Beyond - Legends Eternal Sorrow: A Han Solo Journal ~ Dear Diary Challange 2009 (Updated 4/11/09)

Title: Eternal Sorrow
Author: CPL_Macja
Character: Han Solo (post Anakin's death, pre-LoF)
Disclaimer: This is Lucas's universe... I am just a simple man, trying to make my way in it.

---

Today part of me died... My heart has left me... No man should ever have to out live one of their children, especially one of his sons... I would never wish this pain on anyone, not even my worst enemies... not Fett... not Jabba... not Palpatine... not even the [i]kriifing[/i] Vong, no I wish this on the Vong, they are the ones that gave me this pain.

My son was my life... someone else's pain is going to fill this void in my life... someone will pay for his death

 

I know this one is going to depress the hell out of me, but sign me up for PMs anyway.

Sometimes one has to wallow in the sorrow.

 

Oh, poor Han!

Very few things can make me cry, but I have a feeling this is going to be one of them.

My son was my life... someone else's pain is going to fill this void in my life... someone will pay for his death

I hope Han eventually realizes that revenge will not help ease his pain.

I think I'm really going to like this. Keep up the good work!

 

Entry #2

I feel sorry for Leia, the instent that our son went super-nova, she felt it... Every time he was in pain, Leia felt it... The darkness that Jaina has gone to, Leia feels it... Jacen's survival, Leia feels it... Tahiri's despear at the lose of her "love", Leia feels it... My anger at the world, Leia feels it...

I now know why Jedi need to control their emotions, they are constantly bombarded with ours... You know, I don't feel sorry for Leia... at least she can feel something, rather then being numb...like me.

 

Aye, I really like this.

Would you PM me when you update, please?

 

I now know why Jedi need to control their emotions, they are constantly bombarded with ours... You know, I don't feel sorry for Leia... at least she can feel something, rather then being numb...like me.

 

Thank you both for your support of my adventures (sometimes misguided as they are) in Fan Fiction writing.
I will typically update this Diary on Thursdays, this post is just a catchup post since I got this one started late.

---

[b]Entry #3[/b]

I feel like I have lost all of my children... Anakin is now "one with the Force" (whatever that means)... Jacen is still missing from the mission that I lost Anakin to... Jaina took off to find her brothers...

On top of all that I lost Chewie... Anakin blamed himself for Chewie's death (I didn't help alieve that belief)... Leia is filling his seat on the Falcon, but she still isn't the big hair oaf...

I wonder if Anakin knew that I didn't really blame him for Chewie's death...

I guess now I won't ever really know...........

 

I'm pretty sure Anakin knew Han didn't blame him for Chewie's death.
Goodness -- Han isn't in a good state of mind at all, now is he?

I hope he gets better soon.

 

Poor Han!

 

Entry #4

I had to do the unthinkable... I buried my son... Anakin... my little boy... Jaina brought him back... but not Jacen... I know in my heart that my other boy is dead too... even Jaina doesn't seem right to me... Leia said that she no longer could see the Light in our daughter...

Truly my world has turned to eternal night... all are lost......

 

Poor Han! I've always had a soft spot for the rogue that was left out in the cold with all this "Force" stuff.

Very dark and solemn.




If you have a PM list, please add me to it!

 

Corellian_Ale Thank you for joining my point of view of Han's suffering through the loss of a son. You will be PM'd from now on.
VaderLVR64 Thank you for the applause.

---

[b]Entry #5[/b]

My heart is torn... my boys are missing from me... my daughter is walking on the razors edge of become that which I have fought so long to help destroy... If it wasn't for the love of my wife, Leia, and the outlet of this journal I would never have the strength to become whole again...

I must become whole again... I must help Leia keep this family together... I must bury my baby... I must find my son... I must pull my daughter away from the edge... I must become Han Solo once more... For all of our sakes...

 

Poor Han!

 

I must become whole again... I must help Leia keep this family together... I must bury my baby... I must find my son... I must pull my daughter away from the edge... I must become Han Solo once more... For all of our sakes...

My heart almost broke when I read this part. So, so sad.

Good job, CPL_Macja.

 

PM notification list, please! Poor Han... that's quite a to-do list he has.

What touched me the most was the statement "I must become Han Solo once more... for all our sakes." He must pull himself together, at least he is now letting himself be supported by and is supporting Leia. It was a mistake the first time with Chewie to distance himself from everyone, he learned from bitter experience that family must pull itself together rather than tear itself apart...

 

At least Han has finally decided to pull himself back together.
His family and friends need him.

Great update.

 

Just a quick PM List Check before I write and post this weeks edition:

1. VaderLVR64
2. Ceillean
3. CorellianAle
4. dm1

Anyone I missed?

I want to thank everyone for their continued support of my somewhat depressing look into Han's journey through one of the roughed chapters in his life.

 

nicely done macja, and i would like to be on the PM list for this.

i've always kinda wandered what han was thinking through this time period, and this is probably a very good aproximation of it. you set the mood extremely well, and one can't help but feel sorry for han.

:snoopy

 

Poor Han! this is so great but it makes me sad. I hate to see Han sad.

Great job though, it's very good.

 

Thank you all for joining me in this look at a painful part of Han's life.

---

Entry #6

Leia and I are on our way to Borleias to meet up with Wedge, Lando, Tycho, and some of our other old rebel friends... I now realize that Leia has been hurt just as bad as I have with the loss of our boys... We are rebuilding our marriage one moment at a time...

Our daughter has rejoined the fight the only way that she knows how, in the cockpit of a starfighter... Our other 'daughter', Tehiri, has been acting extremely odd since Anakin died (even for a person who had been captured by the Vong)...

I now realize that my family needs me as much as I need them... I guess I am not the loner that I used to be...

 

I now realize that my family needs me as much as I need them... I guess I am not the loner that I used to be...

How true. And that's probably a source of both pain and joy for Han.

 

Quite an emotional journal, then again quite an emotional time for Han Solo and his family. You did a good job capturing the mood for this journal of his very well written.

 

How sweet that Han considers Tahiri to be one of his daughters. And good for him that he realizes that he's not the only one hurting from this. Han needs to remember to be there for his family, too.

Great job!

 

*sniff* Poor poor Han I have always wanted to read about this part in history. Please add me to the PM list too.
Great Job.