1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE


Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by GregMcP, Dec 11, 2019.

  1. GregMcP

    GregMcP Force Ghost star 5

    Jul 7, 2015
    When? I don't know. Long, long ago.
    Where? A lovely sandy beach.
    Who? A boy in training.

    (Edit. Version 1.1)


    The distant deep rumble filled the air.
    Out there, a hill of water rose and rose in the Great Sea until the forces of gravity would no longer allow the hill to maintain itself, and it all came crashing down. A long line of tumbling, splashing, foaming wave, up and down the coast. Crrrssshhh.
    The water bounced about as it rushed towards the shore, it’s chaos soon smoothing until the shallow waters were rushing up the pale sands. Ssssssss. Tumbling pebbles, and bits of seaweed and shell, and tiny silver fish barely the size of your pinky fingernail, with stripes of luminous red along their sides.

    The sea and the shells and the fish would rush for the top of the beach but, as always, the forces of gravity and the tide soon pulled them all back into the sea, as a new hill of water rose out in the ocean again. A rhythm played over and over for time immemorial.

    Chrrrshh rummmble sssssss…..

    A boy sat on the beach dressed only in a simple white loincloth and a conical broad brimmed hat made of grasses to protect from the sun. His toes wriggled into the sand a bit more each time the shallow waters rushed up around him. Toes enjoying the texture and the coolness. His deeply tanned back bent over as he looked into the waters rushing by.

    A tiny silver fish with a luminous red stripe wiggled up and seemed to fight the flow with a swish of its tail to stay at the boy’s feet.

    “Hello.” the boy said with a smile.
    He gently held his open hand a few inches over the water and the fish, but then the tidal forces quickly pulled the water and the fish away.
    “Be ready.” he said quietly to himself and held his hand out over the sand in preparation.

    The sea rushed in again, and there was a fish, again fighting the tide.
    He lifted his hand, and a thin stream of seawater swirled up out towards him. An inverse whirlpool. The tide pulled away, but the whirlpool bent and stretched then finally snapped it’s connection and bounced up into the boys hand. A floating ball of water containing a tiny silver fish with luminous red stripes, glinting in the sunlight.

    The boy smiled and sat back with his palm upraised and the ball of seawater floating above it.
    “Hello there little one.”
    The fish swam in little circles.

    His other hand fumbled with a crust of bread wrapped in a scrap of cloth. He rubbed the crust between thumb and index finger over the ball of water, dropping in tiny dots of food which floated on the surface for a moment, then drifted down into the ball.
    The fish zipped up to one and nibbled then zipped off to another, making for a goofy big toothed grin on the boy. He took a chunk of bread for himself and took a good solid bite.

    And so the two of them sat a while, eating and looking at each other contentedly.

    After a while he said “Very well, I’ll show you” to the fish as if continuing a silent conversation. He stood up carefully, trying not to shake the wobbling ball of water too much.
    “There… there is the sea. Your world. It goes on forever out there. One day you will have to show it to me. I have some lessons to learn before I can follow you. And this sand is the line between your world and mine. And there are the dunes and the trees, and way down there is my temple. That’s my home. One day when I can protect you better, I will take you there. Everyone will be so excited to meet you. But I need more practice.

    And look up… right up little one. That’s the sky, and that’s the sun, and beyond that is the entire Galaxy. More worlds and people and creatures than you can imagine. Maybe one day we can both go see them all.”

    The tiny fingernail of a fish seemed to look up at the entire Universe.

    The little ball of water began to drip. Their time together was running out, so the boy sat down again, and waited for the waters to rush up again.
    “See you tomorrow”, and with a plop, he dropped ball of water.

    The waters rushed back into the sea, and the boy pushed himself up and walked the sands back towards his temple, humming one of his Masters mantras.

    With a ssssssss, the waters rushed up the shore again, and a little silver fish with luminous red stripes swam up once more, but the boy was gone.
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2019
  2. divapilot

    divapilot Force Ghost star 4

    Nov 30, 2005
    What an intriguing little story! Your description is wonderful. Love the idea of the little fish looking skyward at the rest of the galaxy.
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  3. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Feb 27, 2014
    Ooh, this is off to an intriguing start! What evocative details of the setting: the rush of the waves, the way all the shells and rocks and animals move through them, those beautiful fish. Of course I am wondering where this is and who this young boy is: a version of Luke? Temiri Blagg (the "broom boy")? Someone else altogether? Ahch-To came to mind first as the location, but if there are dunes and trees... and I of course wonder if the temple is a clue, too. [face_thinking] Looking forward to seeing where this will go—and of course I'm always stoked to see you back and writing again. :)
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  4. GregMcP

    GregMcP Force Ghost star 5

    Jul 7, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2019
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  5. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Aug 31, 2004
    That was lovely--I could picture the lovely beach and the vivid colored fishes :) The boy is endearing & has a way with creatures. :* =D=
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2019
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  6. gizkaspice

    gizkaspice Force Ghost star 4

    Nov 27, 2013
    This is such a curious and original story! Nameless boy may be unknown to us, but you did a great job showing us his personality with his actions (kindness in feeding the fish, speaking to them, etc). And the image of the tiny fish looking up at the vast Universe--some very strong imagery here!
  7. GregMcP

    GregMcP Force Ghost star 5

    Jul 7, 2015
    A contribution to dear @WarmNyota_SweetAyesha 's challenge



    The boy sat on the rocks on the edge of the rock pool, knees up into his chin. He gazed down into the turquoise tinted water, watching a tiny circular anemone with its dozens of bright red tentacles gently swaying in the currents. Beside it a starfish with long spiked purple legs slide along the sand almost invisibly slowly. White pippi shells clung in clusters about the rocks. Inside the darkness of a crevasse hid a crustacean with a single large orange claw. It’s eyestalks sometimes poking out of the shadows to look up at the lad.

    The safe little world of the rock pool with all the contented creatures living with it’s salty waters.
    “I wish everything could stay this simple. I wish I could sit here with you every day. Hide away in the rocks like you do.”

    A way down the beach, a crowd milled, all looking at him. Elders and Youngers. Some in simple loin cloths suitable for the warm ocean air and sea spray, some wrapped in their green Temple sari-sari robes, and one, the High Washami, stood at the front with his fat belly covered in the most formal green robes, all decorated with bright shells of ancient ritual significance. They were all waiting for the boy. They waited for him to make the decision that they all expected of him.

    An orange claw poked out from the crevasse in the rock pool.

    “Hello.” the boy smiled at the crab.

    It scuttled out, clacking it’s single large claw.

    “They want me to leave. All of them.” the boy sighed. To have so many of the Temple’s eyes on him was unnerving. These were meant to be solitary moments. Just sitting alone with the crabs and the fish. He let his feet dangle in the cool water, causing ripples. His toes lightly touched the sand on the floor of the rock pool. The starfish twisted it’s legs to slowly slide across the sand towards his feet.

    “Am I such a poor student? Am I so hated that they all want me gone?” He sighed again. “They want me to fly away to who knows where, with a creature that calls herself ‘Jedi’? What if she tries to eat me? Maybe they are sending me because I’m the tastiest. What if the people of her world hate me too? What if I’m all alone and I can’t come home? What if there is no beach to live on? No fish? No sea?”

    And there she was. The Jedi.

    “She’s not going to leave me alone.”

    The crowd from the Temple parted like the waves for the Jedi. She strode down the sand, moving closer to the water to allow her toes to get wet, and finally reaching the rocks. Tall, with skin the deep green of seaweed. Hair… was it hair?... that waved like the tendrils of an anemone. The large glossy black eyes of a shark. Large white teeth like, well, like his. And a confident stride unlike anyone who lived in the Temple.

    She stepped carefully over the rocks, her feet avoiding the sharp edges and the spiky limpets.

    “What a lovely place.” said the Jedi. She squatted down on the other side of the pool, her black eyes looking into the water.
    “Look at this lovely little creature.” The Jedi waved her long flexible fingers over the water. Below, a small anemone of a rather startling blue lazily waved it’s tentacles upwards towards her.

    The Jedi gave a large toothed smile. “I can see why you come here. It reminds me of my young tadpole days. When I was just this small.” She showed the boy her thumb and finger a few inches apart. “All tentacles and flippers and no brains, as my mother used to say. I’d swim in the rock shallows with the crytpicans and dolsifish in the seaweed. Just paddling my days away. No worries. No responsibilities.”

    She looked at the boy with those unblinking black eyes. “I am Jedi Master Eilen Gynt. And what might be your name?”

    The boy was quiet for a moment. Master Eilen felt his discomfort in her tendrils.

    “So.” said the boy.

    “So?” asked Master Eilen.

    “I am So.”

    “Well I am very honoured to meet you So. Your elders speak quite highly of you. They say you have a natural talent.”

    “They think I am weird because I talk to fish.” said So. He looked down into the pool.

    “Do you really talk to them?” asked the Jedi.

    “Well, sometimes they don’t want to talk.” So looked at the starfish crawling up his leg. “But this one is always friendly.”
    “Hey. Come here.” he said to the starfish.
    Pulling his hand back like a fisherman who has a catch on his rod, the little suckers on each starfish leg began to pop off until the tip of one leg held fast. The final sucker gave way, and the starfish floated up to the surface, and then a bubble of water containing the starfish popped out of the surface and floated up into the air until it was at level before the boy.

    “Hello Starfish”

    Master Eilen examined the boy’s face. “Was that difficult for you? Hmmm.” Did that tire him? Did he look stressed by that effort? “No. I think you did that naturally. Hmm. Your Elders might be right this time.”

    “Can you do more?” She asked.

    “You want to see more fish?”
    As his left hand moved to keep the starfish afloat in the air, he gracefully waved the fingers of this right. Three more bubbles of water popped out of the rockpool, one containing a long, many legged purple crustation, another a little silver fish, and finally a white coiled pippi shell. With an orchestral wave, So directed the four balls of water to float over and bob about in front of the Jedi.

    So nodded, “Yes. I will ask the anemone lady.” as if talking to someone not present.
    “Starfish asked if you are from the Nightstars above.”

    “The Nightstars?”

    “You know. From the stars at night. When they come near. When you arrived.”

    The Jedi pondered a moment, considering whether she should give a lecture in cosmology.

    “I suppose so. Yes. I was born on a planet around one of those stars.” It was time for Jedi Master Eilen Gynt to wave her own slender green fingers over the floating balls of water. The starfish’s ball glided to the center of the rockpool, with gently cartwheeling legs. Another gentle sweep of her hand, and the silverfish slid over. A little spin of a finger, and the silverfish planet began to orbit the starfish.

    “This is my beautiful home called Glee Anslem. Lovely green oceans. Long white reefs, just full of delightful creatures such as these.” With another hand sweep, the crustation floated into orbit. “Let’s call this fellow the planet Melacon. Oh, and you little Whiteshell. You can be...” More hand gestures. “There you go. The planet Ramitrix. And that’s my home system.”

    So realised that the crowd from the Temple had moved close to the rocks and were watching the two of them, some open mouthed in awe. They were expecting so much from him.

    “I swam in the green seas of my home, all tentacles and flippers, swimming along amongst schools of Goldfins. Chasing the Redlip Blennies. Simple days those. I miss them.” The Jedi went quiet for a moment, filled with memories. The watery planets slowed in their orbits.

    “But there is more to the Galaxy. I was called to a greater purpose.” The Jedi brought herself back to the present day, and the planets picked up their pace.

    So pulled his legs out of the pool, sending ripples and splashes across the surface.
    “And now you have a Greater Purpose for me, I guess.”

    “Well, one day a ship landed on an island near me. A ship not unlike mine, but older of course.” The Jedi decided that So wouldn’t be interested in the exact make and model of her shuttle. “And, yes, there was a Jedi. A Mon Cala called Lek Oki. The Mon Cala… they are a people of the sea too. Just, well, a different type of fish entirely. Perhaps you will meet him some day. And sitting there on the island’s sand, he told me, and then eventually he showed me, just how huge and wonderful the Galaxy is.”

    The Jedi stood up, adjusted her legs and arm out to form her own dramatic star. Her tentacles waved in the air as if floating in the water. And the air buzzed with energy as if before a thunderstorm. The crowd was wide eyed. They felt it too.

    And with a Woosh! A thousand droplets of water flew into the air.

    “The Galaxy!” yelled the Jedi. “The whole wonderful, huge, amazing Galaxy! Millions of stars and planets!”
    The air was filled with water drops swirling about.
    “They are all out there waiting for you, So! Great seas, and the forests and deserts and jungles. And the sky scraping cities filled with billions of people! Billions! By the Force! Oh my!”

    So grinned with his big goofy teeth, caught up in the enormity of the vision. He raised his own hands high in the air.
    With the swirling of his own hands along with a shake of his whole body, he turned the watery Galaxy into a whirlpool of water droplets, spinning around and around, and rising up into the air so high. A rainbow of color dazzled through the droplets as the watching crowd cried out Ohh’s and Ahh’s. The High Washami hummed the mantra of praise for the wonders of the Sea and Air.

    “The Galaxy needs you, So!” The Jedi called. “We need you!”

    So jumped about, wrapped up in the joy of this creation. This Jedi. She understood what he was capable of. Finally someone understood.

    “We can teach you things you never thought possible! I can show you places and people and wonders beyond your imagination.”

    “Show me everything.” said So and held his hands out to the side. Palms outward, fingers upward. His stance in command of all nature.

    “Stop! Shhhaaa.” he commanded.

    And the spinning ceased. The droplets fell down and spread out into a flat plane, serene and still. Sparkling. In the middle sat the little water Solar System of Glee Anslem, with it’s Starfish shining at the center of it all. The Galaxy at peace.

    “Oh you will be a magnificent Jedi.” said Master Eilen. “Together we will protect the Galaxy!”

    “Protect the Galaxy!” repeated So.

    “Fight Evil!” cried the Jedi.

    So stopped. The water droplets fell into the water. The Starfish landed with a plop, and floated down to the sand.

    “How?” asked So.

    “How?” asked the Jedi back.

    “How do we fight?”

    The Jedi put her hand on her side and detached what seemed to be a short metal stick from her belt. As she brought it upwards, the stick let out a loud buzz and whoosh unlike anything So had heard before, and an intense yellow beam of light shot forth.

    “With the elegant weapon of the Jedi."

    Vvvwoom. Whup-whup. Vvvvvv... The Jedi swished the incredibly bright light around herself. Vvvvummm… It was like a stick from a bonfire, leaving the trace of it’s path burned in your eyes for a moment, but far brighter. Far more intense. A spray from the ocean touched it and sizzled. The very air seemed to vibrate in fear around it.

    The blade was concentrated violence.

    “This is my lightsaber.” The Jedi pointed it at So. She was obviously proud of it, and of her skill wielding it. She couldn’t help but give it a quick circular woosh for the sheer drama. It’s purpose was to burn and kill with a touch. So was sure of this.

    “In your training you will build your own. A Jedi’s relationship with their lightsaber is deep and unique.”

    “I will have one of these blades of my own?” asked So.

    “Oh yes. Your lightsaber will be your most valued possession. A lightsaber is an expression of who a Jedi is.”

    “And I will use it to Fight for the Galaxy.” he stated, understanding what was expected of him.

    The Jedi nodded. “This is our purpose. To fight evil. To clear away the Dark and defend the Innocent.”

    The glowing blade sizzled and crackled. With one strike So was sure this Jedi could kill him, if she wished. With a single swoosh.

    “You have hurt people with this blade.” Again, So made a statement. He was not asking a question.

    “Evil must be fought. Sometimes this is what we must do.”

    “And you have killed.”

    The expression on the Jedi’s became serious. “Yes. I have.”

    “You have killed many. More than you can remember.”

    A moment. A sigh from the Jedi.


    Jedi Master Eilen Gynt let her lightsaber disappear back into its handle. Once again, it’s violent energy was hidden.

    There seemed nothing else to be said.
    So sat down and looked into the rock pool, making sure that no one had been hurt by all the wild flying about in water bubbles. “I’m sorry. No. I won't do that again.” he reassured Starfish.

    It was over. The Jedi knew that trying to justify who should live and who deserved to die would serve no purpose.

    “Very well. May the Force be with you, So.”

    The Jedi gave a simple bow, and walked off the rocks. The crowd scurried aside to give her plenty of space, and off she strode towards the Temple, where her starship lay waiting.

    The crowd, So’s companions and Elders, his friends and his family, scampered up onto the rocks. They were all chattering about the sights they had seen, and what they might mean. The High Washami, with his fat belly and fat cheeks, stepped up to So.

    “Come here my boy.” said the High Washami.

    And gave him a big fat hug.
  8. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Aug 31, 2004
    Excellent as he contemplates choices and makes a final decision
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  9. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One star 6

    Aug 21, 2006
    a lovely story with So making his choices
  10. Seldes_Katne

    Seldes_Katne Force Ghost star 3

    Mar 18, 2002
    Two ocean stories well worth a read. The beach is a favorite place. :)

    You set an interesting contrast between So and his people -- he has abilities that they don't understand, and no one to train him. Fortunately, So seems intent mostly on benevolent uses of his talent: communing with the sea life, developing his gifts, and just generally enjoying his life. Although you've not given a time frame, I wonder where this story would fall in the GFFA eras.

    Also, your second story raises the interesting question of what does happen when the Jedi find someone old enough to decide for themselves whether to join the order or not, and what happens when they refuse. In So's case, I can see him becoming a local leader (shamen?) on his planet, but that's because he seems pretty non-agressive and willing to learn about the world. It might be different were his personality more angry or ambitious.

    Regardless of questions, I enjoyed this exploration of So and his world.
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  11. GregMcP

    GregMcP Force Ghost star 5

    Jul 7, 2015
    I sort of regret the second story.

    I liked the simplicity of the first. It didn't need any more, and I'm not entirely happy with where I took it. So, shrug.
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  12. Findswoman

    Findswoman Fanfic and Pancakes and Waffles Mod (in Pink) star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Feb 27, 2014
    I am just now seeing the second story for the first time, and I enjoyed it very much! I read it as its own story, separate from the first. It puts a whole different spin on the issue of choosing whether or not to join the Jedi order. Given So’s connection to the sea and its life, it’s interesting that the Jedi master in this story is a Nautolan, a marine being herself—and yet there is enough about her that’s so starkly different from the sea life that So knows that even that is not enough to convince him that the Jedi life is for him, the lightsaber being the clincher, of course. But he clearly has his own very strong connection to what we would call the Force, and as Seldes notes, there surely will be other ways for him to use that power even while staying among his own people and close to his own sea. No wonder the High Washami is proud of him! Another wonderfully keen, close character vignette; thanks as always for sharing. =D=
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  13. Theodore Hawkwood

    Theodore Hawkwood Jedi Master star 2

    Jun 17, 2014
    I absolutely dig the imagery pertaining to waves and coastlines here. And the way you describe crashing waves against a coastline with sounds like Crrrssshhh is an interesting choice.

    I also like the imagery of seaweed and shell, and small fish.

    The imagery of a tranquil beach and the rhythm of the shoreline just come alive here.

    Excellent work.
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