Beyond - Legends Losing my mind, going crazy, whacko -- Updated 05/26

Title: Losing my mind, going crazy, whacko
Author: Ceillean
Timeframe: NJO
Notes: Even though NJO, no Vong. That would suck all the fun out of the Diary, yes?
Dear Diary Challenge 2009
I need to thank MsLanna for this crazy idea.
She's dubbed me one of the Shameless Self Inserters. That's a cool name!

Happy New Year everyone!

---

[color=crimson][hl=black][i][b]PM List[/b][/i][/hl][/color]


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Okay.

So this is how it went down.

Here I am minding my own business after a long and gruesome day at work. I have the most boring job in the known universe; I?m an insurance clerk.

You may stop laughing now.

I mean it.

Stop it.

Right now, I might be losing it. Maybe I already have but I?d like to think someone simply whacked me over the head. It would be kinder to my self-esteem instead of admitting that I?ve completely and utterly lost my marbles.

I tend to get sidetracked. Don?t be surprised.

Anyway, I?m walking down the main street to my crappy little apartment in the noisiest part of town. I?m digging through my army backpack ? yes, I am an insurance clerk who dresses in fancy suits and walks around with an army backpack. I?m proud of it. ? trying to find my keys. Mind you, the backpack is enormous.

Now, instead of just standing still and looking for my keys, the idiot-who-I-am kept walking without looking.

I?m quite certain the lamp pole hadn?t been there the day before. I?m obliged to think someone planted it there just for me while I was away at work. This would at least give me a good reason not to think of myself as a total moron.

Before I knew it, my head collided with the damned thing. I remember a very, very loud [i]clunk[/i] and then all went black.

And I hadn?t even found my keys.

Damn those things to hell.

------

I woke up with a really bad headache.

Obviously.

I reached up to rub my forehead and to my utter dismay, I felt a lump smack in the middle. I wondered if I looked like a unicorn. It wouldn?t have surprised me, since I was stupid enough to walk up against a pole in the first place.

I blinked my eyes open, hoping the blurriness would sprout legs and go away. How long it took, I can?t say but once I could see clearly, I frowned. I would have expected to see a darkening night sky ? maybe even completely dark, depending on how long I was laying on the street. Yeah, the sky was dark alright but I saw [i]things[/i] in the air. [i]Flying[/i] things in straight lines ? traffic lanes? In the sky? [i]Ships[/i]?

I really had hit my head hard, huh?

I sat up while I kept staring at the sky. Besides the flying ships, I noticed that the buildings were pretty damned [i]tall[/i]. I live in a big city and we have one or two skyscrapers ? I think ? but this was beyond anything I had ever imagined. When I say [i]tall,[/i] I mean [i]TALL[/i]. Like Goliath times a hundred! Or better yet, mix up Goliath and King Kong and you?d still not reach the top of the highest building. Maybe throw in a bit of Godzilla, too.

Nah, not even then.

While contemplating where in the world I had landed ? I don?t watch the news much but I think I would have at least read [i]somewhere[/i] about flying ships and skyscrapers that reached into friggin space ? I got to my feet. My legs wobbled a little and I had to take care not to twist my ankles in the hideous heels I was wear

 

And I hadn?t even found my keys.

Damn those things to hell.

I really el-oh-el'ed at the "run-in" with the pole. Quite the hilarious beginning you've got to your diary here, and I'm interested to see where it goes! If you're going to have a PM list, add my name, will you?

Trikes

 

Hilarious!! Poor woman, just being tossed into the GFFA like that. Wonder if she's a SW fan . . .

Please add me to the PM list!

 

Hell yes. And now that you're here, we're doubly cool.

 

?If you could tell me where I am, I will gladly leave.?

It could be my current sugar high, but I found that line extremely funny.

Great job!

 

Great first post, Ceillean!

Before I knew it, my head collided with the damned thing. I remember a very, very loud clunk and then all went black.
And I hadn?t even found my keys.
Damn those things to hell.
*looks around* Have you been spying on me?? This sounds exactly like me... I think I'm gonna like this character!

I feel for her... talk about culture shock!

If you are doing a PM list, would you mind putting me on it? (I promise I will try very hard to be better at replying! )

 

I've read some fics inserting real life people in the GFFA back in the day, but none struck me from the first line on as much as this one. Funny stuff and I can't wait to see where this goes! I'd love to be on the PM list for this!

 

Oooh, a bunch of replies! Thanks everyone!

 

Panic.

I?ve never panicked before. Never in my life. I?ve heard about people panicking, though. How they would hyperventilate and scream at the top of their lungs. In my case, panic settled in the moment the armed policeman grabbed my upper arm. Because all this time I had hoped I had just hit my head a little too hard and I was dreaming ? for that matter, maybe I was still lying on the sidewalk and people were gawking at my unconscious form.

But the way that dude gripped my arm?

Dang it, it hurt!

And in my dreams, I don?t get hurt!

So yeah, I panicked. I pulled out of the man?s grasp, staring open-mouthed and I suppose my face was contorted up into this ugly mask of fear because I swear to God I saw the officer almost grin at me.

He thought this was funny?

You don?t want to know what sort of colorful words went through my mind that very moment. I would have loved to smack the hell out of that man but as I said, I was scared crapless.

I held on to my backpack as if it were my life line and my legs wouldn?t move any more. I?d walked with the officer for a minute or two and the crowd around us was now staring in amazement. I should have chosen entertainer as a profession.

The way they were looking at me ? wow.

?Please, Miss. Follow me.? The officer said through gritted teeth. Was he getting angry now too? Aside from finding my predicament funny?

I wanted to say something ? anything ? but my brain was frozen. All I did was stare at the crowd and hold my backpack.

?Miss, if you do not comply, I will have to use force.?

And what exactly did he mean by that? Throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me the rest of the way? That would at least give the crowd something to laugh at.

Everything happened so fast I can hardly recall what came first. The roaring staccato of a stampeding crowd or a blue flash of light. The blue flash of light was painful, by the way. Very painful. Next thing I know I?m lying on the ground flapping away like a fish out of the water.

How humiliating.

And then ? again ? all went black.

Enough with the blackness, okay?!




I heard groaning when I woke up. And then someone moaned.

Oh wait! That was me.

My head hurt so badly, I might have just ran up against a pole a dozen times. I was laying on something hard and cold. Slowly I sat up, blinking away blurriness and taking in my new surroundings. Grey walls, grey floor, grey door ? and an ugly thin grey blanket at the foot of what seemed to be a bed.

A prison cell.

Wonderful.

So I get thrown into prison for waking up in Wonderland? What kind of messed up crap was this?

And how?d I end up in the cell in the first place? It clicked a moment later ? that officer had shot me. I glowered.

I sat up against the cool wall and that?s when I noticed my backpack was missing. A sigh escaped my throat. I waited and waited and waited?

I don?t know how much time passed by until the door finally open ? retracting into the wall. Like on Star Trek! That was neat.

Another black clad officer came through and with one hell of a deep voice, he said to follow him. I didn?t really have much choice but to comply so I got up and I walked out of my prison cell. Two other guards followed me ? did they really think I was such a threat that they needed three security officers? The thought made me giggle, earning a dark look over the shoulder from the guy walking in front of me.

Seemed these people had no sense of humor.

They led me into another grey room, like the ones you saw on TV in those detective shows. Only the furniture ? or lack thereof ? was a little different. A large table stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by four simple chairs. There was no big mirror so I guess they had security cameras installed somewhere.

The guards stayed behind in the corridor and left me alone with an elderly man wearing a dark green uniform. He looked normal enough.

Still, I wrinkled my nose as I caught sight of my stuff laid out on the table. They?d emptied my backpack. A woman?s backpack.

Damn it ? embarrass me why don?t

 

This keeps getting better!! I love that she gave herself Captain Janeway's name

 

In the deep beep kind of trouble, if you get my meaning.

Sounds like beepin beep kind of deep beep trouble.

And yes I would like to get a pm. Thanks, and I can't wait for more!

 

Like on Star Trek! That was neat.
LOL. What a mess... this is hilarious to read. Thanks for the update!

Trikes

 

Oh wow, Ceillean! That was a blast to read, so hilarious!

for that matter, maybe I was still lying on the sidewalk and people were gawking at my unconscious form.
You know your in a sad state of affairs when you hope this is what is going on.

I heard groaning when I woke up. And then someone moaned. Oh wait! That was me.
LOL! I've done that before. Its really embarrassing if you ask who is making the noise!

...the door finally open ? retracting into the wall. Like on Star Trek! That was neat.
?Kathryn.? I lied, giving him the first name that came to mind. ?Kathryn Janeway.?
ROFLOL! That was just too good!

Poor girl, waking up in an unknown place, getting arested and now there is an 'alien' talking to her. She's not having a very good day.
But it does make for excellent reading!

I can't wait for more!
Great job!

 

That was a great read! I love your attention to detail and your characters perception of the GFFA. It's just hilarious! Thanks for the PM, keep me updated!

 

Alright, I need to be on the PM list for this one. This is WAY too funny.

I giggled like a dork when she introduced herself as Kathryn Janeway!

 

Oh wow. Look at the all the comments! Thanks everyone.

---

Silas gestured to the table with his hand ? or paw? Talons even, because those nails looked like something right out of Jurassic Park, I swear ? and nodded his head for me to sit. I swallowed and weighed what to do.

Honestly, I wanted to get away from these people. As kind as I thought Silas was, it still felt a bit disconcerting being in his presence. And he hadn?t answered my question, either.

?Are you an alien?? I asked again, feeling really, really stupid. I mean, aliens were something off of TV, right? And if aliens really existed, we?d already know about them, right? The government wouldn?t keep something like this secret and -- ?

Wait. Scratch that bit. The government and no secrets ? yeah, pfft.

Silas nodded his big head and his ears twitched. ?As you are human, I am alien. I am of the Bothan species.?

?Bothan.? I repeated. ?Sounds European.?

It was very hard to read any expression on Silas?s features. The human uniformed man standing beside him, with his hands clasped behind his back and looking all straight and rigid ? he seemed angry. But maybe that?s because he was born angry. Maybe his siblings hit him too many times and now, since he was in a position of power, he did to others what they had done to him.

And why am I analyzing now? Because I?m still so confused. I find it soothing to let my brain just run its course. Although sometimes it does things it?s not supposed to, like picture people naked.

And on that note, turning eyes [i]away[/i] from uniformed-angry-military man. Like ? NOW.

?European?? Silas asked. It looked like he had raised his brows. He had brows, yes. Sort of. He had a whole lot of hair on his face.

?Yeah.? I answered, taking a few deep breaths until I decided to slowly walk back towards the table. The only sound was the clicking of my heels on the floor. ?You know, the continent??

Silas looked mightily confused. ?Pardon??

And then it dawned on me. Here I am in a small room with an alien ? supposedly --, a military man who has forgotten how to laugh and two security guards at my back. This was completely television ripe! Things like this didn?t happen in real life.

Maybe all this was just a practical joke? Hey guys, you can come out now! Fun?s over.

Only it felt too real. Those weapons the man held were too real. And the confusion on Silas? face was way too real.

I had no clue where I was. But deep down inside I knew I wasn?t home anymore.

?Where am I?? I asked instead of answering his question. I pulled out a chair and sat down, waiting for Silas to take the seat opposite me. When he did, he folded his hands ? or paws or dinosaur-like-appendages ? on the table. His eyes seemed dull in a way but the colors were beautiful. Purple with swirls of black. I?d have paid a lot of money for contacts that color.

?You are in the capitol city of Coruscant.?

I raised my brows. ?Never heard of it.?

Silas seemed taken aback and so was the military guy. Had he told me his name yet? I glanced his way and smiled as politely as I could. ?Hey big guy. You got a name??

He stiffened and he ignored me. His jaw was tight and his eyes narrowed on my stuff still laying on the table top. I had the feeling he was itching to get a better look at my cell phone and wallet and make-up and whatever else was still hiding in the depth of my purse. Including my keys.

You know ? this is all their fault. My keys have a mind of their own.

?This is Captain Myles.? Silas nodded towards the human male and I think he tried to smile. At least the human equivalent of one. Myles just stared at me, blankly. I did get the feeling he really didn?t like me.

?Hello there, Capt?n.? I said with a mock salute and maybe that wasn?t the best course of action. The already angry soldier got angrier. His face took on a dark red hue and he breathed like a freight train.

Oops.

?Miss Janeway ??

I really had to remind myself not to laugh.

?We must know where you are from. According to eye witness reports, you simply arrived.?

I arched a b

 

You know ? this is all their fault. My keys have a mind of their own.
Heh! Perfect line! Perfectly placed! I started giggling.

"Miss Janeway ?"

I really had to remind myself not to laugh.
And then this reminds me of Burn After Reading, where Brad Pitt responds "You think that's a Schwinn!" and starts snorting.

Great update! Poor thing... she's going to be a riot when she meets a Jedi for the first time!

Thanks for the update!

 

Ah crap, now you've got me picturing him naked, too. Ew, ew, ew.

 

Hee, this is great! I'll take a PM for updates, please.

 

That's some great writing there. She's quite brave I think. Most people would've been scared out of their mind by now...

 

Awesome entry, Ceillean!

The government wouldn?t keep something like this secret and -- ?
Wait. Scratch that bit. The government and no secrets ? yeah, pfft.
Great line! So sadly true!

I think I would be the same as her... thinking someone was filming me for TV or something and then I'd get in all kinds of trouble with them!

Hmmm... they are going to contact the Jedi. This should be fun!

I can't wait to read more!