Beyond - Legends All Things End -- Dear Diary Challenge / Talonverse OCs -- Completed

Oh my, that was quite disturbing. Good writing Lilith, I really love how well defined Nash is. Awesome!

 

I'm very grateful for my shrink. He did a lot to help sort out the kinks in my thinking. I will forever hold a happy place in my heart for him.

Viroj, however, deserves to not only lose his license, but perhaps a couple of other things as well....

 

Once more, into the little white padded room...



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04.02.xx ABY

Is it really only a day? The lights have been going on and off. More meals have come. How can it only be a day? Did they tamper with the clock on my datapad while I was sleeping? I don't like this place. I wish they would let me go back to my barracks and my training. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm not sick. I'm not a danger to my co-workers. Just let me go!

At least they've stopped burning my food.



05.02.xx ABY

Viroj came again.

I don't know what he talked about. I heard his voice, but all that registered was his smell. His scent was pungent with satisfaction. I stopped myself when I realized I was purring. He was pleased, and I was glad, but purring was over the top.

He patted me on the head before he left and I didn't bite his hand off at the wrist for such a patronizing gesture. I feel so strange.

Why am I having trouble remembering how long I've been here?

 

How can you NOT want to bite his arm off? I would have. Because obviously, I deserve to be in the nuthouse. Another great update, though I feel so sorry for Nash. She's had a rough time of it. Keep up the super work!

 

Good update Lilith. I too feel sorry for her. I wonder how she's gonna get out of there...

 

She's not! Muwhahahahahahahahah!

Ahem, erm, I mean... we'll have to wait and see.

 

Awwww... poor Nash. Gosh. They've got her purring and stuff. Disturbing, sadistic! Only as Lilith Demodae can provide!

Great work! Thanks for the update!

Trikes

 

Thank you, thank you.


Let the sadism continue.


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06.02.xx ABY

Colonel Crispin came again today. I could hear the attendants speaking to him outside my door. The rooms are supposed to be sound-proof, and for Humans I suppose they would be. I am not Human. They told him I was getting worse. They told him not to get too close, in case I became violent again. They would come as quickly as they could, but I was very dangerous, and he needed to keep his distance.

When he came in they did not close the door entirely. Was it an invitation to try and escape? I was chained hand and foot to the wall, without even the buckle from my tool belt to pick the locks with. I wasn't going to escape. I wasn't even going to try. I heard how many voices there were outside that door.

It's not Col. Crispin's fault that he's Human. He's been quite civil with me since I was transferred into this duty station. But he smells Human.

When he first came in he smelled cautious. He saw me and his lips grew tight and pinched. His scent flooded the room with the smell of Human anger.

Anger and chains.

I pressed myself into the corner. I didn't whimper. I would not whimper like a beaten cub, but I couldn't stop the rocking. The urge to purr, to placate, to calm him somehow, was so very strong.

Capta- he corrected himself. Lieutenant Nashraak, are you alright?

I couldn't answer. My whiskers and ears were pressed as flat as they could go. My tail was wrapped so tightly around my legs that my feet were starting to tingle.

He came closer, hand raised.

Human anger and chains.

I couldn't stop it. The mewling I'm sorry, sir. I won't do it again, sir, slipped out before I even knew I was going to speak. What would you like me to sing, sir? How about Morwroun's Aria of Spring, sir?

He gave no answer. His face flushed crimson and his anger drove all other scents out of the room.

I mewled again. No actual words. Not a whimper yet, thank the ancestors, but it was definitely a sound of submission and fear. My whole body went limp in instinctive reaction, though I desperately wanted to lash out at the source of that fear, to make it fear me, but my body betrayed me and I could not move.

His voice lashed like a whip. My body tensed in anticipation, but he was gone, the door closing on the babble of voices as the attendants replied hurriedly.

His scent remained, and so did the chains.

With no one there to witness, I howled my fear and shame to the skies and stars I could not see.



07.02.xx ABY

They took the chains off and spoke very gently to me. They told me to stand, that I was being taken to reception. I did whatever I was told to do. I know how to behave, even without the chains. Guests often reacted badly to the chains so they were removed for performances. The reception hall, yes, but the way we took to get there was not familiar.

I couldn't remember what I was supposed to sing. I nearly panicked. If I sang the wrong thing it would be terrible. As they led me through the halls, I meekly asked the Human next to me what I was supposed to sing, did he remember? Had it been mentioned in his hearing? I couldn't remember and it would be so very bad to sing the wrong thing.

He shook his head, not saying anything. Not good. I had to remember.

At least I remembered to bring my datapad. Mustn't forget that.

A tickle in the back of my mind brought a phrase from the fog. Aria of Spring? Was that it? Morwroun's best known work. It was the only clue I had. Bad to sing the wrong thing, but better the wrong thing than nothing at all.

At last they brought me to the front of the building. We stopped. Col. Crispin was there. Was he the one I was supposed to sing for? He looked angry. The men around me stepped away quickly, leaving me alone in the middle of the floor. Behind Col. Crispin was a squad of MPs.

There was an awkward silence, which was not really silent. Scuffing

 

I said it at the Nest, and I'll say it here again. How the hell did you almost make me cry for Nash right there? Wow. I really teared up. WTH?!

Srsly. This was just beautifully sadistic, and I love it. You're too awesome! Thank you for the update!

 

Indeed, another absolutely amazing update. I can feel her shattered spirit and her mental wounds... She's broken, and it's going to take an amazing effort on her CO to bring her back--if she even can return fully. It's a gut-wrenching and wonderful post to read at the same time. Bravo!

And also: THe Jawa must die.

 

Lilith Demodae, the sadist's sadist.

Just be glad she keeps it (mostly) confined to her characters. Mostly. And her betas. Only sometimes her friends...

 

That was gut-wrenching, Lilith. I truly felt sorry for Nash there...

 

I want to thank all my lovely double-responders. This is above and beyond, and I love you all for it.


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08.02.xx ABY

Healer's Notes
Deep Trauma Wing, Isolation Ward 4
Healer in Residence: Mind-healer Pashuuk Ti'roo

Patient Lieutenant Nashraak has too many drugs in her system to properly assess. Some of them are working at cross purposes and half of them were not meant for feline physiology. Patient will be kept sedated until all other drugs have worked their way through her system.

I have been given full access to Lieutenant Nashraak's military file, including the classified portions. It is painfully obvious she was kept as a slave by Humans or near-Humans sometime in her past, though there is no hint of it in her military record. I suspect it is part of what drove her into the military.

She should never have been assigned to Sakda Viroj. While it is true that the majority of his patients are New Republic military personnel, all of them are office workers who have probably never seen a sidearm out of its holster, let alone actual combat. Sakda's pacifist views are well-known to all the other mind-healers on this base. He has no basis for understanding a warrior like Lieutenant Nashraak.

From what I saw before she was fully sedated, it may not be possible to effect a full recovery after such a monumental screwup. While I will of course strive to heal her completely, I think the best we can hope for is a medical discharge and quiet retirement somewhere no one will ever make demands on her again.

Treatment note: All Humans, near-Humans, and Twi'lek are absolutely prohibited from entering interior or exterior environs near Iso Ward 4 without express permission from HiR.



10.02.xx ABY

I smelled her as I woke. I lay quietly, just tasting the air, which was softly permeated with her scent. There was no hint of Human anywhere.

There were no chains.

I'm going to remove the IV, now. We had to keep you sedated until the rest of the drugs worked their way through your system.

Delicate fingers slid the needle from the skin of my elbow, then oh so gently rubbed and massaged away the ache such things always leave behind.

I opened my eyes and watched her.

When she finished she sat in a chair near my bed, just inside arm's reach, not so far that I'd have to lunge if I needed to defend myself. She smiled at me, but never met my eyes, looking at my ear, my shoulder, my whiskers.

This may not mean anything to you yet, but Sakda Viroj has been stripped of his license to practice.

Past her the walls of the room are muted, mottled greens, spotted like shifting light through leaves. Exercise bars have been attached to the walls at irregular intervals. I'll be able to exercise here, keep up my muscle tone.

She let me lay quietly, only speaking to say, you don't have to do that, while I wrote this.



10.02.xx ABY

Healer's Notes

The lieutenant, even while sedated, would not let go of the datapad. According to Sakda's notes this is a favorite method of his, and one I employ as the occasion merits, but if I am reading her military record correctly she is not the type to actually get much out of keeping a journal.

And yet, she clutches it to her like it is her only link to sanity.

I won't stop her from using it, not yet at least, but I worry that it might turn into as much a chain around her soul as the ones Col. Crispin found her bound in.

 

Exercise bars have been attached to the walls at irregular intervals. I'll be able to exercise here, keep up my muscle tone.
Nash's first thought is to exercise. Word.

And as for Viroj, I'd hate to run into Nash again. Oh lawd, the mess that would have to be cleaned up.

Nash may not be the type to get much out of a journal, but I sure am enjoying it. I can't see Nash falling down into retirement, so if she winds up keeping the journal as she recovers, I'm sure we can expect much awesomesauce to come. Wonderful update! Thanks!

 

Argh, sorry it took me so long to get here! I missed another doozy of a post...very nicely done! I like how you added a new healer's diary in--an INTELLIGENT healer this time. I think the Republic should let Nash stalk the Jawa till it dies of a coronary--Jawa style. That would help get her killer instincts back.

It's heartbreaking to see Nash this way...I hope you can fix her soon!

 

Hah! No more Viroj to screwup hapless patients because he can't be bothered to try and understand them. I love that the healer actually refers to it as a 'monumental screwup'...

Poor Nash!

 

It's fun to read a new voice. Good work Lilith! I hope she can really do something for Nash and I wonder how long until Nash starts making sense again...

 

Thank you, all ye few but faithful!


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11.02.xx ABY

She has her own bed on the other side of the room. She is soothingly quiet and doesn't ask anything more difficult than, would you like to eat something?

The red, dripping chunks were cut small, like for a kitling or tooth-sore elder, but there was sufficient of the warm, salty sweetness to thoroughly satisfy.

The window goes all the way from floor to ceiling, then curves over into a skylight.

I can see the stars from my bed.



11.02.xx ABY

Healer's Notes

Nashraak is very quiet. I am not referring to her obvious grace of movement and stealth. She does not speak and I am hesitant to pester her with questions and force her to speak. I cannot yet tell if this is an exagerated 'normal' for her or if it is yet another symptom of the inexcuseable torture Viroj inflicted on an obviously damaged psyche.

He's lucky they discharged him before I'd learned the full extent of the trauma. It is occasionally hard to maintain my calm, which I absolutely must do, when I think about what he did. Nashraak's sense of smell is more acute than many of the patients I have worked with before.



12.02.xx ABY

Her name is Pashuuk. She's a Bothan, an old one. Her fur is nearly silver. She doesn't mind me using the exercise bars, even late at night.

I think she may be another mind-healer, but she hasn't ever given me that look that says I'm doing something wrong. She doesn't ask a lot of questions either.

She talks about her cubs, and their cubs. She shows me holos.

They look... active.




13.02.xx ABY

She let me help her wash the dishes after lunch. Before she'd say nonsense and shoo me off to ...well, nothing. She doesn't give me any direction. How do I know what to do if she won't tell me?

I was drying a plate and she asked if Col. Crispin could visit me today. I didn't drop it. Breaking things is bad. I said, he's my commanding officer and if he needs to talk to me-

She interrupted me. Yes, but do you want him to come?

After a moment she handed me another plate and started talking about the difficulty of getting really fresh herbs to season meat with.

Her smell never changed.

 

It's nice to see a Bothan character who isn't a.) a spy, b.) an irritating government official, c.) plotting something, or d.) all of the above.

Heck, *I'd* like to spend a vacation with her. She seems very soothing to be around...

 

I guess not all Bothans are like that... Good update Lilith! You set a great mood. Nash's comment about being able to see the stars really made me feel glad for her. Wonderful!

 

I can dig a Bothan that actually has character. Let's hope this one stays helpful!

Thanks for the update! Wonderful work!

 

more trauma and drama for my few but faithful.


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14.02.xx ABY

This morning she was cleaning up after breakfast and she started singing. It was a simple little tune, like a cub's learning song. I dropped from the bar I was perched on and tried to shush her.

Someone might hear her and get angry.

She said we were perfectly safe and could do whatever we wanted.

I watched the window and door all day, but no one came.



14.02.xx ABY

Healer's Notes

Nashraak is understandably paranoid. She tried not to show it, but she spent the day searching out the garden window and the door window for someone to come discipline us for not following the rules she was taught as a slave. The only time I catch glimpses of the warrior her file says she was is when she exercises, and she does that with a single-mindedness and intensity that are at times a bit ... intimidating. I refuse to be frightened. She'd smell it instantly.

I occasionally feel sorry for the Imperials, knowing that someone like the lieutenant hates them so fiercely.



15.02.xx ABY

Pashuuk was singing again while preparing lunch. She told me I could sing along if I wanted to. I couldn't though. I tried, but I could still feel the chains around my wrists, around my neck. I started shaking. So I practiced submission holds. She asked what I was doing. I explained and offered to teach her one, in case a patient ever got violent and she needed to keep them from hurting themselves or someone else.

She said that might be a very good idea indeed.

She went back to singing while she washed the dishes after lunch, and I managed to let my tail twitch in time.



15.02.xx ABY Addendum

The urgent tapping at my window woke me.

It was Col. Crispin.

Lieutenant, are you alright? They won't let me see you. Lieutenant?

I knew better than to move away, I'd been well-trained, but I certainly couldn't make myself move any closer. I didn't even manage to sit upright on my bed. I just lay there. Sorry, sir. I'm sorry. I tried to tell them, sir. Sorry. Sorry, sir. I'm sorry.

And then Pashuuk was awake. Her anger flooded the air. I don't think I was speaking real words anymore. Pashuuk was shouting, and Col. Crispin was shouting, and then a Wookiee and a couple of Bothans in pale green hospital smocks arrived outside the window and the shouting went away.

Pashuuk slowly stopped being angry, though the scent lingered in the air. She sat down on the edge of my bed.

He's gone, child. You're perfectly safe here.

I was crying and keening down in my throat.

I'm a warrior, a hunter. A killer.

One hand was clutching the datapad, the other chafed at my wrist, where the chains no longer pressed.

Why am I so weak?

And her arms were around me, like my mother's own, and she was crooning softly.

A gentle lullaby tune.



15.02.xx ABY

Healer's Notes

If I dared leave the Iso Ward for a single moment Col. Crispin would get as severe a talking to as I have ever given someone in my entire life. I feel the lieutenant was making good progress prior to his little escapade. She was certainly acting less deferential and had stopped whimpering in her sleep, less like an overly chastened child and more like an independent adult.

I fear that's something I won't see again for some time.

While I applaud the colonel's dedication to ensuring the well-being of those under his command, his actions tonight, no matter how well-intentioned, have badly scared Nashraak. Though it bothers me to have to resort to those sorts of things, I wound up having to drug her back to sleep.

Treatment note: Make sure Crispin gets daily updates on the lieutenant's progress. Keep it simple, but sufficient to make sure he doesn't resort to sneaking over the wall into the Iso Garden to check on her again.



16.02.xx ABY

The morning light shone across the window, perfectly positioned to reveal the colonel's hand print on the otherwise pristine glass. I stared

 

Wow, Lilith! This diary is filled with every kind of emotion... just a wonderful piece of work!

Why am I so weak?

You know Nash feels awful when she thinks this of herself. The detail in these entries is amazing! Thanks for the update!

 

This is an insanely emotional masterpiece. What an amazing piece of work, you've made...I can't believe how messed up Nash is, or how good her new mindhealer is, or how well you've written this. If only she could have gotten her to begin with...I can't wait till Pashuuk sees the depth of her trauma, then I'm sure she's gonna show Nash where the Jawa lived and give her a rusty spoon to kill ilght-eyes with.

Wonderful! Keep up the amazing work!