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Saga SWR: The Phantom Menace

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Losaand-Vreste, Mar 7, 2014.

  1. Losaand-Vreste

    Losaand-Vreste Jedi Youngling

    Mar 3, 2014
    I suppose this deserves some explanation. Sometime after taking a creative writing class, I had got the notion to rewrite the Star Wars Saga if it were I behind the scripts. However, I have to give partial credit to the staff of Belated Media, as some of the ideas in their "Prequels Were Good" videos I agree with wholeheartedly. Without further adieu, I give you Star Wars Redux: The Phantom Menace.

    Turmoil has eclipsed the worlds of the GALACTIC REPUBLIC. Following years of war and economic depression, the Senate has put legislation to tax trade routes. Among the various representatives in the senate, the issue of this tax has become disputed and controversial.

    In retaliation and protest of this new law, the TRADE FEDERATION has sett up a blockade around the minor Core World of Alderaan. The Federation's leader, Magistrate NUTE GUNRAY, has warned the government of the Republic that he will not relinquish his blockade unless the taxations are repealed or lessened. This has only placed pressure on the Senators of the Republic.

    In secret, Supreme Chancellor FINIS VALORUM has sent two Jedi Knights, peacekeepers of the Galaxy, to Alderaan in hopes to settle the situation peacefully.
  2. Cushing's Admirer

    Cushing's Admirer Chosen One star 7

    Jun 8, 2006
    Interesting to see Finis.
  3. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Aug 31, 2004
    Welcome to the JC @};- and hoping to read more. :D
  4. Losaand-Vreste

    Losaand-Vreste Jedi Youngling

    Mar 3, 2014
    CHAPTER ONE: Blockade Over Alderaan

    Above the world of Alderaan, a starship dropped out hyperspace. It was oblong, angular, and mostly grey aside from red markings on the side bearing the sigil of the Republic. A consular ship, sent by Chancellor Valorum himself to resolve the crisis concerning Magistrate Gunray and his Trade Federation. Within the depths of the ambassadorial vessel, two men stared out the nearest viewport to gaze on the blue orb of Alderaan. Both were Jedi Knights, indicated by the robes that were the unspoken uniform of their order. The younger of the two, Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi, had a rather bored expression his face and tapoing his foot anxiously.

    "You must learn to calm your impatience my Padawan." The older man spoke to his pupil, a stern eye on him.

    "I apologize, Master Jinn." The youth said,"It's just been a tough transition."

    Qui-Gon Jinn nodded to his Padawan-learner. It was slightly unfair for Kenobi when he was taken as Jinn's apprentice. The boy had been at the old master's side during the five years of war prior to this blockade. Qui-Gon feared the quick pace of battle had made his Padawan too exciteable in wartime, and impatient during peacetime. As the view of Alderaan began to grow, the Jedi Master beckoned Kenobi to follow him to the bridge of their ship. He noticed the flagship of the Trade Federation blockade in front of them from the viewscreen. He turned to the captain, nodding.

    "Captain, open up a channel." Qui-Gon ordered calmly, moving his stance into one of a refined diplomat.

    The captain accepted the Jedi's command, pressing buttons at the control panel. It took a couple of tries, but the frequency finally went through, the form of an ornately dressed Neimoidian coming up on the viewscreen. There was brief pause between the Jedi and the alien, as they were two duelists studying the others form. Finally, it was Master Jinn who broke the silence.

    "Greetings, Magistrate Gunray. I am Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, and this is my Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi." He spoke politely,"We have been sent by Chancellor Valorum to negotiate peace between the Trade Federation and the Republic. We request to board your ship."

    The Magistrate was silent a moment, his insectoid eyes seeming to show thoughtfulness. Then, his wrinkled lips turned upwards into a smirk. He nodded to the Jedi, giving him a polite bow of consent.

    "Of course. We would be honored if you would join us, Master Jedi." The Neimoidian smiled, looking behind himself a second to address a subordinate before returning to view the Jedi,"Our docking bay is open to you and my servants shall escort you to a proper place for our negotiations. I shall see you soon, Master Jinn."

    The image of Magistrate Gunray disappeared and the Republic diplomatic ship manuvered itself towards the Fedaration's docking bay.
    Meanwhile, in the private chamber of Magistrate Gunray....

    The Neimoidian leader had just turned himself from his conversation with Master Qui-Gon Jinn. On his desk, a holographic communicator was blinking. He was contacting him. With a cool gaze, Gunray activated the emitter, and a bluish sillohoutte forming. It formed into that of a robed figure, a face entirely obscured by a dark hood.

    "It seems we have an unexpected situation." Gunray said calmly to the figure,"The Republic has sent a diplomatic envoy with two Jedi acting as ambassadors."

    "Occupy them for now. If they become too troublesome, kill them. They must not interfere." The robed figure said, somewhat menacingly,"We have waited far too long for this moment. You have your orders."

    "Understood, m'lord." The Magistrate nodded, smirking ever so slightly before closing the channel.

    He stood from his desk and walked out from his chamber. He needed to get prepared for the Jedi arriving. After all, it would take many battle-droids to take down a single Jedi.
  5. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Aug 31, 2004
    Excellent update =D= Very much has the TPM feel and everyone is in character. :)
  6. serendipityaey

    serendipityaey Jedi Master star 4

    Jan 24, 2004
    Nice start! :)
  7. Losaand-Vreste

    Losaand-Vreste Jedi Youngling

    Mar 3, 2014


    The consular ship carrying Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon passed into the docking bay of the Federation flagship. Movement was not immediate out into the area, as the artifical atmosphere systems were reinstate after the Republic ship entering from the vacuum of space. Once it was safe, the two Jedi exited their vessel and were greeted by a Neimoidian. His robes were not as colorful or ornate as the Magistrate's, most likely one of the lower castes in Neimoidian culture. He was accompanied by a couple of protocol droids.

    "Greetings, most honorable Jedi." He bowed gracefully, "I am Rune Haako, His Excellency's most humble servant. Please follow me to the meeting room."

    Out of respect, the Jedi returned the bow and followed Haako through the bowels of the Federation ship. Obi-Wan made careful observations around the station. To his surprise, there were more droids and other forms of automated machines attending to the functions of the ship than there were organics.

    Curious, the Jedi Padawan thought, I know the Trade Federation had greed in their hearts. But not to the extent of replacing most of their crew with droids.

    The entourage finally stopped in front of an automated door, Haako pressing a combination of buttons to open the door. The lower caste Neimoidian bowed again to the Jedi, giving a kindly gesture to invite them into the room. The Jedi nodded and entered the room, Rune Haako only stood in the doorway. He motioned to one of his protocol droids, who entered as well.

    “I leave you in the hands of TC-14, Jedi.” Haako bowed his head, “I must go inform the Magistrate you have arrived and are waiting.”

    The Jedi stood about the conference room, Kenobi was beginning to start pacing. Qui-Gon shook his head disapprovingly at his student. He walked over to Kenobi, and placed a hand on the younger man’s shoulder, to get his attention.

    “What troubles you, Obi-Wan?” He asked sternly,”Your anxiousness is unusually higher than normal.”

    “I’m sorry, Master Jinn.” Kenobi sighed,”It’s something elsewhere. In the Force. It’s been troubling me.”

    Qui-Gon nodded to his learner. He had felt it, too, this presence in the Force that his Padawan also felt. But he could not pinpoint what it was. He could not tell if it was the light side, the dark side, or some unknown neutrality within the Will of the Force. But, now was not the time nor place to dwell on such matters.

    “A wielder of the Force, a Jedi especially, must learn control his connections with it.” Jinn spoke, ever the wise mentor,”Focus too extrovertly, and you will be lost in your cognitions on the Greater Force. Focus too much inwards, and you risk being corrupted by your own selfish nature. For that selfishness is a gateway to Darkness. Your focus needs to be on the here and now.”

    “I understand, Master.” The Padawan sighed, closing his eyes and focusing his mind.
    “The Jedi have arrived, Magistrate.” Rune Haako announced to his master,”What is your plan, Most Honorable Gunray?”

    The upper-caste Neimoidian pondered at the question, tapping his digits on the arm of his chair. The Jedi were easily a threat to their operation, and his contact did leave open the option to eliminate them. A wicked smile formed on the Magistrate's face before looking at his servant.

    "Execute them. Fire on their ship in the cargo bay." Gunray smirked,"Gas the conference room, and send a squad of droids to exhume the remains."

    Rune Haako excused himself from his master, rounding up a group of ten or so battle droids and motioning them towards the conference room.

    "One more thing, Haako." The Magistrate stopped his servant,"Prepare the dropships. It seems the Republic is...unwilling to negotiate."
    "Is it in the nature of the Trade Federation to keep us?" Obi-Wan asked, feeling rather uneasy at the long time it was taking.

    "No. Neimodians, even ones like Magistrate Gunray, are easy to negotiate with. Should be a short meeting." Qui-Gon said,"Though, I sense far too much fear in the air for this to be a simple trade dispute."

    Just then, the vents opened up, vomiting up a thick smog of green. Qui-Gon recognized the smell immediately. Dioxis, a poison gas. He motioned to his Padawan to hold his breath. The Force would grant them the ability to be breathless for longer, hopefully enough for the gas to clear.
    The clean-up team had arrived outside the conference room. Their blankly staring optics looked forward as the Commander droid opened the hatch to conference room. There was silence, leading the droids to believe that the Jedi were truly dead. That was until two beams of plasma, one green and one blue, hummed to life. The droids fired upon the Jedi, lightsabers cutting down the mechanized force and deflecting blasts back at their attackers. While the Master and Padawan were easy to dispatch their droid foes, the alarm sounded, no doubt alerting more battle droids.

    "Come, Obi-Wan!" Jinn order, deactivating his lightsaber,"There's too many here even for the both of us. Get to the hangar!"

    Kenobi nodded, his own blue saber dying off. The duo used their ability in the Force to increase their speed, making their way towards the hangar. The Jedi halted, Jinn pulling his Padawan into the shadows when he saw the sight of their original transport was little more than burning scrap. There were battle droids everywhere, and the Jedi Master had noticed large transports mobilizing into the hangar.

    "An invasion force? A bold move for the Nemoidians." Qui-Gon spoke out loud, turning to his pupil,"Stow away on the dropships ad meet up on the planet."

    "Agreed, Master." Kenobi bowed his head before smiling,"And you were right. The negotiations were short."
  8. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Aug 31, 2004
    Excellent action and Qui and Obi very much in-character =D=
  9. serendipityaey

    serendipityaey Jedi Master star 4

    Jan 24, 2004
    So far, going great!