The Jedi Council Movie Script

I know they do. That's what's so great about the whole thing.

 

D'oh!!!!!


SHARKY

 

*Sharky and the others watch PK leave the group while the 3 imcompetant guards look the other way*

sharky: Well, that was easier than I thought it would've been...

shoeless: I still smell applesauce.

sharky: Yeah, me too. Where are we going anyway?

EK: I have no clue.

Inept guard #1: Whose talking back there!?

Inept guard #2: It's that stupid guy who tried to bust everybody out. He's reall not that bright!

Sharky: Hey! Don't talk that way about Shoeless!

*shoeless slaps forehead*

Sharky: What?

***cut to really, really dark room. So dark you can only see the outlines of the people in the room***

Dark figure #1: Did you let the girl escape?

Dark Figure #2: Errr...we were supposed to let her escape?...

Dark Figure #3: (whispers to #2) She did escape...accidentaly...

*figure #2 nods*

Figure #2: Um, yes sir, we did let her escape.

Figure #1: Smashing! Tea and strumpets for all!!!

#1's aid: Um, sir, it's "crumpets", not "strumpets".

Figure 1: Forget it. Whose for some.........................................................applesauce? Mwahahahahahahahahahahaaa!!!!!!!!!!


SHARKY

 

Yet again, up.


SHARKY

 

*cut to the inside of the Moderator building, three figures are standing by the hatchway to the Banship as it lands on a large landing pad.
Tellesto and Cigam are closest to the door with Short Round behind them holding up a huge lead pipe*

Tellesto: Ok, so when I give the signal, bash the guy who opens the door.

Shorty: Right!

Cigam: Isn't that illegal?

Tellesto: Meh...

Cigam: Bu-

Tellesto (cutting in) I said MEH! M.E.H

Shorty: Shhhhh! I hear someone coming!

Tellesto: Man the pipes!

(Shorty lifts the pipe above his head with some strain. The door opens to the ship and a shadowy figure is standing there, Tellesto shouts and Shorty slams the pipe down, missing the figure and denting the floor of the ship)

Shadowy Figure: Hey! Hold up! I'm one of the good guys?

Tellesto: (steping back getting ready to fight) Oh? Just who are you?

*SF steps out of the shadows revealing Mick Foley*

MickFoley: It's me...Mick.

Shorty: *whew* I was worried there for a sec...

Mick: Yeah, but the trouble is not over yet, follow me!

(They all climb into the airducts above just before more shadowy figures approach the waiting ship)

 

Hey! You got that "Meh" thing from the Simpsons!


*feels important*


SHARKY

 

(PK got recaptured along side with Queeq this time while the others escaped even though they were against the idea. They were put in a holding cell till the master as they called him was ready.)

PK: Did you see the look in those admins eyes?

Queeq: Yeah it's like they're possesed or something.

PK: We have to stop them. Through the master we can win.

Queeq: They're going to ban us you know that.

PK: No evidence to ban us. They need us for something. Something bigger then either of us.

Queeq: I hope you're right. This is a dark day in the JC.

PK: Yeah it is. I still smell applesauce.

 

( Executor-class Command Ship, several Star Destroyers drop out of hyperspace at the Communications forum )
GAT: This is Grand Admiral Thran to any and all mods, admins, and managers. I have come to ask about the banning of Wormie2 by Choirmail. My investigation so far has turned up evidence of wrongdoing by choirmail in this matter. We would like to know where Wormie is being held. Please respond.
( Five minutes later )
GAT: Any response?
Comm Officer: No, sir. No transmissions on any frequencies.
( One hour later )
GAT: Open communications with the U-B-B Base.
CO: Yes, sir.
GAT: This is GAT, stand by for recognition code.
HOW: This is Hunter of Winds, go ahead, Grand Admiral. What's up?
GAT: The admins are NOT responding to our hails. I'm thinking of going elsewhere. Keep watch officers posted. Try to minimize communications with all of us.
HOW: A prudent course of action, Thran. May the Force Be with you.
( Holo vanishes )
Sensor Officer: Sir, we have multiple socked Cruisers coming in at point six.
GAT: Raise shields. Battle stations. Fire ion cannons only, all ships.
Captain: Yes, sir!
( Shadowy lines approach the fleet. All ships fire ion cannons, revealing the true locations and nature of the five Victory Star Destroyers. )
GAT: All captains, fire at will! Launch all starfighters.
( TIE Scimitars w/fighter escorts swarm out of hangars, Star Destroyers open up with turbolaser cannons, ion cannons, Scourge of Endor fires missiles, turbolasers, ions )
( One VSD is knocked out by ion bombardment )
( Four remaining attack Scourge of Endor, as TIE Scimitars begin attack runs, hitting their bridges and shield generators w/concussion missiles and proton torpedos )
( Four Victory Destroyers lie dead in space, only firing a few turbolasers. )
GAT: Prepare boarding parties.
( Victory Star Destroyers self-destruct )
Captain: That was too easy.
GAT: You may be right. Set course for the UBB Base.
( Fleet hyperdrives out )
( YT-1300 Freighter arrives in strange space )
Master Omaj-Kadub: The Borderlands exist on the border between deleted threads and existing threads. In this area we may find evidence of the rogue Sith and their intentions and location, but we must be careful, it can be dangerous, as the layout and cartography can change suddenly and violently. From here it is possible to pass into Deleted Space.
Eaglejedi: I'm ready for anything. Scan for Radsdower, and crimsonking for starters. While we're at it, let's look for that Choirmail guy.
Meanwhile...
( Nebulon Escort Frigate, Corellian Corvettes drop out at EUDF Home Base )
( Bridge of Nebulon )
Commander Antilles: That's strange.
Taramidala: The base looks deserted, except for some automated battle stations.
thxDarth ( over comm ) : Maybe they're already in on this party!
Jeditrace: Ya think?
Katriel: Something big is going on. I don't like it.
Commander Antilles: I'm going to try to communicate with the base. They must have left some kind of skeleton crew behind.
[ What happened with that, anyway? Are there good people or bad people at the EUDF base? ]

 

Yeah, I took it, like everything else stolen in this great country.

All I have to say about it is....Meh..

 

Oh, they're all good. They were just tricked by a sock into going into troll-infested areas.

 

Hey, I'm sorry it's been so long, guys but I've been sick as a dog for the last few days. I'm finally back and ready to continue the story of Rogue and Jedi Merkurian (hope everyone remembers it).

(got to say, I'm glad to see Mick foley getting involved.)

Scene: EUDF base. Ganner and his staff are seated around a long table.

Ganner: We've got to get a team to Ep. II and III and try to get Rogue and Merkurian out of there.

jadesaber2: Have we tried communicating with them?

Wylding: Yes, but their communicators have been turned off. We believe they must be in the hand of the enemy.

The door opens and a dark figure walks in. He throws back his hood revealing . . .

Ganner: Hey, that looks like me.

Dark figure: Yes, tis I, __Ganner__.

Everyone: __Ganner__?!?!

jadesaber2: Judging from the quality of that joke, Rogue must be writing this post.

Wylding: Sounds that way to me.

Everyone draws their blasters and burns __Ganner__ down.

Cut to . . .

EU-xector, courtroom. Rogue and Merkurian are seated at a table surounded by guards. SueAsideRide is seated at the front.

Sue: Merkurian and Rogue, you are charged with violating the terms of your treaty and brutally shooting Darth_Holliday. How do you plead?

Rogue: (jumping to feet) Not guilty, you slime infested troll sock. Where is the real Sue?

Merkurian: Calm down, friend. I'm the diplomat. This is my field.

Merkurian stands to his feet.

Merkurian: Friends, I have been with you for a long time now, working with you as liason with the EUDF. I built friendships with you, friendships that looked past our sometimes conflicting ideologies and saw the basic humanity in all of us. We came here to ask for your help against the trolls and the administration. As we were leaving, my good friend Rogue saw Sue shoot DH. Knowing that the real Sue would never do such a thing we believe that Sue has been replaced with a troll sock. Let's look at the facts, shall we? Would the EUDF be so unwise as to send only two people here into your midst to carry out a murder? Why the long months of peace if only to shatter it on a whim? Search your souls. You know us to be innocent.

Sue: Naw, I don't buy it. Kill 'em.

Merkurian: Rogue, this is your department.

Rogue: YES!!

Rogue leaps to his feet. He grabs the guns from the guards on either side of him. He swings around, kicking the table over to provide cover even as he smacks the two guards on the head. He flicks the blasters to stun and begins firing on the guards. They fall back, being slowly mowed down by Rogue's skill. Merkurian ignites his lightsaber and backflips forward, blocking blaster shot after blaster shot. Sue ducks out the back door just as Rogue fires at her. Rogue and Merkurian make it to the door and run down the hall backwards still firing and blocking, respectively.

Rogue: What now?

Merkurian: Well, I'm pretty sure they have the hanger bay blocked.

Rogue: And we can't leave Holliday here. Sue will kill him first chance she gets so she can take over the EU-xector to help the trolls.

Merkurian: Then it's settled. We'll head to the med center and break Holliday out of here and then try to get a message out to Ganner.

Rogue: Agreed. Let's go.

The two run down the hall.

Cut to . . .

 

UP!

Haha, Sharky, I beat ya to it!

 

Well, that's alright, because......




up.


SHARKY

 

Oh YEAH??? Well...

























UP!!!!!

 

I said


















UP!!!

 

Yeah, we need more about the EUDF!

 

Scene: EU-xector hallway.

Rogue and Merkurian are creeping along. They come to a door.

Merkurian: This is Darth Holliday's hospital room.

Rogue: Why aren't there more guards?

The two enter.

SueAsideRide: (from a dark corner) I sent the guards away so I could kill Holliday. Now you two must die as well. Guards!!

Sue draws her blaster and fires. Rogue and MErkurian dive for cover. Rogue returns fire. Guards come running. Merkurian rolls into the hall and comes to his feet. He ignites his lightsaber and begins deflecting blaster bolts. He deflects the first three back into the shooters. He spins into the remaining four guards. A high kick to the head puts one down. He thumps another on the head with the pommel of his lightsaber while grabbing another by the throat. He throws him into the last thug knocking them both out. More guards are coming.

Rogue fires, knocking the gun from Sue's hand. Rogue closes with her. She throws a punch. Rogue blocks and then pivots, slamming Sue in the ribs. A sweep kick knocks Sue off her feet. Sue kicks upward catching Rogue on the shoulder. Rogue lands on his back, rolls to his left, jumps up, dodges Sue's next punch and hits Sue square on the jaw.

Merkurian dispatches the last guards then rushes in to grab Holliday. Rogue is distracted for an instant. Sue pulls a vibroblade. Rogue draws his blaster and fires, catching Sue in the shoulder and propelling her out the door. Rogue runs to the hall, but Sue is nowhere to be seen.

Rogue: Where did Sue go?

Merkurian: I've got Holliday. Let's go.

Rogue: Wait.

Rogue bends over and picks up a piece of burned fabric.

Merkurian: What's that?

Rogue: My blaster shot burned it. I was right. This fabric proves that Sue is a sock.

A drum beat sounds. Merkurian looks agahst at what is possibly the worst joke he has ever heard.

Rogue: What? What?!!? Is Tellesto suddenly the only one who can write comedy around here?

Holliday: (rousing) Apparently so.

Rogue: Oh, shut up.

The three exit the room, making for the hanger bay. Suddenly, the ship lurches.

Merkurian: What's that?

Holliday: The ship has gone into hyperspace.

Rogue: Sue's going to move against the EUDF. We've got to do something. Come on.

Cut to . . .

 

*cut to Sharky getting a message in his comm-link*

Shoeless: Don't they check you for stuff like that before they throw you in here?

Sharkyturning away from comm-link) I know,....it's kinda of.....

Everyone (in unison): Conveinient! Yes, we know!

Sharky: (continuing to talk in his comm-link) Yes......uh-huh......well, you know, it's been a long time since-......oh, alright.

EK: Who was that?

Sharky: It was one of my....er...associates...yeah, that's it. One of my associates.

EK: Name?...

Sharky: Alotta. Alotta Bussom.

Shoeless: Wait! I've seen Austin Powers too, her name is supposed to be Alotta Cle-

Sharky: (butting in) ssshhhhhh!!!!! Do you want a lawsuit slapped on ya?

Shoeless: *pouty* No.

*********************************************
(cut to the shadowy room)

Shadow #1: Anybody for some bagles?

Room-goers: Yeah, yeah, I could go for some bagles!

Shadow #1: Excellent (twiddles fingers)


SHARKY

 

.pU

!ho'D

gnihtyreve si sdrowkcab

*scrambles around*

Up.

Ah, there we go


SHARKY

 

Up. Yet again...


SHARKY

 

You said it. Up.























UP!!!!

 

Where's everyone else? Tellesto? Beardis?

Scene: INT. EUDF HANGER

Ganner is speaking to jadesaber2 and Art_Core.

Ganner: I've sent a small contingent to Ep. II and III to look for Rogue and Merkurian. I'm getting ready to take the Vigilent out for a spin.

Art_Core: For a spin?

Ganner: D'oh. Did I say that? I meant to patrol for trolls.

Art_Core: We'll take care of things while your gone.

Ganner: Good. I knew I could count on you. AC, you are in charge. js, you are second.

Ganner turns to go when five shadowy figures dart from behind a nearby X-Wing. One is holding a vibroblade. Ganner shoots him dead as he charges. The second fires a stun shot. Ganner rolls forward and fires again, missing this time. Art_Core and jadsaber2 are firing. The second and third intruders go down. The fourth fires, catching jadesaber2 in the shoulder. He falls. Wylding appears and shoots the last two intruders.

Wylding: Everyone okay?

Ganner: Get jadesaber2 to the doctor. I'm going now. Those trolls are making this too personal.

Art_Core carries jadesaber2 to the doctor, while Ganner and Wylding run to the Vigilence. The Vigilence soars off. With it are Green, Gold, and Blue squads. Still on base are Red and Alpha squads. Black squad is off in Ep. II and III looking around.

I'm out for the weekend. See y'all later.

 

Anybody watch college basketball?


Oh yeah, up.


SHARKY

 

*Half of the beardis and EK are with Sharky, Queeq and I are still captured.*

(IP and Mr. K enter the cell with a couple soliders to escort PK and Queeq to the Masters chambers.)

PK: You won't get away with this. You ban me there will be a big up rising against you.

IP: Silence PK, Silence. Take this up with the Master.

(PK gives an evil glare towards the mods as they enter the Masters Chamber.)

Master: Leave us. They will not cause me any trouble.

(IP and Mr. K leave. The Master remains in the shadows.)

PK: This place reeks of applesauce!

Master: I would hope so, sense I love it so.

Queeq: What's the point of us being here?

Master: You, Queeq well lets just say you're the one I'm going to use to make sure PK here cooprates with me.

PK: You'll have to ban me first!

Master: I don't plan on banning you. I want you to convince the members of the JC that nothing is wrong.

PK: But something is wrong. You are using them to do your evil bidding.

Queeq: Maybe we should at least listin to him.

Master: Here have some applesauce.

(The master leaves the shadows revealing himself to be...)

 

*COUGH*farraday*COUGH*

Heh


SHARKY