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Saga Gundark in the Room (one-shot - Obi-Wan, Bail, Anakin, Padme)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by skygawker, Dec 17, 2014.

  1. skygawker

    skygawker Jedi Knight star 3

    May 25, 2014
    Title: Gundark in the Room
    Timeframe: Sometime during the Clone Wars.
    Characters: Bail Organa, Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padme Amidala.
    Genre: Humor
    Summary: In which Anakin overreacts, Padme wishes she had married someone with a sense of subtlety, Obi-Wan pretends to be oblivious, and Bail is torn between exasperation and amusement.

    One of the most frustrating things about politics, in Bail Organa's opinion, was the frankly ridiculous amount of time spent talking around certain subjects. The Senate chamber was a place of elegant circumlocution, of people spending inordinate amounts of time dancing around the point they were really trying to make in order to avoid offending any of their political allies, or admitting to the less-than-admirable motives behind their opinion.

    Case in point: Bail had spent most of his day trying to convince various Senators that they ought to vote against the Military Funds Appropriations Act, the latest in a series of bills which - according to the Senator who had proposed it (though Bail was absolutely sure the man was only being a mouthpiece for Chancellor Palpatine) - would create a safer and more secure galaxy by allowing the Republic to increase spending on the war so that the military could be present in systems which as of yet had been left alone, and thus better defend against the Separatist threat to democracy. The one minor catch being that the credits being added to the military budget would be siphoned out of unimportant social programs like, oh, say public education and infrastructure.

    Bail had spoken to a number of his colleagues, all of whom had explained in great detail that they felt that the danger of the Separatist to their individual systems was more urgent than any other issue; Bail in return had politely suggested that there was absolutely no reason for peaceful systems to be overseen by the Republic military, especially at the cost of programs which actually directly benefited their constituents. And none of them had mentioned what everybody including Bail knew was the real reason why this bill had majority support: the seemingly directly proportional relationship between any given Senator's support of programs backed by the Supreme Chancellor and his or her current political influence. Bail hadn't mentioned it either, because that would only have put the person he was talking to on the defensive, but it was irritating as all hell to have to talk in circles in order to avoid mentioning what was actually being discussed.

    The point is, Bail Organa was no stranger to acting oblivious to a gundark in the room, but even he thought that feigning ignorance in the current situation was absolutely ridiculous. The situation in question? A dinner party, with two of his closest friends and the two's mutual closest friend.

    It wasn't entirely unusual for him to eat dinner with Padme Amidala and/or Obi-Wan Kenobi, but the addition of Anakin Skywalker was fairly new. The evening had been going pretty well, with only low-level awkwardness coming from the fact that he and Anakin seemed to have absolutely nothing in common to connect over. Padme and Obi-Wan both insisted that Anakin had hidden depths, but in the few times Bail had met him he hadn't noticed any redeeming features to the boy beyond his skill as a Jedi General. But tonight Anakin hadn't done anything particularly obnoxious or confrontational, and as they had begun to converse after finishing the meal, Bail had begun to accept the idea that the evening might actually be relaxing.

    Relaxing, that was, until Padme - who was normally pretty graceful, dammit - had gotten up to fetch some more wine, and tripped over the bottom of her dress as she returned to the table. Obi-Wan had looked over in concern. Bail, seeing that Padme was all right, had snickered a little at her misfortune. And Anakin had practically gone into hysterics and rushed over to her side.

    "Oh gods. Padme, are you okay? Talk to me angel, oh kriff, is that blood, stay with me, it's gonna be okay I promise-"

    To which Padme had hastily replied "Anakin, I'm fine. Seriously, it's just red wine, my ego's a little bruised but that's all. Ani, I'm fine, stop making a scene..."

    It had taken nearly a minute for Anakin to calm down and for them both to return to their seats. Which brought them to right now - all four of them sitting in awkward silence, trying to pretend that Anakin's reaction had been totally normal for a Code-following Jedi Knight with only a platonic interest in his friend (or for anyone else, for that matter. Bail loved his wife, but he was pretty sure he would never have a miniature panic attack just because she tripped). Padme and Anakin were blushing and avoiding eye contact with each other.

    The situation was borderline ridiculous. Bail was fully aware that Anakin and Padme were in some sort of romantic relationship - you'd have to be blind, deaf and stupid not to notice the way the two acted around each other. Obi-Wan was just as knowledgeable about the pair as he, judging by the very deliberate way he had been studying the table ever since Anakin had overreacted. What's more, Bail was almost entirely certain that Padme, at least, knew that the two of them knew. So the fact that all four of them were avoiding saying anything that even implied that there was anything more than friendship between the pair was the most futile, pointless exercise that Bail had ever taken part in. There was literally nobody to be fooled.

    "This food is delicious, Bail," Obi-Wan said eventually, gesturing at his plate which had been empty for a good fifteen minutes.

    "Thanks," Bail replied, wishing desperately that he had stuck with his original plan and invited only the Jedi Master; evenings with just himself and Obi-Wan were never anywhere near this uncomfortable. "I, uh, made it myself."

    Yet again, there was a long and awkward silence.

    "The weather's supposed to be nice tomorrow," Padme offered valiantly.

    Obi-Wan nodded sagely. "Yes, I heard that too."

    Anakin jumped up from his seat. "You know what? I just remembered that I have, um, a thing to do tonight, " he babbled. "Yeah, I told someone I would meet them and, uh, meditate. About something. A disturbance in the force. Yep, a disturbance. Oh, Padme, I'm going to go to your apartment first so that Artoo and Threepio can catch up with each other, so maybe I'll see you later. Or maybe not, because I'm not going to stay at your apartment, I'm gonna go back to the Temple for the night and meditate. Okay. Bye." He left.

    Bail raised an eyebrow at Obi-Wan, who pretended not to notice - unless the other man had been misleading Bail in his tales of Anakin's apprenticeship, the younger Jedi had never voluntarily meditated a day in his life.

    Exactly two minutes later, Padme made her excuses ("Early Senate session tomorrow, don't want to stay up too late" even though it was only eight o'clock and tomorrow's session was at exactly the same time as usual). She exited with only somewhat more grace than Anakin had, leaving Bail and Obi-Wan alone at the table. As soon as the door shut, Bail burst into laughter.

    He leaned forward across the table. " You should ask Anakin how his 'meditation session' went the next time you see him. I mean, I'm sure he's getting in touch with the Living Force in a very intimate way."

    "I have absolutely no idea what you're implying," Obi-Wan said, burying his face in his hands. "None at all."

    "Keep telling yourself that, my friend," Bail replied. "Another drink?"

    "Oh Force, yes please."
  2. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Aug 31, 2004
    [face_rofl] [face_mischief] Yup, there's a gundark in the room alright and it's purple. 8-} =D=
    Kahara, Findswoman and Chyntuck like this.
  3. Viridian-Maiden

    Viridian-Maiden Jedi Master star 1

    Aug 14, 2013
    Made me laugh, and "Force" knows I needed that today! :)
    Kahara and Chyntuck like this.
  4. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Jul 11, 2014
    Bwa ha ha! That was hilarious! Another drink? :p
    Kahara and Nyota's Heart like this.
  5. skygawker

    skygawker Jedi Knight star 3

    May 25, 2014

    Glad you liked it! If I were Obi-Wan, I'm sure dealing with Anakin's antics would have driven me to drink. :p
    Kahara, Ewok Poet and Chyntuck like this.
  6. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Feb 27, 2014
    Hah! This was really funny. Loved the Natalie Portman-ness and Hayden Christensen-ness of it all—felt like I could hear their voices in A and P's cutely awkward verbal fumbling. Kudos on turning the awkward romance of the prequels into something really delightful! =D=
  7. skygawker

    skygawker Jedi Knight star 3

    May 25, 2014
    Indeed :p Thanks for reading!

    Heh, glad you thought it was funny. Thanks for reading!

    Anakin and Padme are so very awkward, aren't they? It's sort of a defining feature of their romance in the movies. :p Thanks for the comment!
    Kahara and Findswoman like this.
  8. Raissa Baiard

    Raissa Baiard Chosen One star 4

    Nov 22, 1999
    Smooth, Ani, very smooth.

    *snerk* Yes, yes he is. :D

    What a great, fun story! Bravo, skygawker!
    Kahara likes this.
  9. AngelQueen

    AngelQueen Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 1, 2001

    OhdearForce that was hysterical! Yeah, love Obi-Wan pretending to be oblivious about this particular gundark. HAHAHA!

    Thanks for sharing! :)
    Kahara likes this.
  10. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Jul 11, 2014
    I re-read this before posting my congrats for your awards nomination and I'm laughing my socks off again. However, I want to add that what makes this little story a truly brilliant one (in addition to being uproariously funny) is the fact that it integrates seamlessly the very same galactic and personal-level politics that led the prequel trilogy to its logical conclusion. I am hereby declaring this part of my head-canon :)
    Kahara, AngelQueen and Findswoman like this.
  11. Kahara

    Kahara Chosen One star 4

    Mar 3, 2001
    Just re-found this when I saw the nomination (congratulations! [face_dancing]) The last few lines are what really get me. Two lovers twitterpated, two snarkers snarking (I have a further enhanced glee for that part after listening to Wild Space, which is about 2/3 Bail and Obi-Wan snarking at each other [face_laugh]), and a gundark in the room indeed.
    Findswoman likes this.
  12. skygawker

    skygawker Jedi Knight star 3

    May 25, 2014
    Thanks! I'm glad you like it :D

    Thanks for reading! Yep, Obi-Wan is looking so hard in the other direction that he's going to get a crick in his neck to avoid seeing Anakin and Padme's obviousness. :p

    Thank you! Wild Space and the other Karen Miller novels were definitely part of what wanted to make me write these characters in this situation - Bail and Obi-Wan snark is the best sort of snark. :)
  13. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 27, 2005

    This was hilarious! Who did Anakin and Padme think they were fooling! Love their excuses and Bail and Obi-Wan commiserating.
  14. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Jul 31, 2014
    Finally getting around to reading some of your stuff.

    For some reason, hadn't this one been described as humour, I would have never seen it as such, as it does not even resemble dark comedy. Now, it can be one of those "from my point of view, the Jedi are evil" things and related to the way I perceive each of the four characters and their synergy. To put it frankly, I found most of it downright disturbing. There are signs that something awful is going to happen and Padmé, Bail and Obi-Wan all rationalise it in their own little ways: she is in love and she had seen the little Ani back in the days and got to know his life, the master is regularly cutting some slack to his protegee and Bail, the muggliest of the muggles can sense something, but chooses not to act on it.

    Either way, an enjoyable character study!
  15. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Chosen One star 10

    Mar 26, 2001
    I have my doubts about whether Obi-Wan would have been so hands-off if he were this aware of the romantic involvement, but this was absolutely hysterical.
  16. skygawker

    skygawker Jedi Knight star 3

    May 25, 2014
    Anakin and Padme were pretty obvious, weren't they? Glad you enjoyed it!

    Thanks for reading! Yeah, definitely some darker undercurrents beneath the surface absurdity of the situation.

    I tend to think that Obi-Wan guessed they were having some sort of affair - since he guessed Anakin as the father of Padme's child so quickly - I just don't think he realized they were in a marriage/committed relationship, as opposed to something that Anakin would be ultimately willing to prioritize below his duties as a Jedi. I'm glad you found it funny; thanks for reading and commenting!
    Ewok Poet likes this.
  17. JediMaster_Jen

    JediMaster_Jen Force Ghost star 4

    Jun 3, 2002
    Just one more time Anakin drove Obi-Wan to drink. [face_laugh] Well done.
  18. skygawker

    skygawker Jedi Knight star 3

    May 25, 2014
    One of many, I'm sure :p Thanks for reading!
    Ewok Poet likes this.