Saga Saga - ST The Book of Boba's Cat (2022 Fanfiction Winter Olympics)

Title: The Book of Boba's Cat (2022 Fanfiction Winter Olympics entry)
Author: gizkaspice
Timeframe: During the Book of Boba Fett
Characters: Boba Fett, Blacky2 the very tiny grandparent of Blackie, Fennec Shand, Mando, Han Solo, Kylo Ren
Genre: Parody, Comedy
Type: Pentathlon
Summary: Back in "This IS the way: Mando with cats and things happen" (which was my 2021 Fanfiction Summer Olympics entry) we learnt that Mando has a tiny cat that lives in his helmet for some reason. Now, Mando learns that the cat actually belongs to Boba Fett who lives in that dent in Boba's helmet and weird cat things will proceed as expected.

Index:
1. Boba Fett's cat (Short Program Song-Fic: A 240 word story featuring your character, couple, family, or friendship inspired by a song or song lyric)
2. The Sight at the Sarlacc Pit (Scary Skeleton: A 100+ word story featuring your character, couple, family, or friendship in which something scary or spooky happens)
3. Familiar Faces and a Cat (500 Word Speed Skate: A 500 word story featuring your character, couple, family, or friendship with any theme)
4. Very Smol (Fantastical Free Skate: A 430 word story featuring your character, couple, family, or friendship that contains a fantastical element.)
5. Return of the Mango (Laughing Luge: A 100+ word humor story featuring your character, couple, family, or friendship)


And of course, tagging @amidalachick @AzureAngel2 @WarmNyota_SweetAyesha @Chyntuck and @clone commander bossk for interest

 

1. Boba Fett's cat (Short Program Song-Fic: A 240 word story featuring your character, couple, family, or friendship inspired by a song or song lyric)
​

(*Note: I have inputted the times when appropriate lyrics should be read )



Against the twin suns of Tatooine, Boba Fett walked across Mos Espa with a small cat on his helmet. The small black kitten shifted his eyes suspiciously before blending into the little dent in the crime lord's helmet like a tiny chameleon.

0:21: This is the story about Boba Fett's cat.

It's kind of weird but that's totally okay.

People wondered why there’s a very small cat living in the Daimyo’s helmet but decide not to ask as they go about their way.

0:42: This is the story about Boba Fett's cat.

And he lives in Boba's little helmet’s dent.

Heyyyy, that’s kind of weird and stuff….

Don't worry! Mando and cats will also be there.

Cause Pykes are gonna run,

there’s a new kitty cat in town.

And he’s really small.

But no-body actually knows why.

And that’s okay.

And no-body,

actually knows what’s going on.

And that’s okay.

We’re making it up as we go along.

Suddenly, an assassin charged out from the shadows out of nowhere. The tiny cat defended his owner by jumping out of the helmet dent in very slow motion onto the assassin’s face. Even though he was small, his claws were quite sharp and definitely left a mark. The assassin dropped dead and Fennec Shand rolled her eyes because this cat stuff was getting out of hand.

The cat returned to his place proudly, awaiting to take on the pirate cats lurking in the alley.....

 

Very cat-chy! Apologies for the bad pun, but I like how you incorproated lyrics and made sort of a music video. Two paws up!!!

 

Me when I saw you posted this:





I haven't actually watched Book of Boba Fett yet (the plan is to watch it with Kenobi so we can minimize the money we pay Disney ) but I've seen some of the spoilers and it sounds awesome! Kind of...insane, but awesome. And I actually really like that theme! I get a Western vibe, like the Mandalorian theme, and I love it.

I also love those lyrics. But, really, how could anyone not love a song about Boba and his very small helmet cat?

Hey, it worked for the Sequels...oh wait...no it didn't... BUT IT WORKS HERE AND THAT'S OKAY!

Seriously, it's been a loooooong week and you have no idea how happy this made me! Thank you for writing and sharing it, and thank you for the tag! I can't wait for the next installment.

 

I love to see that cat fun

 

Thanks for dropping by!! I love the pun! I also love the idea of this being like a music video; honestly, I had no idea how to make an entry based on a song but I'm glad you liked it and thanks for commenting!

Thank the Olympic challenge and @devilinthedetails ! She always puts out a great challenge at the purrrr-fect time whenever I'm thinking of writing something crazy with cats in it

Yeah, I figured some people probably didn't watch it yet and honestly there's nothing really that you need to know from the Book of Boba Fett for the purposes of this story except that...
1) Boba Fett survived the sarlacc
and

Spoiler

3) He lived with Tusken Raiders for a while and sniffed in a lizard
4) Like a bantha.
5) Mando will be there and does stuff

And yeah, Book of Boba Fett is kind of insane and weird, so I figured him having a cat fits the current canon quite nicely and nobody would even notice because there's a million other weird things happening in the series

Kylo Ren, probably

Thank you again for reading and commenting! I'm so glad this story made you happy. I totally relate with it being a long week....and with the current stuff happening in the world, fanfic has become the only way I can cope and remain sane and I'm so glad I can share it with others.

Thank you so much for stopping by! Appreciate the comment and glad you like the cat fun

Next installment coming up.

 

2. The Sight at the Sarlacc Pit (Scary Skeleton: A 100+ word story featuring your character, couple, family, or friendship in which something scary or spooky happens)​

5 years earlier…

“Perhaps you would like a pet, bounty hunter? You see, my cat Blacky had a litter of kittens recently. All this time I thought she was a “he” but he is actually a “she”!"

“Never thought about having a pet before,” mused Fett. “Might be nice to have an animal companion.”

Darth Vader opened his gloved palm, revealing a tiny black cat that looked exactly like the image below and it immediately seemed fond of the bounty hunter as it walked around happily.



“The Emperor and I used a microscope to confirm that he is indeed a “he.” Also, his name is Blacky2.”

Boba Fett took the tiny kitten who immediately jumped into his helmet. “I’ll call him Boba’s cat.”

The Sith Lord was displeased by that, but decided to let it pass. “You do you, bounty hunter, but don’t forget I want the Millennium Falcon found. Also, you must not inform anyone that I have a cat. It would be a huge scandal across the Galaxy.”

“As you wish.”

***
Tatooine.

“Boba Fett? Boba Fett? Where?!”

The black cat knew that it was Han Solo who accidentally hit his owner’s jetpack and it malfunctioned. As Fett hit the side of Jabba the Hutt’s sail barge, the kitten jumped out of his helmet and onto the sands below in terror, landing on all four paws.

Scared and shaking with fear from the sudden chaos around him, the feline watched in horror as his owner fell into the open jaws of the hungry sarlacc. Fett’s last screams haunted him as he scrambled across the sands on very small paws, dodging debris from above as the sail barge exploded into pieces a few moments later.

Some of the survivors of Jabba’s sail barge began fleeing from the fiery carnage, almost trampling the kitten. In an act of desperation, he bounced like a flea onto the thick blue leg of an Ortolan who was trying to get to his next musical gig.

The kitten briefly looked back to the sarlacc pit sadly, knowing he would never see his owner again. Perhaps if he had waited until the evening, he would have known that Boba Fett had actually survived.

*******
Notes:
The black cat in the image is from an anime called "Trigun" and I just found it perfect for some reason

 

Poor cat, will it be reunited with Boba?

 

Yay, more cat adventures!

It runs in the family! LMAO!

Aww, poor kitty.

Haha, I love this mental image!

Can't wait for more, whenever you are able to share!

 

We'll need to see! Let's hope so.

It does, it really does. I think it must be the 'stupid' genes

Thanks for reading and commenting! Here is the next installment below.

3.Familiar Faces and a Cat (500 Word Speed Skate: A 500 word story featuring your character, couple, family, or friendship with any theme)​

Boba Fett and Fennec Shand entered a local Mos Espa bubble tea shop to order some drinks.

The barista gulped nervously. "I'm sorry Lord Fett sir, but due to the recent space blockage of the Evergreen container, we didn't get our shipment of tapioca."

"Highly disappointing."

Fennec Shand whipped out her phone and started typing a review on the bubble tea shop's website. "I'm giving this place zero stars."

"Oh no," pleaded the barista. "Oh no. Please don't. We're a 5-star rated bubble tea shop! It'll destroy our reputation."

Just then, the smuggler Han Solo charged in, holding the hand of an angry 5-year old little boy who was screaming and yelling. He turned to the barista. "Hey, you got one of those Darth Vader ice cream cones? This kid doesn't have an off button."

He turned and bumped into the ex-bounty hunter. "Boba Fett!? Heard you fell into the sarlacc pit. Listen, if you're here to kill me, I'll pay you triple."

"I'm not here to kill you," said Fett. "You were just a job and I'm no longer a bounty hunter."

"Guess changing careers is a thing nowadays," said Han Solo with a shrug. He looked down to his boy. "Ben, have you met Boba Fett? He captured your old man and got him frozen in carbonite."

"Good job, Mr. Feet," said Ben Solo, giving a thumbs up.

Han muttered annoyingly.

Boba took out some “missing cat” posters for distribution. "Do me a favour, Solo. I'm looking for my cat. Perhaps you could help hand these out for me."

"Um…..Your what?"

"My cat. Boba's cat."

“Is that its name? Wait, you have a cat?"

Fett pointed to the dent in his helmet. "He used to live in this dent. You need a magnifying glass to see him properly."

"Um......What....?!"

"What, what?”

"You feeling OK there, Fett buddy?"

Fennec rolled her eyes. "No. He was hit in the head by a bunch of Jawas and ever since he's been just kinda weird."

Fett turned his helmet towards her. "He didn’t need to know that.”

"Well, that explains everything," said the smuggler with a grin before turning to the young Ben Solo swinging on the bubble tea shop's chandelier. "Chewie! He's on the chandelier! Get him!"

"Raarghhh," cried the Wookiee as he tried to peel the kid off before he killed himself somehow.

Han took the posters with one hand and held his comlink with the other as Leia called him and began yelling at him for not getting the groceries yet. He turned to the ex-bounty hunter. "Here's some life advice for you, Fett: don't get married."

"Good advice," said Fennec with a smug grin.

"Anyways, I'll hand these posters out for you and hopefully you get your cat back. Hey, let's start afresh. Would you like to join my family for dinner sometime?"

"I'll consider the offer," said Fett.

Han Solo waved as he walked out with Chewie who had the twerp, Ben Solo, locked in a cat carrier.

*******

 

Hilarious with the Evergreen container, Darth Vader ice-cream and Ben in a cat carrier

 

Hilarious and insane at the same time. Very good stuff. I laughed my head off while rolling over the living-room floor. Thank you! And sorry it took me such a long time to read, but I am so seldom on the JC boards these days, mostly distracted from RL matters. But it´s worthwhile coming here for your ingenious fan fics.

 

Thanks! Glad you liked it!

Always nice to hear your comments. Thanks for dropping by despite being busy! I really appreciate your kind words and I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Next installment right here:

4. Very Smol (Fantastical Free Skate: A 430 word story featuring your character, couple, family, or friendship that contains a fantastical element.)​

“This cat says he belongs to you,” said Mando as he reached his hand into his helmet and revealed a very small black cat that was only a few centimeters tall. “I’ve had this cat for a few months now.”

The small cat jumped out of Mando’s hand, bounced onto the floor and onto the crime lord’s lap before crawling up onto his helmet. The cat curled into the small dent in his helmet and became one with the helmet, completely enclosing the dent as he changed his colour to green as well.

“You see that?” said Fett, pointing to his helmet. “This cat just saved me a fortune trying to fix that damn dent.”

“And I'm so glad it all worked out at the end,” said Mando, not really understanding anything that just happened but feeling like he should by now. “And I'm glad you got your cat back. Where did he come from anyways?”

“My former employer, Darth Vader, had a cat. He offered me one of his cat’s kittens and I accepted. But my cat never seemed to grow, and within weeks made litters so I had to give the new cats away to my bounty hunter friends,” explained Fett.

“He ‘made’ litters?” asked Mando. “With what?”

Fennec stared. “What do you mean with what? Presumably the cat has a penis.”

Fett turned his helmet to her. “Are we seriously going to be discussing microscopic cat genitalia again?”

“Well, I was just answering his question!”

Mando helmet-palmed. “And now I totally regret asking….”

“These types of cats, the Blackies, don't need a mate to produce young,” clarified Boba. “They reproduce by an unexplained method of asexual reproduction. Like a spore-releasing fungus of some kind.”

“Now I'm getting more confused,” said Mando.

“All Blackies are clones of each other,” explained Fett. “They shift their eyes suspiciously, and they are all born spies. They come in all shapes and sizes.”

“And I'm going to guess it's hard to tell if they're male or female?”

“Only if someone doesn't have proper sex education knowledge.”

“OK, just making sure,” said Mando to reassure himself that he knew all about cat anatomy.

“We're going to need help from the pirate cats if we’re to defeat the Pykes,” said Boba as he shifted gears. His cat crawled out of the helmet dent and sat on his owner’s shoulder plate.

“Pirate cats?” asked Mando. “They chased me and my friends and have laser eyes that shoot at you. How can the pirate cats possibly help us?”

“Cats eat fish,” said Fennec with a smirk.

******

 

Clone cats eating fish. I love that discussion about the reproduction of the cats

 

Loved the clone cats!

 

Thanks for reading! Yes, the true nature of these cats is very....interesting..

Thanks for reading and commenting! Cloned cats are always amusing.

Last installment right here, which makes this pentathlon complete!

5. Return of the Mango (Laughing Luge: A 100+ word humor story featuring your character, couple, family, or friendship)
​

“You are not welcome here, Kylo.”

Mando was referring to the black-clad man standing in front of them against the twin suns of Tatooine. Kylo Ren, who had arrived from the future through Snoke’s inter-dimensional wardrobe, stood unaffected by the Mandalorian’s words.

“To finish what I started, Mango,” he said. “To destroy you.”

“Did he just call him a ‘mango?’” whispered Boba Fett to Fennec.

“Well, this time it's not just me who's going to kick your ass. I have friends by my side now,” said Mando, referring to Boba Fett and Fennec Shand.

“Your cat is peeing on you,” said Fennec, referring to the black kitten on Kylo’s helmet.

Kylo shrugged casually. “Yeah, she does that sometimes.”

“Pretty sure that cat’s a male,” said Fennec, rolling her eyes. “And that cat probably has bigger balls than you ever will.”

“Oohh, burn,” commented Mando and Fett simultaneously.

Fennec yawned as Kylo ignited his lightsaber angrily, watching him charge at her and then slip on some eopie poodoo and fall flat on his back.

“Can somebody explain to me who this idiot is?” asked Boba.

Mando sighed. “So basically his name is Kylo Ren and he’s some stupid guy from another dimension from the future or something. I actually have no idea but I kicked his ass multiple times. His black kitten is named Blackie and I'm pretty sure your cat must be his ancestor.”

Suddenly, Boba’s cat and Blackie met each other and touched noses. It was a very awkward sight seeing a larger kitten and a very small cat meeting for the first time who were actually relatives and clones, respectfully.

Fennec turned to the ex-bounty hunter as she glanced to Kylo. “Shall I kill him?”

“Yes,” replied Fett without hesitation.

“Finally,” she said as she prepared her sniper rifle and aimed it at Kylo Ren.

Kylo jumped back to his feet and dodged Fennec’s shots with the Force. Seeing that he was clearly outnumbered and outsmarted this time, grabbed Blackie and jumped back into his TIE silencer and fled into the distance. “You will never get me, FOOLS!” he yelled as he flew away.

“Just watch me, you little twerp,” said Boba as he adjusted his helmet's rangefinder topper before firing a rocket from his jetpack at the escaping starfighter.

Mando watched the TIE silencer explode in a fiery ball of flames. Somehow, it was oddly satisfying. “Nice shot,” he complimented the ex-bounty hunter before turning his helmet towards him worryingly. “Wait…what about Blackie?!”

“I made sure Blackie was safe and sound first. He escaped long ago in his tuna-shaped escape pod,” replied Boba.

“Phew,” said Mando with a relieved sigh. “What a relief…Wait..did you just say, 'tuna-shaped escape pod?'"

Suddenly, a pitch black, Darth Vader-themed motorcycle rushed out of the fire and escaped back into the inter-dimensional wardrobe along with Blackie in his tuna-shaped escape pod. “Missed me!” laughed Kylo as the wardrobe disappeared into thin air.

“What the hell?” asked Boba in disbelief, turning to Mando. “How did he survive that?”

Mando sighed. “Yeah....I didn't want to tell you cause I wasn't sure if it was true….but I read somewhere, some spoilers or something from the future, that only the kiss from a scavenger girl from Jakku can actually kill him.”

"Well, that's just great," said Fennec disappointingly. "No disintegrations."

Boba Fett sighed in frustration that somehow an idiot survived his attempt at disintegrating them before turning to Mando and Fennec. “You guys wanna get some ice cream? My treat.”

“Thought you'd never ask,” said Mando as he picked up the tiny black cat in his hand and they all went to the local Mos Espa ice cream shop.

*******
Notes: Kylo Ren's wardrobe transport thing and him annoying Mando was featured in the story: "This is NOT the way": A Kylo Ren meets Mando story

 

WOW a meeting with Kylo and the cat escaping with him. Love the Mango

 

*runs in* I am here, cat-ching up at last! (Okay, that was awful, I know. )

LMAO! Also now I'm imagining a Star Wars-themed ice cream truck selling Star Wars-themed ice cream and I kind of want that to exist now.

I picture him saying this and considering it all serious and businesslike and that's just really funny to me.

And then the clone cats! It all makes sense now!

Sounds like somebody needs to watch "Fuzzy Bunny's Guide To You-Know-What"!

Somehow, they reproduced.

Friends who kick ass together stay together!

This sounds like an actual episode of Book of Boba Fett (based off the spoilers I've encountered, at least).

Purr-fect! I love this ending! Also, now I want ice cream.

Great work, and congrats on finishing your pentathlon! I always look forward to reading these stories and they always make me laugh, no matter what else is going on in the real world. Thank you for writing and sharing them!

 

Thanks for reading and commenting! I also love the Mango

I'll be surprised if this DOESN'T exist somewhere in the world...Maybe we should make one?!

Now I have a plot bunny where Fett really does visit the Solo family. Leia is, of course, annoyed that the ex-bounty hunter who got her husband frozen in carbonite and delivered to a giant slug was invited for their dinner party.

Fett: Don't take it personally, lady. It was just business.
Leia: .....
Han: so...WHO WANTS ICE CREAM!?

And now that you know how it's done....don't do it

Oops, too late

Fett, Fennec and Mango-Mando need their own butt-kickery series.

Nah, I just copy and pasted the exact scene from the Mandalorian:

Next story: The Book of Boba Fett's Ice Cream Business

Thank you for reading! I'm glad these stories make you laugh. It was honestly hard to finish this time, with lots of RL stuff going on, but I'm glad I did!

 

I loved the whole clone kitty thing and I too was disappointed that the disintegrating didn't occur Oh my -- a tuna shaped escape pod. That's cool! Mine would be shaped like some variant of chocolate dessert!

 

@WarmNyota_SweetAyesha thank you for reading/commenting! I think we are all very disappointed that disintegration didn't occur....absolutely a huge blow to Boba Fett's entire career. But, hey, it's not his fault that Kylo is basically immortal (until basically Rey kisses him that is)

chocolate dessert escape pod

 

I was finally able to enjoy this cocktail of puns, finesse & sparkling character clashes. Thank you!

After 3 difficult days at work reading your fun stuff was a blessing.

 

@AzureAngel2 Always good to see you here! Thanks for commenting and glad you enjoyed. Hope you're doing well!

 

Busy offline mostly, but alive and kicking.