JCC Pleistocene Park > Jurassic Park

So, everyone knows that one of the central problems of "Dino DNA" is that the shelf life of DNA is too short for reconstructing the dinosaur genome, of which nothing remains in fossils or amber, etc.

However, scientists have successfully reconstructed much of the neanderthal genome, and have spliced recovered mammoth DNA into elephants.

With a little work, we might be able to breed neanderthals and mammoths, and then drop them into an amusement park where visitors could watch neanderthals hunt mammoths. Obviously we'd have to invent a neanderthal mammoth hunting culture, and then teach our neanderthals to practice it, but on the plus side, we could recreate part of the ancient human diet, which included both mammoth and neanderthals, and serve it at park restaurants.

Who wouldn't pay top $ to see a mammoth. It's no T Rex. But it's a mammoth! Also neanderthal sliders at the restaurants. Remember that .3% difference in the genome means it's not cannibalism. Just think about it.

 

Mammoth captivity: all the abuse and mistreatment fun of elephant captivity, except more exotic. I look forward to mammoths being driven to re-extinction due to demand for ivory from China and the United States.

Neanderthal captivity: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_zoo

 

If you can cleanse the neanderthal DNA from the cross contamination caused by breeding with the waves of homo sapiens expansion out of Africa, then it really won't be a human zoo. It will be more of a cattle ranch.

Granted, the neanderthals were likely much more clever than even the fantasy velociraptors of the Jurassic Park series, so we'll have all the problems of a major theme park and a major zoo but in the primate house they'll be throwing spears instead of feces. Or maybe spears and feces.

 

Neanderthals could be a subspecies of homo sapiens (and if they can produce viable offspring with us, the classification fits), so they're human in the closest possible sense. Even if they weren't, they'd be by far the second-most-intelligent animal on the planet.

 

the neanderthals like to think of us as more a subspecies of them. That's why we'll need to eat them to show our superiority. It's the ultimate answer to the "are they human" question. "Taste like chicken?" Then it's an animal.

 

Welcome…to Pleistocene Park.

Doesn't have the same ring to it.

 

Halocene Park just sounded like what we're already doing. Quaternary Park has no ring to it at all. I'm afraid it's Pleistocene Park or nothing.

 

That's not bad I guess. It just sounds like a form of plastic.

 

Tarantian Park? I agree with you that branding is critical.

 

It's funny this stuff exists.

 

That's priceless. Clearly, the idea is an obvious one. But now the technology is catching up.

 

What's your opinion on it? Do you think someone would do it if they could? I don't mean the park but cloning.

 

no question about the mammoth. Tough call about neanderthals. We've already absorbed a lot of their DNA, but we proved, multiple times as a species, that we weren't interested in sharing the planet with other hominids.

 

If we are going to make a park involving cloning, it better be Raëlian Park.

 

Preach on!

 

It's important to be Raëlistic about our goals.

Hisham'ru lakhem pen yif'teh l'vav'khem v'sar'tem va'avad'tem Elohim acheirim v'hish'tachavitem lahem

is a prayer that translates loosely as "Good Lord I'm surprised it took this long for people to start worshipping UFOs."

 

Oh Raeli?

 

Oh no. A larger elephant. Look out. Run.

 

you're not fooling anyone. You'd be awed by the majestic mammoth to the point of pants pissing.

Mind you, mammoth bites can be pretty nasty. A mammoth once bit my sister.

 

Next you'll complain that all Star Wars ships should be rotating cylinders for them to be able to stand on the "floor".

 

It's just a matter of basic pragmatism. If you can't clone the one you love, love the one you've cloned.

 

I am intrigued by this view and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

 

When I got to this part I was like "What? With each other? What kinda park would this be?"

But then, when I read a little further I was like "No".

 

Mammothals? Neanderoths?

 

I just want to see some giant sloths.