Beyond - Legends "Wasting the Day in Bedlam" - Dear Diary Challenge 2012- Updated 10/16

Title: Wasting the Day in Bedlam
Author: Trak Nar
Characters: Zuckuss, and whoever else may be mentioned.
Genre: Drama and whatever else pops up over the course of this entry.

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[image=[url][url]http://img819.imageshack.us/img819/5875/wtdibcover.jpg][/url][/url]

[I][B]Wasting the Day in Bedlam[/B][/I]

[I]The following are a collection of hand-written journal entries by Zuckuss, a Gand prisoner in the behavioral health unit of the Bedacus-Lambrecht Correctional Facility, also known as "Bedlam." These entries were collected by acting forensic psychiatrist Dr. Gawynn Karastee and are presented here in their entirety. What they represent are the inner thoughts and feelings of a former bounty hunter who suffers from schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder and how he views the galaxy. Please note that the bracketed words are transliterated from illegible handwriting.[/I]

[hr]

First month, 1st day, 28 ABY

Another year [has] come and gone, and Zuckuss is still in Bedlam. [It] has been three years now, since Zuckuss has been [incarcerated]. Three years of psychiatric observation. Haven't they observed him enough? They know what is wrong with him, they have diagnosed and tested him, they have him on medication and attending [therapy]. They told him that he was soon to have yet another psychological [evaluation] and a medication adjustment! Why will they not leave him alone? Zuckuss only wishes to [leave].

He is their [lab] nuna! He is a source of study! They fill him full of pills and conducts tests!

Zuckuss overheard the psychiatrists when he was in the infirmary for some medicine for his cough. He overheard their discussion.

They were discussing shocks. Electro... something. He did not catch the actual [name], [I][illegible][/I] but he knew what it was. Shocks. They want to subject him to shocks.

He needs to get out of here!

[hr]

 

Nice! I especially like your drawing.

 

Thanks. I'm actually hand-writing this one before I go to bed! XD In cursive, too, so every word that is bracketed was indeed illegible. Gotta have some authenticity.

And since the first entry was so short, here's another:

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First month, 2nd day, 28 ABY

That [dreaded] cough of his has once [i][illegible][/i] again [i][illegible][/i] returned. Then again, it [hasn't] really ever gone away, simply [lessened] in severity and frequency of occurrence. So, due to congestion in his left lung (and pain), Zuckuss was once again in the infirmary for an [i][illegible][/i] inhalation treatment. The congestion cleared up, Zuckuss could breathe easier, and he was able to cough up the mucous. He then was allowed to shower. He [uses] an airlocked shower, so Zuckuss was [i][illegible][/i] able to breathe in the steam, which further aided in [i][illegible][/i] opening his airways.

Zuckuss is still uneasy about what he had overheard the other [i][illegible][/i] day; the discussion about the use of shocks. He had asked the mists to provide him with some [clues], but they remain [unreadable]. His [i][illegible][/i] medication hinders his meditations. He does not like that, being unable to [i][illegible][/i] read the mists.

And he certainly does not like the [i][illegible][/i] [side]-effect that [makes] his hands shake! He can barely write! He [shakes] like a palsy victim! He had requested to be put on different medication, or to be taken off the pills entirely, but the psychiatrists will [hear] none of it. "To quiet the [i][illegible][/i] voices," they say. What voices? The mists are [u]not[/u] voices! How dare they say such a thing! They simply do not understand!

Zuckuss has tried to explain it to them, but still they do not [understand]. They simply wish to fill [him] full of pills. [Drugs]. The only solution for them, these days. For all he knows, the drugs are to [control] him. They're trying to control him. Trying to control him by cutting him off from the mists.

Ignorance. That's what it is. They simply do not understand. Perhaps if they knew more [i][illegible][/i] about findsmen, then they would [understand]. But, they do not. So, they will keep filling him full of drugs.

But, the drugs are not working. They are [not] [i][illegible][/i] controlling him like they want. So, they want to use shocks on him.

Zuckuss needs to get out of here! Zuckuss needs to find 4-LOM. And he and [i][illegible][/i] 4-LOM need to stop them! Zuckuss needs to get out of here. The mists will show him how. He needs to stop the pills and get out of here and find 4-LOM and stop them. The mists will show him how. He needs to get out of here.

[hr]

 

I can understand not liking side effects. My doctor gave me some pills that made my eyes twitch uncontrollably. Sometimes the drugs are worse than the problem you are trying to cure. I need to read up on this character in Wookiepedia. I think I remember him in the movies. Was he a bounty hunter?

 

Yep, he had all of thirty seconds of screen time in ESB. Toward the end of his career, he was incarcerated and diagnosed with schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder. I spent five months researching and cleaning up his article, so I got to know him inside and out.

 

Yes found your second diary with him and the nice fanart

 

Third entry's up.

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First month, 7th day, 28 ABY

There was a fight on the housing unit, so I [came] out to protect myself. I stayed out of the fight, but I [I][illegible][/I] remained vigilent [I][sic][/I] [I][illegible][/I] in case I needed to [act]. The C.O.s quelled the fight, though, so I was not involved.

No, I won?t be [I][illegible][/I] involved. I met with Dr. Karastee and she told me to make sure to document every time I switch personalities. She talked about intergration [I][sic][/I] therapy, in which my personalities would be combined into one. But first, I need to learn to better communicate with my other half. She refers to it as the ?Uncanny One,? while she refers to me as the ?Corellian.? The Corellian has no name, according to Karastee. She says that the Corellian (me) is the dominant of the two?the most [active] alter.

We fight sometimes. It?s like [another] train of thought, another voice in my head. He tells me to relax. He tells me to meditate. He?s told me to do that, told me how to [focus] my mind, and I can share his talents. Learned how to do that years ago.

Sometimes, when I was on a job, I heard things. Like on Circumtore. I could hear Gheeta?s* voice in my head. ?Little creature, I am what you want to be; all mouth and gut and [hunger].? Heard that in my head.

I never became that. The galaxy is eat or be eaten. I was [eaten]. Just didn?t cut it. Should have stayed a Rebel. Being a Rebel didn?t pay. Credits [are] what makes the galaxy go around. Everyone knows that. I knew it. That?s why I was a bounty [hunter]. To rise to the top. I just didn?t cut it. So the galaxy ate me. [I][illegible][/I] Now I?m in prison. [I][illegible][/I] Insane. Dangerous to myself and others.

No. I should leave. Go back outside.

Meds making it [hard] to write. Can?t think. Time to go to sleep. [Need] to tell Karastee no shocks.
[hr]

[I]*Please note: Gheeta was a Shell Hutt negotiator on Circumtore during the time that Zuckuss had worked with the Bounty Hunters? Guild. ?Dr. Gawynn Karastee[/I]

[hr]

 

That sounds like my cat.

There was something in the news recently about the book Sybil. It was something about much of the book (which illustrated one of the most famous multiple personality cases) was fabricated. Not to say that the disorder does not exist. I find it very interesting. I do think a lot of psychiatrists jumped on the repressed memory bandwagon a little too quickly.

I had a college instructor say in class one day "There is no such thing as a false memory." She was suggesting that all these repressed memories had to be true. I raised my hand and told her that is absolutely not true. I had a few false memories. I found out later in my life that some of my earliest childhood memories were false. I remember almost drowning at the beach when I was a child. I remember every detail about the beach and the circumstances...but it happened to my bother a few months before I was born. I think my mom would tell that story to anybody who would listen for years. Somehow it became my memory and I didn't learn that it didn't happen to me until twenty something years later when I happened to mention it to my sisters.

The human mind is amazing. Interesting diary!

 

He is going through a lot

 

Indeed psychology is fascinating, I've been interested in it for years. One of my aunts has multiple personalities, and I've been around others with schizophrenia, and their behavior and mannerisms and tics have always intrigued me. Some aspects of the diary entries I've drawn on my own experiences with the mental health system (mainly with the medication side-effects that cause tremors, not fun at all), so this one so far has been quite interesting to write.

And Zuckuss has been through a lot even prior to his incarceration. Upon further review of canonical sources, I've been able to determine some of the symptomology of his conditions. Source material has described his multiple personalities in detail, but they really don't go into the schizophrenia, and some sources even confuse the two disorders (which is a common error in literature). While writing the diary, I method act and get into Zuckuss's head, try to think like him. When typing up the diary and posting it, I view it from Dr. Gawynn Karastee's clinical standpoint. I'm almost tempted to start adding a doctor's commentary at the end, rather than just notes about certain names and incidents that are mentioned throughout the course of writing the entries. It makes for an interesting mental exercise, that's for sure.

 

Anywho, updated.

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[image=http://img39.imageshack.us/img39/7397/cellextraction.jpg]

First month. 8th (?) day, 28 ABY

I don?t want to take my meds, so I stopped. The doctor was [very] unhappy. I don?t want to take the pills. They [take] things out of my head and [replace] them with other things. Take my thoughts. Replace them. So I conform to their diagnosis.

My head [I][illegible][/I] hurts. They called in the special response [team] and they extracted me from my cell. Stun shields. Bound my arms and legs. Called in [Dr.] Karastee to sedate me. They put me in a holding cell?the [Quiet] Room. Top-of-bed [restraints.] Then, when I was calm, Karastee injected my meds. I don?t want to take my meds. They do things to my head and they make me tired and I shake. They take things out of my head and put in new things.

On Circumtore, [during] the Oph Nar Dinnid* job, I realized things. They became clear to me. It will happen whether I allow it or not. The [hunt] for Solo happened badly. Fett destroyed 4-LOM. Fett destroyed 4-LOM. He destroyed 4-LOM and I could not fix him! I tried, but the memory banks were too fragmented. Fett destroyed 4-LOM.

Fett said that I wasn?t cut out for the bounty hunting trade. He used me as a patsy during the Solo hunt. A decoy. Made me say things to Bossk. Then I saw that Fett destroyed 4-LOM. I tried to destroy him. I tried to destroy Fett. Fett should be destroyed! Rotten lying cheating double-crossing pile of nerf [dung] should rot in the sarlacc, be eaten proper! Let the galaxy eat Fett.

[I][illegible][/I] Just as the galaxy has eaten me. Fett was right. Just didn?t cut it. Now the doctor [I][illegible][/I] has to force me to take my meds. I don?t want to take my meds. They inject them now. They pull my pants down and [inject] the meds. Strap me down in the [Quiet] Room and [I][illegible][/I] talk about using shocks.

Please don?t use shocks on me. I will take my meds. Don?t [use] shocks on me. No shocks. [Please] listen to [me]. I don?t want shocks. Please listen to me. No shocks.

Meds [make] it [hard] to [write]. No [I][illegible][/I] shocks. Please listen to me.

[hr]

[I]*Please note: Oph Nar Dinnid was a Lyunesi comm handler who was accused of larceny and summarily executed by the Shell Hutts. The ?job? that Zuckuss refers to was the mission that he had undertaken with several other bounty hunters to acquire Dinnid. ?Dr. Gawynn Karastee[/I]

[hr]

 

I was just checking out what earlybird was doing and if she has new fanfics, when I stumbled over your name. You are at the newbies party at times.

Then the name Bedlam caught my eye. It reminded me of an album title from James Blunt.

For the fun I started reading and now I am thrilled. MsLanna/ Etain knows that I like dark stories at times. Stuff like Stieg Larsson or Thomas Harris.

Can I be on your PM list?

PS: Love that illustration at the begin of the story.

 

He'd better take his meds if he doesn't want the shocks!

 

Great entry and you can see how confused he is

 

Whoops, forgot to dump in the corresponding sketch. Added now.

AzureAngel- Added to list.

After spending most of his career and life essentially unmedicated, Zuckuss had grown accustomed to how he perceived the galaxy. To have the symptoms suddenly vanish would be a shock; the galaxy wouldn't make much sense. If how you viewed the world and perceived information suddenly changed due to the administration of drugs, wouldn't you be confused and not want to take your meds? Aside from the annoying side-effects; antipsychotics are notorious for nasty side-effects.

 

That is indeed some pretty intense stuff; Zuckuss has every right to curse Fett's very existence (and how truly titanic a Gary Stu the rotten buckethead is). I really like your methodology for coming up with these entries; I just wing it and hope that my loose thoughts end up keeping the overall story straight.

That said, it would be interesting to see a doctor's analysis for each entry. Based on your earlier works, Dr. Karastee seems to have an interesting personality and those addenda might help to show her side of the story a bit.

 

Then add an addendum I shall, starting with this next entry that's two days behind the posting date.

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First month, 11th day, 28 ABY

Flimsiwork. I signed a lot of flimsiwork today, and [I][illegible][/I] reviewed and signed some more. [Annual] evaluation and all that. Dr. Karastee has me scheduled for a psych evaluation. I told her that I don?t want [shocks].

I have heard bad things. Bad things about the shocks. [I][illegible][/I] They make you different, change you. I don?t want shocks. They change you. Do bad things. I heard bad things and seen bad things. Gheeta?s [liquefied] corpse. Bossk eating his own father. I seen bad things. [Conspiracies] in the Guild. Bossk never found out. He would have killed [me] if he had.

Things happen whether I want them to or not. Meds making it hard to write. Very tired. Another inmate [threatened] to assault me in [the] shower. I don?t shower with the other inmates. The threat is only a [threat]. [It] won?t happen.

My head hurts. I should [sleep], getting hard to write. They didn?t give me time to [read] the [flimsiwork] I signed. Print too small, hard to read. What did I sign? I should ask to see what I signed. [Stuff] for psych eval, I think. What did I sign? It was a lot of flimsiwork. I don?t know what I signed. [Don?t] remember the meeting well.

Getting tired. Time to sleep. Side hurts from where meds injected. [Can?t] fight it. I can?t fight meds. [Just] can?t cut it. [I][illegible][/I] Just [didn?t] cut it. I [can?t] write well. I need to go to sleep. [What] did I sign? No [shocks]. I don?t remember.

[hr]

[I]Doctor?s note: As is evident by the increasingly disorganized thought patterns present in his entries, I had scheduled a psychiatric and medication evaluation for Zuckuss. He receives an annual evaluation in order for me to assess his cognitive and behavioral functioning, and to determine how his medication is working. As is evident by his increased confusion and withdrawal to past incidents, it is my opinion that Zuckuss would benefit from an adjustment in his medication and additional therapy options to prevent a total relapse. ?Dr. Gawynn Karastee[/I]

[hr]

 

I know how Zuckuss feels, the effects of new medication can be...troublesome. Especially psychotropic meds.

The addendum by Dr. Karastee was interesting. One wonders what sorts of 'alternative therapies' she means. Knowing your writing history, it could be anything...

 

He sure is confused and interesting adds from dr Karastee

 

I like the added doctor's notes. It clarifies what is going on with the patient.

 

Great that you show us this point of view and also her cool, medical comments.

I also wonder what alternatives she has in mind.

 

Very very interesting!

 

Thanks. I'm finding this one to be more interesting, as I'm allowing my thought pattern to be more on the rambling side, and I don't have a set storyline for this one. Having to step back after typing up each entry and go into psychologist mode for the doctor's addendum is a bit of a challenge, as while I've written Gawynn Karastee before, her characterization still needs some further solidifying. I'm basing her off of past therapists, which amounts to quite a wide and loose characterization. Hopefully through the course of this diary, I'll pin the doctor down a bit better.

Anywho, new entry! Freshly written last night before bed! And fan art, too!

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[image=http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/8236/treatmentdiscussion.jpg]

First month, 16th day, 28 ABY

Dr. Karastee spoke to me [I][illegible][/I] today. I was [right]. It will happen whether I want it to or not. Dr. Karastee spoke to me today, in-depth discussion, and gave me some material to read. She needed me to sign a consent for treatment. We discussed the shocks. She listened to my concerns.

It will happen whether I want it to or not. That was what I realized when meeting with the group on [Circumtore]. That [was] what I realized when Fett had me locked in one of his cells on the [I]Slave I[/I]. How did he think that cherade [I][sic][/I] was going to work? He is [I][illegible][/I] almost two meters tall. I am [u]barely[/u] a meter and a half! So he suits me up in his [I][illegible][/I] armor and thinks everyone will fall for it? The armor doesn?t even [u]FIT[/u]! Pretentious bastard.

I couldn?t protest as Fett had me bound and gagged proper. The helmet was [I][illegible][/I] awkward and [restricting] and the codpiece dug into my [I][illegible][/I] groin. The [gauntlets] slid all over and the [I][illegible][/I] armor didn?t fit. It was obvious, painfully so, that I wasn?t Fett. Yet, Bossk fell for it. Says [much] about Bossk?

It will happen whether I want it to or not.

Was that a [gunshot]?

Shakedown on another yard. Must be.

I should finish this. Meds making it hard to write. I signed the informed [consent] for treatment. Dr. Karate [understood] my [concerns] and gave me material to [read]. It will happen [whether] I want it [to] or not. I am still scared.

[hr]

[I]Doctor?s note: As was mentioned, I had discussed some treatment options with Zuckuss, including additional programs and the use of electroconvulsive therapy (the shocks, as he terms it). Such therapy is not a first line of treatment for schizophrenia, and to administer it requires the patient to sign an informed consent, and thus today?s meeting was spent discussing the matter. Zuckuss had expressed his concerns, based largely on the public suspicions of the often controversial treatment method. However, I had explained to him in great detail that a number of protocols are in place to ensure his safety and that ECT is only being considered because after three years of little to no success with drug therapy, and due to the constant derailment of his thought patterns, it is in my opinion that he would benefit in a shorter amount of time from ECT than he would from yet another course of drug therapy that could prove to be ineffectual. He will continue the current drug therapy, and continue cognitive and behavioral programming, but the usage of ECT should prevent a total relapse into a possible psychotic episode or even catatonia.[/I]

[I]I had provided Zuckuss with a large amount of material to read on his own time, including patient statements from those who have received ECT. I have asked him to focus his journaling on that, on how he feels about it, both prior and after the treatment. ?Dr. Gawynn Karastee[/I]

[hr]

 

That art is very touching.

Speaking of this entry, however, I can almost feel the undercurrent of nerd rage going on here. Taking a pulse of the earlier entries confirms this; Zuckuss is definitely the red-headed stepchild of the GFFA. Poor Gand, what did he do to deserve such abuse?

 

It is exciting to read a fanfic that has two story lines, two totally different point of views from two interesting characters.

You ask yourself here, what is real and what is not.