main
side
curve

Saga Solid Ground -- X-wing squadfic, OCs, OT era, completed 2/23

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Thumper09, Dec 8, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Title: Solid Ground
    Author: Thumper09
    Timeframe: OT era, approximately one year after the Battle of Yavin
    Characters: OCs (Rebel X-wing pilots)
    Genre: Drama, Action
    Summary: The Imperials set a trap for the Rebels on an isolated colony world, causing the X-wing pilots on the mission to get much more than they bargained for.
    Notes: Many thanks to all those who have been my betas, sounding boards and idea generators. I couldn't have done any of this, especially this story, without you.

    This story is meant to be a standalone; previous knowledge of these characters should not be required. With that said, it takes place after my other posted stories ("Commencement", "Metal Coils", most of the vignettes, plus more), which are found in my profile.

    The story has been finished in advance. Updates will be made weekly, most likely on Wednesdays or Thursdays. Update PMs are available on request. Because it's a long story, each update will be a bit longer than I've done in the past. If it would be easier for people to read shorter, more frequent updates, I'll be happy to do that instead. Just let me know.

    Disclaimer: If Star Wars was mine, I wouldn't be writing fanfic about it. These poor original characters are mine though.

    Constructive criticism is most welcome.

    ----------

    Dramatis Personae

    Corona Squadron

    Corona One / Lead - Cdr. Quentell "Mack" Mackin, human male from Treminal III
    Corona Two - Lt. Ikoa "Rancor" Fyndcap, human female from Rin
    Corona Three - Lt. Jayke "Chopper" Forsgren, human male from Brentaal
    Corona Four - FO. Kalre "Parsec" Unatel, Rodian male from Druckenwell
    Corona Five - Lt. Shaun "Scoop" Pellicer, human male from Commenor
    Corona Six - FO. Chryse "CC" Cerac, human female from Avalar
    Corona Seven - Lt. Tictintco "Slurry" Tnis, Bilgana male from Bilgan
    Corona Eight / XO / Two Flight Lead - Lt. Steen "Snubber" Weas, human male from Plonia V
    Corona Nine - FO. Darin "Thumper" Stanic, human male from Craci IV
    Corona Ten - FO. Hentil "Quiver" Yanilr, human male from Druzien
    Corona Eleven - xxxx
    Corona Twelve - xxxx

    Rebellion Special Forces
    Lt. Col. Adaic Trainneer, human male from Coruscant

    ----------

    "Solid Ground"


    Prologue

    The voice coming over the communication system's speakers sounded concerned, troubled, anxious to help, matching the expression of the Rebel on the screen who was speaking. "We'll do what we can."

    "Thank you," Tayer Fohl'zic said before closing the transmission. As his screen went blank he sighed bleakly and looked up at the Imperial officer standing out of sight of the transmitter and flanked by two stormtroopers.

    The officer, a major, offered Fohl'zic a cold smile. "Excellent performance. I almost believed it myself. Now you'd just better hope that your Rebel friends do."

    *****

    A few days later and light-years away aboard the Rebel Alliance's Mon Calamari Cruiser Crescent Star, Commander Quentell Mackin of Starfighter Command frowned at the computer console as the recorded plea for help ended. "And who is this person, sir?"

    "His name is Tayer Fohl'zic," said Lieutenant Colonel Adaic Trainneer, a tall but scrawny redhead wearing the uniform of Rebellion Special Forces. "He's the leader of a small industrial colony that has secretly helped the Rebellion in the past by providing us with trilithide. Because of the colony's relative proximity, it's this fleet's main source of the material. Of course, the Imperials use it as well. Looks like they are interested enough in the place now to send in some troops. If the Imperials deny that supply to us, Logistics has assured me that we'll have some major problems."

    When Mackin and the other officers in the briefing room nodded, taking everything in, Trainneer continued, "We've been authorized to go assist, and I've already worked out a preliminary plan with Captain Tralkett." He nodded once toward th
     
  2. Mechalich

    Mechalich Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 2, 2010
    An interesting beginning. I really like the banter between the pilots, it's actually quite funny.

    Sentence flow is a little choppy at points, particularly the beginning. It's not a significant issue, but I thought I'd mention it.

    The Dramatis personae indicates the squadron contains 8 humans and only 2 aliens, which seems a low ratio for an alliance unit far from the core. Probably there's some previously established reason for this, but it's a little odd from the outset here.

    Also, I was a bit struck by Trainneer's name, it has the feel of a bad joke, no offense, and is kind of distracting whenever it crops up. I'd almost shorten it to 'Trainer' and get the same impact without the disjointed-ness.
     
  3. Jedi_Perigrine

    Jedi_Perigrine Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Amazing start, Thumps! You have such a way of sucking people into your story with the first paragraph. I'm already worried for the Rebel forces and that was before you introduced them to be such an eclectic lovable bunch. Of course I expected Darrin, Quiver and CC to star, but they're back and as awesome as ever. I can't wait to see where you're going with this!

    PM please! :D =D=
     
  4. Danaan

    Danaan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 23, 2008
    The Coronas are back! [face_dancing]

    And off to a great start, too. I loved Quiver's "briefing". And I'm sure they're gonna get more than they bargained for on this mission. Let's hope everybody makes it back all right.[face_worried]
     
  5. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Mechalich: Thanks for your comments!

    The first part of Chapter 1 has always given me problems, no matter how I try to approach it. I'll see if I can smooth it out.

    The roster is that way more for OOU reasons than IU. When I first made these characters my default impression of a Rebel starfighter squadron was mostly based on the movies, plus humans are easier for me to write. (I'm trying to branch out now though.) If I had it to do all over again I probably would increase the amount of non-humans. I did have a Gran in the squadron prior to this story's timeframe as well, but he was replaced with another human.

    I see what you mean about Trainneer's name. I'm accustomed to mentally pronouncing it "tren-EER" so I'd never really realized it before.

    Thanks for reading!


    Peri: Thanks! And hey, no need to worry: the mission is going to be a cakewalk. [face_whistling] PM on its way. Thanks for reading!


    Danaan: Thank you! I'm glad you liked the fake briefing. See above re: cakewalk. ;) Thanks for reading!

    ----

    This update includes Chapter Two and the first part of Chapter Three. Thanks, everyone!

    ---------------

    Chapter Two


    "I swear, Thumper, only you could fall asleep on an S-foil."

    Darin woke up when he heard Quiver's remark, and it took him a moment to get his bearings. Corona Squadron and the two Special Forces shuttles had reached the canyon on Lokinha without incident, and after throwing camouflage netting over the ships and helping the commandos set up some perimeter sensors there was nothing for the pilots to do that night but wait for the recon team to report back the next morning. Darin lay on his back on his X-wing's port S-foil on top of the netting, with his feet pointing toward the laser cannon and his hands cushioning his head. He looked up past the top of his head to see Quiver sitting on that S-foil's engine and grinning in amusement in the darkness. Darin stretched his stiff muscles but made no move to get up, and he said, "Sorry, I was stargazing a little. I guess I drifted off."

    "Don't be sorry," Quiver replied. "Take all the sleep you can get. Though how you can sleep with no blanket when it's this chilly out is beyond me."

    Darin smiled. "It's nice out."

    "It's cold."

    "It's nice out."

    Quiver shook his head, silently proclaiming his wingman a lost cause, and pulled his jacket closer around himself. "You missed the game. We were having a contest to see who could come up with the best guess of what trilithide's used for in the fleet and why we need it. CC had a good one about it being a main ingredient of the artificial gravity on the capital ships. Really, what do they make our gravity out of anyway?"

    "That's not at all how it works."

    "Oh, I know. But it's more fun this way." Quiver looked up at the sky. "Nice night for stargazing. Hopefully those clouds to the west will hold off."

    "Yeah. There have been some really nice aurora from that solar storm too." Darin looked at the twinkling stars and said more quietly, "My friends back home and I used to stargaze for hours. We'd single out a distant star and then argue about what system it was, though none of us honestly knew. And whenever a ship would go by overhead at night, we'd try to figure out what kind it was based on the lights alone, or the sound too if we could hear it. We were better at identifying ships than identifying stars." The smaller pilot paused, and as he stared up into the limitless universe he felt even smaller. "Doesn't it ever make you feel-- I don't know, homesick?"

    Quiver's voice betrayed his curiosity. "What do you mean?"

    Darin shrugged. "Being on a planet somewhere and looking up at the stars, but not seeing one familiar constellation. Not one. I mean, I--" He cut himself off. No reason to bother his friend with his never-ending homesickness again.

    His wingman looked back at the sk
     
  6. Jedi_Perigrine

    Jedi_Perigrine Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Ooooo I hope 16:9 isn't just the tip of the iceberg! I bet those imp buggers are just playing with the Rebels, and that's just not right. Great post, I love the stargazing and the way it brought the crew together, even Weas got in on it.

    Someday Quiver's gonna push Darin too far and that mild mannered boy is gonna snap. I want to be on hand to read that, that'll be awesome. Awesome long post, and great action. I can see everything happening right in front of me. Keep up the great work!
     
  7. Trika_Kenobi

    Trika_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Nov 4, 1999
    It is a good day to venture from the Nest! Thumps, you never cease to amaze! :cool:

    I'm definitely hooked on the combination of Quiver, Darin, and CC. I loved the introductory scene and the banter before the briefing. I mean, there was a briefing beforehand, but you know... the banter before the "real" briefing. :p Quiver's great. The banter is solid and very easy to read and enjoy.

    I loved the stargazing scene... the calm before the storm, really! There was something deeper there to take in and appreciate, and I think the XO agreed! :p Oh, and your knowledge of all of this space stuff is totally awesome. :cool:

    But now we've got some action! I'm very eager to see what's going to happen! Great work, Thumps! PM me when you update next! :)
     
  8. Darth McClain

    Darth McClain Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2000
    Great start, Thumper!

    Add me to that PM list...really good story so far!
     
  9. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Great start of another of your gripping fics.=D==D=
     
  10. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Peri: I've actually been working on such a fic for a while. Maybe one of these days I'll be able to finish it. Darn thing is hard. :p I'm glad the action was follow-able in the last post, and yeah, even Weas feels the need to join in sometimes. ...Sometimes. Thanks bunches for reading!


    Trikes: Thanks for venturing out for me. :) I'm glad you're enjoying the Trio combo-- they're loads of fun to write. I somehow have a feeling that Quiver and Trika would get along really, really well. ;) More action is on the way now! Thanks muchly for the comments and for reading, and you're added to the PM list.


    DMC: Thank you, and thanks for reading! I've got you on the PM list now too. :)


    earlybird: Thanks, I appreciate it! [face_blush] Thank you for reading!


    -------

    Here's the rest of Chapter Three. It's a slightly shorter update but was a hard one to write so whap me if it's too hard to follow. Next update will be next Wednesday. Thanks for reading, and happy holidays!

    ETA: I forgot to mention, last week I tried smoothing out the first part of the first post. Hopefully it's a little better now.

    -------

    Chapter Three, continued


    Darin despised dogfights where the odds were so skewed against them. And to have lost one of their most aggressive fighter pilots in Chopper so early on was making this even harder.

    Luckily Darin didn't have much of a chance to think about it. The battering his shields were taking from enemies in all directions kept his mind sufficiently occupied.

    The six Coronas engaged with the eight TIEs were being kept busy enough that the eight newly arrived TIEs had simply skirted the existing dogfight and gone after the shuttle and its escort of three, which hadn't gotten very far due to the damage to the shuttle's engines. The Imperials cut the shuttle off at every turn, preventing it from escaping.

    "Two, come on," Mackin said. Then to Weas he added, "Eight, keep this group busy with Two Flight." Mackin and Ikoa disengaged from their skirmish with difficulty and took some damage as they went to assist the rest of One Flight with defending the shuttle.

    Keep this group busy. Right. It always sounded so much easier than it was.

    The four Coronas in Two Flight now faced seven TIEs, and Darin constantly felt like he was a step behind everything. From the reports of damage coming in from Weas and Slurry as they fought, he figured he wasn't the only one.

    A pair of TIEs unexpectedly drove themselves between Darin and Quiver, causing the two Rebels to involuntarily split. Another TIE had been waiting for the opportunity and dove in, settling himself behind Darin's solitary fighter.

    "Ten?" Darin asked.

    "I got you, Nine. Go," Quiver replied.

    Darin complied and fell into a familiar pattern. He made sure his shields were even and toned down his evading a little to pretend to be an easier target in the hopes of encouraging the TIE to focus solely on him. Darin watched for firing patterns from the TIE behind him as he evaded. If he could anticipate each shot better, he could make each evasion count. As always, Botch even dedicated one subroutine to analyzing the firing habits and shared the results with his pilot.

    This time, though, the seconds dragged on. Darin managed a few successful dodges and felt a direct hit on his shields. Quiver should have been there by now. Darin wanted to look for him but was concentrating too much on not getting shot.

    Then another TIE dropped alongside the first, uncontested. Darin's heart skipped a beat. He threw himself into full evasion mode just as the TIE wingpair unloaded laser after laser on him. "Ten, hurry up!" he called.

    "Coming!" Quiver said. Sure enough, Darin's targeting scope showed Quiver's X-wing angling in toward the TIEs' flank while the Imperials' attention was on Darin. A few bursts of laser energy later, one TIE blew into a fireball. The other d
     
  11. Jedi_Perigrine

    Jedi_Perigrine Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Holy schmoley, what an intense section, and as wonderful as the rest of this fantasticness you've written! I think I started sweating here, jeez. How are they going to get out of this one? Darin isn't getting to orbit any time soon, and what about CC?! Argh, the suspense is killing me.

    Awesomesauce, Thumps! I really like this, it's so real and thoughtful. Keep up the super work!
     
  12. Darth McClain

    Darth McClain Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2000
    Wow, very good update, Thumper! Like Peri said, really intense. I can't wait to see what comes next!
     
  13. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    like your action and the characters. And what will happen next[face_thinking]
     
  14. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Peri: Thank you! Yeah, they've got their work cut out for them on this mission. I'm glad you're liking it so far, and thanks for R&Ring!


    DMC: Great, I'm very happy to hear it was intense. :) That's what I needed out of that section, and I'm still in the trial and error stage of writing action so it's hard for me to tell if it works. Thanks for reading!


    earlybird: Thanks, I'm glad you're liking it so far too. :) Thanks for reading!

    ------

    Here's a longer-ish update, Chapters Four and Five. Thanks for reading, everyone!

    ------


    Chapter Four

    Quiver and Darin landed near CC's smoldering wreck in the sparsely wooded hills. They yanked off their helmets and flight gloves, unbuckled their seat restraints and jumped out of their cockpits, landing hard on the ground from the height. Each shouted an order back to his astromech to secure the X-wing for them, and then they sprinted across the small field to CC's fighter. Quiver silently prayed they weren't too late.

    The scene before them was horrible. CC's X-wing was now nothing but a long line of wreckage strewn about from the first place the snubfighter had hit the ground a short distance away. The largest piece consisted of one S-foil, one engine and a large part of the fuselage, including the cockpit. It was almost completely upside-down, and the nose had dug itself partway into the ground, leaving a short furrow in its wake. Gases hissed and streamed out of various punctures in the wreckage like the fighter was a mortally wounded animal on the defensive. CC's R2 unit Ruby wasn't even visible, and with the X-wing positioned that way, the droid was most likely crushed underneath beyond any hope of repair. CC hadn't ejected: Quiver could see her inside the shattered, crumpled cockpit, strapped to her upside-down seat and not moving.

    The bent and twisted metal of the cockpit's canopy had been driven partially into the solid ground, and it refused to cooperate as the two wingmates tried desperately to pry it apart. After a couple frantic minutes of pulling and pushing and digging away at the dirt underneath, they finally cracked it open a little bit. Quiver got down on his back, and with difficulty the lanky pilot squeezed partway inside to check CC's condition.

    "Darin, she's in really bad shape!" he called in a panic. "Alive, but unconscious and blood everywhere. Bad head wound and barely a pulse. We've got to get her out!"

    "I'll run back to my X-wing and find something to cut the canopy with. Hold--" Darin's combadge chirped, interrupting him, and then a series of urgent-sounding beeps and whistles from Botch sounded over it. As Darin stood and jogged away, he hit his combadge and asked, "Botch, what--"

    Quiver couldn't hear any more of the conversation and put it out of his mind. Let Darin handle it. He was too worried about CC.

    Quiver took off CC's helmet as gently as he could, and then part of his right sleeve became a casualty as he tore it off and with shaking hands tried to make it into a bandage for the nasty wound on her temple. He had little medical training, but even he could tell CC was in serious trouble. The sight and the thought of her condition made him feel sick. The impact had been bad enough to even damage her helmet and shatter her visor.

    "CC?" he asked in a frightened voice. "Can you hear me?" Quiver's voice started wavering and hitting embarrassing octaves that CC would never let him live down, and he only partially succeeded at forcing it under control as he pleaded, "You need to stay with me! We have to play that prank on Darin we were planning, remember? We'll get you out of here. Please don't-- You have to be--"

    He was cut off when Darin shouted fearfully, "Quiver! Get out! Hurry!" Darin pulled hard on one of Quiver's legs, but Quiver was wedged in the small space.

    "Ow!" Quiver yelled. He didn't have time for this. "Darin, I'm trying to bandage this! J
     
  15. Darth McClain

    Darth McClain Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2000
    :eek: Talk about a dark turn...


    Very good writing, Thumper! You've got a great story here. :)
     
  16. Jedi_Perigrine

    Jedi_Perigrine Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2008
    OMG! They killed CC! (Those bastards!) Just when you think a character is safe, you kill her off. Wow. I thought I was sweating before...I'm just glad their danger is less...imperial based, now. Their skins are in Corona hands at least. I'm sure that makes them feel a little better. :p

    Awesome descriptions on damn near everything...the pain of loss, the heartbreak of losing a dear friend, and the absolute helpless terror...amazing! The only thing that I would have liked more description on would be the foursome on the speederbike (Reminds me of a buddy and I playing a super-basic game on his computer--he controlled up and down with two keyboard keys, and I controlled the bombs--sounds waaaay too easy but it was LOTS harder than it should have been!). But I think it's better your way than mine, because my way would be too funny. You'd lose that tenseness that you've built up. Super job on this, Thumps. I can't wait to read the next one!
     
  17. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    WOW action, action and they are safe for the moment.

    Love it=D==D==D=
     
  18. BaconHeadIthorian

    BaconHeadIthorian Jedi Master star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 28, 2009
    Man, do I ever love the Coronas. This is already one of my favorite Star Wars stories (not talking just fanfic here). I've been begging for more books like the X-wing series for years. I think you should write them :)

    There are only two criticisms I can offer so far. One is that TIEs were described as being less maneuverable than X-wings in atmospheric conditions due to their design being more specialized for space than the T65 which was clearly more aerodynamic, but that's really a small point.

    The second is a MUCH bigger beef. You describe your original characters as "poor." I feel this is a gross misrepresentation of your abilities and I take great umbrage to it as these characters are better written than canon characters in MANY Star Wars novels. :)


     
  19. Jedi_Perigrine

    Jedi_Perigrine Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2008
    ^ word. <points> I'm going into the corner to cry s'more.
     
  20. snowspeeder_gunner

    snowspeeder_gunner Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 10, 2007
    Thumps, you know how much I love your Coronas; I honestly like reading these stories as much or more than the X-Wing Series, as the baconly gentleman said upthread.

    This one is so intense; it reads like a movie in the parts where CC gets shot and the following capture of Darin and Quiver, etc.

    Keep up the awesome work, I look forward to more awesome-ness.
     
  21. Trika_Kenobi

    Trika_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Nov 4, 1999
    Gripping cinema here, Thumper! I think I started feeling sick with the guys during their capture here... you drew it out to a perfect amount of fear and uncertainty, and I felt that with them. Great work on CC's death, too... it really made my stomach turn at its suddenness, which is the kind of reaction that strikes me as being the result of perfect timing within the writing, something I have a good fascination for. You've got it working on all cylinders... thanks for the update and the wonderful story! :)
     
  22. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 9, 2001
    DMC: Thanks! This is probably one of my darker stories. I'm glad you're enjoying it. :)


    Peri: Thanks! The lack of Imperials in the immediate vicinity for the time being will definitely help them mentally. ;)

    I'll look back and see if I can beef up the speeder bike scene descriptions without affecting the pacing/tension too much. :) I've wanted to do a sketch of the speeder bike scene for a long time (currently beyond my ability and reference materials), and I might be relying too much on the image in my head and neglecting to put it into words. Darn it, it would be easier on me if you were telepathic so I wouldn't have to do work! :p And your dual-control at the video game does sound hard. I can't even manage just myself playing a video game; I'd be a total mess at trying to coordinate with someone else at the same time.


    earlybird: Thank you! Yup, safe for the moment, and they're hoping it's for longer than that too. ;)


    BHI: Wow, thank you! [face_blush] That means a lot to me. It's good to see you! What's the latest with the Thirteenth? I loved reading "Out of the Shadows". Awesome squadfic. :D

    D'oh, you're right, TIEs are less maneuverable in atmo. :oops: I've been drilling the mindset into myself that I hadn't been making TIEs maneuverable enough in space, so I tried to go to the other extreme and totally forgot about all that air around them, LOL. I'll have to fix that. Thanks again!


    snowy: Hey, snowy! Good to see you too, and thanks! I'm glad the intensity worked, and I'll try my best. :)


    Trikes: Thank you! I'm really glad when readers empathize with the characters and feel the emotions with them; it helps me learn if I'm imparting what I'm hoping to impart or if I wrote something that was interpreted differently by the reader than what I'd intended. Thankfully it seems to be the former so far. I'm happy you're enjoying it. :)

    ----------

    Everyone: Thanks so much for reading and replying! I really appreciate it. :D

    Onward...

    ----------

    Chapter Six

    Darin couldn't remember ever getting motion-sick before, but the wavy, unsteady motions of the X-wing to which he was much too tenuously secured were determined to change that. The wobbling, combined with such things as the sight of the ground speeding by mere meters below him, the stinging cuts on his arm and face, the headache he was getting from the engine noise and wind, and the acidic residue in his stomach from the intensity and turmoil of the morning left him feeling pretty rotten.

    The roar from the engine directly above his head consumed every other sound, and he decided that he didn't like the view very much either. He couldn't do anything about the noise, but it wasn't long before Darin shut his eyes to block out the wind and the rest of the galaxy while he attempted to hold on more tightly. He tried his hardest to forget, or at least not think about, everything that had happened.

    What seemed like a very long time later, the snubfighter slowed. Darin pried his eyes open and saw that they were flying low over some treetops. The X-wing abruptly sideslipped a few more times like it had been doing, prompting Darin to close his eyes again and bite his bottom lip. He swore his heart would explode since it seemed like it hadn't stopped hammering since he'd first lifted off from the canyon early that morning.

    Finally the X-wing hovered over a very small clearing in a forest, and Ikoa descended very cautiously beside two X-wings covered with their camouflage netting. At long last the escaped pilots felt the ground beneath them again, and Darin shakily exhaled in relief while the fighter powered down and the canopy opened with a hydraulic hiss. Mackin, Slurry, Kalre and Pellicer were walking over. Kalre was cradling his right wrist. The sight of them made Darin feel a hundred times better, and his worries about their fates evaporated.

    After unwinding his legs from around the strut, Darin l
     
  23. Darth McClain

    Darth McClain Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2000
    First! :D

    Wow, what another great update, Thumper! You did a great job of capturing the mood. I really felt for Darin in this update. Poor guy. :(
     
  24. Jedi_Perigrine

    Jedi_Perigrine Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 22, 2008
    I feel for all of 'em! They're in a tough spot and it's not gonna be an easy way off that planet! I'm not even sure how you're gonna do it; I think that's totally awesome, because usually a solution becomes apparent when you're reading profic. "Oh that's not THAT hard, they just need to do THIS!" I got nothin. They're doomed. Doomed I say! :_|

    Amazing post, Thumps! Keep up the super work!
     
  25. Trika_Kenobi

    Trika_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Nov 4, 1999
    "Because it's a good distraction, okay?!" Quiver snapped.

    Starting with that line, I felt like I really got a good sense of how raw all of this was for Quiver... the thoughtless snap-backs are exactly how I feel folks react when the stress, the anger, and the frustration become too much. I felt the realism of the anger in this chapter was precisely what would have happened in that situation... accusations, senseless snapping at teammates, and a near boiling point of overwhelming emotion. The anger here was very good writing... great stuff, Thumper! :)
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.