Story [Doctor Who/Crossovers] The Drabbles of Doom - 4/30: Zodin's Song

Title: Sweet Home, Chicago
Crossover: Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Originally Posted: 19 September, 1998


"Okay, Doctor," Tegan relented. "I have had fun today."

"I haven't," Turlough moaned.

Tegan laughed dismissively. "What about everything we've seen? The Sears Tower? Board of Trade? Navy Pier? Lincoln Park Zoo?"

"The Cubs game?" the Doctor added.

"Dull."

The Doctor grinned. "A parade! Everybody loves a parade!"

* * *

"Where's the Doctor gone now?" Tegan asked impatiently.

Turlough shrugged.

Someone announced he was going to sing. "And I'd like to dedicate it to a young man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today." Turlough fumed. "Cameron Frye, this one's for you."

"Sorry," the Doctor said. "Somebody else got there first."

 

Title: A Rather Interesting Extraterrestrial Lifeform
Crossover: The Clangers
Setting: Shortly after "The Sea Devils"
Originally Posted: 19 September, 1998


The Master gleefully danced around the console. "Free at last!" he chortled.

He was interrupted by the sound of materialisation. "So soon?" For a moment, he feared that he hadn't left Earth after all, but the image on the scanner allayed that fear. It was oddly familiar, though.

Then he saw the figure move across the screen and laughed. "Just puppets? That Trenchard was a fool! I think I could stay awhile."

* * *

Eight hours later, the shrunken bodies of five Clangers lay at the Master's feet.

The Time Lord sighed and grinned. "That's better. What had I ever been thinking?"

 

Skipping a couple I can't post...


Title: A Who Day's Night
Originally Posted: 28 September, 1998


The short Doctor in the fedora, the large one in the hideous coat, and the tall one in the scarf looked first at the youth wearing celery, then at the man with the long white hair.

"Who's he?" the Sixth Doctor asked the Fifth.

"He's our first incarnation."

"How d'you reckon that one?" the Fourth asked.

"Well, everyone's entitled to thirteen, aren't they? This is our first one. I'm supposed to keep him from starting any trouble."

"Trouble?" the Seventh asked.

"He's a king mixer. Got the Thals and Daleks to war over nothing."

"He's very clean," the Seventh declared.

 

Title: The Reluctant Archangel
Doctor: Fourth
Originally Posted: 6 October, 1998


"Perhaps it's a church," the Doctor suggested.

"It's dark," Romana added unnecessarily.

The Doctor pushed the door control lever. "A little dark never bothers me."

He started to stride out, then paused in the doorway. The light from the TARDIS interior spilled out into a grand cathedral, and his shadow stretched to the far side.

And right in the middle of his shadow knelt a young girl, probably no more than thirteen. "Oh, hello," the Doctor said.

The girl averted her eyes. "Archangel Michael," she whispered.

"Excuse me?" Romana asked from behind the Doctor.

"Saint Catherine? I am truly blessed!"

 

Woah!!

 

Title: When You Regenerate...
Originally Posted: 6 October, 1998


As the Doctor dragged his ravaged body through the woods, he gave no thought to the dirt and the bugs; his mind was only on reaching the TARDIS. Even as he felt regeneration begin, he kept crawling, not stopping until he reached the ship's wardrobe.

* * *

The Doctor leaned on his umbrella and looked up at his young companion. "It took me a while to find something in my size, but I did fairly well, didn't I?"

"Very nice, but..."

"What?"

"Can you change species when you regenerate?"

"Why?"

She handed him a small mirror. "Doctor, you're a cricket."

"Jumping Jiminy!"

 

Poor Doctor

 

[Edited slightly for language.]

Title: Something Nasty
Crossover: Cold Comfort Farm
Originally Posted: 22 October, 1998


Father had warned her about coming to this part of the farm, but Ada never understood why. After all, she was a big girl now, even if father insisted she was no bigger than a bitty-wren.

Amongst some trees, she saw a woodshed. She crept up to it and heard her father inside. She opened the door and saw him kissing some brownish creature with a really high head and suckers all over its body. The thing saw her and screamed.

"Esther, what... Ada!" her father yelled.

Ada screamed and ran. "Mummy, mummy! I saw something nasty in the woodshed!"

 

Title: A Vocabulary Lesson
Doctor: Second
Originally Posted: 27 October, 1998


Jamie looked at the letters again, then tried sounding them out, but they refused to make any sense. He turned to Victoria. "That's not a real word, is it?"

Victoria looked back at him with a confused expression that probably matched his own. "I don't know. I've never seen it before."

Jamie turned to the Doctor. "Are you sure that's a real word?"

The Doctor gasped in mock surprise. "Of course it's a real word! Do you think I would play a word that I made up?"

Jamie shook his head. "I guess not. Okay, Doctor, what is a Kwyjibo?"

 

Oh, Scrabble

 

Title: On the Button
Doctor: Fifth
Originally Posted: 30 October, 1998


"Together again," the Doctor said, putting an arm around each of his companions, "and I know just the place to go."

Tegan grinned. "Let me guess. The Eye of Orion."

* * *

"Are you sure this is it?" Nyssa asked.

"Why?"

"My body's tingling," Tegan commented.

"That's the ozone in the air."

"And what's with this fog?"

The Doctor looked around. "It is more substantial than I remember."

"It's not much like fog at all," Nyssa said.

Tegan tore some off. "It feels like lint."

The Doctor frowned.

"We've missed again, haven't we?"

"Not by much. This is the Navel of Orion."

 

At this point, I was nearing the end of my first hundred Doctor Who drabbles (though not quite so many got posted here), so these next few had a bit of a theme.

Title: Firstborn Son
Doctor: First
Originally Posted: 22 November, 1998


The big brown eyes followed the finger slowly, and two tiny hands reached out for it. The Doctor giggled. "You're a bright boy, aren't you? Just like your mother."

From the other side of the room, Susan looked up. "You made it!" She crossed over, her husband in tow, and hugged the old man.

"Of course I made it, child! I missed the wedding; there's no way I'll miss your first son's bris!"

Susan smiled. "Did you know we named him after you? David was against it at first."

"Susan eventually convinced me, though. Besides, maybe he'll grow into 'Grandfather.'"

 

Title: Double Platinum
Doctor: Second
Originally Posted: 22 November, 1998


"...Was Johnny Chess with 'Martian Law'. Next, hanging onto the top spot for the fourth straight week is 'Timeless' by Doctor and the Companions."

* * *

Jamie put his arm around Zoe and raised his champagne glass. "I'd like to make a toast to the man who founded this band, taught me to play the drums, wrote the songs, who got the record company to notice us. Doctor, this one's for you."

"The Doctor!" everyone chorused.

"Thank you, Jamie, Zoe. I look around this room and think, 'I'm old! No wonder I'm not on the album artwork! Is anyone here even thirty?"

 

Title: Three AM Shocker
Doctor: Third
Originally Posted: 22 November, 1998


The clock struck the hour, and the Brigadier began to sing.

"Sir," Sergeant Benton interrupted, "midnight was hours ago."

"It's gotta be midnight somewhere!" The Brigadier went back to his singing.

Benton wandered over to Corporal Bell. "Where's Captain Yates?" she asked.

"Off with Miss Grant, I expect. No, wait; there he is. Captain?"

"Can't talk, Benton. Jo wants to meet me in the linen closet." He staggered away.

"Odd," Bell said. "I just saw her leave the other way."

A moment later, the Doctor burst in. "Try to pass out in peace and an oversexed captain starts snogging you!"

 

Title: Four He's a Jolly Good Fellow
Doctor: Fourth
Originally Posted: 22 November, 1998


"...And that nobody can deny," the guests finished.

Sarah Jane smiled. "I'm touched. Of course, I'm neither he nor a fellow, but I'm touched."

"I say, it sounds like the old thing's mellowed," someone behind her said.

"Not that much, Harry Sullivan." She turned around and hugged him.

"Look who I brought." Harry stepped to the side.

"Doctor!"

"Hello, Sarah Jane. Retiring from the hectic city life?"

"Ha. After a few years with you, even New York seems dreadfully tame. No, I'm just going back to England to look after my aunt's house."

"Really? You must give me the address."

 

Have you spotted the theme yet?


Title: A Fifth of Bourbon
Doctor: Fifth
Originally Posted: 22 November, 1998


"Are you having fun?" Tegan shouted, struggling to make herself heard.

"Sure!" Nyssa said. "You're not?" Just then, a couple wearing fifty kilograms of beads but little else pushed between them.

"I'm getting a headache!"

From nowhere, the Doctor appeared before them. "Enjoying Carnaval?" he asked, audible without shouting.

"Tegan has a headache."

"It is a bit loud. Where's Adric?"

"There."

Adric stood atop a parade float, a laughing woman on each arm. "I'm the King of the Carnaval!" he shouted.

"Oh no," the Doctor sighed.

Tegan closed her eyes. "Can't he ever get drunk without taking off his clothes?"

 

Title: Six out of Ten for Difficulty
Doctor: Sixth
Originally Posted: 22 November, 1998


As the anthem played, six young women stood proudly on the platform. In the audience, Peri cried while the Doctor stood to attention, one hand over each heart.

"I used to be a gymnast," he whispered.

"In a prior regeneration, of course."

"You don't think I could do it now?" The Doctor handed her his coat. "Watch this."

A minute later, he was walking across the arena to the balance beam. With surprising grace, he jumped onto the beam and began a seemingly impossible routine. At the end, everyone applauded except, of course, for the several dozen waiting security guards.

 

I don't know if anyone's bothering to read these, but this is something of a naughty favorite. Though set during the New Adventure novel Happy Endings, the punchline goes back to the infamous Delta and the Bannermen novelisation typo. As for the crossover, it's just because Holmes and Watson really were there in the NA.


Title: The Seventh Doctor's Astounding Party Piece
Setting: During the NA Happy Endings
Crossover: Sherlock Holmes
Originally Posted: 22 November, 1998


The Doctor slammed another glass to the table. "That should be enough."

"Trying to get drunk?" Watson asked.

Holmes laughed. "I doubt even the Doctor's alien biology would allow him to become intoxicated by water."

"Should I go get it now?" Jason asked. The Doctor nodded, and the new groom left.

* * *

Across the room, Benny looked at the Doctor and the small gathering of men, then at her husband and Chris, who were carrying something toward them. Realisation dawned suddenly, and she ran over.

"Oh no you don't, Doctor! Jason, Chris, you get that shelf out of here right now!"

 

Just in time for the show's 35th anniversary, this was my 99th Doctor Who drabble and wraps up this themed series (since the actual 100th-drabble conclusion isn't postable here).


Title: Eighteen Candles
Doctor: Eighth
Originally Posted: 22 November, 1998


The Doctor looked back at Sam and grinned. "Did Coal Hill have dances?"

"Sure. I never went though. Why?"

* * *

Sam downed a cup of punch, then choked as another was offered.

"Hey, I'm Matt," the boy said, sitting next to her. "You look like you're not having any fun."

"Sam. I'm not." She took the punch.

"Do you go to school here? I haven't seen you."

"No, my friend and I are guests of a teacher."

"Oh, who's your friend?"

Sam pointed at the centre of the floor, where students were chanting, "Go Doctor! Go Doctor! Go, go, go Doctor!"

 

Title: Haute Couture
Doctor: Fourth
Setting: Right after "The Androids of Tara"
Originally Posted: 24 November, 1998


Romana followed K9 into the TARDIS and set the segment on the console. "I just realised."

"Realised what?" asked the Doctor as he entered.

Romana let the Doctor look at her outfit. "This was supposed to be 'what everyone is wearing this year,'" she explained. "But did you see one Taran wearing anything like it?"

"Well, no."

"Your TARDIS goofed."

"On the other hand, there is a lot of year left."

"What does that mean?"

The Doctor activated the scanner, and showed a scene of the royal court, where purple and green outfits abounded. "Face it, Romana. You're a trendsetter."

 

I lurk a lot, and I'm sure there's others. I'm not as familiar with Classic Who, but I'm still enjoying these.

 

I did have some pretty obscure inspirations....


Title: The Perils of Upgrades
Doctor: Sixth
Originally Posted: 27 November, 1998


Mel set the book aside, too excited to read. She already wore her beach attire and was impatiently waiting to hear the wheeze of materialisation. Then it came, and she shot into the corridor, running full out.

The Doctor was already there when Mel ran into the console room. As usual, he wore his hideous coat.

"Let's go!" Mel said.

"The TARDIS hasn't fully materialised."

Mel listened. The wheeze was still going. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. Perhaps it's something to do with a certain companion's insistence that the words 'Police Box' be replaced by a JavaScript scroll."

"Sorry, Doctor."

 

Title: Forrester's Frustration
Originally Posted: 1 December, 1998


Benny stopped in the hallway as a string of invectives shot around the corner.

"What did I just bleeping say?" Roz was shouting, after a fashion. "Park your bleep in that chair, and don't bleeping look at me like that! Now if you come over to this side of the room again, I'll break your bleeping legs, got me?"

Benny smiled. Chris always seemed to bring out Roz's maternal instincts.

Roz screamed. "Get the bleep off me, bleeper!" Benny raised an eyebrow. "That's it, I bleeping warned you!"

Seconds later, Wolsey came flying around the corner, followed closely by Roz.

 

Title: Romana's Revenge
Doctor: Fourth
Originally Posted: 4 December, 1998


The Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS, looked around at the various artworks, and instantly recognised where he was.

"Hello, Doctor," a thin, bespectacled man said.

The Doctor grinned. "Irving! How are you?"

"Not bad."

Behind the Doctor, Romana emerged. "Oh, the Braxiatel Collection! I came once as a student. Whatever you say, Doctor; it doesn't look so silly to me."

"Silly?"

The Doctor flushed. "What? I never said any..."

"You said it didn't compare to the Louvre."

"Well, of course, I did sort of..."

Braxiatel nodded. "Ah, well, the Louvre's the best. That's why I bought it last year."

 

Title: Zodin's Song
Originally Posted: 7 December, 1998


The universe began to blur; the time was nigh. Then a shadow fell over Zodin's face.

Zodin coughed. "Rani, is that... is that you?"

"Of course it's me, darling. Who else would it be?"

"I always knew I could trust you to come. Always there to encourage my dreams, you were. Now I'll never realise them. I'll never... never take over the galaxy."

The Rani frowned. "Zodin, dear, you're just regenerating."

"But it won't be the same."

"Why ever not?"

"I wanted to rule while I still looked... pretty."

"Zodin, Zodin, Zodin. What makes you think you were ever pretty?"