Awards 2009 Saga Fanfiction Awards - Full Winners List Now Posted!

It is 11:30 a.m. BST (Boards Standard Time) and preparations are in full swing for the most anticipated event of the year. It is nearly time for the Saga Awards and as we join our faithful volunteers backstage, we find them hard at work putting the finishing touches?

But no, the lights come up to find the stage buried under piles of envelopes. Occasionally, over the top of the stacks, we can see the tops of heads. Presumably, these are attached to human beings, but it?s tough to tell.

JINNGERBREAD, aka Fearless Leader, tries to stride confidently onto the stage, but even she is hampered by the sudden conversion of the stage into the local USPS branch.

JINNGERBREAD: What the?

Two stacks gracelessly fall over in response to the sound. She scampers back.

JINNGERBREAD: WHAT?S THIS?!

Muffled shouts sound, ranging from ?Melp? to ?Marco!/Polo!? Bravely, JINNGERBREAD wades into the midst of the envelopes. Some of the stacks sway slightly?someone?s having fun back there. JINNGERBREAD sighs impatiently, counts to ten and then plants her hands on her hips.

JINNGERBREAD: All volunteers to the front!

It takes some time, but eventually, RK_STRIKER_JK_5, BIGFATTY, THE_PIED_PIPER, GENERALKENOBI7 and NIENNA_NARMOLANYA come to the front. This does not stop the stacks of envelopes from growing. Apparently, they?re not the only ones in on this scheme.

JINNGERBREAD: Report.

No one does. They?re too busy trying to look innocent.

JINNGERBREAD: At least tell me, where?s MAVJADE?

BIGFATTY: Modding?

JINNGERBREAD: She was supposed to take today off! Half the dance numbers need her! And now my stage is?What exactly is my stage?

RK_STRIKER_JK_5: Well, you see?

GENERALKENOBI7: It?s NanaVader?s fault! We needed more philanthropy hours and she suggested Soldiers? Angels!

JINNGERBREAD looks dumbfounded.

JINNGERBREAD: Philanthropy hours? You?re the volunteers!

They shuffle nervously and look everywhere but at her.

JINNGERBREAD: All right, your motives were good, but why?s it on my stage?

THE_PIED_PIPER: Well, USPS was late today. They were supposed to pick all of this up by ten o?clock.

A look of horror slowly crosses JINNGERBREAD?s face.

JINNGERBREAD: Where are the envelopes?

The volunteers start contemplating navels in a hurry.

GENERALKENOBI7 (mumbles): We had good intentions.
BIGFATTY: Support the troops.
THE_PIED_PIPER: Encourage VADERLVR64?s hobby.

Fearless Leader folds her arms and frowns a sullen-bordering-on-angry frown.

JINNGERBREAD: When our presenters say ?May I have the envelope, please,? I don?t want there to be a five-minute waiting period!

BIGFATTY: Don?t worry about it! We?ll have this all cleared out by the time awards start.

RK_STRIKER_JK_5: We?ve got it under control. MAVJADE is running the green room. I?m on the committee of food and drinks with GENERALKENOBI7. BIGFATTY is the bouncer.

BIGFATTY flexes.

BIGFATTY: THE_PIED_PIPER is in charge of the envelopes and Nienna?s working crowd control.

Nienna has a messenger bag stuffed with chocolate for bribes, but has a nightstick on her belt.

JINNGERBREAD: I?m sorry for doubting you guys, but I still have to cuddle with my kitties, get some crocheting done and have my annual heart-to-heart with Qui-Gon Jinn. I was hoping we could all sit back and enjoy the fruits of our labors.

Nienna: And we will! Trust us.

JINNGERBREAD exits stage left. As soon as she leaves, the mood breaks.

RK_STRIKER_JK_5: Okay, I think I saw the character envelopes in the stack of letters going to Afghanistan.

GENERALKENOBI7: I found the Best Songfic envelope, but it?s empty. Who has the master list?

Relatively unnoticed, THE_PIED_PIPER picks up a small cardboard box.

THE_PIED_PIPER: Hey, guys, this one is addressed to MamaVader. We should get it to her.

BIGFATTY: No way! It might be dangerous.

Everyone glances nervously at the box, but since it doesn?t blow up or tick or anything ominous like that, it seems to be relatively harmless. THE_PIED_PIPER shakes it and the

 

The stage lights come up to reveal a very sheepish-looking Obi-Wan from the previous scene. He is, unfortunately, alone and has acquired several stains on his dress robes. The audience applauds uncertainly.

OBI-WAN: Welcome, ladies and gentlebeings. I?m Obi-Wan Kenobi and I am your, er, ah, well, that is, temporary host for this evening. We are sure that the volunteers will be up to taking command just as soon as?

He looks nervously off-stage to where JINNGERBREAD is playing with her kitty, Nienna is playing a clapping game with MAVJADE and GENERALKENOBI7 is taking a nap.

OBI-WAN: Er, yes, as I was saying. We had a wonderful musical number prepared, but our lead tenor?s voice has not yet changed, our baritone has colic and?well, I guess I shall be turning our quartet into a solo. He turns uncertainly to the conductor. Hit it?

The lights turn to a spotlight on him.

OBI-WAN:
There?s no business like fic business
Like no business I know
Everything about it is repealing
Everything the moddess will allow
Nowhere you will get that anxious feeling
When authors want to kill you now

There?s no people like fic people
They filk when they are low
Yesterday they left you dead on Yuuzhan-tar
That night they give you a nasty scar
Next day on your lightsaber they?ve hung a star
Let?s go on with the show.

A line of dancers, obviously recruited from whatever characters were not affected by the agequake stumbles on-stage and does a conga line with Obi-Wan at its head while the orchestra does an interlude.

ALL:
There?s no people like fic people
They filk when they are low
Yesterday they left you dead on Yuuzhan-tar
That night they give you a nasty scar
Next day on your lightsaber they?ve hung a star
Let?s go on with the show.

---

 

Woot! Let the fun begin. Good luck to all the nominees!

 

WOOT!! Haha, those were hilarious.

 

Great opening! Kudos to the organizers.

 

SPECIAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

We regret to inform all participants that due to the young audience, we are compelled to adapt the program We apologize for having to scrap most of the titillating entertainment and are ensured that Oola?s Dancers will be performing after the show once we have cleared the building of impressionable children. On with the show!

Also, if you see a yellow binky, PADME AMIDALA wants it back.

*****
In the hubbub of the opening number and trying to sort out what exactly happened to the volunteers, no one noticed that one person escaped. Princess Leia is sitting on the podium, clutching her security blanket and wrapping up a long story.

LEIA: An? me and Daddy and Mommy had a big picnic with Unca Papatine an? we haded cake!

ANAKIN, the most senior member of the characters? group at twelve, runs on-stage after his future daughter.

ANAKIN: Leli, we?re supposed to stay with the others until Master Obi-Wan fixes things. Don?t go running off.

LEIA: But it?s bohwing!

He scoops her up and is about to run off-stage when one of the stage-hands passes him an envelope. The audience can see the hand waving him back onto stage.

ANAKIN (laughs nervously): Guess Master Obi-Wan?s still trying to find Padme and her binky. They?ve both wandered off. The nominees for

Best Alternate Universe:


Fortune's Gate by geo3
Into the Storm by blank101
I, Rebel by padawan lunetta

 

Yesterday they left you dead on Yuuzhan-tar
That night they give you a nasty scar

 

Nice to see the awards off to a smooth start

 

---

And the winner for [b] Best Alternate Universe [/b] is......

[b][color=steelblue][hl=white]Fortune's Gate by geo3 [/b] [/color][/hl][face_applause][face_applause][face_applause]

Congratulations!

[hr]

 

Whoa! That is very, very kind.

Thanks so much!

 

Congrats geo3

 

good luck to all nominees It's 9 p.m. here and after a very busy day I hope I will be up early (I am an earlybird)

 

Huge congrats, Geo3!!!

 

Congrats geo!!!

 

congratulations geo3!!

 

Nine-year-old Palpatine and ten-year-old Han Solo are in the green room, having an argument as we look for our next presenter.

PALPATINE: The Imperial Star Destroyer has the best cannons!

HAN: Nuh-uh! The Falcon does! We got SWIVEL cannons!

PALPATINE: But Star Destroyers can blow up whole ships!

HAN: But you can?t aim!

PALPATINE: Who cares? I want to wipe ?em out! All of ?em!

We finally find our quarry and someone hustles a reluctant Admiral Piett onto stage.

PIETT: The combined forces of the Imperial Star Fleet are honored to present the award for the author who best is able to tell an accurate version of even the most absurd storyline. The nominees for

Best Canon:

It Makes My Dome Hurt II: R2 Remembers ESB by brodiew
The Hour Before Dawn by Knight_Aragorn
Commencement by Thumper09

 

Congrats to geo3!!!!!


Edit: Good luck to nominees.

 

Congrats, geo3

 

The combined forces of the Imperial Star Fleet are honored to present the award for the author who best is able to tell an accurate version of even the most absurd storyline.

 

---

And the winner for [b] Best Canon [/b] is......

[b][color=steelblue][hl=white]The Hour Before Dawn by Knight_Aragorn [/b] [/color][/hl][face_applause][face_applause][face_applause]

Congratulations!

[hr]

 

Congratulations Knight_Aragorn!

 

Congratulations, Knight_Aragorn!!!

 

Congratulations, Knight_Aragorn!

The awards intro is great, LOL. Though now I'm feeling really old.

 

Congratulations to Knight_Aragorn!!!!!

 

Congratulations, Knight_Aragorn