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Saga Yub Yub, Chancellor," A Wraith Squadron/SW Prequel VS Response

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by SnubJockey, Jun 14, 2013.

  1. SnubJockey

    SnubJockey Jedi Master star 1

    Jan 23, 2009
    Pure glorious crackfic and a response to a versus question on another board, "What would happen if Wraith Squadron was transported back to the Prequel Era and had to stop Palpatine.

    I wrote it for fun. Maybe it should go here as well.


    In an abandoned warehouse in one of the seedier factory districts, there was a flash of light, and around eighty sentient beings appeared around a table. Few were over the age of thirty, all were in their physical prime, some didn’t recognize each other, but and they all turned to face their nominal leader, one Wedge Antilles, as he smacked his forehead and grumbled,

    “If this is some kind of Jedi thing, I’m going to kill Luke.”

    One of the younger women looked at him and cocked her head incredulously, “Dad?

    The Commander of Rogue Squadron, founder of the Wraiths, and a hardened combat veteran looked at the young woman, saw a resemblance, and managed to get out an

    “er…” before the room dissolved into a cacophony of enthusiastic greetings, introductions and catching-ups, made more jubilant by the fact that several members of the gathering had died over the years.

    Bhindi Drayson, Runt, Falynn and Estoric Sandskimmer, Jesmin Ackbar, Castin Donn, “Grinder” Thri’ag and Ton Phanan were back among the living. Face had a manic grin on his face as he went over to envelop his wingmate in a bone-crushing hug.

    Wedge cringed. He was thirty years old, and he had been physically displaced with members of a Squadron he had just founded, some of whom hadn’t been born yet, he had at least one daughter, and the worst comedy duo this side of the janitor’s closet had been reunited.

    There was even a Wookie.

    That was when he noticed the datapad on the table next to credit vouchers totaling over 500 million Republic Credits.

    The datapad listed the date as a week before Chancellor Palpatine would purge the Jedi and declare the Empire.

    Figuring out what had happened took approximately ten standard minutes.
    Plotting the downfall of the present Chancellor Palpatine took an even thirty.

    Wes Janson (grinning diabolically,) put it best: “You don’t understand. This is going to be really, really fun.”

    Suddenly all the past, present and formerly deceased Wraiths smiled. Existential crisis or not, they had a job to do.

    And somewhere a chill went down Chancellor Palpatine’s spine. He couldn’t explain it.

    There were, however, priorities.

    Figuring out who was related to who took an entertaining couple of hours as Jesmin Tainer explained to Jesmin Ackbar how she got her name, and got to meet her parents at the same age she was while Myri Antilles told Wedge just who he would end up marrying.

    An excursion to Mykrr took a day.
    Getting the Jedi to trust them took another day, when Jedi Knights Tyria and Jesmin Tainer visited Master Windu with a condensed history of the last/next twenty years, and a plan of action.

    He smiled, and Palpatine’s sense of impending something became more acute.

    Arranging for the Jedi start gradually "disappearing" or "perishing in combat" happened immediately.

    Two days before Order 66, a new "Pirate" group showed up on the fringes of the Clone Wars, and captured three Separatist Naval Vessels to house “dead” Jedi Knights and the younglings who had been smuggled out of the Jedi Temple. It paid to have good slicers when going up against battledroids.

    Designing and ordering stuffed Ewoks in bulk for the young Jedi took three days.

    Chancellor Palpatine was having a strange week. With all of the Jedi dying suddenly on missions and disappearing from the Force, it should have been good, but somehow he had a strange feeling of impending doom.
    His enemies were falling at his feet, without needing to maneuver them into deathtraps.

    Palpatine didn’t trust it, and he was gratified to notice that something was wrong with his office. More specifically, with his Chancellorial chair next to the viewport.

    There was a stuffed toy ursoid about half his height sitting in it, wearing a fetching leather hood. It was adorable.
    Then its eyes lit up, and a pre-recorded message in an annoying voice played, “Yub yub, Chancellor!”
    He shot a burst of Sith Lightning at it, planning to cook it into a burned crisp for some stress relief.

    The toy exploded, blowing out the viewport and sending Palpatine tumbling back, rear over caf-kettle.

    His guardsmen ran toward the newly-open space to no avail. Each was immediately shot in the head by a high-powered laser rifle.

    That was when he noticed the cargo speeder that had appeared twenty meters outside his office had over a hundred Jedi masters in it. He then noticed that most of them had been "Presumed Dead" days earlier. Anakin Skywalker was nowhere to be seen.

    Without a word, they ignited their blades and leapt across the gap.

    Palpatine backed away, and tried to summon his hidden lightsaber from a Sith statue on a nearby shelf, but his Force Powers would not avail him.

    This was bad. He ran for the door, only for it to open onto several humans, a Twi’lek and a Gamorrean all armed with flechette rifles, and wearing strange lizards mounted on odd backpack frames.

    Palpatine smiled as he grabbed his second backup plan, a force pike hidden by the door, only to be surprised as the Gammorean pelted towards him faster than he would have thought possible, parried the blow with his rifle, and hit Palpatine in the face with the weapon's stock.

    As everything went black, Palpatine could have sworn he heard the Gamorrean speak the same phrase that had started this mess, in slightly mechanical tones.

    “Yub Yub, Chancellor.”

  2. Katana_Sundancer

    Katana_Sundancer Jedi Master star 4

    Aug 13, 2009
    Oh man, that was hilarious! Oh, the Wraiths. The Wraiths, fixing everything in one fell swoop. Love it.

    =D= Bravo!
    Kahara likes this.
  3. mavjade

    mavjade Former Manager star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 10, 2005
    [face_laugh] That was really funny!
    I love the Wraiths, and to see them go against Palpy was great!
    Good job!

    (FYI, I'm going to change the prefix for this to Saga since it takes place within the movies)
    Kahara likes this.
  4. SnubJockey

    SnubJockey Jedi Master star 1

    Jan 23, 2009
    Glad you liked it! My bad - I keep unconsciously thinking of the OT alone as "The Saga." I'm youngish, but I guess that makes me pretty old-school.
    Kahara likes this.
  5. Thumper09

    Thumper09 Force Ghost star 4

    Dec 9, 2001
    LOL, that was a fun romp. :) All of Palpatine's scheming and plans and manipulation couldn't ever factor in the Wraiths. Heck, I doubt the Wraiths themselves could factor in the Wraiths.

    I do kinda wonder how Mace Windu managed to stay sane while working with them... :p
    Kahara likes this.
  6. imiller

    imiller Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Apr 26, 2004
    This makes me remember just how much I love the Wraith trilogy, SoA, and Mercy Kill. Like I needed another reread :( :)
    Kahara likes this.
  7. zark

    zark Jedi Master star 4

    Feb 23, 2009
    He is a little high-strung isn't he?
  8. Jade_Pilot

    Jade_Pilot Jedi Master star 5

    Dec 10, 2005
    A day with a Wraith squadron ff is a good day! :D
    Kahara likes this.
  9. Force Smuggler

    Force Smuggler Force Ghost star 7

    Sep 2, 2012
    That was great!
    Kahara likes this.
  10. Kahara

    Kahara Chosen One star 4

    Mar 3, 2001
    Wraiths for the win![face_rofl]
  11. Jabari

    Jabari Jedi Master star 1

    Jun 25, 2007
    Hilarious! I love it!
    Kahara likes this.