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Before - Legends Journal of Two Jedi

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by locketcoket, May 25, 2014.

  1. locketcoket

    locketcoket Jedi Youngling

    May 25, 2014
    I'm new here, but obviously I came to write fanfiction. This is my first.

    The story is set around 950 BBY and stars to Jedi Padawan best friends dealing with being Jedi teenagers and having many duties and responsibilities at a young age.

    Most of the story is set in 1st person/ journal forum. Some is written in 3rd person though.

    I will be using our months system when dating the jounal entries since I am unaware of any Star Wars month system.

    Collin :Human male Padawan training to become a consular and tech expert. Wields a double bladed lime green lightsaber. Is tall for his age. ( Around 6'0) Was born August 5. Is best friends with Lola. Has bright blue eyes and messy light brown hair. Is 14 years old. Just received a master. Is extremely loving caring and peaceful. Often the smart one. Has some trouble keeping calm and not making attachments. Learning Soresu (form 3) and Ataru (form 4)

    Lola :Human female Padawan training to become a knight. Is extremely muscular and tall especially for a girl.( Around 5'11 height) Was born July 14. Is best friends with Collin. Has long auburn hair and tan yellow eyes. Very playful and pranky. She also can have some anger.("Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.") Only now got a master because of her playfulness. Can be clever and intelligent when she wants to be. Is a little bit of a "hottie." She still has breasts (I just mean all the girl body builder photos I've seen make the girls look like they have no breasts.)despite her muscle. Also has trouble not making attachments. Learning Juyo ( form 7) and Djem So ( form 5)

    Master Tamuz: (tam-ooze) Human male. Very peaceful and centered master. Specializes in combat. Prefers peace. About (6'2). Has long brown hair similar to Qui-Gon Jinn's. Uses a blue dual phase lightsaber. Knowledgable about all lightsaber combat forums. Master of Collin.Age is about 40.

    Master Manipulare (man-ip-u-lar) Human Female. Peaceful yet somewhat emotional master. Consular. About 5'6.Has short red hair and bright green eyes. Uses a curved hilt light blue lightsaber. Knows form 2(makashi). Specializes in force knowledge and application. Age is about 32. Master of Lola.

    The first chapter and prologue will come later. This is just a little preview. All comments are welcome.
    One note. I'm not trying to be sexist or stereotypical so sorry if I come off like that.
  2. Jedi_Lover

    Jedi_Lover Chosen One star 5

    Nov 1, 2004
    Welcome to the boards.

    I think it would be easier to read if you had spacing between the different people. The spaces may have been there if you cut and pasted from Word, but the boards have a habit of removing paragraph spacing. If that happens you just go to the bottom of your post and push EDIT and you can fix anything (sometimes the spaces don't appear when you edit until you push Preview...I have no idea why this site does this to me). In the fanfic boards we can edit forever unlike the other forums where there is a 30 minute time limit (I think that is the time limit...there is definitely a limit).

    There is a Star Wars Month System but I don't know anybody who uses it. I heard people talking about it, but I don't recall ever seeing it in the professional novels. We do use the years BBY and ABY.

    Keep writing!
  3. Gemma

    Gemma Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 25, 2013
    Welcome to the boards. I like the decriptions of your characters. Please keep writing and if you know how to tag people, please tag me for your story.
  4. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Aug 31, 2004
    Welcome @};-

    Cool idea of having a journal format. I like the descriptions of the characters. They seem likable and good meshes as friends and working teams. :D
  5. locketcoket

    locketcoket Jedi Youngling

    May 25, 2014
    Thanks for the warm comments and welcomes guys! :)

    Now here is the prologue and first chapter.

    Fourteen Years Ago

    Two figures in dark cloaks stood in a alley in the scum-infested Coruscant underworld. One was male, the other female.
    They looked like Jedi, but something was different about them.
    Jedi wear gray, tan, or brown cloaks. Their cloaks were jet black. Their faces were almost completely covered in shadows. Most of all they were creepy, and cold.
    The female took off her hood, and revealed her short brunette hair and cold, Sith yellow, bloodshot eyes.
    "I have found my child." She whispered in a mysterious and somewhat evil voice.
    "As have I." Whispered back the male deep, somewhat terrifying voice.
    "Good," she replied quietly. "If we manipulate them in the right way we can turn them. Then we can began building our army, and destroy The Republic from the inside out."
    " And then the Sith shall rule again, and be the dominate power in the galaxy."
    They laughed evilly and manically so loud that they whole Coruscant underworld could hear them, but fortunately most people thought they were bounty hunters or smugglers scheming about their next scandal.

    Chapter One
    May 23,
    Dear Lola,
    I can't believe were finally got masters! If only we could have got them when we were twelve, but the Council had to say that we were to immature, and that the masters who wanted us as their apprentice could be our masters after we mature.
    Either way it's so awesome! We're no longer confined to the temple!
    Even better my master, Tamuz, said that we would go to build my lightsaber soon. He even said that I could build a double-bladed one. Though he has been making me spar with him using a force enhanced wood staff almost as long as a double-bladed saber. Still I love it. It allows for some defense while I use telekinetics to throw rocks. It also allows for quick movement for some acrobatic offense.
    As you may be able to tell I've been learning Soresu and Ataru since Tamuz says I have to master two forms despite there only being minor threats left in the galaxy.
    So what forums are you mastering?
    You should try to convince your master to let you build your lightsaber soon. Then we could possibly meet each other at the crystal caves.
    Do you remember when we first found out we were force sensitive? It was our 6th birthday. Your parents and my parents planned a huge party on Alderaan. We had lots of fun. Then when our parents said it was time to open presents they gave us theirs first. It was two gauntlets. One for both of us. Mine was teal and gold. Yours was lime green and silver. As soon as I put mine on I felt an energy surging through me. Then I took it off and still felt it, but it wasn't as strong.
    Then we dueled with plastic lightsabers, and you began to overpower me. I was so embarrassed that I could never win against you, so I went for some strong blows, and accidentally hit your hand. You screamed in rage and pain as your lightsaber fell. I then accidentally grabbed it with the force, and you try to punch me, but I blocked and parried. We both came out unscathed, so our parents knew something was up.
    The next day a Jedi recruiter came, and we were off after the recruiter convinced the council that even though we were older we had great potential and should be trained. Then we realized how the gauntlets increased our connection to the force. I still suspect they do more though.
    Your best friend,
    From the day book
    of Collin on May 23
  6. locketcoket

    locketcoket Jedi Youngling

    May 25, 2014
    Noob question, but does anyone know how to make the spaces that I use as indents appear? Briannakin mavjade
  7. Gemma

    Gemma Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 25, 2013
    I like that your character is using an enhanced wood staff - that's a cool idea.

    Under the Help there is a section called BB Codes - but I don't see anything in there about spacing. You may want to ask your question again and direct the question to either Briannakin or mavjade by putting @ and then their name butted up against the symbol.
  8. Jedi_Lover

    Jedi_Lover Chosen One star 5

    Nov 1, 2004
    My spaces always disappear also. I have to edit and add the space. It may not look like a space is being inserted but do a preview and then they appear. I have no idea why this happens.
  9. Briannakin

    Briannakin Former Manager star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 25, 2010
    BB Code boards don't allow indents or multiple spaces. Instead we use spaces between paragraphs to make stories easier to read.

    Like this.

    Just put a blank line in between each paragraph and it will look like everyone else's stories.
  10. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Aug 31, 2004
    =D= I enjoyed the contrast between the prologue and the warm enthusiasm of Collin's letter ... Cool about the gauntlets and I did not miss that he and probably everyone else thinks there's no major threats ... That's usually when one pops up. :p
  11. locketcoket

    locketcoket Jedi Youngling

    May 25, 2014
    Nyota's Heart Your exactly right. Soon they "will reveal themselves to the Jedi."

    The way I'm planning to do the story so far it will go Collin's Letter, Lola's Letter, and lastly a third person chapter before the cycle starts over.

    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
  12. locketcoket

    locketcoket Jedi Youngling

    May 25, 2014
    Here's my next chapter. This time the letter is from Lola.

    Chapter Two
    May 24
    Dear Collin,
    You are so lucky! A battle master is your master! You could learn all the lightsaber forms. My master only knows one, Makashi, and she stinks at it. Aside from that she had to get my a portable archive so I can learn Juyo and Djem So. It's such a hassle.
    I'm glad your learning Soresu though, since you have a head start, because I'd always take the offensive when we dueled as kids. You weren't actually that bad at defending. Maybe you can do a few offensive strikes now that your learning Ataru.
    It's cool your building I double-bladed lightsaber. I think it would allow for many new techniques in battle. Though don't think I won't still strike hard if we ever get the chance to duel again. Plus it would be almost impossible to strike lightly with the light-club I'm building.
    Speaking of our gauntlets has yours been a little odd lately? The clear gem at the top of mine has been glowing a bright, pure, silver lately.

    Your best friend,

    Next chapter is in 3rd person and coming soon.

    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
  13. locketcoket

    locketcoket Jedi Youngling

    May 25, 2014
    Here is the next. This one is where it picks up so get ready.

    Chapter Three

    Collin took out is holocom and plopped on his bed after pressing call.

    "Lola, Have you found out when your going to Ilum?"
    "Master Manipulare and I are heading there now."
    " Awesome! We're on our way too. Maybe we could meet up at the cave. Some articles I read say they're dangerous creatures there."
    " They're are giant spiders there, right ?"
    " Yes."
    ***(that means scene change)
    Both padawans had gathered at the cave. Their master told them this was nothing to worry about. They knew that wasn't true. It was creepy. Creepier then the pictures were.
    An eerie fog crawled around whispering "Death lies in the cave."
    As they entered the cave they saw the entrance tunnel let to a large atrium. The atrium was filled with sharped colored crystal that reflect the weirdest and prettiest shades of green and blue.
    They had no time to stare in awe though, because soon a giant spider jumped, and landed on Lola. Collin soon unexpectedly leaped, spun in air, and whacked the spider on its head. The spider then started chasing Collin, but Collin tricked it into going in to the entry way, and used the force to drop all the ice, snow, and crystals on the spider trapping the padawans but killing the spider.
    "Whose the wimp now?" Collin mocked.
    She playfully slapped him and countered "You are now."
    They shared a moment of awkward laughter.
    "Collin, you realize you trapped us."
    "I know,"
    "Then why aren't you worried?"
    " I figure we could do something with that using our combined powers."
    A dark figure silently stepped out of a tunnel at the top of the atrium.
    "Hello, Are you ready to meet your dark side?" the figure asked while taking off his hood.
    "You look exactly like me!" Gasped Collin.
    "Because I am your dark side. Evil lies within us all. It just needs an exit."
    As the doppelgänger said that a Lola doppelgänger stepped on the ledge as well.
    "You see your dark side too, Lola. You know it lies within you. I'm just here to make it burst out."
    The doppelgänger Lola leaped at Collin while spinning around and around in air trying to pierce his heart. Collin started to block, but she quickly changed her direction and hit Collin in the heart, knocking him out.
    "Grrragh," yelled the real Lola as she seethed with rage.
    She charged at the doppelgänger of herself, and preformed the Falling Avalanche. As her training bladed landed on her doppelgänger's shoulder it faded into black mist.
    "Illusions you say? "
    Collin's doppelgänger ignored the question and started charging lightning in the palm of his hand.
    "Like lightning?" The doppelgänger teased as he shot a single ray at her. Luckily she jumped, landed on her hands, then jumped back on her feet to dodge the lightning.
    "Since when does Collin know how to do that."
    " The real Collin knows a lot more then you think. He's been starting experiment with some thing such as lightning. After all it's what you use the force for, not how you project it."
    Lola gasped, but soon came Collin flying through the air. Lola blocked and in retaliation she swiped right through his waist in rage making him dissolve into a black fog.
    Lola walked over to Collin's seemingly dead body.
    "I'm so sorry."
    She kissed him and announced "I'm so sorry, but always remember mean how much I love you in the after life.
    That instant the her aura shone covering her in a lime green light created by the force. Then Collin's teal blue aura shone. She tried to transfer some of her aura to him since hers would regenerate because she was alive. Soon tendrils of lime light seeped into Collin's teal oval.
    He awoke and coughed "Thank you for saving me."

    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk