Saga The Diary of a Dead Man; Written for the Dear Diary Challenge; OCs; updated 2/7

Title: The Diary of a Dead Man
Timeframe: about three years after RoTS
Character: Nathanael Barra, an OC from my original system, Meridi; various other OCs
Summary: Well, lets just say Nathanael's having an interesting year
Disclaimer: Star Wars doesn't belong to me. Meridi and Nathanael do.
A/N: Constructive Critism is very welcome!

The First Day; Thallai, Meridi; Festival of Lights

I do not want to write this, and yet I believe I must. Now, it is only a thought; not truly real. Once it is written, it will be an inescapable truth; one I do not wish to remember now, but must.

I, Nathanael Barra, have killed a man this night.

There. I have said it, it is real. It truly happened. Now that it is written in black ink, nothing can take it away, and the blood left on my hands when it was done might just as well have not washed off, for all the good scrubbing at them has done me. To my eyes, at least, they are still red.

It is the time of the Festival of Lights. All the three planets are lit by torches and candles?no artificial lights for a full two weeks. It is a time of peace and brotherhood, which makes my act all the more shameful.

I suppose I had better explain myself.

It was earlier tonight, at the great gathering square in Thallai. As usual, the heavy, moist heat bore down on all of us, bathing us in sweat. I stood next to my father and sister. My mother is stricken with the falling sickness, and is too ill to go out anymore. The three of us were pressed close on all sides by a very few of the millions of Arachani, Shiri?anun, and Meridians were gathered to hear the words of the director?words spoken only once a year.

?We are Meridi. We are one, united, in a galaxy of chaos and disorder. We are brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, grandparents, grandchildren. What matter if he standing next to you is not your race, still you are united with him by the bonds of the planet.?

I glanced up at the greasy furred, smelly Shiri?anun whose grey fur was all but stuffed up my nose. Every year, I had the good fortune to be stuck next to someone who I would be ashamed to call brother. But then, as father put it, how was I to know that this Shiri?anun would not be as equally ashamed to call me brother? So I swallowed my gall, and went through with the embracing ceremony, cringing through this brotherly kiss I must give this creature.

It was then that I saw him. His name is?was?Reuben Ssacco. He had once bothered my sister, when she was old enough to be pained by the fact, and I was old enough to understand, but too young to do anything about it. He had been interrupted before Sara could come to any harm, but he would not take no for an answer. Whenever he could, he looked at Sara in a way that sent shivers down my spine. They were angry, hungry, looks, like a firecat that was staring at its quarry. He sent one such of those looks now. My father did not see it. Sara and I did, and Sara?s hand reached for mine, and gripped it tightly.

And then the ceremony ended. In the loud seeping of bodies out of the square, Sara and I were separated from Father. This, in itself, was nothing. We have grown up in Thallai. We know the streets as well as we know our own house. It became something when Reuben Sssacco stepped into our path.

?Hello, Sara,? he said. He did not look at me.

Sara clutched my hand so that it hurt, and I answered for her. ?Leave my sister alone.?

Only then did he look at me. ?So, the shadow can speak. Quite amazing. Out of my way, squirt.?

He pushed me aside, and something in me snapped. Other than that, I can think of no explanation. My father gave me a sharp knife for my seventeenth birthday, last week, and, in my pride for my new weapon, I have carried it everywhere, in a sheath at my hip, since then. I had it with me in the alley, and as Reuben Ssacco?s shove sent me stumbling across the muddy road, my hand gripped the knife, and before I even knew what I was doing, I drew it, and threw it, as my father had shown me, so that the

 

Wow. Sounds like it's going to be a heck of a year!
BRAVO!!

I'll be following this happily!

 

Whoa! Incredible. Please PM with updates.

It was then that I saw him. His name is?was?Reuben Ssacco. He had once bothered my sister, when she was old enough to be pained by the fact, and I was old enough to understand, but too young to do anything about it. He had been interrupted before Sara could come to any harm, but he would not take no for an answer. Whenever he could, he looked at Sara in a way that sent shivers down my spine. They were angry, hungry, looks, like a firecat that was staring at its quarry. He sent one such of those looks now. My father did not see it. Sara and I did, and Sara?s hand reached for mine, and gripped it tightly.


Really loved this passage. Very powerful.

 

Wow! A very powerful and poignant start! I could really emphatize with Nathanael for wishing to protect his Sister, even though he had to commit a crime to do it.

Please add me to the PM list!

 

oqi: Yeah, it does. We'll see, though. Quite frankly, I don't really know where this is going, at least not exactly...Thanks for reading.

VaderLVR64: Glad you liked it.

Rhodna: Thanks. Glad you think so. I was afraid no one would like my character because he's a murdurer...Consider yoursef added.
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The Second Day

So judgement has been passed. And I must leave the planet that has been my home. The words of the justice will be seared into my mind for all time to come. ?Go from this place, Nathanael Barra. You have three days to get off this planet. As far as we of the three spheres are concerned, you are a dead man. Men speak to you at their peril.?

At midnight, last night, a constable of the guard, with a suitable reinforcement of outraged witnesses, and Reuben Sssacco?s father, pounded on our door, waking those of the household who were able to sleep.

My father, though he would rather have died, handed me over with no resistance. What else could he, a good citizen, and a justice himself, do? I have read that often, boys whose fathers must give them over to justice harbor a black bitterness, and a thirst for revenge. I feel no such thing. Only an awful emptiness inside, knowing I must leave.

The constable put me in a dank cell with no windows, and there I spent the rest of that awful night.

Early this morning, before the sun was even risen, he came to bring me before the courts. Mercifully, my father was not one of the justices. He would have executed just judgement, of course, but, being my father, he would have had to be especially harsh, to assure the rest of the system that he was not going light on his own flesh and blood. The spokesman for the five justices was a small, brownish-grey man with a thick pair of spectacles balancing low on his nose. Ephraim Kouer; an old friend of my father?s.

He asked the constables why the son of a justice was brought before him. I blushed, and hung my head. The constable smiled; I couldn?t see it, but I could hear it in the words he spoke. ?This is the young miscreant what killed a man last night.?

Justice Kouer was surprised, understandably. He asked me if it was so. I said it was.

There was silence in the court for a long, awful minute. Justice Kouer asked after the witness; the proof. He was trying to save me, I knew. But it was hopeless. Too many had seen, and I would make no defense. How could I?

In a last attempt at declaring me exempt, if not innocent, Ephraim Kouer said to me, ?You are young, Nathanael, and rash. There is a chance I can lighten the penalty, at least, if you swear to me you will never wield a weapon again. Can you admit your regret, and agree to such terms.?

Once more, I was no longer possessed of myself. For the first time in that infinite hour, I looked Ephraim Kouer in the eyes. ?No,? I said. ?I cannot. Reuben Ssacco was a serpent who molested respectable young women. He was molesting my sister when I killed him. I cannot be sorry to have rid the galaxy of him, and were another to behave in such a manner to Sara, I would not hesitate to give him the same end, though it were during the brotherhood ceremony itself.?

I do not know where the words came from, but come they did, and I could not have unsaid them, even if I had wanted to.

?Very well, young Barra. You have left me no choice in this manner. I cannot acquit you, or lessen the penalty, if you do not even express regret at your actions.?

And so I am gathering my possessions, to leave. I must take passage on an outlander?s vessel as no Meridian would allow me aboard. Mother and Father follow the requirement of silence, but every time I glance at them, they are looking back, tears in Mother?s eyes, and all but in Father?s eyes. Sara studiously ignores the mandate. When the constable brought me home, she did not even wait for him to leave before throwing herself upon me, and calling me a hero, even though the rest of the system doesn?t realize it. I called her a fool, and told her to be si

 

I'm loving this!

Once more, I was no longer possessed of myself. For the first time in that infinite hour, I looked Ephraim Kouer in the eyes. ?No,? I said. ?I cannot. Reuben Ssacco was a serpent who molested respectable young women. He was molesting my sister when I killed him. I cannot be sorry to have rid the galaxy of him, and were another to behave in such a manner to Sara, I would not hesitate to give him the same end, though it were during the brotherhood ceremony itself.?

I do not know where the words came from, but come they did, and I could not have unsaid them, even if I had wanted to.

?Very well, young Barra. You have left me no choice in this manner. I cannot acquit you, or lessen the penalty, if you do not even express regret at your actions.?

And so I am gathering my possessions, to leave. I must take passage on an outlander?s vessel as no Meridian would allow me aboard. Mother and Father follow the requirement of silence, but every time I glance at them, they are looking back, tears in Mother?s eyes, and all but in Father?s eyes. Sara studiously ignores the mandate. When the constable brought me home, she did not even wait for him to leave before throwing herself upon me, and calling me a hero, even though the rest of the system doesn?t realize it. I called her a fool, and told her to be silent, before the justices condemned her, as well. She said, ?Let them. I don?t care.?

 

Ha! I was about to quote the exact same passage as MamaV.
Powerful stuff, Rogue, I love the way the this story is unfolding here.

BRAVO!!

 

VaderLVR64: Thank you! This may sound cruel, but I enjoyed writing that.

oqi Again, thank you. I'm glad you like it.
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Day Four; Space

I have never been away from Meridi before. This viewing my home diminishing in a window is not a sensation I am enjoying? or one I would like to ever repeat. I never realized just how green Meridi was. That is all I see: there is a blue spot here and there, but it is mostly green.

The pilot, Ashthar, has said he is going to Coruscant. I don?t particularly care where I?m being taken. He said we would enter hyperspace any min?

We must have just entered hyperspace. I truly believe the last time I came this close to weeping was when I fell from the great Mankua tree in our yard and broke my collarbone and wrist.

I left home forever early this morning. I still had one more day, but Ashthar was leaving today, and I could find no other pilots willing to take me off-planet. Father, Sara, and even Mother came to bid me farewell. Sara hugged me so hard I thought she would never let go. And mother wept more than I?ve ever seen her weep. Father stood away to the side. When I went up to him to bid farewell, I saw that he was shaking, but did not expect an answer. As I wrote yesterday, how could I? He is a high justice. He must keep our laws to the letter, for if he does not, why should any other?

He did not say a word. He simply held out my knife?the one I killed Reuben Ssacco with?hilt first. I backed away. What do I want with the knife that condemned me to a life away from everything I love??No. That is wrong. The knife did nothing. I killed Reuben Sssacco. That thought?its consequences, for still, I do not regret my actions for the actions? sakes?I must live with for the rest of my life.

?Don?t be a fool, Nathanael,? Father said quietly. ?Take the knife. You carry no blame in this. And the galaxy is a big place. You may need it.?

I took the knife. My father nodded at me as I walked up the gangway into the ship. I thought I saw pride in his eyes.

And now I am weeping. I swore to myself I would not. If only Ashthar does not come out of the cockpit until I have control over this, all will be well, for the moment, at least.

 

I can't wait to see what comes next!

He did not say a word. He simply held out my knife?the one I killed Reuben Ssacco with?hilt first. I backed away. What do I want with the knife that condemned me to a life away from everything I love??No. That is wrong. The knife did nothing. I killed Reuben Sssacco. That thought?its consequences, for still, I do not regret my actions for the actions? sakes?I must live with for the rest of my life.

?Don?t be a fool, Nathanael,? Father said quietly. ?Take the knife. You carry no blame in this. And the galaxy is a big place. You may need it.?

I took the knife. My father nodded at me as I walked up the gangway into the ship. I thought I saw pride in his eyes.

And now I am weeping. I swore to myself I would not. If only Ashthar does not come out of the cockpit until I have control over this, all will be well, for the moment, at least.

 

OK, enough of the lurking.
I love this, Nathanael is a wonderful guy.
His father has all justicfication in the galaxy to be proud of his son.

Once more, I was no longer possessed of myself. For the first time in that infinite hour, I looked Ephraim Kouer in the eyes. ?No,? I said. ?I cannot. Reuben Ssacco was a serpent who molested respectable young women. He was molesting my sister when I killed him. I cannot be sorry to have rid the galaxy of him, and were another to behave in such a manner to Sara, I would not hesitate to give him the same end, though it were during the brotherhood ceremony itself.?

Sigh, I loved that part. No shame quoting it double, triple, umpteen times.

He did not say a word. He simply held out my knife?the one I killed Reuben Ssacco with?hilt first.

A father first, a high justice second. Exactly the way it should be.

Would you please put me on the pm list.

 

I, Nathanael Barra, have killed a man this night.
Woa, what a way to start off!

And now we wait for the guard to come take me away. And they will, for I, Nathanael Barra, am worse than a murderer; I have commited an act of violence during the Festival of Lights.
Certainly, there are extenuating(sp?) circumstances!

Men speak to you at their peril
Oooo! I felt like Charleton Heston was speaking!

Mother and Father follow the requirement of silence, but every time I glance at them, they are looking back, tears in Mother?s eyes, and all but in Father?s eyes.



I took the knife. My father nodded at me as I walked up the gangway into the ship. I thought I saw pride in his eyes.

And now I am weeping. I swore to myself I would not. If only Ashthar does not come out of the cockpit until I have control over this, all will be well, for the moment, at least.


Sad but brilliant R_P!!!

 

He did not say a word. He simply held out my knife?the one I killed Reuben Ssacco with?hilt first. I backed away. What do I want with the knife that condemned me to a life away from everything I love??No. That is wrong. The knife did nothing. I killed Reuben Sssacco. That thought?its consequences, for still, I do not regret my actions for the actions? sakes?I must live with for the rest of my life.


That made me weepy.

Excellent post, I love how this is unfolding.

 

VaderLVR64: Your wish is my command (right now, at least)

MsLanna: Thank you! I'm glad you like it, and I'm glad you like Nathanael. Consider yourself added.

c_a: Also thanks! I wanted to start with a bit of a shock. And no, in this case, there are no extenuating circumstances. He broke a system-wide peace period.

oqi: Aww. I'm sorry. Don't worry: this isn't going to be one long year of crying and desperation. He's been dumped onto a planet completely different from what he's used to. It's taking him some time to get used to it.
_____________________________________________________

Day Eight; Coruscant

Coruscant is immense. I have never seen so many buildings, or so tall. Nor have I seen so many different kinds of people in one place. The travelers who come to Thallai are diverse, but there are never this many at once. They?re all over the place. I think if I had five eyes, each a different size and a different color, and bright blue fur all over my face, I would not receive a second look...

How does one decide what to do next? Ashthar was some help. He said I ought to go to the Meridian senators, and told me of a good, clean, relatively safe place to spend the night. Of course, I cannot talk to the senators. They will have been told of this: for a hundred years no one has violated the truce of the Festival of Lights.

At least I can rest here. The bed is somewhat lumpy?The people in the room next to mine are incredibly noisy?but I am away from the press of people. Coruscant?s title of ?the hub of the galaxy? is absolutely merited.

I have been thinking about how to support myself. Father gave me some money, as well as my knife. But not much, and paying for my room here, even if it was a whole week?s rent, took a large portion of it. I will need more money?soon.

And therein lies the problem. I have been pondering this for an hour, hoping for inspiration.

I have nothing.

I can draw, some. But little good that will do me. Even on Meridi, where art is appreciated by all, a street artist leads a hard life.

I used to run, with my father. If this were Meridi, where feet are the preferred method of transportation, I could make a living as a messenger, or errand runner.

That is all. I have no experience in business; politics are out of the question, not that they would be otherwise, were my situation different; I was never authorized, even, to drive a speeder within a city: I was to take the road test for that in a few months?what else is there for me to do?

I will have to think more on this when I have eaten something. Right now I am hungry to the point of distraction. I wonder if there is a place around here where one can buy food for the money I have left.

 

Yes, no matter which galaxy you live in, you have to pay the rent!

 

VaderLVR64: Ah, yes...the joys of living in this galaxy of ours.
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All right...here's the next entry. In case anybody hasn' figured this out yet, I'm trying to post this in "real time" meaning, day twelve is posted two days after day ten, etc...
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Day Ten

Father always used to tell me never to say things could not be worse. ?For,? he would say, ?there is always someone, somewhere, in a worse situation than you are in now.?

Father, I am sorry, but I truly believe things could not be any worse than they are now.

I have just spent my last credit buying a loaf of hard bread to eat. My rent is due in the squalid place I moved to, to save money, but I have no money to give the landlady. I cannot find a job. No one on Coruscant wants the services of a seventeen year old boy with no experience when there are so many experienced workers to be found.

Also, I am having a hard time making myself understood. In school, we must learn to speak Basic, but in conversation, we use High Meridian. So I know most of the words of Basic, and I can read it, but my accent is horrible?or so I gather, from the puzzled looks people give me when I say something. And I was at the top of my Basic class in school.

Oh, to be home, again. Home, where people are not in too much of a hurry to nod their heads at you when they pass; where there are real trees, planted in real dirt that is not in a pot that is meant to be beautiful, but really is not; where there are more pedestrians than speeders; where the sun always gives warmth?even in the ?cold? season.

What I wouldn?t give to be home.

 

Oops I missed an entry.
You're doing a great job showing us Coruscnat through your diarist's eyes. I love the little details.

This was insightful and true for a lot of different worlds.

Also, I am having a hard time making myself understood. In school, we must learn to speak Basic, but in conversation, we use High Meridian. So I know most of the words of Basic, and I can read it, but my accent is horrible?or so I gather, from the puzzled looks people give me when I say something. And I was at the top of my Basic class in school.

BRAVO!!

 

Aw, poor Nathanael.
At least, things can soon only get better.
Does he really have no talents? I'm sure he has overlooked something.

I hope he does not meddle with the seedy side of Corusacnt.

What a punishment for an act of love. *sigh*

 

Also, I am having a hard time making myself understood. In school, we must learn to speak Basic, but in conversation, we use High Meridian. So I know most of the words of Basic, and I can read it, but my accent is horrible?or so I gather, from the puzzled looks people give me when I say something. And I was at the top of my Basic class in school.


Very realistic and well done!

 

oqi: That paragraph is actually based off of a few Chinese and Korean friends I have at school. Knowing they were coming to America, they studied English, but it's still sometimes hard for them to make themselves understood. Glad you liked it.

MsLanna: hint time: Are you sure things can't get worse? And he wasn't exactly expeting to be kicked off his planet for a few years, at least. The poor kid is still too young to drive in the city, for goodness sake. Though, on the other hand, panicked moments aren't exactly the best time to be taking stock of what you can do.

VaderLVR64: Thank you.
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Day Eleven

I have left the squalid heap that calls itself a boarding house. The landlady kicked me out when she found that I had no more money to pay her. I still had a few days? rent paid off.

What shall I do? I know no one here but the two senators, who would refuse to see me if I asked them to, and Ashthar, who is en route back to Meridi to pick up another shipment of whatever it is he brings away with him.

It has started to rain. I must find some shelter.

later

I used to look at the beggars on the streets in Thallai and scorn them. Many of them were false beggars, either too lazy to get a job, or too addicted to spice or alcohol to keep one. One day Father heard me doing it and promptly put a stop to it. ?For,? he said. ?You never know when you?ll be worse off than that.?

Well, I know how they feel now. The only shelter available to me?if such it can be called?is a doorway that hangs out about twenty centimeters from the edge. If the owners of this place do not send me away, I will spend the night here. Perhaps tomorrow will be better. I am still thinking of how to find a job.

 

Poor guy!

Well, I know how they feel now. The only shelter available to me?if such it can be called?is a doorway that hangs out about twenty centimeters from the edge. If the owners of this place do not send me away, I will spend the night here. Perhaps tomorrow will be better. I am still thinking of how to find a job.

 

VaderLVR64: Thank you. I am putting poor Nathanael through a lot. Well, things'll look up soon...hopefully...
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Day Twelve

Things are better. At least, I believe they are.

Last night, just as I was falling asleep, the owners of the cantina whose doorway I was borrowing found me, and quite literally kicked me out from under their door. It was still raining, though not nearly as badly as before.. For the second time since I have left home, I started to weep, though this time it was not so obvious, because the rain had already wet my face. However, the tears were obvious enough that a young woman, perhaps a little older than Sara?that is, at least twenty-one?laid a heavily be-ringed hand on my shoulder and asked me what was the matter. I explained. I was brought too low to do anything else. I told her the whole story, right from the very beginning.

Telling someone everything has a very calming effect. I suppose I should have known that from the one time I tried to lie to my father when I was younger. I would have gotten away with it, for he never suspected anything. But my mind would not let me sleep that night, so I got up, and very tearfully told the truth.

But to return to the present, as I began to calm down I began to watch this girl. She is very pretty in a singular sort of way. Her hair is cropped very short, and spiky, except for her bangs, which fall to her chin, and happen to be died a very bright purple. Her eyes are also a very bright purple, but do not match her hair?an odd style, to say the least. As I spoke, they took on this laughing look, though her face was as serious as could be.

?So, you need a job, and a place to stay, huh?? she said in very fast Basic. ?Well, I can definitely give you a place for the night at least, and maybe a job, too, if you can handle it.?

Of course, I was only too eager to accept. And now I am in a warm, well lit warehouse, surrounded by beings of various size and species. I think there are no two alike.

Oh. Her name is Ked.

 

Talk about humility. I love your descriptions of his plight.
And now he has a new friend, although I'm inclined to think that she might be a little much for him.

Great work as always!!!

 

A bed and a job for a stroy.... I'm highly suspicious.
But nathanael has nothing else, so I can understand he accepted.
I wonder who Ked is and what exactly she does to pay that jewlery with.

 

?So, you need a job, and a place to stay, huh?? she said in very fast Basic. ?Well, I can definitely give you a place for the night at least, and maybe a job, too, if you can handle it.?

Of course, I was only too eager to accept. And now I am in a warm, well lit warehouse, surrounded by beings of various size and species. I think there are no two alike.

Oh. Her name is Ked.

I wonder what sort of job she'll have for him?

Another great update.

 

oqi: Well, we'll see...Thank you!

MsLanna: You could be right...on the other hand, Ked could just be a nice person...again: we'll see.

VaderLVR64: I think I know how a parrot that only knows one phrase feels: we'll see. If it makes you all feel any better, you'll find out soon.

Thanks, as always, for reading.
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Day Fifteen

Let me describe this strange society into which I have been thrust.

Ked is not, as I had originally supposed, the leader. I believe she is ?high up on the totem pole?, as she puts it, but the leader of this group is, in fact, a wispy, pale being about whom I wondered for a long while before I decided it was, indeed, a male in whatever his species is. He has longish, unruly white hair that sticks out in all directions and eyes of so pale a blue that they appear almost colorless. The most striking thing about him, though, are the fangs that simply will not stay quite inside his mouth. When he looks at you, you have the vaguely unsettling impression that he?s always just a little bit hungry. His name is Bane.

And then there is Acheron. I do not believe this is his true name, but I have never heard him called anything else. Our word for his type is Hidaasaoi?shape-changing people?he calls himself a Shi?ido. Only once have I seen him in his true form?a hideous, indescribable creature. Most of the time he takes the form of a human. He, I believe, is Bane?s second in command.

Bane, but gives orders to others.

Just below her, I think, is a strange large-eyed reptilian type creature that calls himself a Rodian. I have seen his kind in my school books at home, but he books say they are renowned for violence and dishonesty, and were banned from landing on our planet.

Below him are a conglomeration of many varied species, some of which I?ve seen before, some completely unfamiliar, but they all answer to these four. It seems I will be expected to do the same?

At dawn, every morning, a hearty breakfast is served?usually bread and some kind of sausage and gravy?and then everybody disperses to somewhere. Everyone, that is, except one of the numberless underlings, who stays with me, to make sure I do not hurt myself?I suppose?at least, I can feel his eyes on me all day.

At any rate, Ked, Acheron, Bane, and the others return around 1700 hours, and an equally hearty dinner is served. The rest of the evening is spent in merrymaking.

I wish I knew what it was they do all day.