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Saga - PT The Song of Shmi Skywalker: Shmi's Prayer [Songs of the English Restoration Theater (1660–1715)]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Oddly_Salacious, Nov 17, 2019.

  1. Oddly_Salacious

    Oddly_Salacious Jedi Master star 1

    Registered:
    Dec 5, 2005
    The Song of Shmi Skywalker: Shmi's Prayer
    by Oddly Salacious

    In the sands with these suns ˘ sealed by open sky;
    My heart hearkens you ˘ headstrong son of mine.
    Calm, shielded in quiet ˘ I can attend you.
    Yay, in chaos, the chasms form ˘ chasms too wide for me to span.
    On the wrath-waves ˘ a rage-storm wails;
    in confusion and futileness ˘ you've become knotted.
    Spiteful and prideful ˘ unrecognizable heir,
    soothe the sands ˘ and send your fury away.

    I fear for the hour ˘ fast approaching.
    Conflict comes to my child. ˘ Cast into it,
    I pray you rise. ˘ Ironclad your courage,
    may our ways ˘ one day divide.
    Be brave dear son, ˘ and believe our hearts entwined.


    Songs of the English Restoration Theater (1660–1715): A No-Deadline Fanfic Challenge!


    See the forsaken fair, with streaming eyes,
    Her parting lover mourn;
    She weeps, she sighs, despairs, and dies,
    And watchful, wastes the lonely livelong nights,
    Bewailing past delights
    That may no more, no, never more return.
    O soothe her cares
    With softest sweetest airs,
    Till victory and peace restore
    Her faithful lover to her tender breast,
    Within her folding arms to rest,
    Thence never to be parted more,
    No, never to be parted more.
    [\SPOILER]
     
  2. GregMcP

    GregMcP Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2015
    Wow.
    Beautiful.
     
  3. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    That was absolutely gorgeous! =D= Very lyrical. :cool:
     
  4. Findswoman

    Findswoman Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2014
    WOW! :eek: What an amazing and unique response to this challenge and this song prompt—color me very impressed! Love how you transformed a song about war-parted lovers into a song about the conflict-fraught parting of a mother and her son, and how you've made Shmi an active partner in sensing the dire destiny that will be her son's destruction. She's a beautiful character who deserves a beautiful utterance like this! Thanks so much for sharing and being part of this challenge; always glad to have you here. =D=
     
  5. Oddly_Salacious

    Oddly_Salacious Jedi Master star 1

    Registered:
    Dec 5, 2005
    Many thanks for the comments!
    @GregMcP: Thank you. Reading your reaction soothed my own sands after I posted. I was unsure how this would be received.
    @WarmNyota_SweetAyesha: Thank you. I followed your lead and used "lyric" when describing it in my index. *pleased & does a cartwheel*
    @Findswoman: I confess to taking your guideline "Write a story inspired in some way by the song" liberally. :D I enjoyed this challenge, although a single line could take me a day to shape and fit. I am grateful and glad that you liked it.
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2019
    Ewok Poet and Findswoman like this.
  6. devilinthedetails

    devilinthedetails Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 19, 2019
    Beautiful, melancholy, and sorrowful. You did well with this and captured the spirit of the song that inspired it.
     
  7. Oddly_Salacious

    Oddly_Salacious Jedi Master star 1

    Registered:
    Dec 5, 2005
    @devilinthedetails: I would describe Shmi as sorrowful and separate. Thank you then for your reassuring comments! I can see Shmi chanting it to herself while young Anakin is off sifting through junk piles in his mania.
     
  8. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 6

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    You left me the only comment I got during my time away from the board, so I had to check your stuff ASAP to see who you are and what you write. I am not disappointed. Not at all. :)

    You kept up with the metre, added the incredible little bonus with alliteration, yet at the same time, making things perfect did not remove any of the emotion. The only thing that I would like to know is when exactly it's taking place. It's written in a manner where she could be in Episode I prior to her son's departure, in Episode II and close to her final hours, but also speaking from beyond the grave.

    Either way, the kind of stuff that makes you shed a tear and shiver at the same time. <3
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2021