Beyond - Legends Mother's Heart TK, mentions of Allana, H/L

A quick take on Tenel Ka giving Allana up, and her inner turmoil over it.
Obviously, this is a character that gets almost no screen time, so I am taking some liberties here with characterization.

criticism is welcome, but please be gentle!
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She reacted on pure instinct. Stuffing Allana into an escape pod, she only just managed to throw herself on top of the child and shut the door when she felt the first death. A blast of pain and confusion and then – nothing: only a blank spot where a living, breathing person used to be. She was used to such absences in the force from her time as a Jedi, but little Allana was so sensitive and not prepared for it. Her daughter whimpered from the loss and as more and more people breathed the virus in, her whimpering turned to crying, then sobbing. The deaths were quick, but that was little solace to Tenel Ka, who could only lie in the pod, holding her daughter and stroking her hair while whispering words of comfort. She was too wasted to cry. The people who died – she may have trusted very few of them, but they were still her family. People who shared her blood and they died painfully, their only crime being related to her.

After she felt certain that the worst of the battle was over, she jettisoned the pod. It took careful maneuvering, but she managed to get it to the Millennium Falcon.











Much of what happened afterwards was a blur. She remembers only flashes. She remembers Allana, crying herself to sleep long before reaching the Falcon. She remembers reaching an exhausted, grief stricken Han and Leia, and explaining what had happened. Sometimes, she remembers crying. Other times she merely remembers the feeling of intense certainty – a kind of primal fear that all mothers at some point feel– that her child was going to be seriously hurt. The only thing she could think of was keeping her baby safe. She could not protect her child. The only clear memory that never faded, no matter what, was the look on Han and Leia’s face when she handed the still sleeping toddler over. She doesn't remember asking them to take her. She sometimes thinks that words might not have been necessary. Han and Leia must have already known what had happened on her ship. And the look they had – one of joy and pain and relief – all at the same time.

Tenel Ka knows that taking care of Allana is the best thing for the older couple, a task that could fill the gaping gash that Jacen’s fall wrought on their hearts. But their healing came at the expense of wounding Tenel Ka interminably. She knows that Allana staying with her was not an option, this is fact. But having someone take her child – and do a better job than she could – stings more than any wound Tenel Ka has ever received. More than the loss of her arm. More than the loss of Jacen. More than any of those things combined. Knowing something and making peace with it are two wholly separate things, as Tenel Ka has come to understand all too well.

As hazy as that moment is, Tenel Ka remembers the first time she saw Allana after giving up custody all too well. Her daughter’s joy at being in her arms again… and she remembers her daughter’s look of total betrayal the moment Tenel Ka handed her back to her grandparents. The adults knew that this would be only a brief visit, but Allana, with all of the reasoning power of a four year old, did not. Allana, in the time she had been away from her had clearly bonded with her grandparents, especially Han. But nothing could replace a mother, and Tenel Ka took solace in that. The temper tantrum that the little girl had thrown upon being handed back was the worst Tenel Ka had ever seen, and she took more satisfaction in knowing she was missed than was appropriate, given the situation. It soothed the fear of being replaced.

She has seen her daughter since – Han and Leia make a point in coming to Hapes regularly – but deep at night, it’s never those happy moments that come to mind. What she remembers is the horror and the death and the way her daughter’s tears soaked through her jumpsuit. What she remembers is the emptiness of her arms on the trip back to her new flagship. She remembers not getting to say goodbye.

And in the dark cold night, her mother’s heart knows that this made all the difference. ​

 

It would be so heartbreaking to have to give up your child, even if it was the right thing to do to save them. You showed that emotion very well, it was... heartbreaking.

I always enjoyed Tenel Ka in the EU and this was a lovely look at her. Thanks for sharing!

 

Thanks for the feed back - I really appreciate it!

 

***Sob*** Tenel Ka is such a wonderful, strong woman. ***Sob*** Her and Jacen could have made Hapes great. I hate that they have turned her Hapes into a cartoon of a system...she's been Queen for over a decade, universe time, she should have been able to enact reforms. Effing profic.

 

Thanks SiouxFan - I completely agree. They took a character that could have given them a ton of mileage story-wise and instead, like all the characters since NJO that aren't sky solos, basically ran her into the ground. I mean, she's been around as a character since the mid 90's, and yet they relegated her as nothing more than the vessel that is supposed to bear the new chosen one.