The Simpsons Quote thread Strikes Back

"So, Smithers, what are you doing this weekend. Something gay, I expect?" ~ Burns

"What?!!" ~ Smithers

"You know, light and fancy free! Mothers, lock up your daughters! Smithers is on the town!" ~ Burns

"Oh! Of course." ~ Smithers

~Corran

 

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, its not whether you win or loose, its how drunk you get." ~Homer

 

"I hope this taught you kids a lesson: Kids Never Learn." ~ Wiggum.

~Corran

 

Smithers hand me that ice cream scoop.
Ice cream scoop?
"damn it Smithers this isn't rocket science its brain surgery'

 

"If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, its that girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxy, and such and such." ~Homer

 

"She didn't reckon with the awesome power of the Chief of Police! Now, where did I put my badge... Hey, that duck's got it!" ~ Wiggum.

~Corran

 

What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them -- as is my understanding ...--Bart

 

KILL MY BOSS?!? Do I dare live out the American Dream?" ~Homer

 

"Berr. Now there's a temporary solution." ~ Homer.

~Corran

 

I'm no theologian. I don't know who or what God is. All I know is he's more powerful than Mom and Dad put together. --Lisa

 

"My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star." ~ Grandpa.

~Corran

 

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

 

"Grandpa, this flag only has 49 stars on it." ~ Marge

"I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah!" ~ Grandpa

~Corran

 

"Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart is a vampire! Beer kills brain-cells! Now lets go back to that...building...thingy... where our beds and TV...is." ~Homer

 

"Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.

P.S. I am not a crackpot." ~ Grandpa

~Corran

 

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.--Homer

 

"Now where's my card? Ok, I'm an elk, a communist, the president of the gay and lesbian comittee for some reason, oh here it is. The Stone cutters." ~ Grandpa.

~Corran

 

"You badmouthed MacGuyver didn't you?"

 

"Mmmm...Forbidden donut" ~Homer

 

"Solid waste! I could kiss you! MWUA! eugh! MWUA! ooh! MWUA! aah! MWUA! ooh! I think this one's pizza!" ~Homer

 

Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?

 

"I'm an ugmo!" ~ Lisa

"Now, that's not true. You're cute as a bug's ear." ~Homer

"Father's have to say that little stuff."~ Lisa

"Dad, am I cute as a bug's ear?" ~Homer

"No. You're homely as a mule's butt." ~ Grandpa

"There. See?" ~Homer

~Corran

 

Milhouse: Why does Bart have a comic book?
Comic Book Guy: Your questions have become more redundant and annoying then the last three "Highlander" movies.

 

Stone Cutters Song

"Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do.
Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do.
Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do! We do.
Who robs cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do! We do." ~The members of the Stone Cutters

 

"But Duffman, you said if I slept with you I wouldn't have to touch the drunk!" ~ Titanya

"Duffman... says a lot of things! Oh, yeah!" Duffman

~Corran