Saga Saga - ST This IS the way: Mando with cats and things happen (2021 Fanfiction Summer Olympics)

Title: "This IS the way": A Mando has some cats and things happen story
Author: gizkaspice
Timeframe: During the Mandalorian Season 2
Characters: Mando (Din Djarin), Grogu (the Child), Blacky2 the very tiny grandparent of Blackie who is Kylo Ren's cat, Cara Dune, Greef Karga, cats
Genre: Parody, Comedy
Summary: This is secretly a sequel to "This is NOT the way": A Kylo Ren meets Mando story" where Mando and Kylo Ren met and Mando kicked his butt and he went away back to the sequel dimension. You don't have to read that story to understand that here Mando has a bunch of cats for some reason on a bizzare side quest, including finding the home of one who lives in his helmet.

Index:
1. The Helmet Cat (110 Word Hurdle: 110 words in which the name or names of your character, couple, family or friendship aren’t mentioned)
2. The Cat Herder (400 Word Cross Country: 400 words about your character, couple, family, or friendship with any theme.)
3. The Assassin (Prime Time Coverage: 500+ words of action, adventure, or excitement with your chosen character, friendship, family or couple as the star.)
4. The Vet (200 Freestyle: A 200 word story about your character, family, friendship or couple with a free choice of any theme.)
5. The Cat Whisperer (4x100 Relay: 4x100 words on the four types of love (affection, intimacy, friendship, and charity) as experienced by your character, family, friendship or couple in one post.)

 

1. The Helmet Cat (110 Word Hurdle: 110 words in which the name or names of your character, couple, family or friendship aren’t mentioned)
​

“You tellin’ me you got a very tiny black cat living in your helmet? What does it eat? How does it poop? Does the poop disintegrate in the air?” Greef was asking him all these weird questions out of nowhere as they sat for a drink.

“It’s not like I sit around and think about this, Greef. He just lives there, I guess.”

“How do you know it’s a "he"? Did you check his butt using a microscope?”

A sign came from the other side. “Can we please just change the subject? Until I find out where this cat came from, he lives in my helmet if he wants to.”

 

PRICELESS!

 

Thanks @WarmNyota_SweetAyesha !

2. The Cat Herder (400 Word Cross Country: 400 words about your character, couple, family, or friendship with any theme.)​

When the Razor Crest arrived on the planet Navarro, Mando opened the door and walked out with Grogu. A bunch of cats rolled out after him in a heap, all meowing at the same time. A big fat cat rolled and hit his leg. Mando sighed in defeat.

Cara Dune, who was already waiting for him, turned to the Mandalorian, amused. “So, heard you got a cat problem.”

“I picked up a bunch of cats for some reason and now I need to find them all homes. You know of a cat adoption center nearby?”

Suddenly, a very small and thin black kitten slithered from under his helmet, observed its surroundings and shifted its eyes suspiciously, and then slithered back inside.

“Ew,” said Cara, disgusted by the sight of the creepy cat. “That's nasty.”

“What is?” asked Mando, oblivious to the problem. He was literally looking around trying to find the problem Cara was referring to.

“There's a cat inside your helmet.”

“Right, yeah. He's a special cat,” clarified Mando while Grogu munched on chicken nuggets. “I need to find out where he came from and what he wants.”

“Must smell like crap in there.”

“It doesn't. It's fine.”

Cara sniggered under her breath. “You're probably nose blind. Anyways, how does he poop? I'm kind of curious.”

Mando sighed. “Can we please not talk about poop? The kid gives me enough poop. I don't want to think about poop.” Grogu looked up, upset by this now.

“What about the Creed, Mando?” asked Cara. “That cat must have seen your face.”

“We negotiated,” said Mando, and then took the kitten out of his helmet and held it in the palm of his hand. “We don't break negotiations around here, do you understand?”

The tiny kitten shifted its eyes suspiciously before slipping out of sight into one of the Mandalorian’s pockets.

Cara raised an eyebrow. “Um…..How did he do that?”

“There are 5 states of matter,” began Mando. “Solid, liquid, gas, plasma, and cat.”

“And we’re done here.”

“So can you help me with these cats or not, Cara?” asked Mando finally. “I need to get some pistachio ice cream for the kid and don't have time herding cats.”

Cara pointed down towards one of the streets. “There's a cat sanctuary nearby. I’m sure they’ll love to take them.”

“As long as they all get loving homes, that's all I care about.”

 

YAY MORE MANDO AND CAT ADVENTURES!!

I love how he's just, like, resigned to it. This is the way!

Somehow, Mando has returned...with a bunch of cats.

NOOOO! Must have more wacky Mando & Grogu & cat adventures!

These always put such a big smile on my face and I love it, I tell you what!

 

hilarious with all the cats and the one in his helmet

 

Absolutely hilarious with all the cats!! Love the little one in his helmet.

The science geek in me just cracked up at this.

 

“There are 5 states of matter,” began Mando. “Solid, liquid, gas, plasma, and cat.”

Somehow, I believe this.

 

This is the way!

Those gosh-darn unnatural cat abilities!

Honestly, these adventures are truly endless

Aww, glad to hear you're enjoying! Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment!

Thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed it!

Thanks for reading! I'm debating myself whether cats are actually their own state of matter OR a type of liquid...

Cats can confirm their bodies into any container, so I guess that classifies them as liquid?! Apparently, a French physicist used physics to determine if cats are indeed a kind of liquid and even won the Ig Nobel Prize

Thanks everyone who read/commented! Last part of this challenge will be posted shortly.

 

3. The Assassin (Prime Time Coverage: 500+ words of action, adventure, or excitement with your chosen character, friendship, family or couple as the star)​

“Told you they got the best pistachio ice cream here,” said Mando as Grogu was enjoying his green ice cream cone in a nearby Tatooine ice cream shop.

Meanwhile, every time Mando was trying to enjoy his own ice cream by putting a special spoon under his helmet, the black kitten living inside his helmet lapped it up using a tiny tongue. He sighed, tapping the side of his helmet gently to get the cat’s attention. “Alright, listen. What's it going to take for you to get outta there? I'm willing to bargain and give you a good deal.”

The black kitten stretched its tiny body to look at Mando’s helmet visor before sticking out its tongue at him and hiding back in.

Mando sighed again, putting his hands on his knees in annoyance. “This guy’s getting a little unreasonable…”

Suddenly, the black kitten peered out from Mando’s helmet in fear, sensing danger in the air. Grogu was sensing something now, too, as his ears perked in response to a threat approaching.

Just then, the shop door burst open and chaos erupted in the ice cream shop as a pack of ninja kittens cartwheeled inside and began scaring patrons. They wore blue, yellow and green shinobi shozoku garb and had decorated masks on. This action song was playing in the background as they caused their destruction, which consisted of throwing tiny punches and karate-kicking everything in their way while patrons ran away. Some of the kittens did elaborate backflips over tables, ice cream orders and patrons as they searched for their target.

“Ninja kittens again!?” complained the ice cream shop owner, a Besalisk, as he dodged a poisonous hairball. “4th time this month, damn it!! You ninja kittens are bad for business!”

“Watch out, they know karate and can kick your shins clean!” warned a Mon Calamari patron as he dodged a kick and protected his ice cream from being stolen.

“Ouch, untrimmed claws,” complained another human patron after being scratched by one of the ninja kittens before it backflipped away at lightening speed. “I mean, it doesn’t hurt a lot, but still, geez. What did I ever do to you?”

Then, a blue-clothed ninja kitten spotted Mando in the back and sprang into action over the tables, landing near him. She narrowed her deep blue eyes dangerously before standing on two feet in a squatting position, summoning with her front paws some kind of levitating ice ball using her cryomancy powers. Extracting the water and elements from the air, the ball was surrounded by tiny blue crystals as it continued to expand in size.

Mando casually sipped his bubble tea with a straw as he watched the ninja kitten create her little ice ball and slowly began directing it towards him. “That kitten’s really trying hard to kill me,” whispered Mando to Grogu. “Gotta give it some credit.”

The kitten remained focused and then sent the ice ball towards him at high-speed using her powers.

Mando easily tilted to the side and the ice ball hit a nearby Jawa minding its own business, freezing it into a solid statue. The Jawa fell over, its body shattering into ice chunks. He inspected the dead Jawa before turning to the cat, impressed. “I like your style, kid.”

The kitten was now an angry little ball of fluff and began karate-kicking the man’s gauntlets in a desperate attempt to kill him. Mando picked up the kitten by the scruff of her neck, immobilizing her. “Listen kid, you have a lot of potential. Don’t waste your life on crime. This is not the way.”

Grogu nodded in agreement with his dad that indeed, spending your life on crime was not the way. The kitten was eventually released and she thought deeply about her ninja career.

“What about making ice castles with that girl who sings “let it go?” I think she lives on Hoth or something,” suggested Mando. “You guys could start a business.”

The kitten put a paw to her chin and considered this, nodded and then cartwheeled away back to her siblings, leaving the Mandalorian alone.

“Freakin’ ninja kittens,” barked the shop owner as he shooed the kittens away with a broom. The kittens were furiously karate-kicking the broom now as they all cartwheeled out of the store. “Ninja kittens are bad for business! Don’t be comin’ back here, ya hear me!?”

Suddenly, Mando’s comlink rang. It was Greef. “Hey Mando, are you still alive? I forgot to tell you, but remember those pirate cats that tried to kill us earlier? They placed a bounty on your head---deadly feline ninja assassins are out to get you!”

“Already taken care of, Greef,” replied Mando to the comlink. “My assassin made a career change. Starting to think maybe I should, too. Maybe I should become a school counselor. Youth these days need the support. It’s a tough world to navigate.”

“Or a CAT counselor!” suggested Greef.

Mando watched the tiny black kitten, only a few centimeters tall, wander out from the inside of his helmet as it climbed down and sat on the table, licking off the rest of his ice cream from a cup. Maybe the inside of Din Djarin’s helmet was not as exciting as the black cat originally thought and got bored now.

“I can absolutely see a need for that,” replied Mando.

-----------------------------------
Note: And so the Triathlon is now complete!
Extra note: If anyone is familiar with the franchise and video games/1995 movie Mortal Kombat, the ice ninja kitten is a direct inspiration since it fitted this wacky situation so well.

 

Ninja kittens! I could picture all that especially the Jawa turning into ice chunks.

The song "Let it Go" perfect for Hoth.

 

Absolutely priceless! Loved the humor in all three stories. Very well done and congrats on finishing your triathlon!!

 

loved the fighting kittens making a mess in the ice-cream shop ending with the black kitten out of the helmet. Congrats on finishing

 

OH MY GAWD. Blackie has an ancestor and playmates and everything and I AM SO HERE FOR THIS! And of course the ancestor would live in Mando's helmet, because after Kylo Ren's shoe we needed Mando's helmet – although I suspect that Ancestor-Blackie is kinder to Mando than Original-Blackie and Millicent were to Kylo Ren. Poor Mando didn't have enough on his plate looking after Grogu, apparently.

As for the ninja kittens hunting down Mando for a bounty... well:



What are the odds of this triathlon expanding into, say, a pentathlon or a decathlon? Please? Pretty please?

 

I vote for decathlon, too.

Now you need to sit down and write...

 

Thanks so much for commenting! I'm glad you could picture it all. Also, we all know Elsa lives on Hoth, right

Thank you!

Glad you liked it! Thank you for kindly reading and commenting!

Always nice to see you around @Chyntuck ! Of course, the safest place for Blackie's ancestor HAS TO BE Mando's helmet Think about, dark, warm...no predators, etc. and Mando can't catch the ancestor-Blackie because he'll need to take off his helmet which is a big no-no.

It makes complete sense that kittens would choose careers as assassins and ninjas given the predatory nature of a cat

The odds of this expanding into a pentathlon are quite high at this point Because now we need to know how Mando's perfectly groomed mustache can serve as a cat bed for a tiny cat because reasons.

Dear Azure, if only I had time for a decathlon, but a pentathlon is quite feasible! Thanks for your lovely comment.

 

You sure...?

*makes puppy eyes

 

Wait! Cute kitten eyes like Puss in Boots in the various "Shrek" movies are more the things that work on you, right?

 

@AzureAngel2 I wish it were so, maybe next year when RL issues go away.

Anyways, here is another installment. Thanks for all who read/commented so far and enjoyed this story!

4. The Vet (200 Freestyle: A 200 word story about your character, family, friendship or couple with a free choice of any theme.)​

Mando went to an animal clinic in the Unknown Regions to check on the tiny cat living in his helmet, but he didn’t expect the veterinarians to be this kooky.

“Mr. Mango,” said the senior Rakatan veterinarian present as she examined the cat. “I have some good news: your cat has a butt.”

“That’s great, I think?” Was he just called a mango again?

“The bad news is your cat’s butt is weird and doesn’t exist in our feline butt database, so we suspect your cat is probably an alien or some kind of a mutant.”

Mando sighed in annoyance. “Great, exactly what I came here for. Can I ask for a second opinion?”

Her young, human student-veterinarian named Dr. Scarlet Tana held up photos of typical cat genitalia and compared them to the black cat’s. “Can you see, sir? Can you see? Unfamiliar sight, maybe?”

Mando sighed as he put the cat back into its pocket-sized pet carrier. “Is there a normal vet that works here by any chance?” He gave another sigh. “Nevermind. I’ll just pay upfront and be on my way, I guess.”

The black kitten shifted its eyes suspiciously in the pet carrier as Mando avoided the angry man-eating office plant on their way out.

------------------
Notes: Some of you may remember Dr. Tana from The First Order Veterinarian where she tries to convince Kylo Ren that Blackie has testes by going, "“Can you see that Blackie has testes? Can you see? Familiar sight, maybe?” Now, here she is a student and is trying to convince Mando the complete opposite because the ancestor of Blackie has..uh...ambiguous cat butt parts.

 

A feline butt database?! I've read it all now!

 

Oops, I think I forgot to comment on "The Assassin"! Ice cream and ninja kitties and "Let It Go", omg! I love it. I also love that this has become a pentathlon. I cannot get enough of Mango Mando and cats!

Whoa! Cool!



Love the cameo from Dr. Tana too! Poor Mando. Can't wait to see what else is in store for him!

 

man eating plants and mando called mango and the cat having trouble again. Loved it

 

Cat butt databases and man-eating plants!! This is just the laugh I needed this morning. Loved it!

 

What Jen said ^^^ This story had me laughing out loud. And I love that Blackie's ancestor has the same suspicious shifting look. Now we know who Blackie got it from!

 

Best goodnight story ever. Thanks a million!