Saga The Phantom Slowly Rises - my re-telling of the Saga from the Villains' point of view - Black Comedy

Hi all,

This is the first Star Wars related story I've written here for some time. Basically, I will be re-writing all six episodes of the Saga in my own way - using overall the exact same storyline - but from the villains' point of view, as opposed to the heroes. Naturally, I will be starting with Episode I: The Phantom Menace - although my story technically begins just before, literally a few weeks prior to the Trade Federation blockading Naboo.

What to expect from this series: In addition to (almost) everything being from the villains' point of view - meaning that there may be room for some apparent moral ambiguity - there will also be several other differences:

1. I won't be using identical (as in, identical to the Star Wars films) dialogue, or​

characterisation/character development throughout - or, for that matter, identical appearances - for the characters. There will be many differences, some subtle, some more overt. I will be embellishing the characters with my own ideas - hopefully in an interesting way - while still sticking to the same overall story.

2. My take on the Star Wars saga will be significantly more adult and much darker than the way the films were told, both more humourous and more macabre - appropriately so considering that I am basically writing a lot of it from the point of view of Palpatine/Darth Sidious, Darth Maul, Count Dooku, and of course all the Imperial officers (and some soldiers) when I get around to the OT.

3. Despite the focus being primarily on the villains in my take on the saga here, as we all know there are some characters who changed from being one to the other. So of course Anakin will still be a primary focus even before he is Vader - but it'll be very different. There will also be some focus on characters, villainous or not - in fact, also some 'good' characters who were often sidelined in the films.​

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4. Although I will mostly stick to the same force powers as nominally appear in the Saga, I have added a couple of my own - in my version, the Sith not only have the ability to corrupt minds and cloud them, but also to plant suggestions in others' minds, influence them, and even use a slightly different variant on the Jedi mind trick.​

​

5. I will be re-imagining parts of the saga in the way I wanted it to be - in particular, Episode III will be a full on and truly dark story of twisted revenge and hatred with even some neo-noir elements. And another upside of focusing on the villains is a opportunity to flesh out characters in the OT such as Captain/Admiral Piett, Admiral Ozzel, General Veers, Captain Needa, Grand Moff Tarkin, etc.

I hope that this, my own re-telling of the Star Wars saga in my unique way, proves to be enjoyable to all Star Wars fans and everyone who frequents this board.

So, without further ado, let's begin.

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Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Slowly Rises​

Prologue
​

Five weeks prior to the blockade of Naboo by the Trade Federation...

A vast sea of stars could serve as a backdrop to almost anything. The fights of interstellar vessels, communications between beings of disparate views; even unexplainable occurrences such as the seemingly random and possibly sensuous interactions between bizarre and humongous space-dwelling lifeforms.

In this case, however, it was something much more nondescript: the movement of an Alderaanian cruiser as it entered the orbit of Coruscant and began a slow descent to the surface of the capital planet of the Galactic Republic, which has apparently stood for...a rather long time. Not all believed it was even close to a truly great and honourable system, of course...and none was so sneaky in his currently secretly held beliefs of this kind, nor such a pitch-perfect example of a senator loyal to the highest principles of the Republic, as the 'distinguished gentleman' who represented Naboo in the Senate.

This 'distinguished gentleman' was currently relaxing after a long day of intense gym training with his personal coach, a rather odd young Zabrak fellow who likely seemed to most to be far too impulsive and aggressive for the position of coaching Naboo's immensely wealthy and powerful senator in the art of working out well and maintaining good physical health. Nevertheless, this was how it was, for all intents and purposes, to the eyes, ears, noses and other appendages of anyone who knew Senator Palpatine.

Apparently. The Dark Side of the Force, it must be said, has a way of clouding the minds of the weak and of those who lack strong connections to the Force. Deceptions can be rather simple to concoct.

In actuality, Palpatine, known to only himself and to the young Zabrak - Maul - as actually Darth Sidious, one of only two genuine Sith lords in the galaxy - was lecturing Maul on the nature of the Dark Side and continually updating his training towards the position of a Sith Knight. Unlike Palpatine, whose wealth, even at this stage, was known to be amongst the vastest in all the Republic, Maul was poor. So poor, in fact, that he was quite unable to purchase his own apartment on Coruscant.

Naturally, he had no other choice other than to live with his master. Palpatine might have been incredibly calculating and cold-blooded beyond belief at his core - not to mention possessing a streak of inner darkness that, were it known, would be considered so 'evil' according to almost all civilised persons in the galaxy as to make him truly - and simply - bad - but, despite his ruthlessness, he cared about the well-being of his apprentice.

Apparently.

He wouldn't just tell him to get stuffed and chuck him onto the streets because Maul couldn't afford his own place. Not because he actually genuinely cared for Maul's happiness, at least not beyond a certain point - but because the Sith needed to remain hidden, for now, and Maul was genuinely rather lacking in wealth.

Palpatine allowed him to remain living at his prestigious apartment, while Maul began to make a living from doing in reality what he also and only did publicly: coaching people in personal fitness training.

Without being too obvious, the situation did appear...rather odd to most, as anyone who knew Palpatine - even though they only knew him as Palpatine, and not as a Sith Lord - did not understand why the incredibly wealthy senator had allowed a young fitness instructor to move into his apartment.

The Dark Lord of the Sith did not nominally care about the opinions of others. Nevertheless, through his exceptional mind and vast knowledge and power in the Dark Side of the Force, he had very subtly implanted force suggestions in the minds of all who knew Maul was living in his luxurious apartment - suggestions that the following was true:

"Although I am currently unmarried, and living with a young Zabrak man, this is simply due to my wealth and the usefulness of having a fitness coach so close-by. Those like myself who are middle-aged need to keep fit. Despite this, I like my own company, and have not yet found a suitably beautiful and intelligent woman to replace my beloved (concealed inner snigger) ex-lady-friends...there is nothing more to it. When I find that special lady who is close to my heart (concealed inner cackle at the likely falsity of this statement), I will undoubtedly marry."

The purpose of said suggestion being, naturally, to dissuade anyone who knew of Maul's presence in his apartment of believing in even being a remote possibility that Palpatine might be...homosexual.

Which he was not. The Dark Lord of the Sith did not wish for any misconceptions about himself.

Not that it would have mattered...there was no real bias against such things in the Republic. This was more about Palpatine's need for everyone to be aware of certain truths about him - such as his heterosexuality - while concealing others, such as him being a Sith Lord. Additionally, he did not wish to be seen as even potentially 'strange' by other senators, most of whom were already married, and whom also did not share their own large and almost as luxurious apartments with young fitness coaches.

These force suggestions had been completely successful, with two exceptions: the newly appointed and young Senator Bail Organa of Alderaan, and a young female teenager from Chandrila whose name Palpatine was not yet aware of. His attempt to implant the suggestions in their minds from afar had somehow been blocked, even though they registered no force aura whatsoever. It was troubling, yet intriguing.

Perhaps Master Yoda, esteemed Grand Master of the Jedi Council, was farseeing visages of Palpatine's force suggestions - even though he could not have been aware that they actually came from the Sith Lord - and blocking them, having sensed their dark aura?

Palpatine had snorted inwardly. Unlikely. It was far more likely that the two individuals in question simply had some kind of connection to the Force...even if they were unaware of it. He would simply need to directly speak to them and use his vast knowledge of the Dark Side and great, terrifying force powers to implant the suggestions directly...

...and gain more information.

The young Organa had only just been appointed a Senator. Without any complication or further ado, Palpatine had sent a message a few days ago inviting him to 'dinner', and to 'discuss the political situation developing around the Trade Federation and the corrupt bureaucracy in the senate'.

Apparently. How the Dark Lord loved that word. Always keeping it to himself, but knowing deep down of its significance, he allowed himself a low chuckle. Tonight was the night, and Sidious had absolute faith in the power of the Dark Side. If he was unable to discover the reason behind the blockage of his force suggestion in Organa's mind, unable to then implant said suggestion...and worst of all, if he was unable to subliminally influence Bail with a hidden message to vote for he, Palpatine, to be elected Supreme Chancellor in the event that the current leader of the senate might for some reason decide to step down, or be voted out...then he, Dark Lord of the Sith, might as well not be a Sith at all.

Because he absolutely could do all these things. Do them he would; and if he did not enjoy them, he'd silently berate himself for his lack of justified 'subtle sadism' towards lifeforms weak in the Force.

At this very moment, it had just turned 1930 hours, and Organa was scheduled to arrive at his apartment in a few minutes. Palpatine was, currently, impatiently waiting for his apprentice to provide him with a simple comfort all Sith Knights owed their glorious masters. Beverage service.

“Lord Maul!”




“Yes, my master?”




“Where is my coffee?”




“Coming, master.”




“Good thing too!” was the Sith Master’s cold, loud, arrogant reply. “It’s been a long day and 

I really need to relax a little. Too much ‘plotting’, as my enemies might say, heh…”




The private residential apartment of Senator Palpatine on Coruscant, well below his official senatorial 

chambers, was a place of executive importance if only because of the wealth of its owner. To state that it was ‘exceedingly comfortable’ would be 

an under-exaggeration so enormous as to be akin to a long-time member of the senate 

randomly exclaiming in the middle of a senatorial meeting: “Wow, the senate hall is quite a 

lot bigger than my sitting room!” - in other words, a statement far too obvious to be worth 

voicing beyond the confines of one’s own mind.




In fact, Palpatine’s main living room alone was larger than the entire residences of some other 

senators, something he owed both to his vast wealth from his business empire and his 

private estate on Naboo, and to the fact that he had designed it himself.




“Master?” Maul’s voice echoed through the halls of his residence again.




“Yes?”




“How many sugars in your coffee this time?”




Palpatine sighed. “Of course, this issue…whenever we have guests. I must be perfectly 

controlled, and yet strange enough to have hired a fitness coach to live in my apartment to 

help me get in good shape for various reasons…while equally making it clear that I am 

most certainly not homosexual. Sugar is an excellent aid to a calm Sith mind.”




“Master, plenty of powerful men have personal trainers with martial arts skills. No one 

would ever question the sexuality of those people. It’s not even an issue anyway, I mean-“




“It is to me!” the Sith Lord snapped, yellow eyes suddenly blazing with fury. “I am obsessed 

with maintaining a good public image - it is necessary to the success of our glorious plan 

for absolute Sith domination of the galaxy! Do not question me, boy!”




“Sorry, master. I was simply saying that no one would care if you were…well, gay. 

Regardless of the fact that it is not true, even if they thought it was, it wouldn’t matter.”




Palpatine rolled his eyes. “Yes…but it matters to me, Maul. Other senators must not think 

anything of me that I do not wish them to, true or not. Example A: I am a Sith, as are you. 

Obviously, they must never know that, probably not even after I become Emperor. 

Example B: I am not gay. In this case, the opposite is true of what held correct for 
Example A: they must see proof that I am as heterosexual as any other senator. If they 

falsely believe that I am not, I will feel my public image has been tarnished. Understand?” 




“Uh…ok, yes, I do now, master.”




“Good. Now hurry up and bring me the damned coffee, with four sugars. No, five sugars!”




“Isn’t that…a little excessive, my lord-“




“Shut up! Obey me! Bring it to me now, you impertinent little scrag! Arghhhhhhhhh!” 

Palpatine roared like a mutated rancor, then turned bright red. “That was loud. Someone 

else might have heard…”




“Sorry master. Just coming!”


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A few minutes later, Palpatine was again calm. Sugar would generally serve to make anyone more agitated, but the Dark Side of the Force had a way of utilising it in a manner no normal person could.

There was a buzz at the door.

"Ah, that'll be them. Alright Maul, remember the drill. I trust you know it by now, my apprentice?"

Maul's Zabrak brow furrowed and his eyes moved around oddly. "Drill? We don't have a drill, master. I didn't think we needed one. I could go and buy one from that nearby shop, if you like-arhhhhhhhhh!"

Naturally, he had stopped dead in mid-sentence, backing away and hopping about in pain, as Sidious had neglected to even bother using force powers and simply drop kicked his sometimes slow-witted apprentice in his nether regions."You idiot!" the Sith Lord snapped. "I didn't mean a real drill! I was speaking metaphorically, for crying out loud! Since when did your brain manage to intellectually retard itself? Or have you been drinking too much after your Dark Side training again?"

Having righted himself, Maul stood up straight and bowed. "Sorry, my master. Uh, my brain is fine. Honestly! I simply...wasn't using my head, I guess. Shall I answer the door now?"

Palpatine ground his teeth together. Then: "No. First, answer the question: Do you know the drill? As in, how our relationship must appear to all others?"

Maul nodded. "Of course, master! They have no clue you are the Dark Lord and Master of the Sith, and that I am your loyal servant. They believe you are a simply an extremely wealthy and powerful senator who keeps a young Zabrak fitness instructor - me - in his, or shall I say your - quarters. Haha." Maul sniggered.

Sidious glared. His apprentice gulped, grin instantly melting away. "Just...joking, master..."

The Dark Lord sighed. "I get your point as well, my young apprentice. Your jibe about the oddity of you dwelling in my apartment is well taken...were it not for my suggestions through the force we would be seen as...very strange, indeed. Now answer that door."

"At once, my master."

His true visage of Sidious - in appearance and in behaviour - again vanished, and Palpatine was once again just Palpatine, Senator of Naboo. He smoothed down his immaculately tailored dark blue and crimson robes, smiled, and sat nonchalantly in one of his chairs, as his apprentice rushed to the door.

He looked on, first with a Sithly form of admiration at Maul's sudden, self-enforced calm, and then with irritation and near-despair at his apprentice's manners towards Bail, a young woman whom he assumed was the newly appointed Alderaanian senator's girlfriend, and Organa's guards.

"Ah...good evening. I assume you are the fitness coach the good Senator Palpatine has told me about over the holo?"

"That I am, Mr. Organa, and congratulations on your appointment to the senate as representative of your noble planet!" Maul exclaimed, his apparent enthusiasm a little too obviously put-on.

"Thankyou very much," Bail replied, although he was obviously a little surprised.

"Your guards are also welcome...and this lovely young thing must be your female friend! Wow...you certainly have good taste in the physical, Senator Organa," Maul leered.

"Pardon!?!?"

Palpatine rolled his eyes, got to his feet to greet the guests 'properly' and salvage the situation, and made a mental note:

Teach Lord Maul in the art of how to socialise with the ladies as well as the gentlemen, and then force choke the hot-headed bad-mouthed young Zabrak man and make him watch a holovideo of himself as a toddler.

To be continued in Chapter I.

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Hope everyone enjoyed reading.

I'd welcome any comments, of course.

Chapter I will be coming sometime soon!

 

Reading this is as enjoyable of watching an episode of "Jeeves and Wooster" or "Queer as folk". Please go on!

 

Hi all, sorry this has taken so long!

Thanks! Sorry I've taken so long to reply. I'll check out one of your stories when I have time.

I have to say though, I'm slightly disturbed by the reference you make to Queer as folk and Jeeves and Wooster, lol. I'm not sure I fully understand the reference actually - could you explain it? I've never watched those shows, so I wouldn't know.

Just for the record: I'm a straight guy, and the story isn't actually a comedy about anything homosexual - as Palpatine says, he isn't gay at all, and nor is Maul - both are heterosexual. The humour at the beginning of Episode I: The Phantom Slowly Rises is simply that although they are both straight, because Maul is basically really poor he has to live with Palpatine, a rich senator, under the pretense that he is a personal trainer living with said senator. And the joke is that Palpatine worries that other senators will think he is gay - even though he isn't - because he is living with a much younger man who is a body builder. So he's straight, but he's concerned other people will think otherwise.

The main humour in my re-telling of the Saga comes from the fact that the focus is on the villains, and almost everything is from their point of view. So for example, when I get to Episode V, the battle of Hoth will be from General Veers, Admiral Ozzel, and Admiral Piett's point of view and Veers' death at the hands of Hobbie will be almost tragic, with his wife sending him a message before the battle. So it should also make for some interesting drama.

Actually, if you want to compare this to anything, the best comparison would be Pulp Fiction and Sin City, with a healthy dose of black comedy and horror comedy as well as drama. So basically, it's Star Wars meets Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez, Monty Python, Red Dwarf, and Peter Jackson. It is, thus, science fantasy meets sci-fi, black comedy, horror, film noir, and the avant-garde in general. Seriously.

Anyways, here's the first half of Chapter 1! The first chapter is quite long, so what I've done is simple: I've split it into two halves. I'll post the second half next week or sooner if I can.

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Slowly Rises

Chapter I

Sometimes the powerful of mind but secretive of heart must step in and deflect the naive insipidity of their underlings.

"Good evening, Bail!" was Palpatine's polite and courteous greeting as he approached. "I do apologise for the behaviour of my young...friend," he said slowly, choosing the last word very carefully and speaking it in veiled undertones with a single, brief and unemotional look towards Maul, who instantly got the message. "He is an excellent trainer, very skilled, but sometimes focuses so much on the physical side of things that he forgets common courtesy."

Maul stepped back and nodded to Organa. "Sorry, Senator Organa. I meant no offence. As the great Senator Palpatine correctly says, I forgot my manners. Very busy day of intensive training!"

Bail smiled. "No worries. I wasn't offended, just surprised. I and Breha are very broad-minded."

"Totally," said Breha, his girlfriend. "On Alderaan we're pretty much taught to be purely 'democratic', and not judge others."

Inwardly, Palpatine rolled his eyes. Typical liberally-minded youth. Where's the authoritarian young blood the senate requires in order to facilitate my rise to power? Oh well...I'll have to work on the greedy bureaucrats instead.

"In any case, young Maul here, my personal trainer, will be happy to cook us dinner, although first he will be bring us some drinks.” Palpatine glared at his apprentice.

Maul bowed. "At once, mas-I mean, sir." He nodded again to Organa, quite curtly, but then as he turned to head for the kitchen area, he royally screwed up his near display of actual grace by nearly tripping over one of Palpatine's exquisitely manufactured glass tables, jumping like an idiot at the shock of doing so, and then, righting himself but understandably not wanting to see the look on his master's face he actually broke into a brief run towards the kitchen before slowing down again, looking not far off from something out of a slapstick cartoon.

As he finally left the room, Bail raised one eyebrow, maintaining his smile while adopting a more dignified pose. "If you don't mind my saying so, your trainer is...rather unusual, Senator Palpatine. I always pictured Zabrak men as being very disciplined. Not saying he isn't, of course, he just seems to have...some issues. But that's just my opinion, and I wouldn't presume to judge."

Palpatine returned the smile, although his was one of a very, very subtle snake. "After a long day of working out, Maul finds it hard to maintain such a high level of mental discipline. There's no more to it than that, Bail. But your comments are nevertheless appreciated." By the force, do we both sound phony in this absurd exchange of perpetual formality! Palpatine thought. When the galaxy is mine, everyone will maintain a certain dignity, but not in such a pretentious way...

"Your apartment is fabulous, Senator," Breha said, smiling. "I only wish we could afford somewhere so lavish."

Palpatine gave a slight bow, maintaining his vaguely predatory smile. "Thankyou, Miss Antilles. Please be seated - Maul will be returning soon with some refreshments.”

"Surely someone of your wealth can afford house servants, Senator?" Bail asked, giving a gesture to his guards to wait by the door as he and Breha followed Palpatine to a large glass table studded with crimson gems, surrounded by two luxurious sofas.

"Naturally," was the Senator from Naboo's reply, without a touch of arrogance, as he plopped himself down in the middle of one of the two sofas; they took the one facing him. "On my estate at Naboo, I do,” Palpatine went on. “Here on Coruscant, ever since I allowed my personal trainer to share my residence with me, I have had no need of other servants - he does all the household jobs that I can't be bothered to do, and quite nicely. A robot does come in…once or twice a fortnight, to sort out stuff he can’t be bothered with.”

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“She said…his insides…were otherwise in the line of shot,” Maul said to himself rather oddly - humming a tune that might sound familiar to anyone who has heard of Franz Schubert...except, in the Star Wars galaxy, that should be nobody - while preparing the drinks and snacks. Absent-mindedly, he used the force to switch off the main light, leaving only the harsh stare of a single lamp casting sinister shadows of his horned face over the kitchen utensils, while simultaneously finishing up the cocktails he was concocting.

Grinning to himself, he continued talking aloud to no one in particular. “That’s the kind of look she’d have given me were she here…yeah, see if you can carry it a little further towards the main hall, pretty dame…heheheh…” he stopped, and grunted oddly. “I wish it was a girl I knew. Yeah…what the hell?”

He looked around, eyes narrowing, mind trying to make sense of the words, wondering why he was stood in so much pure black; a true shadow of the force’s darkness, he was currently, although for no reason that made sense. “Why in the name of Darth Bane did I say that? Innards, a line of shot, a pretty dame? And, I sensed my master was on the same wavelength at that moment. Semi-re-enacting that same ‘thing’ from…something…?”

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Palpatine blinked. Bail and Breha seemed gently confounded by his choice of words. Settling back into the comfortable depths of his sofa, he gave them a smile, and they shared a vaguely awkward silence.

Briefly, he looked about the room using the force, while keeping his physical eyes on his guests. Why did the shadows cast by the intensely bright light of one of his massive lamps near the window seem so large…and sinister? Since when would that bother him in any case? He was a living embodiment of the Dark Side. Some odd, inexplicable and emotionally vacant images filtered through the the very edges of his consciousness; he had to concentrate intensely in order to see much of them. Lots of rain, many shadows, harsh lighting, two shady individuals by themselves in a lonely apartment, and a physical exchange extending far beyond that of mere ‘romance’. Cold lust. And yet…

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As Maul finished up preparing all the drinks, he paused and looked up at the television near the ceiling - for some reason his master had ordered one to be installed not only in the living room but also the kitchen. On it were some very unfamiliar images of a distant world: Smoke, smog, gangsters, femme fatales, and the urban nightmare that was the dark underbelly of a city with the initials L and A…

Then it faded: the screen instantly went black, and the alien sounds disappeared. His brow furrowed; fear crept in for a moment, then he laughed it off, shook his head, picked up the tray and headed back for the main hall. “That must have been what Master Sidious might call ‘a temporary merging of the intergalactic and multi-spatial planes of the Dark Side of the Force’, yeah…”

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A moment later, the images in Palpatine’s head vanished. Try as he might, he couldn’t recall much about them, other than a lingering sense of genuine darkness; a malevolence and greed so great and terrible it might have outclassed his own.

It intrigued him. Inwardly, he smiled to himself, enjoying the fear he had felt. Echoes of the Dark Side in ways I’ve never yet seen, eh? Yes…I will certainly investigate this further…

“The…night sky is certainly lovely on Coruscant tonight, isn’t it, Senator?”

Palpatine returned to the present moment, leaving his dreamy reverie of dark oddities at the sound of Breha’s voice. Instantly he realised that he had literally sat in silence with his guests for nearly two minutes. Two minutes!

No matter; in that time he had briefly probed the outer reaches of the Dark Side, and through it he had also become aware that the gathering darkness in the Force - which was, as he well knew, focused mostly around himself - much greater on Coruscant than he had previously thought. Superlative, thought he. Later, I must meditate on this…see if it will enable me to draw out the darkness in others even better and further deepen my knowledge of the Dark Side.

For now, he would focus on the task at hand.

“I do apologise,” was his polite response, along with another of his both charming and vaguely disturbing smiles. “I was simply wondering, with some concern, how the Senate is going to react to the latest in corrupt thuggery and bullying from the corrupt lobbying corporations of the galaxy.”

Bail nodded sympathetically. “I despise that nonsense too. But, there’s going to be a big session next week and I have to prepare myself for all of the bickering in that political arena.”

“Indeed, and how could I forget to mention - many congratulations on your appointment as the new senator representing Alderaan, a position you rightly earned!” Palpatine’s words were carefully chosen to stroke the ego of the hopefully naive and much younger man.

Breha grinned. “He claims it’s no big deal, but I know he takes it seriously deep down.”

“Of course I do,” Bail added. “But as good Senator Palpatine here knows, the senate isn’t for the weak-willed or faint of heart. A strong representative is both outspoken and simultaneously cautious, weighing their choice of words carefully amongst others of their ilk.”

Palpatine nodded approvingly. Good, he thought. The young man is smart…very smart. He might be difficult to directly manipulate…but my method will be anything but direct.

“Other senators would do well to heed your words and favour your approach, Bail,” he said pleasantly. “But be wary. I fear that most in the senatorial halls, no matter their outward praise or criticism, lack the honesty of men such as yourself and I. Honour and justice are two words unfavoured by bureaucracy…and the senate is as much that as it is a governing body.”

Bail shrugged. “Oh, I completely agree. Which is why I’ve taken the next few days off in order to prepare myself fully. In any case, you’ll be sure to see me there,” he finished with a grin.

“Something I very much look forward to, Senator Organa,” Palpatine replied, his smile again leaning towards the sinister, but too subtle for anyone to guess his true intentions. “Ah! Here are the drinks, finally. Thankyou, Maul.”

The Sith Apprentice, still outwardly a training coach, placed the tray on the table; Bail and Breha thanked him with curt nods and brief words. Palpatine gave him a brief look of confounded surprise; the words, unspoken, were clearly a question as to why Maul had taken so long.

The apprentice only returned his look with an apologetic but equally confused one, then headed off.

“Dinner should be ready in about thirty minutes, sirs and madam,” he called back while heading for the kitchen.

Hmmmmmm…what to do for thirty minutes? Palpatine thought. While he was a brilliant public speaker and equally good at conversing, the whole situation felt a little one-sided.

As in, there were two of them and one of him. It didn’t need to be awkward, but it was. He remembered at this moment that he hadn’t figured out how best to keep the small talk going until he was given an opportunity to suggest he and Bail talk in private - and then ream his mind - while Maul ‘distracted’ Breha…however that might be done. Hopefully with much subtlety.

Think, my great mind, think! Work! Decide on an subject to occupy the next hour or so…

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Perhaps thankfully for his master, said awkwardness was not to be, considering what happened next to Sith Apprentice Darth Maul.

He thought he was heading into the kitchen. He had, and without thinking much about it he had also taken the contents of the refrigerator to be used for the meal, put them all on a massive plate, and decided inexplicably to go down the hallway towards the bathrooms and bedrooms.

Finding himself in the hallway in near pitch-blackness, he looked around curiously. “What am I doing here, man?” he asked himself out loud. “I should be cooking this food, not…”

He heard a voice, in the back of his mind. It was too inhuman to be anything normal, and the words were unclear. Nevertheless, the message was clear.

Without thinking any further, he walked up to the garbage disposal unit, tipped half the food on the plate into it, then headed into his room. Seating himself next to his table - the one with the two holes, one of Darth Plagueis, the other of him and his master standing over the corpse of that person he’d killed on his second Sith training day, and began to eat.

Five minutes later...

“Ah, those flavours were awesome, matey,” Maul said to himself, grinning like an idiot. Then he paused; looked about his person at his surroundings, and…

“What in the Force Hell?!?!? What did I do that for?!?? And where’s the rest of…oh crap, I dumped it!” Fear rose in his mind and he got to his feet, beginning to pace around with extreme trepidation. “Master is going to be so cheesed off…”

Then a thought crossed his mind. Didn’t Lord Sidious simply want to mind-ream Senator Organa in order to ensure a couple of his plans were executed properly?

And if so, would he really care that he wouldn’t be able to have dinner with Organa and the latter’s girlfriend? Sidious was patient, but he did not believe in pointless small talk; everything he said was for a reason, at least normally. If anything, he now had an opportunity to do the mind-reaming right away, give or take a few minutes…and he wouldn’t have any trouble making up an excuse for why dinner never arrived. Sidious was a genius.

This was good, not bad. Grinning again, Maul took the plate and left his quarters, heading back for the kitchen.

The Sith Apprentice still wondered where that voice in the back of his head had come from. The Dark Side unconsciously directing his actions to lead towards greater success for his master and himself, perhaps? It didn’t sound like a typically Sith interpretation of the Force, but who knows…

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That's all for now. I will post the second half of Chapter One in the next few days (or next week) if I can.

 

Fun idea for a story - looking forward to more!

 

Interesting premise! Looks fun.

 

*still likes the story

But I should not try to make funny comments when I am ill with the flue and have high fever, sorry!

*is back to work tomorrow after being knocked out for a while