The Eddie Izzard appreciation society

Not an Eddie quote but its Bill Bailey talking about Star Wars and Eddie

Bill being Eddie: "Make toast for Vader, then shtab im" (makes a knife thrusting gesture)

 

Bill Bailey now is it?

"Three blokes go into a pub. One of them gets a bit stupid, and the whole thing unfolds with a tedious inevitability"

 

Two solipsists walk into a pub, and one says to the other

 

"It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still"

 

NO NO NO!
NO Bill Bailey!
EDDIE THREAD!
E-D-D-I-E!!!!

 

"You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning! I can't even get down the gym! Your diary must look odd: Get up in the morning, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Lunch, Death, Death, Death, Afternoon Tea, Death, Death, Death, Quick shower..."

That better?

 

Yes.

 

Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. "In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal... one horse threw a shoe came in third... the duck was ninth... and five ran."

 

"His name changed from Jerry Dorsey to Englbert Humperdink! I mean, I'd just like to be in the room when they were working that one through: 'Zinglebert Bambledack! Yingeebert Dangleban! Zanglebert Dingleback! Winglebert Humptiback! Slupbum Waller!' 'What?' 'Alright, Kringlebert Fishtibuns! Steveibuns Buttrentrunden...' 'No, Jerry Dorsey! I like...' 'No we can't... Let's see, we have Zinglebert Bambledack, Dinglebert Wangledack, Slupbum Waller, Klingibum Fistlbars, Dinglebert Zambeldack, uh... Jerry Dorsey, Englerbert Humptiback, Zinglebert Bambledack, Engelbert Humperdinck, Dinglebert Wingledank' 'No, no, go back one'"

 

Not funny. He died recently

 

Didn't know that! Feel bad now!

 

Yeah, I heard it on the radio. Car crash.

 

No he didn't.
*shakes head*

 

did
*nods head*

 

No he is fine really.
He didn't die.

*Nods head*

 

Yeah, he did. This car came out of nowhere
*nods*

 

Well, I've just looked at Mr Humperdincks official website (something I'd never thought I'd ever, ever do) and it appears he is alive and well. Not only that, he is planning a world tour for 2006 so unless George Romero is organising the thing he is alive!!!
I therefore officially do not feel bad anymore for posting Eddies quote! and shame on you halibut for doing that to me and in the words of Jerry Seinfeld, "You are a very bad man, a very, very bad man"

 

JED1, I think you missed the point. The entire sequence from when Hal says he's dead is part of the actual joke

 

Dude, it is the sketch!
Go watch it.
Shame on YOU!

 

I'll get me coat!

 

Methinks someone is desperate to join in and googling for quotes from someone he knows nothing about. tut tut

 

I am in no way desperate just to join in! I admit to "Googling" a couple of quotes but mostly to get them accurate but I am an Izzard fan and have actually seen the man himself on tour on a couple of occasions and watched most of his DVD's. I joined in the thread for no other reason than I thought it was funny!

 

Fine then, no Bill Bailey, but what about......

PETER KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

 

Sorry Slanir, but no Peter Kay!

Auctioneer's are funny!

This is sixteen century Ming,from the Ming dynasty,out of Ming made by Mister Ming!

If you don't like Ming then I'd stay away from this one!

 

And there?s Chekov and Sulu, down the front, both driving, they both had steering wheels!
Too many steering wheels? but you never saw them in the morning, when they came in to the starship Enterprise, going,
?Oh, get the engine on, Chekov! It?s ******* freezing in here, boy!?
You also never saw them backing up either, Chekov going?
?Captain Kirk, put your head down a bit.?