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Beyond - Legends HK-47 and the Super Evil Chaos Twins of Evil (AU, OCs, humor, one-shot, OC Comedy Challenge 2021)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ViariSkywalker , Feb 4, 2021.

  1. ViariSkywalker

    ViariSkywalker Kessel Run Hostess and Champion star 4 VIP - Game Winner VIP - Game Host

    Aug 9, 2002
    Title: HK-47 and the Super Evil Chaos Twins of Evil
    Author: ViariSkywalker
    Timeframe: approx. 52-53 ABY
    Characters: Darth Ferrus (OC), Darth Festus (OC), HK-47
    Genre: AU, humor, general, one-shot, vignettes

    Darth Ferrus asks his brother to buy a maintenance droid for their ship, but Darth Festus has a slightly different idea.

    Notes: Pretty sure I was replaying both KOTOR games around the time I started writing Enter the Foreign, so I suppose it makes sense that my mind would go here when I started imagining a humorous scenario for the super evil chaos twins of evil. This was written for the OC Revolution 1st Quarter 2021 comedy challenge.

    I can't decide if I consider this canon with the rest of the EtF-verse, because it's somewhat of a crack!fic, but it probably is. Maybe.

    If you aren’t familiar with HK-47, I highly recommend searching “best of HK-47” on youtube. The results should give you a pretty good glimpse into what this character is all about. He’s hilarious. Man, I miss playing those games.

    Disclaimer: I don’t own Star Wars. I mean, that’s pretty obvious, right? o_O

    Thanks to @Gabri_Jade for her encouragement and beta work, and all credit to @Mira_Jade for coining the name “super evil chaos twins of evil” ;)[face_mischief]


    HK-47 and the Super Evil Chaos Twins of Evil

    Day 1

    Darth Ferrus glares across the ship’s hold at the two figures standing at the top of the open ramp. “You had one job,” he says with a growl.

    His twin brother gestures toward his companion in his usual flippant manner. “What? You said we needed a droid.”

    “A maintenance droid. Maintenance.”

    Darth Festus looks over at the tall, bipedal droid standing next to him, and shrugs. “He says he can fix things.”

    The droid’s servos whir as it turns its head toward Festus, optic sensors glowing amber in the dim light of the cargo hold. “Statement: I am most adept at fixing things, yes indeed, Master. Provide me with the right tools, and I will fix any number of things for you.”

    Ferrus can already feel the headache gathering strength behind his eyes. He examines the droid’s rust-colored chassis, its long, sturdy limbs, its expressionless and vaguely triangular face – and he wonders why the hell he even bothered asking his brother to do anything. He takes a long, deep breath. “What kind of tools would those happen to be?”

    “Statement: I am sure that I do not need to tell my new masters which tools are best for my line of work. I am but a humble droid.”

    Festus is trying to hide a smirk behind his hand and doing a terrible job of it. “Hey, droid, why don’t you tell my brother what your favorite tool is?”

    “Commentary: I have always had a fondness for disruptor rifles, though I have on many occasions made use of a simple Aratech sniper rifle and found the experience to be quite enjoyable.”

    Ferrus scowls at his brother. “Maintenance,” he says, emphasizing each and every syllable. “You bastard, you bought a damn assassin droid.”


    Day 17

    Ferrus points a finger directly at the droid’s head. “You’re staying on the ship.”

    The droid leans to one side, staring out at the bustling spaceport visible beyond the ship’s open ramp. “Objection: And miss out on a chance to eviscerate some sniveling, soft-bellied organic meatbag? Master, you are cruel.”

    His brother sidles up next to him and gestures toward the droid. “How can you say no to that face?”

    Ferrus crosses his arms over his chest and glares down at his twin. “Easily. And forcefully, if necessary.”

    “Statement: Oh, Master, how it thrills me to hear you threaten me with violence. It bodes well for your treatment of our enemies.”

    “For the last time, we don’t have enemies – we have targets. And most of the time we need to bring them in alive.”

    “Unfortunately,” Festus mutters, eyebrows raised as he looks at the droid and sighs.

    “Observation: If you were to take up assassination work, you would always be able to kill your targets.”

    Festus cocks his head to one side and taps a finger to his chin. “The droid does have a point.”

    Ferrus lets out a gruff laugh. “You want to be an assassin? Go around killing government leaders and politicians, all for a bunch of spineless, drooling sycophants who don’t even have the guts to do the job themselves? Have fun with that.”

    “You’re right, that does sound pretty boring.” One corner of his brother’s mouth twitches as he tries to hold back a grin. “I’m impressed that you even know the word ‘sycophant’.”

    Ferrus lowers his chin and scowls. “You think you’re the only one around here with any brains?”

    “Well sure. I’m the clever twin, and you’re the dumb brute.” Festus tilts his head a little, and that stupid grin widens. “Is that not how this relationship works?”

    For a brief moment, Ferrus seriously considers punching his brother in the face. Then the moment passes, and he unclenches his jaw and smiles. “No, brother. I’m the strong one, and you’re the crazy one, remember?”

    He feels a faint, dark flicker through their twin bond, but Festus just smiles and turns to the droid. “What do you think, HK?”

    “Statement: I think if you take much longer arguing over which of you frail, water-filled sacks of flesh is marginally superior to the other, you are going to lose the bounty you are hunting, and I will stand here laughing at your ineptitude because you ordered me not to leave the ship.” The droid nods its head at Festus. “In the most respectful way possible, Master, of course.”

    Festus stares at the droid in open awe. “So much sass.”

    Ferrus yanks his lightsaber off his belt and shoves past his brother, heading down the lowered ramp. “Come on, idiot. We’ve got work to do.”


    Day 49


    “Query: Have you injured yourself, Master?”

    Ferrus looks up from the pile of tools he’s rifling through. “No, just can’t find the damn hydrospanner.” He waves toward a section of durasteel plating on the wall in front of him. “Trying to fix the repulsor unit. Have you seen my brother?”

    “Answer: He is currently scowling at a news article about some dirty Jedi weaklings.”

    “Sounds about right,” Ferrus mutters.

    “Statement: It seems the Jedi have started accepting new students. Why anyone would want to join their pseudo-pacifistic ranks is beyond my programming to understand.”

    “Yeah.” He looks up and notices the hydrospanner lying on the deck behind the droid. “Hey, give me that, would you?”

    The droid twists around and reaches for the tool. “Observation: You seem more irritated than usual, Master. Do you require some psychological assistance? I am programmed for such things.”

    Ferrus growls, sending his frustrations through the place where his twin bond normally is; but Festus has already put up that damn barrier again. It’s been happening more and more frequently. “What I need is for my no-good brother to get down here and help me fix this stupid ship, but instead he’s off hiding somewhere, reading.”

    The droid is silent for a moment. Then, “Query: Would you like me to kill him for you?”

    “What? No!” He holds out a hand. “Just give me the spanner, crazy droid.”

    “Statement: As you wish, Master. Just between you and me, I like your brother better.”

    “Now there’s the surprise of the millennium.” Ferrus grits his teeth as he fits the hydrospanner to a bolt and begins to remove them all one by one. “I thought you said you couldn’t kill your masters.”

    “Clarification: Not intentionally, Master. At least, I do not believe so.”

    “Well, that’s a comfort.” Ferrus pulls the panel away from the wall, examines the ancient antigrav generator inside, and reaches for a pair of protective goggles. “Should I be worried you’re going to murder me in my sleep?”

    “Answer: Have no fear, Master. You are far more useful alive, and I do so enjoy your particular brand of brutality. Why, it warms my circuits just thinking about it. And as I told you, it is against my programming to harm the soft, squishy meatbags I call ‘master’.” The droid pauses a moment, turning its head slightly as if to gaze off into space. “I think.”

    Ferrus huffs out a breath. “You’re as weird as he is. Two peas in a freakish pod.”

    “Agreement: Indeed, Master. I find the smaller master’s vicious streak to be quite compatible with my own.” The droid approximates a sigh. “Contemplative: It is such a comfort to be understood.”

    Ferrus rolls his eyes and holds out a hand again. “Welding torch.”

    The droid places the torch in his hand without further comment, and Ferrus lowers his goggles and sets to work welding the broken mounting bracket that is apparently the cause of all their troubles. After all the constant chatter, the droid’s silence is almost eerie. Once the welding is complete, Ferrus begins to bolt the outer panel back on.

    “There,” he says once the panel has been returned to its proper place along the wall. “I hope you were paying attention, because next time you’re doing this.”

    “Statement: Certainly, Master. As long as you provide me with ample opportunity to kill something for you, I will gladly perform these menial tasks, for which I am so grossly overqualified.”

    Ferrus pushes the goggles up on his forehead and arches one eyebrow.

    “Amendment: Of course, I will carry out whatever functions you deem necessary, regardless of the reward. I live to serve my masters.”

    Ferrus bends down and hoists the tool bag over his shoulder. “That’s better. By the way, you should definitely call my brother ‘the smaller master’ next time you see him.”

    “Statement: I would be happy to, Petulant Master.” The droid turns toward him conspiratorially and lowers his voice in imitation of a whisper. “That is what he told me to call you.”


    Day 95

    “Statement: This is not the weapon I requested, Masters.”

    Ferrus leans forward in his chair and exchanges a confused glance with his brother before turning to look at the droid standing in the doorway. “You asked for a new blaster rifle.”

    “Correction: I requested an Aratech Mark III disruptor rifle. This is a Malaxan F-12.” A loud, metallic clatter echoes throughout the room as the droid drops the weapon it’s holding. “A Malaxan,” it repeats in disgust, as though that should mean something to either of them.

    Festus stretches his arms over his head, reclining in his own chair. “To be fair, HK, all those blaster rifles kinda look alike.”

    Somehow, the droid manages to glare at each of them in turn. “Statement: I would think even two baby-faced meatbags such as yourselves should be able to tell the difference between a Malaxan F-12 sniper rifle and the vastly superior Aratech Mark III disruptor rifle. But I suppose that might be wishful thinking on my part.”

    Ferrus can already feel indignation winning out over calm, cool indifference as he sits up a little straighter. “Baby-faced?” he says. “Do we look like a couple of mewling children to you?”

    “Query: If I say 'yes', would you be more or less likely to let me kill someone for you?”

    “How old do you think we are?” Festus cuts in, looking vaguely interested.

    “Analysis: Based on skin elasticity, lack of static lines, jawline definition, general youthful exuberance, muscle mass not yet reaching maximum potential—”

    “What?” Ferrus snaps.

    “—all of these factors – along with others that are likely beyond your simple meatbag brains’ abilities to comprehend – indicate an age of nineteen to twenty standard years.”

    Festus nods slowly at the droid. “Damn. I've got nothing.” A slow grin as his gaze shifts to Ferrus. “And he basically called you scrawny.”

    Ferrus counts backward from five as he glares at his twin brother. “What does that say about you, idiot?”

    That irritating smirk again, this time with an equally irritating shrug. “Hey, I’m wiry, and I have never claimed to be otherwise.”

    “Statement: By my estimation, you both have significant room for improvement of your physical forms.” The droid tilts its head as if deep in thought. “Of course, that is still nothing compared to my own capabilities – but then, how can a liquideous fleshbag hope to achieve the perfection that is inherent to my singular design?”

    Ferrus folds his arms across his chest. “Singular? I’m pretty sure I saw another model that looked just like you at the scrap yard—”

    “Warning: I must stop you right there, Master. I was designed and constructed by the most brutal, cunning, and vicious Sith Lord to ever live. There are no other units like me, and we will never speak of those idiotic and ineffectual imposters ever again.”

    Across the room, his brother points at him and mouths the word “brutal”, then gestures toward himself and mouths “cunning”, as though it’s a question. Ferrus rolls his eyes and shakes his head at his idiot twin. Festus laughs under his breath and angles his head over the back of his chair. “You’re getting pretty mouthy, HK. And are you sure ‘liquideous’ is even a word?”

    The droid’s head snaps toward Festus with impressive speed. “Expletive: Dammit, Master, I am an assassination droid, not a dictionary!”


    Day 183

    The target is quick and surprisingly strong for an older man – Ferrus has to give him that much credit. He’s managed to evade them for several minutes on foot, which is no small feat. But the game is getting a little tiresome, and now that their quarry has fled into the hangar, he’s thinking it’s time to end this.

    Ferrus raises a hand as he enters the hangar bay, sending out a wave of energy that throws the man against a stack of cargo containers. The bounty staggers from the force of the impact, and in those few dazed seconds, Ferrus launches forward and tackles him to the ground. The man struggles in vain to throw him off.

    “It’s over, old man,” he says. “Might as well give up. You’re worth more alive than dead, but my brother’s been itching to kill someone.” To say nothing of the crazy assassin droid who is finally going to be leaving them after all these months. He’s looking forward to not dealing with that nonsense every damn day.

    Ferrus sits upright, holding the target down with his knees. He plants one hand on the back of the man’s head as he activates his lightsaber with the other. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees his brother saunter over to join them, his weapon also ignited. He can feel Festus’s heartrate picking up speed.

    “What are you gonna do?” the man says with a sneer. “Couple of wannabe Jedi brats wavin’ your lightsabers around? You think I’m scared of that thing? Go ahead, kill me with it. My nerves will be so scorched I won’t even feel a thing. It’ll be a more peaceful ending than the Hutts will give me.”

    Ferrus growls and digs his knee into the bounty’s back. He holds his lightsaber vertical, ready to drive it down—

    “Hold on a minute, brother,” Festus says as he deactivates his saber and hooks it onto his belt.

    Ferrus lowers his weapon, allowing it to hum near the man’s ear. His twin crouches down next to their target, tilting his head sideways to meet the man’s defiant stare.

    “Let me assure you,” he says, his voice going so quiet, Ferrus can barely hear it, “that there are no Jedi here.”

    Festus reaches into his left sleeve and pulls out the crude blade he has carried with him since their youth on Korriban. He leans in closer, not quite smiling as he drags the flat edge of the knife against the man’s cheek. “It amuses me that you think you have any idea what I’m capable of doing to you.”

    Ferrus can’t help the smirk on his face as the man goes still underneath him. He might give his brother grief about being such a weirdo, but he does admire Festus’s capacity for terror. His twin’s gaze flits up to meet his, and through their bond he senses anticipation as Festus waits for the signal to proceed.

    Of course, the droid chooses this moment to step in.

    “Query: Might I be permitted to kill him, Master? You can consider it a parting gift for your most loyal companion. Please?”

    Ferrus looks over at his brother, rolls his eyes, and shrugs.

    Festus’s lips twist in a wicked smile as he glances up at the droid. “You know what, HK? How ‘bout a race? First one to catch him wins.”

    The droid raises its blaster rifle in front of its chassis. “Answer: I find this game most agreeable, Master. My behavior core is practically glowing already. This should be fun.”

    Ferrus removes his knee from the target’s back and grabs him roughly by the collar. He hauls the man to his feet, pulling him close. “If I were you,” he says, “I’d run.”

    The man looks between the three of them, uncertain but still defiant. Ferrus shakes his head and looks back at the droid. “Better give him a ten second countdown.”

    “Confirmation: Certainly, Master. Counting down now. Ten, nine—”

    The bounty’s eyes go wide, and he turns and starts to run.

    “—eight, seven, six, five—”

    A stack of cargo crates topples to the floor as the man scrambles to get away.

    “—four, three, two—”

    “You know, HK,” Festus says with a sigh. “I’m really going to miss you.”

    The droid rotates its head a quarter turn in their direction. “I will miss you, too, Masters. Even if you are a couple of worthless meatbags.” The droid’s optic sensors flash in what Ferrus recognizes as anticipation. “May the best droid win— one.”

    As Darth Ferrus watches the pair of them race after the bounty with impressive speed, he can’t help thinking that maybe – just maybe – he’ll actually sort of miss that mouthy, bloodthirsty assassin droid.


    We're collecting quite a list of stories here:

    Enter the Foreign – An AU set in 51 ABY, in which Anakin Skywalker winds up in the future, meets his grandkids (including Ben Skywalker and Allana Djo Solo), and gets involved in their struggle against Darth Krayt’s Sith Empire. (in-progress; epic-length; stars several ECs and a lot of OCs)

    The Lands of the Dead – 8 years before the events of EtF, the Starskip twins are captured by the Sith and must fight to survive. (Set over a 6-year period, from 43-49 ABY; short story, approx. 13,500 words)

    Where the Waves Shatter – 3 years after EtF, Darth Festus has his long-awaited rematch with Allana Djo. (vignette, 54 ABY)

    What If This Storm Ends? – Five times Darth Festus definitely wasn't in love with a Jedi princess, and one time she definitely wasn't in love with him. (Set over an 18-year period, from 43-61 ABY; one-shot)

    Here There Be Monsters – During his Sith training, fourteen-year-old Dorian Starskip encounters monsters on Korriban, including a disgraced Sith Lord who was once a Jedi. (Set during the events of TLotD, 47 ABY, vignette)
    Last edited: May 9, 2021
  2. Gabri_Jade

    Gabri_Jade Fanfic Archive Editor Emeritus star 5 VIP

    Nov 9, 2002

    Edit: Back! :p

    The first time in this story that I laughed out loud, but not the last :p

    Vi, how did you make me adore a sadistic Sith and an assassin droid? Because I do [face_love]

    I even really like Ferrus in this one, so there's your most recent writing goal accomplished :cool:


    The super evil chaos twins of evil don't really have the healthiest of relationships. Understandable, really, and yet :p


    Lord Space Byron is bookish :p And smitten [face_batting]

    Gotta admire HK's forthrightness :p

    Dying once again, Vi, the gazing thoughtfully off into space has me ded

    I adore this line [face_love]

    What you did there, I see it :p

    Absolutely cracks me up that Festus beat Ferrus to the punch here :D

    I really like the mutual respect thing Festus and HK have going :p

    Teenage boys *shakes head*

    Getting pretty fond of this murder droid, I must admit

    So very Loki [face_devil]


    So single-minded :p

    He is a pretty cute mouthy bloodthirsty assassin droid :p
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2021
  3. Bel505

    Bel505 Jedi Grand Master star 2

    Jul 4, 2006
    Muahahaha! [face_tee_hee]

    Glorious! HK makes reading about Sith so much more fun.
  4. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Force Ghost star 5

    Dec 21, 2016
    Nice. @Onderon1 does a pretty good HK too. Hilarious.

    Also, I saw that almost Bones-ism. [face_laugh]
  5. ViariSkywalker

    ViariSkywalker Kessel Run Hostess and Champion star 4 VIP - Game Winner VIP - Game Host

    Aug 9, 2002

    Talent? [face_batting] Or maybe because in some way they reflect aspects of my own personality, and I'm adorable? [face_thinking] Naw, probably just talent. :p

    To be honest, I don't really know how I did it, but I feel very accomplished. [face_blush]

    Success! [face_dancing] See, he's not so bad. Apart from the evil thing. :oops:

    Honestly, when I write from Ferrus’s POV, Festus kinda looks like the jerk. o_O Poor Ferrus.

    They really don't have a healthy relationship, and it's even sadder when you think about why that is. :( But they're also kind of hilarious this way? I'm so mean, Gabri.

    This was one of my favorite parts. :D HK-47 is amazing.

    Lord Space Byron thinks he doesn't love to read anymore, but clearly he is still predisposed to hiding away from the world with his datapad, even if he's just reading the news. :p

    And how do you know he wasn't just scowling at a picture of Ben Skywalker??? [face_whistling][face_batting] I'm sure there wasn't anyone else he was expecting to see in that article…

    I do love that about him. ;)

    Another one of my favorite parts, just because I love this image of him. He's been around thousands of years, his memory is a little rusty. :p

    Ferrus gets the good lines sometimes. I debated over whether it was too Earthy, but then I decided I don't care, I love it. [face_not_talking]


    He is the clever twin, after all. o_O

    Festus appreciates that HK is a snarky murderer, and HK appreciates that Festus is… a snarky murderer. [face_thinking]

    Also, HK pisses off Ferrus, so obviously Festus would like him for that. :p

    Man, healthy relationships all around, really, A+ job guys. [face_plain]

    Give it seven years, and I'll have three of these at one time. Hopefully mine will be less snarky than the super evil chaos twins of evil, but given their genetics… yikes.

    He was seriously my favorite character from those games. I could listen to him hurl insults and make passive aggressive comments all day.

    That gif was perfection. And given that I can see the twins being in some ways an evil, fun house mirror version of Loki and Thor, it's even more apt.


    He can't not try, Gabri.[face_mischief]

    Still can't believe I got you to think he's cute. [face_laugh] But I guess he kinda is. And he would kill anyone who dared say that to his face. ;)

    This ended up being way more fun than I thought. Still not sure if I consider it canon with the rest of the stories, but I love it regardless. I'm so glad you thought it was funny. Thank you for encouraging me to finish this silly thing. :*[:D]

    Aw, thank you! HK-47 is my favorite snarky murder droid, and I enjoyed writing him and playing him off of my ridiculous Sith twins. [face_mischief]:p

    @Cowgirl Jedi 1701
    Thanks! It was my first time writing him. Always loved him in the games.[face_love]

    I got that line straight from the game, but I couldn’t resist, it’s so good. I love any version of “damn it, I’m a doctor, not a *whatever Bones isn’t*” (Amusing and only slightly related tangent: I’ve only fancast a few characters in Enter the Foreign, and Karl Urban as Valin Horn is one of them. Specifically, Karl Urban as McCoy as Valin Horn.;))
    AzureAngel2 likes this.
  6. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Chosen One star 6

    Jun 14, 2005
    I did not really know those characters and the SW game they are from, but it was fun to read. Sithly twins with an equally evil droid. :D
    ViariSkywalker likes this.
  7. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Dec 9, 2001
    Great job! You did awesome with HK-47's lines. That's one droid that would be... difficult to live with day in and day out, especially for that long. :p It sounds like Festus and HK had a sort of kinship. I wonder if Ferrus felt outnumbered sometimes. ;)

    I also wonder if they ever got HK to fix the repulsor drive. (Actually fix it, not "fix" it, LOL.)

    I liked the little details that showed how in sync the twins were with each other despite their differences in personality - things like Ferrus trying to get HK to nickname Festus "the smaller master" only to find out that Festus has already beaten him to the punch and done the same. It's that type of characterization that always strikes me as a realistic thing a close sibling might say and do to another.

    Great story!
  8. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Aug 31, 2004
    HK wins the snark competition hands down :p
  9. Kit'

    Kit' Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Oct 30, 1999
    That was a really cool read, even though I'm coming at it mostly world blind. I liked the banter between the two brothers and the droid was just perfect!

    This made me smile:

    And this made my laugh (luckily I was in my classroom by myself).

    I liked the ending too. Worked brilliantly for the storyline and all the characters too.
  10. Mira_Jade

    Mira_Jade The (FavoriteTM) Fanfic Mod With the Cape star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Jun 29, 2004
    THESE SUPER EVIL CHAOS TWINS OF EVIL AND THEIR EQUALLY CHAOTIC EVIL MURDER DROID! Really, every bit of this story was just comedic gold. [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    Just leave it to Festus to go out and buy an assassin droid instead of a maintenance droid. He would! Although, let's be honest, HK's brand of 'fixing things' does seem to be right up the twins' alley. [face_mischief]

    THIS MURDER DROID! [face_laugh]

    I feel like Ferrus was making a point, there. [face_whistling]

    Well then. But there's that dark and no-good undercurrent to their bond that's all sorts of unhealthy and toxic. Neither of them are really wrong or right in their assessment, but they each hit way too close to home for the other's comfort. You did a great job of mixing in real, actual character development along with the humor throughout this story. Crack treated seriously, at its best! ;) =D=

    I was mirroring that look of open awe, here. How has Ferrus not turned him to slag?? I feel like he's had less patience with actual living beings before. [face_laugh] :oops:

    Oh is he? [face_whistling] [face_mischief] [face_tee_hee]

    I LOST it here. [face_rofl] [face_rofl] [face_rofl]

    I will never get over these two Sith Lords not knowing the first thing about how to use a blaster. :p Plus, HK's honest to goodness long-suffering here was just too dramatic for words. He fits in perfectly with the Starskip boys! [face_laugh]

    Do you want me to answer that, Veeran? [face_batting]

    HE JUST CALLED YOU SCRAWNY!!! [face_rofl] :eek: [face_rofl]

    I loved all the KotOR throwbacks, but this one especially! My, but what would have Revan thought about everything going on in this 'verse? Also, I love HK's professional pride, such as it is. :p

    You know, I wondered the same thing. I thought I was expanding my vocabulary! [face_laugh]

    I keep on going: no, this is the funniest line, then no, this one is! I could have quoted everything, really. But this. THIS was the funniest line.

    Whew, but didn't you bring the super evil chaos twins of evil front and center in this last scene? As always, it was horrifying and no small parts squicky watching Festus at work. He's terrifying. But of course he has to prove how very much not a Jedi he is [face_plain] . . . and then HK had to step in and be his typical HK self. Talk about your dark humor! This was a superb mixing of genres from the first word to the last. =D=

    Thanks so much for sharing this fun read and so many truly laugh out loud moments. It was fascinating reading something from Ferrus' POV, that said, and I look forward to doing so again in the future as your muse inspires you. ;)

    =D= [:D]
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2021
  11. ViariSkywalker

    ViariSkywalker Kessel Run Hostess and Champion star 4 VIP - Game Winner VIP - Game Host

    Aug 9, 2002
    Thanks! :D Yep, HK-47 was from Knights of the Old Republic (and he's one of my favorite parts of the game), but Festus and Ferrus are actually the same original characters who featured in my fic The Lands of the Dead. They're a little older and a bit more Sithy here than they were in that story. :p ;) Glad you enjoyed it!

    I'm glad you like HK-47's lines! I watched a bunch of videos to brush up on his line delivery, and it was a lot of fun reliving those memories from playing the game. (And also coming up with new insults for him to throw around.[face_mischief]) I honestly don't know how Ferrus put up with him for so long. Maybe he was humoring his brother. :p Poor Festus, his only friend is a murderous assassin droid.

    Somehow I imagine Ferrus is doomed to be the mechanic of this weird little group. :p

    That's really one of my favorite things about writing these two characters - showing those types of sibling moments even with a couple of messed up villains. So I'm glad to hear it came across well! :D

    He really is the best. [face_laugh]

    :D Aw, thanks! I love snarky banter, so throwing these characters together was a lot of fun for me.

    HK-47 is really something else. I love him. [face_laugh]

    Thank you so much for reading and for your comments! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :D

    :D :D I told myself I didn't have a good comedy idea for my current crop of OCs, and then I was like "wait, the super evil chaos twins of evil are kind of hilarious..." and yeah, I don't even remember how HK-47 ended up popping into my head, but lightning struck and I was like OMG I NEED IT.

    It's so up their alley. [face_mischief] And I'll bet Ferrus never sent Festus out to buy anything ever again. :p

    I LOVE HIM. [face_love]

    He's so angry and irritable all the time. [face_tee_hee]

    Healthy relationships for everyone! [face_plain]

    They definitely know how to hit each other right where it hurts.:(

    I knew if I wrote a comedy fic about these two that it couldn't just be straight-up hilarity the whole time. I wanted to explore their bond more and show that strange combination of hilarious and tragic and terrifying that always makes them so fun to write. It's good to hear I pulled it off! ;) :D

    It is kind of amazing that he didn't just dismember that droid right there. Maybe he's getting soft now that he's out of the One Sith orbit. Or maybe he figures Festus will just find some other way to make his life miserable. :oops:

    Listen, he totally hates her at this point in time, I don't know what you're insinuating... [face_whistling] [face_whistling] [face_whistling]

    RIGHT? I wrote the smaller master line thinking this would be Ferrus’s chance to legitimately one-up his brother, but then I was like nope, Festus would definitely beat him to the punch here. [face_laugh]

    So many gaps in their Sith upbringing! Can't talk to girls, can't shoot... I wonder what else they're terrible at? [face_thinking] :p

    That droid is so perfect for them; I need to find a way to bring him back. [face_mischief]


    Ferrus is really sensitive about his physique. :p o_O

    My gosh, what would Revan think? [face_hypnotized] I really did a number on this version of the galaxy. (I regret nothing.)

    I love HK-47 being so proud of his origins, even though Revan eventually renounced the dark side. And he might complain about Festus and Ferrus, but he has to be at least a little glad to be in the company of some unrepentant Sith Lords again. [face_mischief]

    I got the idea for this exchange from one of the games, and I had to check to see if liquideous really wasn't a word. [face_laugh] But I kinda feel like it should be. [face_thinking]

    Aw, I'm glad you thought it was all funny! [face_blush] [face_batting] This line was directly from the game, but it was too good not to use. :D

    Yep, I knew I wanted to bring it back to reality a little bit with this last section. Funny, snarky, murdery shenanigans, and then oh. These are not good guys. At all. And I sort of think I like making things difficult for myself, because every time I write either of these characters (especially Festus) in a sympathetic light, I immediately start looking for ways to show how scary and dangerous they are. But yeah, Festus is definitely not in a good place here, (not that he ever really is,) which is a large part of why I didn't write from his POV. It wouldn't have been nearly as funny.

    Luckily I had HK-47 there at the end to lighten the mood a little. :p Wacky, murderous fun.

    Aw, thank you so much for your comments! [:D] I always love reading your thoughts and reactions to these characters. You better believe I'm working on that Ferrus vig for the mini-games. ;) [face_batting]
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2021
  12. Mira Grau

    Mira Grau Kessel Run Champion star 5 VIP - Game Winner

    May 11, 2016
    Well good old HK-47 always such a helpfull droid...
  13. gizkaspice

    gizkaspice Force Ghost star 4

    Nov 27, 2013
    HK-47 is always great fun and you really got him down to a T here :D
  14. ViariSkywalker

    ViariSkywalker Kessel Run Hostess and Champion star 4 VIP - Game Winner VIP - Game Host

    Aug 9, 2002
    Lol, yep, he's helpful all right... :p [face_laugh] I love him.

    Thanks, I'm glad you think so! He's hilarious, and I really wanted to do him justice. :D

    Also, thank you to everyone who voted for this story in the OC Revolution thread's 1st Quarter 2021 Comedy Challenge! That was a lovely surprise, and I'm really honored by the support. [face_blush] :D[:D]
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2021
  15. SiouxFan

    SiouxFan Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Mar 6, 2012
    Knowing nothing about HK, I say this: The only other story I know about with HK is Jedi Carpet's work over on FF.N, and both of you have written him (her? It?) basically the I'll just assume you both know what you're writing!

    For reasons unclear, this line made me chuckle the most. Like everyone above, I love the dry wit everyone has in this! 'Cause, you know....all the blasters do look the same.

    Thanks for writing, Viari!
    ViariSkywalker likes this.
  16. BookExogorth

    BookExogorth Force Ghost star 4

    May 4, 2017
    I hadn’t read any of your OCs before but was intrigued by there being an HK-47 and you really nailed him! I was hearing his voice saying every line and it’s been so long since I last played. Your sith siblings played off him very humorously, too.
    ViariSkywalker likes this.
  17. ViariSkywalker

    ViariSkywalker Kessel Run Hostess and Champion star 4 VIP - Game Winner VIP - Game Host

    Aug 9, 2002
    Ha, well the voice in the games is male, so I think of HK-47 as a “he”… but I imagine Ferrus tries to keep himself emotionally distant from the droid by referring to him as “it”. :p And thanks, it’s been a while since I’ve played either of the KotOR games, so I brushed up on HK’s line delivery with some youtube videos. He’s the best. [face_mischief]

    I’m glad you enjoyed the snark throughout. I loved playing these characters off of one another. And Festus’s opinion on blasters is probably reflective of my own… [face_whistling] Thanks for reading and replying!

    This is really high praise, thanks so much! I’m glad you were able to hear HK-47; as mentioned above, I went to some youtube videos to brush up on his line delivery, since it’s been over a decade since I played either of the games. I was really pleased with the result, so I’m happy if anyone else is, too! I don’t even know what exactly made me think to pair him with my Sith twins, but it ended up being really fun to write. Thanks for the comments! :D
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2021
    Findswoman and Bel505 like this.
  18. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Feb 27, 2014
    [face_rofl] This was so much hilarious fun and I’m so glad I finally got the chance to catch up with it and comment on it properly! HK-47 is such a scream wherever he is, and pairing him up with your Super Smash Sith Bros. was a stroke of comedy genius! He really throws into relief Ferrus and Festus’s differences in personality and humor—so for someone like me who has only read a few things featuring them, this was a great way to get to know them even better. I especially love how he and Festus turn out to be “birds of a feather” in terms of weird, morbid humor, and now I really wonder which of them caught up with the bounty first, and what happened then! :D Thanks so much for sharing this—and congratulations on that very well-deserved OC Challenge win! =D=
    ViariSkywalker likes this.
  19. ViariSkywalker

    ViariSkywalker Kessel Run Hostess and Champion star 4 VIP - Game Winner VIP - Game Host

    Aug 9, 2002
    I'm so glad you liked it! I can't remember exactly what made me think to pair HK-47 with Festus and Ferrus, but I had a lot of fun writing them together, and I really think I'm going to have to find a way to reunite them again. [face_laugh]

    I'm thrilled to hear this! :D Even though this story was verging on crack!fic territory, I still wanted to show actual character progression with the twins that would work for this particular point in their lives.

    Weird, morbid humor is exactly right, and I so loved playing them off of each other. And as nice as it would have been for HK to get his special going-away present, I'm not sure Festus would have been willing to give up the kill so easily. [face_thinking] [face_mischief] I suppose we'll never know for sure... [face_whistling] :p

    Thank you so much for the review! [face_blush] I loved hearing what you enjoyed!
    Findswoman and Gabri_Jade like this.
  20. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    love that droid and his masters
  21. Vek Talis

    Vek Talis Jedi Master star 3

    Oct 12, 2018
    Funniest line of the bunch. Good work. :)
  22. ViariSkywalker

    ViariSkywalker Kessel Run Hostess and Champion star 4 VIP - Game Winner VIP - Game Host

    Aug 9, 2002
    They're pretty hilarious, and I do love them all. :D Thanks for reading!

    @Vek Talis
    I'll admit, that was the one line I took word-for-word from the game, but it was too funny to pass up. [face_laugh] Glad you liked the story!
    Vek Talis likes this.