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Saga Too Much of Not Enough (Anakin- AOTC era songfic/vignette)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by RebelScum77, Nov 14, 2003.

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  1. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    Inspired by Leia_Naberrie?s fic [link=http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=11425420&start=13797574]?A Perfect Moment?[/link]. Thanks to my betas, the aforementioned Leia and MissPadme! Winner of BEST SONGFIC in the 2004 Summer Fanfic Awards! Thanks to all that voted for it :)

    Episode II scene from Anakin?s POV
    Stream of Consciousness songfic/vignette
    Characters: Anakin and Padme
    Setting: Meadow, Lake Country, Naboo
    Disclaimer: Lucasfilm owns these characters and I have no affliation to them.

    *The title and bits of lyrics included in this fic are from the silverchair songs ?Too Much of Not Enough?, "Dearest Helpless" and ?Emotion Sickness?. The title comes from the song of the same name.


    ------------------------------------------

    Too Much of Not Enough



    Hundreds of tiny pink petals. Intricately woven into silken golden strands. I am drowning in fascination. Machines I understand, but something so delicate, so perfect? Only as perfect as the body underneath.

    I can only imagine.

    An amused voice breaks my silent contemplation. I glance at her face and momentarily forget to breathe. Padmé. She gives me a half smile. It hurts my soul. I glance away, continuing to trace the petals with my eyes.

    Silence. It?s easier this way. I fear if I open my mouth to speak I won?t be responsible for the words that come out. She doesn?t understand. He?s made you blind.

    At first my own vision was elusive. Dark. Cloudy. But the will of the Force is clear to me now.

    I know when it happened.


    The kiss.

    I feel like it happened a lifetime ago. I feel like it is still happening.

    She is speaking to me again. Her voice dances over me like the wind. I do not hear what she says, but I feel it. Nervousness is causing her to talk incessantly. It only helps sustain my outward calm. Your thoughts betray you Anakin. Yes. Inside I am in agony.

    She askes me about the Jedi and I tell her the truth. I ask her about the Senate and she evades. I sense the beacon of despair in her calm and studied countenance. I?ve always been able to sense her negative emotions, she projects them unknowingly. I think I am the only one who can feel them. I think am the only one who is meant to.

    Our stolen youth.

    The kiss.

    I could feel the torment within her. Feel it on her skin. Taste it on her lips. I can see it in her eyes now. I want nothing more than to take her face in my hands and taste that torment again. It still burns.

    I try and settle for staring at the flowers.

    While my will drains into a pool of lace and gold.

    I ask about her first love. I cannot bring myself to look at her. I ask out of morbid curiosity only. I do not want to know. She doesn?t hide this time because she?s trying to make me suffer. It?s working. Remember to breathe.

    She is mine.

    I will have my revenge.


    We talk of politics. Blind white lies and shallow truths. I find it tedious and insufferable so I play. There is a brief glimpse of uncertainty and annoyance in her eyes. A devilish smile is all it takes to alleviate her worry.

    The petals on her bodice rise and fall with her every breath. It is hard not to stare.


    Then for some childish reason I find myself on top of a shaak. Some arcane notion of bravery. I manage to stay on long enough to make her laugh. It is enough, but I want to play the game.

    I am lying on the grass. I hear her call my name, first with worry, then panic. I smile into the earth. She is running to me, all pretence and protocol forgotten.


    Suddenly Padmé is on top of me and I forget everything I ever thought I knew. It?s too much. I am amazed at the feather weight of her body, the scent of her hair, her breath on my lips. I ache for a release that will not come. I fear I will never be this alive again.

    It's too much of not enough.

    We are not moving... not speaking... not breathing. Her eyes are pierceing my heart with their pain. We are fighting. And I am losing... slipping away.

    You came much closer than th
     
  2. CrystalKenobi

    CrystalKenobi Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2003
    Simply Awesome. Trying to think what else to say, but the words don't want to come sense I'm speechless. :)
     
  3. ForceMaster101

    ForceMaster101 Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Aug 30, 2003
  4. MissPadme

    MissPadme Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 9, 1998
    Very nice work! I liked the lyrical flow of the story and how you managed to bring a new perspective to a familiar scene. You captured well Anakin's emotions, just hinting a bit at darkness, not overdoing it.

    Good job.

    --MissPadme
     
  5. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    CrystalKenobi- Speechless :eek: Thanks for the lovely comment :D

    ForceMaster101- Thanks :)

    MissPadme- I really tried to get a good balance between Anakin's conflicting emotions, so I'm glad that came across. Thanks again for all your beta help! :) :)
     
  6. Reihla

    Reihla Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    May 17, 2002
    I like this :). The tension and conflict within Anakin were just right. The whole thing didn't come across as overly sweet, yet you still managed to convey the innocence present that afternoon. It was a nice fresh look at a familiar scene.
     
  7. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    Reihla- The whole thing didn't come across as overly sweet, yet you still managed to convey the innocence present that afternoon.

    Thanks :D That's exactly what I was going for. There was innocence and playfullness, but they are both still conflicted individuals... and that's what really makes them work together... but it can't last forever.
     
  8. leia_naberrie

    leia_naberrie Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2002
    :) I loved this when I beta'd it and I love it even more now. :)

    Remember to breathe.
    She is mine.
    I will have my revenge.

    Oh yes, obsessive Ani - whatever would A/P without you? [face_laugh]

    I could feel the torment within her. Feel it on her skin. Taste it on her lips. I can see it in her eyes now. I want nothing more than to take her face in my hands and taste that torment again. It burns.

    [face_shocked] Someone call 911! It's catching fire over here as well! ;) You write the passion as such a tangible thing. Incredible. And canon-wise, all this angst is true to the vein of the fireside speech that comes later.

    Her eyes are pierceing my heart with their pain. We are fighting. And I am losing... slipping away.
    Too much of not enough.


    Padme stop hurting him! :mad:

    :_| The end was so touching, so heartrending. :_|
    You came much closer than they had before.You never stop needing...
    ...Too much of not enough...

    The kiss is canon, as a matter of fact! I saw that in a deleted scenes index yesterday and I think you got all those hurtful, angsty feelings of the moment spot-on.

    I hope there's more where this came from!
     
  9. JDH3

    JDH3 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2003
    WOW! This was a remarkable and fresh take on one of my favorite scenes in AOTC. Anakin's innocence, longing and outright desire were palpable throughout, very well done. I'm kicking myself for not having checked this out sooner, excellent job RebelScum77!

    JD.
     
  10. leia_naberrie

    leia_naberrie Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2002
    Put up a link for this in its accompaniment.
    Wingardium Leviosa!
     
  11. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    leia_naberrie-

    You write the passion as such a tangible thing. Incredible.

    Thanks. [face_blush] It's a strange kind of passion though. Yes. it's passion for her, but it's more than that. Anakin is passionate towards everything he does, it's a virtue that becomes terribly exploited. So I think it's really important to emphasize that, even exaggerate it because it's such a strong part of who Anakin is.


    Padme stop hurting him!

    Ahh... she's not really doing it on purpose :p She's as conflicted as he is... as shown in your lovely fic:

    [link=http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=11425420&start=13797574]A Perfect Moment[/link]

    She's letting me call it a "companion piece" ;)


    The kiss is canon, as a matter of fact.

    Hmm... really? I know what was in the original script was the two of them awkwardly getting up and then riding together on a shaak... what is this deleted scene index you speak of?


    Thanks again for all the lovely comments :D Can't wait to reveal the surprise we have up our sleeves ;) :cool:


    JDH3- :eek: Thanks so much!

    This was a remarkable and fresh take on one of my favorite scenes in AOTC.

    There isn't much higher praise than that! [face_blush] :)
     
  12. Darth_Lex

    Darth_Lex Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 17, 2002
    Great interpretation of Anakin's character. This is fabulous. :D There are so many things I could comment on but I will stick to my favorite lines.

    Machines I understand, but something so delicate, so perfect?
    I love the way you worked in his ease with machines, in contrast to his often awkward demeanor around other people. Poor clueless Ani... :(

    I feel like it happened a lifetime ago. I feel like it is still happening.
    Aww. [face_love]

    I think am the only one who is meant to.
    This is a great expression of his love for her, a simple way of conveying that he feels they are meant for each other.

    I ask out of morbid curiosity only. I do not want to know.
    Been there, done that. :p Silly Ani.

    Thanks for sharing this. ;)
     
  13. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

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    Aug 3, 2003
    Darth_Lex- Thanks so much! :D I love it when people post their favorite lines. :p I think I am the only one who is meant to- is one of my favorites as well.
     
  14. Qui-Dawn

    Qui-Dawn Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2000
    Delurking to offer my take on the vignette, like I know you were interested in ;) - I *love* it! The stream-of-consciousness angle is very lyrical, almost dreamlike....ethereal, in a sense, in how it captures you so effectively....weaves a real spell....and there are so many great lines, too, in themselves - I'd hardly know where to begin. I'll just say - all of 'em, then. :) This one is *definitely* going in the Ani-Padme fic collection, Volume II....for myself as much as part of any giftie. :) And I take only the very best, too....so rest assured....it's a great fic you've done here, short but very sweet, and very poetical....more, please write more! Don't stop now. :D


    Dawn.
     
  15. Padlei

    Padlei Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2003
    Wow. That was awesome... The meadow picnic is one of my favorite scenes along with the fireplace. Your take on Anakin's point of view is all at once dark and full of passion, something I didn't think he was feeling at the time.
    I love the way you wrote it. I really felt Anakin's torment. Gives more resonance in the whole "My heart is beating, hoping that that kiss will not become a scar."

    One word. Haunting.
    Now I want more... ;)
     
  16. qingauk

    qingauk Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 12, 2002
    What emotion! I could feel the torment in him and the passion. The feeling of his 'wanting' really comes out in your words.
     
  17. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Aug 3, 2003
    Qui-Dawn-

    Delurking to offer my take on the vignette, like I know you were interested in

    Thanks! :p

    This one is *definitely* going in the Ani-Padme fic collection, Volume II...

    [face_blush] Ack! That is so sweet. I don't know what to say...

    more, please write more! Don't stop now.

    Well, I do have a plot bunny rolling around in there... 2 seperate fics, one from Anakin's POV and one from Padme's about a different scene in AOTC [face_devil]... maybe I'll start a whole series... I'm glad you're interested, I'll hold you to that ;)

    Padlei-

    Your take on Anakin's point of view is all at once dark and full of passion, something I didn't think he was feeling at the time.

    Thanks :D. Wow, I'm glad I made you see it in a new light... who knows what he was *really* feeling...but I guess I see Anakin as passionate to a fault in all aspects of his life... I like just a *little* bit of darkness, never underestimate the power of foreshadowing!

    qingauk-

    Thanks! Wanting is a feeling I know very well ;)
     
  18. leia_naberrie

    leia_naberrie Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2002
    Upping because that icon R.O.X.!
     
  19. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

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    Aug 3, 2003
    As if you need an excuse :p Love ya though :D
     
  20. _Derisa_Ollamhin_

    _Derisa_Ollamhin_ Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2000
    A very nice vignette, that delves into what could have been going through Anakin's mind. Y'know, I wasn't that fond of it in the film, but because of your insight, Reb I like the scene better now: I'm looking forward to watching it again. :)

    I too liked the contrast between Anakin's affinity for machines, and his awkwardness around Padme, and I love the idea of his stealing back a semblance of his youth. Dawn worded it well with her "ethereal" comment. :)

    All in all, well done. Not even sure it needed the references to the second song: the first was enough.

    Oh yeah, and *great* title.


    *Derisa*
     
  21. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

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    Aug 3, 2003
    _Derisa_Ollamhin_-

    Y'know, I wasn't that fond of it in the film... :eek: Really?!

    ...but because of your insight, Reb I like the scene better now: I'm looking forward to watching it again. :eek: :eek: Let me know what happens when you watch it again!!

    Thanks for stopping by!

     
  22. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

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    Aug 3, 2003
    Wingardium Leviosa!

    I'm nothing if not shameless :p
     
  23. Padlei

    Padlei Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2003
    Helping you a little... 8-}
    Wingardium Leviosa!
    *Hermione's voice* not leviosaaaaa, levi-o-sa!*Hermione's voice*
     
  24. YodaKenobi

    YodaKenobi VIP star 6 VIP

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    May 27, 2003
    beautiful descriptions, much of it read like poetry :D Good choices for songs too ;)

    He's made you blind

    looks like you through in a bit of "dearest helpless" as well :D

    Like your interpretation of those scenes from AOTC, good insight on "game playing" at the beginning of relationships. Great use of the songs you picked as well to illustrate your points :)

    really enjoyed it :D
     
  25. RebelScum77

    RebelScum77 Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

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    Aug 3, 2003
    Padlei- thanks so much! you're too sweet :D

    YodaKenobi- ah, my fellow 'chair fan! "dearest helpless" you're totally right! LOL, maybe i should put that up at the beginning... i'm glad you liked it, and i just couldn't help but think of those lyrics, they're just perfect (the 'chair being my other obsession :p) Game playing... yes it's sort of a deadly game really (wizard's chess anyone? ;))
     
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