Arena The Baseball Draft Seven - Say Hey From Baseball Heaven

Ugh, dp is coming back next season isn't he?

Amazing.

 

No, fortunately for you the Guardians did not win the World Series.

 

But he is willing to be your drunken bullpen chicken for hire!

 

No, but I briefly gave consideration to doing this.

 

Best of luck in Seattle, George.
Welcome aboard, George.

For some reason, I though tom had picked him in one of his seasons where he was primarily at third, but nope. Looks like the year I was needing. No phone booth necessary.

And even though we're heavy on infielders needing playing time, we're definitely going to be bringing up Tulo from Honk anyways. He's been playing out of his mind down there and deserves a shot. Just means we'll have get creative on those infield depth charts, but I'll get all that posted tomorrow.

One last thing: To any GM out there that might be struggling at the DH spot, Deacon White is on the trading block. It's not like he's been completely out of this world or anything, but solid all around at the plate, with some very good speed and baserunning (13 of 15 on stolen base attempts). He's just not good defensively at any position. I can see a few of you that need another baserunning threat (or even a single baserunning threat at all). Hit me up if interested.

 

Couldn't get anything rare on the Cy Young winner category, so just a rarity of 22 today

Spoiler

 

BREAKING NEWS:

Tim McCarver with the unexpected 5-5 Cycle during the broadcast. I did not think he'd be my first-ever cycle.

 

INTYCENTER LIVE:



Standings:




Power Rankings:



note: I'll get the injury report, next games, and boxes/logs posted a bit later.

 

Bah! Was about to get my lineup changes in earlier, but something unexpected came up and I had to miss the broadcast as well. Ah well. Looks like we did okay anyways. I'll get those changes in tonight then.

EDIT: Ugh. That 1-hit shutout, though. Thankfully not as common of an outcome this year so far, but always a bummer.

 

well george brett didn't get a single hit and apparently can't play defense at first, but we won all three games so it's hard to complain too much. hopefully he will figure it out. sorry i didn't make it to the broadcast, i was thinking noon my time for some reason.

 

July the Fourth, in the Year of Our Lord 1990
To the Esteemed Generals of FODEUSS,

I take pen in hand this day to bring forth grave news from the battlefield, as our noble warriors have suffered greatly in their ongoing campaign. The rigors of war have spared no man, and thus I am compelled to report on those who have fallen wounded in service to their regiments.

From the encampment of the stone temple seattle pilots, our brave pitcher, Charles Bender, has been struck down by a grievous wound to his throwing arm, the dreaded tearing of the rotator cuff, which shall see him laid low for no fewer than eight to nine months. His absence shall be sorely felt, yet we pray for his fortitude. Catcher Jack Clements, while suffering a sprained wrist in the fray, is expected to rejoin the ranks within the week, a small mercy amidst the carnage. Meanwhile, Atlanta Autumn mourns the loss of left fielder Bob Fothergill, who has been hobbled by a cruelly torn calf muscle, removing him from action for the span of two months.

The Birmingham Shaq Barons report a similar tale of hardship, as Second Baseman Ross Barnes has suffered a torn ligament in his thumb, condemning him to convalescence for five weeks. Their noble catcher, King Kelly, while suffering from a strained shoulder, continues to soldier on, though he shall be watched with great care over the next seven days. Yet the most dire misfortune has befallen their pitcher, Roy Partlow, who has undergone the surgeon’s cruel blade to remove bone chips from his elbow. The healers estimate his recovery shall last no less than five to six months, and he remains bedridden for the foreseeable future.

From the halls of Every City Bandwagoners, tragedy strikes yet again, as their great warriors Gerrit Cole and Curt Schilling both find themselves maimed by vicious injuries to their arms. Cole, victim of a torn UCL, shall not see action again for a year or more, while Schilling, suffering a torn elbow ligament, will require no fewer than eight months of recovery. Likewise, the forces of the Reseda Free Fallers lament the fate of pitchers Jesse Orosco, who suffers from the scourge of shoulder inflammation, and Tim Belcher, whose own torn rotator cuff shall leave him absent from battle for a full year.

And yet, noble Generals, these wounds are not confined to our own ranks. Reports from the distant lands of HONKBAL tell of similar suffering. The Adequates have been struck by grievous wounds to their pitchers, Jamie Reuter and Chris Smith, the latter undergoing the dire surgery of radial nerve decompression, which shall leave him incapacitated for many months. Meanwhile, the Sherman Marchers must contend with the loss of pitcher Leon Orive to a herniated disc, though his expected return within five days provides a sliver of hope.

This war upon the diamond is not for the faint of heart, nor the weak of spirit. We shall persevere, as we always have, through grit and resolve. Let us bow our heads in prayer for the swift recovery of these fine men and steel ourselves for the battles yet to come.

Yours in unwavering devotion to the cause,
A Most Humble and Loyal Servant of FODEUSS

And if you don't want to read the injury report as if it were a Civil War correspondence ...

Spoiler: Injury Report by Team

FODEUSS Injury Report (Updated 07/04/1990)

stone temple seattle pilots

• P Charles Bender - Torn rotator cuff - 8-9 months - On IL, eligible for return (60-day IL).
• C Jack Clements - Sprained wrist - 4 weeks - 5 days left.

Atlanta Autumn

• LF Bob Fothergill - Torn calf muscle - 2 months - On IL, eligible for return.

Birmingham Shaq Barons

• 2B Ross Barnes - Torn thumb ligament - 5 weeks - On IL, eligible for return.
• C King Kelly - Mild shoulder strain - Day-to-day, 1 week - Not on IL.
• P Roy Partlow - Surgery to remove bone chips (elbow) - 5-6 months - 55 days left (60-day IL).

Brand New Ballplayers

• P Chris Ray - Torn rotator cuff - 5-6 months - On IL, eligible for return (60-day IL).

Burning Strangers of Bleach?!

• RF Ronald Acuña Jr. - Torn back muscle - 2 months - On IL, eligible for return.

Every City Bandwagoners

• P Gerrit Cole - Torn UCL - 12-13 months - 19 days left (60-day IL).
• P Curt Schilling - Torn elbow ligament - 8 months - On IL, eligible for return (60-day IL).

Game of Throws

• 2B Charlie Smith - Hamstring strain - 1 week - On IL, eligible for return.

Performance Enhancers

• DH Shohei Ohtani - Bone chips (elbow) - 5 weeks - On IL, eligible for return (60-day IL).

Reseda Free Fallers

• P Jesse Orosco - Shoulder inflammation - 5 months - On IL, eligible for return.
• P Tim Belcher - Torn rotator cuff - 12 months - 3 days left (60-day IL).

San Diego Surfers

• P Mike Adams - Wrist soreness - Day-to-day, 3 days - Not on IL.

San Francisco Six Demonbags of Phoenix

• P Satchel Paige - Dead arm - 2 days - 5 days left.

HONKBAL Injury Report (Updated 07/04/1990)

Adequates

• P Jamie Reuter - Partially torn labrum - 3 months - Not on IL.
• P Chris Smith - Radial nerve (elbow) decompression surgery - 6-7 months - Not on IL.

(Stone Temple) Milwaukee Brewers

• P Frank Tanana - Flu-like symptoms - Day-to-day, 2 days - Not on IL.
• P Dick Bates - Surgery to remove bone chips (elbow) - 6-7 months - Not on IL.

Coos Bay Swells

• C Brian McCann - Virus - Day-to-day, 3 days - Not on IL.

Death Valley Aren't You a Little Short for a Shaqtrooper?

• P Verdell Mathis - Pulled abdominal muscle - Day-to-day, 2 days - 3 days left.

Des Moines Moose

• P Greg Brittain - Back tightness - Day-to-day, 4 days - Not on IL.
• 3B Rich Silla - Plantar fasciitis - 2-3 weeks - Not on IL.

Mitchell Report

• P R.A. Dickey - Torn rotator cuff - 3 months - Not on IL.
• P Roki Sasaki - Torn flexor tendon (elbow) - 11-12 months - Not on IL.
• P Bill Brown - Shoulder inflammation - 7 weeks - Not on IL.
• P Barry Davis - Calf strain - 3 weeks - Not on IL.
• P John Meehan - Strained back - 2 weeks - Not on IL.
• P Kyle Taylor - Torn rotator cuff - 12 months - Not on IL.
• P Jose Vazquez - Chronic back soreness - 2 weeks - Not on IL.

Old School Playas

• P Brian Congdon - Shoulder inflammation - 2-3 months - Not on IL.

Riverside Refugees

• 3B Tim Hill - Bone chips (elbow) - 1 day - Not on IL.
• P Chris Rapaport - Strained triceps - Day-to-day, 1 week - Not on IL.

Sherman Marchers

• P Leon Orive - Herniated disc (back) - 5 days - Not on IL.
• P Chris Ramage - Elbow inflammation - 3 weeks - Not on IL.
• P Mike Williams - Strained forearm - 2-3 months - Not on IL.

Sudden Valley Cornballers

• P Adam O'Keefe - Strained triceps - 2 weeks - Not on IL.

Vancouver Ice Spiders

• P Andy Eddy - Partially torn UCL - 10-11 months - Not on IL.
• P David Hernandez - Pulled abdominal muscle - Day-to-day, 4 days - Not on IL.

Wrecks of the Edmund Fitzgerald

• P Leroy Matlock - Arthritic elbow - 7-8 weeks - Not on IL.

Upcoming Games and Probable Starters

July 4th through 6th

Birmingham Shaq Barons at Every City Bandwagoners
McDaniel vs. Perry
Jones vs. Rusie
Smith vs. Driscoll

Albuquerque All-Seeing Angels of Hernandez at Performance Enhancers
Verlander vs. Radbourn
E Morris vs. Waddell
Halladay vs. deGrom

San Diego Surfers at Northern Shores Gales of November
Brown vs. Rogan
Tudor vs. Grove
Arrieta vs. Mathewson

Burning Strangers of Bleach?! at Reseda Free Fallers
Clarkson vs. Hershiser
Darvish vs. Lincecum
Hamels vs. Dean

stone temple seattle pilots at Atlanta Autumn
Blanton vs. Crandall
Brown vs. Cooper
Martinez vs. Niekro

Game of Throws at Brand New Ballplayers
Newhouser vs. Ford
Whitney vs. Day
Harvey vs. Roberts

Let's Play Two at San Francisco Six Demonbags of Phoenix
Maddux vs. Burnes
Carlton vs. Brown
Jenkins vs. Leonard

Amazings at Sithi of Osten Ard
Gooden vs. Richard
Seaver vs. Gibson (!!!)
Clemens vs. Wood

July 7th through 9th

Northern Shores Gales of November at Every City Bandwagoners
Liriano vs. Shocker
Blyleven vs. Feller
TBD vs. TBD

Amazings at Game of Throws
Foster vs. Hecker
Fernandez vs. Bieber
TBD vs. TBD

Performance Enhancers at Burning Strangers of Bleach?!
Hubbell vs. Kershaw
Glavine vs. Blue
TBD vs. TBD

Sithi of Osten Ard at stone temple seattle pilots
Strider vs. Ramsey
Sabathia vs. Vance
TBD vs. TBD

Reseda Free Fallers at Birmingham Shaq Barons
Spahn vs. Streeter
Johnson vs. Salmon
TBD vs. TBD

Brand New Ballplayers at Let's Play Two
Galvin vs. Scherzer
Strasburg vs. Plank
TBD vs. TBD

Atlanta Autumn at Albuquerque All-Seeing Angels of Hernandez
Kluber vs. Alexander
Guidry vs. Millwood
TBD vs. TBD

San Francisco Six Demonbags of Phoenix at San Diego Surfers
Koufax vs. Greinke
Phillippe vs. Walsh
TBD vs. TBD

Tuesday, July 10th

The 1990 FODEUSS Home Run Derby - at Wrigley Field in Chicago, IL, home of Let's Play Two

Wednesday, July 11th

The 1990 FODEUSS All-Star Game - at Wrigley Field in Chicago, IL, home of Let's Play Two
The 1990 FODEUSS Celebrity Softball Game

Thursday, July 12th

Off Day, no games scheduled.

Friday, July 13th

Off Day, no games scheduled.

Note: Box scores and logs have been updated

 

Although he isn't listed, Billy Hamilton is on the IL. As much as I would love to activate him for these next two important series, if there isn't a setback in his recovery, please send him on a rehab assignment in Honkbal. The only change is to put Juan Padron back in the bullpen, long relief, normal.

@DarthIntegral

 

On one hand I could do nothing and lose badly, but on other hand I can get super involved in changing everything

And lose badly

 

What am I gonna do with Yu...

 

@DarthIntegral

Making the following changes to my lineup:

Activate Charlie Smith from IL. Sending down Mule Suttles, Mark McGwire, Craig Biggio, Lip Pike, Vladimir Guerrero Jr., Dupee Shaw, and Willie Hernandez. Calling up Trevor Bauer, John Olerud, Vladimir Guerrero, Red Faber, Richard Hidalgo, Bill Terry.

Lineup vs RHP

Home Run Baker 3B
Arky Vaughan SS
Cap Anson 1B
Juan Soto CF
Harry Heilmann RF/1B
Edgar Martinez 2B/3B/1B/DH
Jesse Burkett LF
Yogi Berra C
John Olerud DH/1B

Lineup vs, LHP:

Home Run Baker 3B
Arky Vaughan SS
Matt Holliday LF
Vladamir Guerrero RF
Willie McCovey 1B
Edgar Martinez 2B/3B/1B/DH (Put in Charlie Smith when he is available)
Richard Hidalgo CF
Chris Hoiles C
Bill Terry DH/1B

Starting Pitchers

Hal Newhouser
Matt Harvey
Shane Bieber
Jim Whitney
Trevor Bauer

Relief Pitchers

Walter Johnson - Long Relief
Guy Hecker - Middle Relief
Red Faber - Setup
Emmanuel Clase - Closer

 

BREAKING NEWS

The Big Train is coming to Hawaii

League sources have confirmed that Sithi of Osten Ard and Game of Throws have agreed upon a blockbuster trade. Heading north to Montreal and the Wall are Roberto Clemente, Josh Johnson, Harlond Clift, and Snuffy Stirnweiss. In return, Sithi are receiving Walter Johnson and Craig Biggio.

Johnson, the big name in the deal, has been struggling this year, with a 1-3 record along with a 5.62 ERA over 65 and two-thirds innings so far this season. Throughout his career, Johnson has been a ground ball pitcher, getting between 54% and 61% groundouts, but this year in FODEUSS that sits at 42%, so perhaps Sithi sees something in his mechanics they can fix (though, with their defense, they may not want to, if we're being honest). In Biggio, Sithi acquire another struggling player, as he has hit just .220 on the season, with a wRC+ of 80, though some scouts indicate some of that might be due to repeatedly playing out of position, as he was asked to play catcher, and having 26 passed balls has to take an effect on your psyche.

Asked about the moves, new Sithi Manager AL Lopez commented "You don’t pass up a chance to get a legend like Walter Johnson. We needed a true workhorse for our rotation, someone who can go out there every fifth day and dominate. Walter’s that guy. He’s been the best pitcher in the league before, and we expect him to be that again for us. but, This was not an easy decision. Clift has been a cornerstone for us, Josh gave us everything on the mound, Snuffy played the game the right way, and Roberto... well, he's a special player and an even better person. These are the tough choices you have to make if you want to win championships. And, We’re in this to win it. We’ve been good, but we’re not settling for just being good. We want to be great. Walter and Craig make us better right now, and that’s the goal. The fans expect a title, and we’re going to do everything we can to deliver it."

After a follow--up question asking Lopez if there was any truth to the rumors that he is being forced to publicly agree with all moves made by LMTShawn under threats to his family, the manager simply laughed for a long period of time, followed by blinking his eyes in a noticeable pattern of three short blinks, three long blinks, and then three short blinks again.

For Game of Throws, they are likely also banking on improvements and rebounds from the players they are acquiring. Clemente is the big get, but he struggled in FODEUSS batting just .136 with no homers in 27 games. He did have a good stint down in Honkbal for the Vancouver Ice Spiders, batting .321 with a .887 OPS. Clift seems like the type of player Throws covets, with some defensive versatility. His .241 batting average isn't much to write home about, but his splits in a platoon are much more promising, as his 128 wRC+ and .280 batting average against righties seems to indicate. Similarly, Snuffy Stirnweiss gives Throws that versatility on defense, and his 12.5% walk rate indicates he can bring value by getting on base, even if his .239 batting average and .323 slugging percentage don't instill much confidence. Josh Johnson was basically a dumpster fire at the major league level this year, posting a 51 ERA+ and a 2.40 WHIP, but he did dominate in Honkbal, posting a 2.74 ERA in 11 appearances.

Game of Throws manager Jon Snow on acquiring Harlond Clift, Josh Johnson, Snuffy Stirnweiss, and Roberto Clemente: "We have strengthened our ranks with men of great skill and honor. Clemente fights with the heart of a true warrior, Clift swings his sword with might, Stirnweiss is swift as the wind, and Johnson brings power to our arms. These are the men who shall help us win the battles ahead. Clemente is a man of honor, the likes of which the world rarely sees. He does not just play the game; he elevates those around him. He will lead by example, with his bat, his glove, and his spirit. He is a true leader, and I am proud to have him in our house.

Asked about the impact of trading away Johnson and Biggio, Snow responded, "Walter was our champion, our great knight upon the mound. Craig, a warrior of many talents. Letting them go was no easy choice, but in war, sacrifices must be made for the greater good. The men we have gained will help us in ways we sorely needed. We shall not falter." When asked if the team was making moves too late given where they sit in the standings, Snow simply replied "The war is not won in a single battle, nor in a single trade. We march forward, ever watchful, ever ready. Winter is not yet here, and we shall make our stand. The North remembers, and so will the rest of the league when we take what is ours."

 

@DarthIntegral

Making the following changes to my lineup following the above trade:

Sending John Olerud, Richard Hidalgo, Harland Clift to AAA. Adding to roster Roberto Clemente, Snuffy Stirnweiss, Josh Johnson.

Lineup vs RHP

Home Run Baker 3B
Arky Vaughan SS
Cap Anson 1B
Juan Soto CF
Harry Heilmann DH/1B
Roberto Clemente RF
Jesse Burkett LF
Yogi Berra C
Snuffy Stirnweiss 2B/3B/SS

Lineup vs, LHP:

Bill Terry DH/1B
Arky Vaughan SS
Matt Holliday LF
Vladamir Guerrero CF
Willie McCovey 1B
Roberto Clemente RF
Edgar Martinez 3B/1B/DH
Chris Hoiles C
Snuffy Stirnweiss 2B/3B/SS (Put in Charlie Smith when he is available)

Starting Pitchers

Hal Newhouser
Matt Harvey
Shane Bieber
Jim Whitney
Trevor Bauer

Relief Pitchers

Guy Hecker - Long Relief
Red Faber - Middle Relief
Josh Johnson - Setup
Emmanuel Clase - Closer

 

Walter Johnson going from a Franchise Player to... whatever this is.

 

The Sithi of Osten Ard have acquired Walter Johnson and Craig Biggio from Game of Throws for Roberto Clemente, Harlond Clift, Snuffy Stirnweiss, and Josh Johnson.
Walter Johnson is added to the 26-man roster and Craig Biggio is assigned to AAA Vancouver.

Walter Johnson gets slotted into Spencer Strider's spot in the starting rotation.
Spencer Strider moves to the bullpen, set up, 7th, long

 

Rarity of six and two all-time great baseball nicknames:

Spoiler

 

Okay, this is tricky. But first and foremost: Calling up Troy Tulowitzki and sending down Jimmy Rollins.

Now it is tempting to go all-in on Tulo since Hughie has been just a bit underwhelming. Certainly not bad, but the BA isn't where we want it, and he'd have to have been plunked in the head about twice as much as he already has to get that OBP where it needs to be. AND he's been solid enough at SS, but not spectacular. Eh, but diving in headfirst may not be for the best, so we'll ease into it.

Updated depth charts:

1B - Jimmie Foxx (Deacon White every 11th game)
2B - Jack Glasscock (George Davis every 6th game, Troy Tulowitzki every 9th game)
3B - Oyster Burns (George Davis every 8th game)
SS - Hughie Jennings (Troy Tulowitzki every 4th game, George Davis every 7th game)
DH - Dan Brouthers (Troy Tulowitzki every 8th game)

Everything else should be fine as is.

New Lineup vs RHP and LHP

1. Ed Delahanty
2. Oyster Burns
3. Dan Brouthers
4. Jimmie Foxx
5. Jocko Milligan
6. Cy Seymour
7. Jack Glasscock
8. Hughie Jennings
9. Ken Griffey Jr.

@DarthIntegral

 

struggled with one square, settled for an 11.

Spoiler

 

BREAKING NEWS

Four teams have come together to pull off the most complicated trade in FODEUSS History.

After the dust settles on this massive multi-team transaction ...

• Brand New Ballplayers acquire Kenny Lofton (from Reseda), Roger Bresnahan (from Birmingham), and Jack Matchett (from Birmingham)
• Game of Throws acquire Levi Meyerle (from Birmingham)
• Reseda Free Fallers acquire Denny Lyons (from Birmingham), Mookie Betts (From Brand New Ballplayers), Rico Carty (from Birmingham), Willie Hernandez (from Throws) and Silver King (from Brand New Ballplayers)
• Birmingham Shaq Barons acquire Randy Johnson (from Reseda) and a Tunes Bless to be named later

At the last moment, Every City Bandwagoners jumped into the action and acquired their choice of one of these Players To Be Named Later

Johnson, the dominant lefty, is the big prize, coming to Birmingham putting up numbers worthy of a Cy Young Award. He leads the league in strikeouts by a country mile, and his 11.9 K/9 is nearly four strikeouts better than the second place pitcher. He's tops in the league for WAR for pitchers, third in innings pitched, second in wins, and tied for second in quality starts.

In Lofton, the Ballplayers get a player batting .266, but who can be a sparkplug on the basepaths, with 26 steals in 31 attempts this season, good for third in the league. Bresnahan brings them incredible defensive versatility, though he has struggled at the plate, with an OPS+ of 69 this season, which is nice, but not that good. Jack Matchett has been a completely league average 100 ERA+ over 42.1 major league innings, and dominant with an ERA+ of 182 in 44.2 innings at Honkbal.

Game of Throws get an intriguing prospect in Meyerle, who was only given 6 starts in the big leagues, but tore up Honkbal with a .305 batting average and 5 homers.

In Denny Lyons, the Free Fallers bring (one of the) Dennys back where it belongs, as well as a third baseman producing runs at a slightly above league average rate (wRC+ of 103). Mookie Betts gives them a current Dodger who has two World Series titles in LA, the best last name in FODEUSS, and is hitting a home run every 9 games right now while playing exceptional center field. King struggled in starts so far this season, but is a proven innings eater who can deliver at a high level, and Hernandez has been a reliable bullpen arm. Rico Carty just kinda exists in this trade, if this reporter is being honest.

We got some quotes from managers around the league in response to the trade:

"Well, you see, Higgins, sometimes life throws you a nasty slider when you're sitting dead red on a fastball. And this? This is one of those times. Randy Johnson isn’t just a pitcher—he’s a six-foot-ten extinction-level event for opposing hitters. That’s a whole lot of wingspan and a whole lot of heat to deal with. But Pressure? No. Pressure? C’mon, Higgins, pressure is when you’re trapped in a Ferrari with no gas, five bucks to your name, and an angry mobster looking for his money. This? This is just baseball. We’ll step in, take our swings, and handle business like we always do"

"You ever look into the eyes of a man who just decimated a bird mid-flight with a fastball? I have. It changes you. It makes you question your life choices. But hey, Do we make a move? Maybe. But let’s be real here, unless we’re trading for an actual dragon to throw 110 mph fireballs, we’re just gonna have to beat these guys the old-fashioned way—with grit, hustle, and maybe a few well-placed distractions involving Lo Pan’s ghost."

"Look, you never want to lose a guy like Randy Johnson. I mean, he’s a big, mean, bird-exploding, strikeout machine. But baseball’s a team game, and we just got three guys who can help us win a lot of ballgames. Silver King? That guy’s got an arm like a cannon and a name like he should be running a saloon in the Old West. Mookie Betts? One of the best all-around players in the game—he’s got speed, he’s got power, he’s got a smile that can light up Dodger Stadium. And then there’s Denny Lyons… and let me tell you something, when you get a guy named Denny, there’s only one way to celebrate: We’re going to Denny’s! I’m serious. The whole team’s going. I’ll even pick up the check—within reason. Nobody’s ordering six Grand Slams, okay? And you know what? I’m feeling generous. Maybe I even invite the Phillie Phanatic. I know we’ve had our differences—mostly because he’s a menace with that stupid belly shake—but if there’s one thing that can bring people together, it’s a stack of pancakes and a patty melt at two in the morning. Bottom line? Yeah, we lost the Big Unit. But we gained a hell of a lot, and more importantly, we’re still in this fight. Now pass me the syrup and let’s get back to winning some damn ballgames."

"What the ****? Why are teams still making trades with him? Have we learned nothing?"