ITT, We Post Random Seinfeld Quotes

"Hey, I'm hip."
"Hip to what?"
"To the whole scene."
"What scene?"
"The bathroom scene."
*drinks beer and smokes cigarette at the same time*

 

"His name was Costanza. He killed my mother."

 

"George likes his chicken spicy."

 

I thought of at least 5 really good ones on the bus this morning, managed to forget them all between logging on and clicking 'reply'.

"Senility now!" Or should I say "No post for me!"

EDIT: Wait, I remembered one: "Cartwright."

 

It's so...un-Carl Fardman-like.

 

"When you control the mail, you control... information."

 

"I'm much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs."

 

"Have you ever seen Elaine... dance?"

 

"And you want to be my latex salesman."

[Still my single favorite moment in the entire nine seasons]

EDIT: go to 1:19 -- except they skip my quote! fools.

 

"This is the Hamlet of diseases. Severe pain, nausea, delusions... it's got everything."

 

DOCTOR: I have no medical evidence to back me up but, something happened during the operation that staved off that infection. Something beyond science. Something perhaps, from above...

(Kramer reaches into his shirt pocket and takes out a box of Junior mints -- he rattles it.)

KRAMER: Mint?

 

"You can't break up with me - I've got hand!"

"And you're gonna need it."



(I can't believe I forgot one of my favorites.)

 

I'm sorry, the card says "Moops".

 

"I have a suspicion that Tim Whatley's converted to Judaism just for the jokes."

"And this offends you as a Jewish person?"

"No, it offends me as a comedian."

 

I, ... am breaking up with, ... you.

 

It's the wood that makes it good.

 

"I punched Mickey Mantle in the mouth."

 

Mulva?

 

"Believe me, there'd be plenty of women going for these pigmen. Whatever the deformity is, there's always some group of perverts that's attracted to it. 'Ooh, that little tail really turns me on.'"

 

Kramer: The Andrea Doria collided with the Stockholm 20 miles off the cost of Nantucket.
George: How do you know?
Kramer: It's in my book, "Astonishing Tales Of The Sea". 51 people died.
George: 51 people? I thought it was more like 1000.
Kramer: There were 1,560 survivors.
George: That's no tragedy. How many people do you lose on a normal cruise? 30?

George: Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years, you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego.
Steinbrenner: Hire this man!

Rental Car Agent: Would you like insurance?
Jerry: Yeah, you better give me the insurance. Because I'm gonna beat the hell out of this car.

Jerry: This isn't a good time.
Telemarketer: When would be a good time to call back, sir?
Jerry: I have an idea, why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you back later?
Telemarketer: Umm, we're not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess because you don't want strangers calling you at home.
Telemarketer: Umm, no.
Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel

 

Believe it or not, George isn't at home. So leave a message at the beep. I must be out, or I'd pick up the phone. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not hoooooome!

 

I know the chunky that left these Chunkies! NEWMAN!

 

"I hate that Michael... he's just so smug."

 

Newman: I'll tell you a little secret about zip codes: they're meaningless.


Edit: Seriously one of the best if you picture the scene

Cosmo Kramer: Oh, yeah? My friend Bob Sacamano, he came in here for a hernia operation. Oh, yeah, routine surgery. Now he's sitting in a chair by a window going
[high-pitched voice]
Cosmo Kramer: "My name is Bob!"

 

"They were making out during 'Schindler's List'?"
"YES! And a more offensive spectacle I cannot recall!"

"Why don't you drop by with some chicken skins and lobster shells?!"
"I think I will!"


(one my dad and I use a lot):


"HELLOOOOOOOOO! La la la..."