SWC How Star Wars Could've Ended in 1 minute

The stormtroopers Han and Luke take out on the Falcon turn out to be too tall so they can't fit in the suits.

 

"This bucket of bolts will never get us past that blockade!"
*It doesn't.*

 

Obi-Wan: "Anakin has turned to the Dark Side. I saw a security hologram of him....killing younglings"
Padme: "What the hell's a "youngling", like a baby chicken?
Obi: "Er no they are um...young Jedi"
Padme: "Oh ok, you mean children?"
Obi: "yy..yes (sob)"
Padme: "Well why don't you just say children?"
George Lucas: "Cut, cut...Natalie what the hell, these aren't the lines"
NP: "I know but..."younglings??". C'mon George just have the balls to say he killed children"
GL: "Natalie this is a family movie, we can't say he killed children. "Younglings" takes the edge off it"
NP: "Well I think it's lame. Anyway can't I just say "to be angry is to be human"?. That's what I said the last time he massacred a bunch of kids [Ewan & crew crack up laughing]
GL: "...Ok sure, Natalie has spoken everyone [scribbles on pad]. Here you go Ewan, Natalie these are the new lines. ....And action"

Obi-Wan: "Anakin has turned to the Dark Side. I saw a security hologram of him....killing younglings"
Padme: "Well to be angry is to be human"
Obi-Wan: "Hmm well I'm afraid I have more bad news. Anakin has a mistress & she's pregnant with twins. Oh look out, some clonetroopers have just entered your apartment, I have to leave!"
GL: "Natalie, fall to the ground please, you're dead. Ok that's a wrap everyone"

 

That's incredible.

 

Mace: You're under arrest Chancellor.
Palpatine: Oh alright.
(He gets thrown into prison)

 

"...we're all fine, here. How are you?"

"Pretty good, thanks! We're going to have Joe's surprise party here in a few minutes, all the stormtroopers will be out of the hangars."

"Sounds good." *Han grins like idiot* "Make sure you invite the guys guarding the hallways, too."

 

Palpatine: Vader, we have to sort a few things out.
Vader: Like what, Master.
Palpatine: How has this 'Luke Skywalker' managed to evade you at every turn.
Vader: Well, during the battle of Yavin I went to go kill him. I failed.
Palpatine: How?
Vader: Han Solo used his ship to knock me off course!
Palpatine: A smuggler and his overgrown monkey threw you, a guy with a midichlorian count higher than Yoda, off course with a couple of measly laser beams!? What the heck Vader? I thought you were better than this!
Vader: Sorry... master.
Palpatine: What happened the other time... make it quick.
Vader: Well, we were battling on Bespin. I tried to get him on our side, but he jumped away.
Palpatine: So, there was ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, NO way you could stop him?
Vader: Well... I could've force pulled him back I guess.
Palpatine: Again, what the heck, man? Did you leave your brain back on Mustafar too? How can I trust you?
Vader: Sorry... master.
Palpatine: NOPE! I will no longer stand for this failure and incompetence.
*Blasts lightning at Vader until he is a charred husk*

 

Mace: This party's over.
Dooku: But we were going to play Twister!
Mace: I love Twister! Yippee!

 

"That little human being is out of his mind!"
*Annie races pod directly off a cliff to his demise*

 

Jar Jar's hand doesn't get freed from Anakin's pod. Rest of his body gets sucked in after, no emergency powers for Palpatine. War averted.

 

The Falcon has just been captured & searched in the Death Star hangar bay.
Officer: "There's no one on board Sir. According to the log they abandoned ship right after takeoff"
Vader: "I want every part of this ship checked, & don't just send 2 idiots up with some scanning equipment. I want 50 heavily armed troops here at once. Let's not take any chances"

 

"TK421, why aren't you at your post? TK421, do you copy?"
"Uh, sorry, I'm fine, everything normal."
"That's not TK421's voice! I'd know his dulcet tones anywhere! Emergency depressurization of the airlock and shoot this impostor and their ship out into space!"
"Hey, wait! I have a cold so I sound diff--yarrgggghhh!"

 

*Anakin enters the Younglings chamber*
Youngling: "Master Skywalker, there are too many of them"
*Anakin ignites blade and starts towards them*
*Younglings then overthrow and kill Anakin*

 

Luke: "Still, there's something familiar about this place. I feel like..."
Yoda: "Feel like what?"
Luke: "Like we're being watched"
Artoo: "Beep chirp beep beep chirp beep beep"
Luke: "Hmm Artoo here says that YOU are a Jedi Master. He said he saw you standing with some other Jedi during some celebration about 30 years ago after the "Battle of Naboo". He said he can remember this because his memory was never wiped by Bail Organa, unlike his other droid pal"
Yoda: "Eh, damn it! Film continuity, ruined my plans it has"

 

Dooku: this is just the beginning *force drops pillar on obi and Anakin*

Yoda: *ponders* hmmm, stop war I must, honourable deaths these Jedi will have

*splat*

 

"You are on this council AND we give you the rank of Master!"
"Yayyyyy!"

 

Anakin: "The Chancellor has given me a very important assignment. I'm going to confront the Separatist leaders & end this war (doesn't mention which planet). Wait for me until I return"

With Padme not knowing he went to Mustafar what would've happened?

 

"That place is strong in the dark side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go."
"Considering you just called it a 'domain of evil' uh I'm gonna say no, you little green twerp!"

 

"did you ever hear the story of Darth Plagueis the wise?"

"no"

"fair enough"

*both watch the opera*

 

"You must learn the ways of the Force if you are to come with me to Alderaan."
"Yes, Father! I shall become a bat!"
"Uh, what?"
*Luke, having completely and rather quickly lost his mind, grabs Obi-Wan's cloak and throws it over his shoulders like Batman and jumps out the window, falling off the edge of Ben's desert hut which is situated right by a cliff and Luke crashes to the ground.*

 

Owen Lars: Are you sure about this?
Beru Lars: Yes, we worked extra hard this harvest!
*Luke walks in*
Owen and Beru: SURPRISE!!! We have enough credits to send you to the Imperial Academy!!!!
Luke: Yeeessss!

 

"Annie, something wonderful has happened. I'm pregnant."
"Dammit! Hey, Threepio, you got the number for that abortion-droid you met last week?"

 

Palpatine: "Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith so powerful and so wise, he could use the Force to...Anakin? Anakin, where'd you go?"

Anakin: *runs away because Palpatine called a Sith Lord wise*

Anakin tells the Council about the incident. They arrest Palpatine, who admits he's a Sith Lord. The Empire never comes into being; war over; Sith defeated for the time being, and all because Anakin had a lick of common Jedi sense in him.

Sent from my stupid little astro droid using TapaTalk 2.

 

"Father... I won't leave you!"
*Luke sits right beside Vader until the Death Star explodes*

 

...& then
Han "I'm sure Luke wasn't on that thing when it blew"
Leia "Yeah, he was"
END CREDITS