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Story [My Little Pony - FiM] Twilight Sparkle: Witchfinder (in training) - an Gothic AU

Discussion in 'Non Star Wars Fan Fiction' started by Gamiel, Nov 28, 2019.

  1. Gamiel

    Gamiel Force Ghost star 7

    Dec 16, 2012
    Creator's comments: This AU begun because of a couple of reasons, first of I think is that I had been reading some MPL fics where vampires and/or other horror creatures existed in Equestria and me thinking “I would do that differently”, combined with me having binged some Hammer Horror, Universal Horror and works inspired by those, then there is that I wanted to do something that while using lots of gothic and horror elements was not gory, dystopic or moving to far away from what I felt was the usual way that FiM presented it’s reality. At the same time do I personally think that the creators of FiM did not really think about how an monarchy with it aristocrats and rituals would have developed if the monarch was immortal, extremely powerful and overall nice (or Equestrias' social-governmental organization overall) so you will see me go against some of the presentations of how the society and governmental organization seems to function in canon Equestria.

    The starting premise for this fic is highly inspired by Path of Kindness and Blood by CommanderX5 over at but I will go my own way with it.

    Warning: vampirism; ghoulism; shameless references to fictional characters as ponies; slow update time

    Part 1
    Part 2
    Part 3
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2019
  2. Gamiel

    Gamiel Force Ghost star 7

    Dec 16, 2012
    Part 1: Two strangers arrive in Ponyville, and don't get a surprise party

    As the last train of the day stopped at Ponyville station two strangers to the village were among the passengers leaving the Friendship express. This in itself was not that strange outsiders often come to Ponyville for many different reasons and the two strangers had nothing that marked them as really special. Even if Rarity, of Rarity’s Boutique, would declare their use of simple saddlebags, capes and capotain hats to be highly unfashionable and quickly declared it her duty to help them get something more haute couture. Thankfully for the two unicorns, Rarity had been out of town since the destruction of the Day Spa. The two strangers, who did not encounter Pinkie Pie (to her great regret when she later heard about them), walked directly to the town hall.


    Since he had just finished what was supposed to be the last thing before going home secretary Tadwell could not help but give a quit groan at the sound of looked up from his work as he saw two unicorns – a pure white stallion and a young purple mare with sapphire blue mane with violet and brilliant-rose streaks – enter.

    “Can I help with something?”

    “Polis, Zodiac Yard”, said the white unicorn with a Prench accent as he holds up a badge with telekinesis, “I am inspector Zenith, this is inspector Twilight Sparkle, we would like to talk to Mayor Mare. We are expected.”

    “Oh, yes. I’ll inform the mayor you are here.”

    The mayor was glad to see them and explained the situation: five days ago the town’s Day Spa had destroyed by a very localized earthquake. Thankfully nobody had died thanks to the quick action of one of the town’s weather ponies, Rainbow Dash. This was something that had never happened before in Ponyville and nobody in the town had heard about something like it happening anywhere else.

    Together with the monthly appearance of the strange looking pony that seems to live in the Everfree forest, and other stories that nobody normally would think twice about, had made idle gossip, about there being a witch near the town, into today's truth.

    “Because of this I made a request to Zodiac yard for some witchfinders to help us find out what we’re dealing with”, finished Mayor Mare “And here you are.”

    “Thank you mayor”, said inspector Zenith, “you did the right thing. Most likely it will be reviled to be nothing: eight time of nine it is just, as you said: idle gossip that ‘as gone too far. Or somebody looking for something to blame for their own mistakes or misfortune.”

    “That’s good to hear. The telegram said you needed some items.”

    “Yes”, said inspector Twilight Sparkles, “it was a map over the town, with the incident marked out and the houses of the involved; one map over the overall area; information in all involved; and some kind of sleeping arrangement.”

    As Twilight had gone through the list of requested things the mayor and Tadwell had placed them all on her desk. “We also marked out the town’s inn on the map. We’ve informed them that you’re coming.”

    “Thank you, we will return sometime after lunch tomorrow and discuss our findings, find us a time. And we would like any information you have on this ‘Everfree eremite’ then, a list of anyone that left the town just after the incident and anything else you think we could ‘ave interests in.”


    “What do you think”, asked junior inspector Twilight Sparkle as the two lawmares walked toward the Ponyville’s inn.

    “It is your show Twilight Sparkles, you tell me.”

    “As you said, statistically is it most likely to be something else then a witch, but until we have done our job we don’t know if it is that. We should begin with going through the material at the inn and make our plans from that.”

    “Good idea but I think it could be worth taking a look at the incident site first.”

    “Can we really find that much right now? Without any real light it will be hard to find anything and it has been days since it happened so any traces we can find would be old and possibly contaminated by now. We can just as well do it tomorrow after planning and with light to help us look.” Zenith looked at her though his dark glasses. “What have I forgotten?”

    “That we don’t need light to feel after remains of magic energy.”

    “But monsieur, the book says that any useful remains of magic energy would have disappeared by now.”

    “You forget that the book is written with normal unicorns in mind, not you mon cher Twilight. Somebody with your talent could be able to pick up something, even after all this time.”

    “Oh… Ehm, then I guess that it could be worth the time to go there now.”

    “You have to remember Twilight”, said Zenith as they changed direction, “you are one of the most powerful and talented unicorns of this era. What other considers impossible you can do.”

    “Yes, monsieur.”

    “You have memorized the whole book; now learn what part of it is written with a normal unicorn in mind.”

    “Yes, monsieur.”

    The ruin of the Day Spa was that, a ruin. Only parts of the structure were still standing up, the rest of it was in shambles. Any real details of it was hard to see in the darkness but there was a temporary fence surrounding it and signs of ponies trying to clear up the debris.

    Twilight sat down before the ruin and begun to concentrate. Her horn begun to glow and the ruin was enveloped in a light aura of the same colored. At first she sensed nothing, than she felt the traces of unicorn magic, nothing special and too new to be from before the earthquake, probably just unicorns helping with the clearing up. She had to, figuratively, dig deeper. Deeper. Just as she thought that Zenith’s faith in her was misplaced she felt something. Magic that definitely should not be there.

    “Necromantic energy. The earthquake was created with necromantic energy.”
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2019
    pronker likes this.
  3. Gamiel

    Gamiel Force Ghost star 7

    Dec 16, 2012
    Part 2: Finding a rainbow in the mist

    The morning mist lay heavy between the houses and the land beyond when the duo left Ponyville’s inn. The mist made it hard even for people familiar with Ponyville to find their way and monsieur Zenith and Twilight Sparkle who was out-of-towners which meant that they quickly where lost.

    “What do you think”, asked Twilight as she looked at the map.

    “I think we should ask that weather pony”, answered Zenith as he pointed at a black pegasus that was herding part of the fog before them into a tick little cloud.

    “Can I help you”, wondered the black Pegasus as the approached him.

    “I hope so; we are looking for Rainbow Dash house.”

    “Oh, yea. I can show you there, if you just allow me to finish up with the work on this soon-to-be number 3 cloud.”

    Some quick spins to fully put the cloud together, followed by a hard kick that sent it up 20 m in the air and the pegasus landed before the pair.

    “Follow me. It’s easier than giving directions. I’m Thunderlane, by the way.”

    After passing what Twilight thought was seven houses, changing direction three times and walking up a hill did they stopped.

    “Here it’s, it’s a bit hard to see in the fog but if you just go forward some meters an’ look up you’ll see it.”

    “Thanks for your help master Thunderlane, we would not have gotten her until the fog was cleared if it was not for you.”

    “Think nothing of it”, the Pegasus rose up into the air and had turned back toward the village when he stopped, “I just remembered, if you’re looking for Dash, an’ not just her house, so will you not find her there.”

    “What do you mean?”

    “She has been taking a sabbatical for the last days, to help Fluttershy. You heard about the spa, right. Well Fluttershy, who’s Dash best friend, was in it an’ had has been unwilling to leave her house since then. So Dash has been helping her an’ all that.”

    “Thanks for the information, can you help us to Fluttershy’s?”

    “Well, yea, but not right now. I’ve to finish my job first, Fluttershy don’t live in the town so it would take too much of my time right now. But after that I’m available.”

    “Thanks for the offer but I think we can find Fluttershy’s house ourselves once the mist have been lifted.”

    “Suit yourself, have a good day.”

    Zodiac turned to Twilight, “Well what do we do now?”

    “Ehm, let me see”, Twilight levitated her notebook and the papers on the involved and the map they had been given by Mayor Mare. “Let’s see, RD has been gone from work for five days, to take care of FS”, her quill moved as she wrote, “this fit with what the mayor informed us about their relationship and FS’s disposition. That means that two of the involved have left their houses in Ponyville. Going by the map, the closest witness are now the madams Lotus Blossom and Aloe, currently staying with master Davenport, over his Quills and Sofas store. We go and question them!”
  4. Gamiel

    Gamiel Force Ghost star 7

    Dec 16, 2012
    Part 3: Cookies and tea with Lotus Blossom & Aloe

    “It was horrible”, began Lotus Blossom.

    “Absolutely terrible”, added Aloe.

    “We had just begun the treatment of Rarity and Fluttershy when the shakes started.”

    “Poor Fluttershy, this most have been horrifying for her. She’s such an sensitive soul.”

    “She is a sensitive one, poor girl.

    “That’s probably why she was the first to notice the quack.”

    “Most likely. Oh, you said that you would talk to all involved, pleas be careful with Fluttershy, she must be so traumatized by this.”

    “We will have that in mind”, said Twilight, “do you remember anything more?”

    “No, not really.”

    “We are sorry that we can’t be of more help.”

    “We can’t even remember our spa falling down.”

    “Only the fear when it begun to shake and then walking up in the infirmary.”

    “You mention Fluttershy but don’t seem that concerned about Rarity. Why that?”

    “Oh, it is not because we dislike Rarity.”

    “But you have to understand that Rarity may be a drama queen and like to think of herself as a fragile flower.”

    “But she’s not really a week-blooded noblemare”, Twilight raised an eyebrow at that but keep quiet, unlike what the gossip-papers and bits dreadful often said so was there few noblemares that was week-blooded, “and a lot hardier then she present herself. She may act like she’s a frail flower but in reality she’s oak.”

    “If she’s capable to fix everything needed to take a ten day vacation away from Ponyville to have her dramatic meltdown, she’s not that badly shaken. She will come back and make a drama over what happened, feel extremely bad that she was not here helping Fluttershy and us.”

    “She will make a martyr off herself while trying to do anything to help us.”

    “I see”, said Twilight, “do you have anything else to ad?”


    “Not really.”

    “Good. Now, there have been talks in the township about witchcraft and that’s the main reason we’re here: to find out the truth and act upon it. Whichever that means: apprehending a witch, clearing an innocent from accusation or something else”, as Twilight spoke Zenith was thankful that that she gave the memorized standard speech instead of going into all variables and duties of the job, “With that said I have to ask you if you know of anybody that would dislike you or your guests so much that they were willing to destroy a building and all in it just to get to that pony they dislike.”

    For a short time it was quiet.

    “Well”, begun Lotion, “I can’t think of anybody who would do that.”

    “There’s the Everfree Eremite”, suggested Aloe.

    “Why do you think that”, inquired Twilight, “has she done anything like this before or shown animosity toward you?”

    “… Not really.”

    “On both points.”

    “Understood, I suggest having a bit more on your back before accusing somebody. Another question I have to ask is if you know of any whom would economically profit from your spa being destroyed or you dying.”


    “Not at all.”

    “Good. I would say that’s all. We hope this interview has not been harrowing for you and wish you a speedy recovery from you’re ordeal. And thanks for the cockiest and tea.”


    As the two police ponies left the Quills and Sofas store Zenith directed his junior toward the nearest ally, in which shadows Twilight allowed the tightly kept mask of self-control to drop and begin to hyperventilate. She relived every mistake she had done during the interview: she had asked the questions in the wrong order! She had been to blunt! She had not asked enough follow up questions! She had asked follow up questions that was not needed! She had nearly asked leading question! Had she asked leading questions and not realized it?! Ahhhh! Maybe she had done mistakes she had not realized?! This could lead to the case falling apart! And it would be her fault! She would be a disappointment to Zenith, to her father, to her whole family, to her teachers, to the Princess! They would demote her for her incompetence! Or worse, throw her out and she would have to go back to Magic Kindergarten!

    All the while Twilight was panicking was Zenith by her side, stroking her calmly and talking calmly in Prench (speaking any language Twiligth fully understood would only lead to her panicking more as her mind worked overtime with coming up reasons to why the things said to her was wrong or meant that she was in even deeper trouble).

    When her breading had returned to normal Twilight looked at her instructor and asked with a weak voice, “I failed. Didn’t I?”

    “No mon cher Twilight. You did good,” by those words Twilight visibly become less tense, “With that said, what do we do now?”

    Twilight took a deep breath, steadied herself and answered, “Rainbow Dash is supposedly at Fluttershy’s, helping her recover. Logically we go to Fluttershy’s and interview them both.”