so dangerous. I seek your guidance Master, and hope you will come to give me counsel on this matter.

But then I recall you were an exemplary teacher, and so much of what I seek you have already shown me. I remember what you told me once when I was still a padawan and had made a mess of our mission on Alaris. You said: turn your face to the sun, and let the shadows fall behind you. Well, Qui-Gon, this planet has two suns and twice as many shadows, but the advice is apt. What is done is done, and I must look to the future, now.

And yet I cannot stop thinking of Anakin, how how I failed him, and how ill-qualified I am to protect his son. How can I not blame myself for his fall? It was my responsibility to train him, to teach him to be strong enough to resist the dark - did I not love him as more than a brother, was I not respectful and silent regarding his relationship with Padmé because I knew it made him happy, did I not encourage his strengths and try to reign in his excesses? And yet I failed, as I failed the Council and the Republic, as I fear I will fail Luke...

I can almost hear you chiding me, Qui-Gon, that blame and self-pity are as helpful as carrying stones in one’s pockets. I must not let the shadows take me, but turn away if I am ever to protect the boy, on whom all our hopes rest.

I will heed your advice, Master. I will hide in the sun, in plain sight, and hope that the light dwarfs all who look too close. I will trust in the Force, and myself, and I will not fail.


Obi-Wan Kenobi

 

Gorgeous, gorgeous title and splendid Obi POV!

serendipityaey -- you would love this! Totally!

~!

That advice is totally quote-worthy and sound, to boot! Obi-Wan's precautions and sense of preparedness come through brightly.

 

Oh, this is wonderful. I hear Ewan MacGregor speaking. So like Obi-wan; so civilized. I hadn't considered Obi-wan putting two and two together, as it were, in terms of discovering that Anakin was now Vader and it being too late to unname Luke.

Looking forward to much more!

Edit: after thinking about this, I am wondering if there is more than one meaning to your title (as in sun/son).....

 

Oh, this was beautiful! How many fics do you have rumbling up there in your brain, girl? I'm in awe, and can't wait for more!

 

Beautiful, beautiful, that line about turning to the sun and letting the shadows fall behind is just amazing! (is that from a book?) But the way Obi uses it, about Tatooine having double suns and thus double shadows is very poignant. You've captured his tone and feeling wonderfully. I can hear and see it Very nice! Please feel free to tag me in anything Obi related especially. I need to update my own Obi stories!

Thanks Nyota! you

 

The quote you chose is very appropriate to both of them. Since I just listened to the audio of Kenobi recently, it was nice to see the characters and events from that mentioned. Actually, the tone of this reminds me a lot of that story (in a good way.) Always did wonder how the Lars ended up using that name and nobody said a word...

 

UGH, I don't know if I can handle these Obi-Wan emotions. Kenobi was the most wonderful book and it solidifies the fact that Obi-Wan's life is garbage. I am definitely keeping my eye on this.

 

Wow. First off, amazing title and amazing quote. I enjoyed all the insights into Obi-Wan's thoughts. I really look forward to more.

 

Oooooh, this is terrific. The line about two suns and twice as many shadows was perfect!!!!!!! Lady, you are a writing machine!!!

 

Twelve hours ago, I was reading this while half-asleep, with my good eye closed and my weird eye going from paragraph to paragraph the way it wanted to. At first, I was confused so as to how Obi-Wan was writing to his master and I wondered if the journal was some sort of a Force artifact. Took me a while to grasp that it was not and that Obi-Wan may or may not be aware that his master is a Force ghost; or that you may even have a fanon where this never was the case to begin with.

Once I got past this and re-read this when I woke up, there was this semi-claustrophobic notion...the idea of being alone in the crapsack world. He's so lonely and writing to his mentor, the only person who did not betray him and probably the only true parent he ever had. And given that the only other person he had a meaningful bond with had a face-heel turn, he's forced to vent, in the most civilised and lyrical manner possible, otherwise he would probably break. I can't wait to see where this will go - love the style it was written in and the inner conflict, the feeling of abandonment and the fear for Luke creeping from inbetween the lines. Superb.

This is how I feel as well and I'm yet to read the book you mentioned. That's why I'm glad that there are stories showing that ascetic types DO have strong emotions, surpass norms and, well, have a heart.

 

Ewok Poet - that is one gorgeous, thoughtful review

 

Great start. Love his writing to Qui-Gon

 

Everything Ewok Poet said. I watched the thread already, and since you need a second post by the end of the month, I know that I won't have to wait too long for an update

 

Yay! Looking forward to more of this.

 

Thank you! Obi is one of my favourite characters, but I've never really written him before. His time on Tatooine is really interesting to me, so I'm looking forward to explore that.

Thanks! I think Ewan made the perfect young Obi, and I've tried to get his speech patterns down. The fact that he let Luke keep the name "Skywalker" always seemed like a bit of an error, but it would have been too suspicious to change it after the fact, I think.

And yes, the Sun/Son parallel was deliberate

Too many to actually write! Thanks, gal.

Thank you! The quote is from Charlotte Whitton, who I'd actually never heard of before writing this. I am a lazy writer sometimes, and just googled some quotes about the sun when that one came up and seemed perfect.

Thanks! I was trying to emulate the style of Kenobi in some way. I did love the book but had been hoping for more interaction with the Lars' - there is that moment when he sees them in the market and another character comments that they've had a baby that made me think it must have been a big decision for them to keep the Skywalker name for him. And a gift, in a way.

It reminds me of that Tumblr post - "I'll just be over here for the rest of my life then" Thanks for reading!

Thank you!

Thanks gal! Words are spilling out of me these days

Kenobi is excellent (although as I said above I would have preferred more of the book devoted to how the whole deal with the Lars' was sorted out...) In that novel, there are passages which are meant to be Obi-Wan's "meditations" - written in first person and addessed to Qui-Gon, so I took that concept into a diary for him to keep. My headcanon is that Qui-Gon isn't hanging around all the time to chat to Obi, so speaks/writes and hopes Qui-Gon hears him.

Thanks for the review!

Thank you!

Thanks! There will be an update soon

Thank you!

 

Love it!

 

Thank you!
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Dear Qui-Gon

This place is so barren. I remembered that, of course, from the first time I was here. But then I kept mostly to the ship, with only minimal exposure to the elements. And of course as a child Anakin never shut up about the place - the coarseness of the sand and the harsh twin suns which bleached fabric, burnt skin and cracked the already brittle earth. At first it was in comparison to the sights and sounds of Coruscant and the splendor of the city; Tatooine desolate where Coruscant was teeming with life. Unbearable heat versus climate-controlled, perfect weather. The latest technology of the Core versus equipment and droids cobbled together from numerous sources; where even tech that was barely functioning was highly prized. Wealth and amusements versus a meager living where water was valued above all else.

As the novelty of the city wore off, Anakin would mention the planet in passing, almost as if his hard early life as a slave set him above the other padawans who had all grown up in the Jedi Temple. They had formed bonds with one another as younglings, their clans becoming their families as they grew from initiates into apprentices. Anakin had no such luxury, becoming my padawan immediately - which in hindsight may explain his lack of understanding that to be a Jedi is to be one of a whole rather than a collection of individuals. That is however my failing as a teacher. At the time I did not see his prideful scorn of the other apprentices as indicative of anything darker, I merely thought him competitive. Now that I recall those days, Anakin seemed to despise Tatooine, but also had a strange sort of conceit that it had made him stronger than the others. More hardy, perhaps.

Once his mother died, of course, he never mentioned his homeworld again.

It occurs to me that I am back where this whole journey began. And yet this time the world is to become my new home, even though the heat is almost unbearable and my moisture vaporator keeps malfunctioning. I have never been mechanically minded and I am embarrassed to say that the thing confounds me. If only Anakin were here, he would have it fixed within a few minutes – probably even improve its functionality.

But I must not think that. Anakin is dead.

I visited the boy today. He is so tiny, so fragile. Yet he is a happy enough child, and well cared for by the Lars couple. I went under the pretext of purchasing some water from their farm and asking if they knew of an honest mechanic who could fix my vaporator. Beru seems a sweet girl, and yet also rather sharp.

“Owen is out on the north ridge,” she explained as she let me inside. “But I gather you knew that.”

I had indeed waited until Owen had left for the day and was out of sight of the homestead. Other than my first conversation with him, the man has not spoken to me, and in fact kept his back turned when I delivered the boy to their care. When I gave them the news of Vader he had said nothing, and simply glowered and left Beru to ask the pertinent questions.

“Forgive me if I am imposing,” I told her, and I regret causing her any distress.

Beru simply handed me Luke as she went to prepare the tea, or rather the Tatooine version of tea made from harvested H’Kak beans. It is orange in colour and not unpleasant, although quite different from the tarine tea I once favoured. Still, I am resolved to acquire a taste for it.

I will not embarrass myself by going into the silly faces and cooing I performed to delight little Luke – I’m not quite sure what came over me, but it suddenly seemed very, very important to make the boy laugh.

“I am trying to talk Owen around,” Beru informed me, as she finished preparing the tea and brought it over to the table. “He does not want you visiting.”

“I understand,” I acknowledged. “I have come here to protect Luke, and if I must do that from a distance, so be it.”

“Owen only wants what’s best for Luke,” Beru pressed. “He already loves the boy so much, and thinks only of keeping him safe. If his father should return…”

“I do not believe he will,” I told her. “And I will feel his presence, if he does.”

Beru looked down at her tea then. “I’m afraid I still do not understand your powers.”

I decided to let the point stand – any good negotiator knows when not to press too hard. “He is a very calm child,” I observed, although not having much experience with infants I had little to compare that to.

“Yes, he is,” Beru said with a sweet smile on her face. I can already tell that little Luke has become her whole world. “Most of the time – but he becomes quite agitated when someone around him is upset, even if they are not holding him.”

“He is attuned to the world around him,” I told her. “He…will have powers, too.”

Both Luke and Leia were tested for midi-chlorian levels when blood samples were taken soon after birth, and each of them had a count of approximately 20,000 per cell, only slightly less than Anakin. At such levels it is only natural that the twins will start to exhibit abilities congruent with such sensitivity. This was explained to Bail Organa, and I have no doubt that as Princess of Alderaan young Leia will have the royal training required to channel these gifts in perfectly ordinary pursuits unlikely to raise suspicions.

Luke is another matter, especially growing up on a planet where he will be faced with much hard work and little reward. Tatooine is almost completely devoid of life, and I had hoped that this would in fact dampen his connection to the Force. The Force is present in all living things, and it has been my experience that the more life a planet has, the greater connection a Jedi can forge with the Force. On Tatooine, however, there is little life to draw on, and indeed I have struggled to achieve a deep connection with the Force.

And yet as I held Luke in my arms I realised that his potential was undiminished by his harsh surroundings. He shines brightly in the Force; a light aura around him that both thrilling and frightening in equal measure. But how to explain this to his guardians?

“Owen will return soon,” Beru said pointedly. She took Luke from me then, and held him close to her breast, kissing the crown of blonde hair on his head. I decided the let the matter drop for now, in hopes that I will be welcome when I visit again. I sense in Beru I will have a great ally, and will need one to counter Owen’s obstinacy.

For what, though, remains uncertain. As you know, Qui-Gon, a plan has yet to be formed regarding either child. Our first priority is their safety, of course, but what of the future? Are they to be trained as Jedi or kept in anonymity? Either path has its risks, and I do not fancy trying to convince Owen Lars to let me train the boy under any circumstances. And yet I sense that the galaxy will have need of the Skywalker twins, sooner of later, and that it will not always be possible to shield Luke from the burdens of his bloodline. I hope, Qui-Gon, that you will come soon and give me counsel.

Until then I remain ever your apprentice,


Obi-Wan Kenobi

 

Brilliant characterization of Beru! You see her innate tact and discretion and kindness about Owen and his motives and her love for Luke

Obi-Wan's reflections about Anakin and Tatooine and the timing of when Anakin began training versus the other padawans - very thought-provoking. You can feel Obi-Wan's continued musings on the options regarding Luke and Leia, very understandable.

 

That was brilliant. I loved the conversation between Obi-Wan and Beru, and Obi-Wan's thoughts. I can only imagine what Beru must have felt about the entire situation. She wants to make peace, but her urge to protect Luke is probably stronger than both Owen and Obi-Wan combined. She really is one of the unsung heroes of Star Wars.

 

It's because of Beru that Luke develops calmness, and it's because of Owen that Luke develops his desire to fiercely protect the ones he loves. There is so much of a dynamic in the family: Beru, the peacekeeper, and Owen, the protector. I think it's easy to say "Beru was just a housewife and Uncle Owen was a drag who never let me have any fun" because of necessity we have only seen them through Whiny!Luke's eyes. There is so much more to them, and you've caught this well here..

What a culture shock for Obi-wan. His entire life has been uprooted and inverted. And there is such sadness at the loss of his friend Anakin, such self-blame and wondering "where did I go wrong?"

Another lovely post.

 

Great update! Love the way you characterize both Owen and Beru. Obi-Wan making baby-faces!

I hope if the rumors of an Obi-Wan spinoff movie are true, and that Ewan McGregor, Bonnie Piesse, and Joel Edgerton return. I want to see a scene like this in the movie!

 

If so, serendipityaey will be chuffed! Me too.

 

Great update. Love your description of Beru and Ben's thoughts about Tatooine and Anakin

 

I loved reading Obi-Wan's insights on Tatooine compared to Coruscant. Very well written.

AND BABY LUUUUKKKKEEE! Sorry, but he is so adorable. I loved the conversation with Beru. She doesn't get nearly enough praise for raising Luke,

 

This is simply beautiful. I loved Obi-Wan's thoughts about Tatooine and the idea that a barren planet dampens a Jedi's connection to the Force. And I find the closing sentence, "Until the I am your apprentice," so Obi-Wan-ish. You really, really got his voice right