Beyond "Brute" (Coruscant's Fall/NJO)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by _Tenel_Ka_, Mar 16, 2003.

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  1. _Tenel_Ka_ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 11, 2001
    star 4
    Disclaimer: I don't own it. Because then it would resemble a three-ring circus with X-wings. :D Lyrics by KMFDM (Kein Murheit Fur Die Mitleid = No Pity For the Majority) the best band in the world. :D

    AN: Right. Well. I should probably mention that this has a cliff-hanger... But if you really hate me for it, perhaps I can be persuaded to write a sequel. [face_devil]


    Between the liquor, the bed, and the noise in my head,
    Between your mind and my crime
    And me and the grime


    Death shall have no dominion.

    I hated the words, mostly because intuition, combined with my natural pessimism, told me they were lies. Death was more abundant than life at the moment.

    My lungs were burning and sweat ran in warm, salty trickles down the sides of my face, my neck, my back and my chest. The shoes that had been clean and new not so long ago were stained and ripped, and the feet within were aching excruciatingly from the determined torture I had been pacing them through the past few days. Skin and muscles seemed numbed beyond the point of feeling pain. My stomach growled from four days without food.

    The air was dank and felt like gaseous dirt against my skin. The noxious fumes of millennia of vehicle exhaust and the inhabitation of billions of individuals choked my throat and nostrils, while the hazy gloom of late afternoon filtered weakly through the holes in the floorboards.

    Between the gun, the lead and the lies that I said,
    Through your sweet breath comes the dawn of my death


    But as much as every molecule of me craved to sink to the floor of that rotted, abandoned corridor, I had to keep going.

    "Saunya," I whispered silently to myself, "What did you get yourself into now?"

    No one answered, of course, and I would have doubted my sanity if someone had, but the dark, echoing silence was malicious, and not at all reassuring. With my own words repeating through my head, I plunged on, cradling the ancient blaster with a mostly drained power pack in the crook of my arm. I had never imagined myself to be a good shot when I was at school, but I had never had the necessity back then.
    Back then...

    Cut these eyes
    And I will see
    Kiss these lying lips for me
    Stroke this skin
    And I will kneel
    Brutalize me
    I will heal.



    Before Coruscant was invaded. Before I made the stupid decision to go back for my diary. Before the ship carrying my three brothers, mother, father, uncle and grandmother was dashed to a thousands flaming bits of wreckage from a kamikaze coralskipper. Before the Vong ground troops caught up with me?

    I?d been running from them for a week now. I must have been born under a good star, because a great deal of luck and a little bit of skill had kept them from finding me. The desecrated little hallway was my temporary refuge from their vicious hunters.
    I slumped against the wall and slid slowly down it, my back pressed into the duracrete, thinking.

    Before the Vong attacked Coruscant, there hadn?t ever been danger in my life. Fear yes, but for the trivial things. Whether I would pass a school exam, whether my brother was scaring off my boyfriend, whether one of my friends was talking behind my back to someone more popular and pretty than me? Everything that?s so completely everyday, irrelevant, oblivious and uncomplex. Then the world was set on fire, the sky aflame and my life shattering into bits with the shuttle. And in those few short hours, I became a grown-up. In fact, I think I became suddenly more grown-up than many grown-ups I know. There was life, death and existing in the phase between the two. There was survival in a ruthless, driving, unstoppable force that consumed me.

    Because I very much wanted to live.

    I just wasn?t sure how yet.

    Between the bullet and my lip
    And the lies you let slip
    Between the dirt of this soul
    And your heart that?s a hole.


    I don?t know how long I sat gazing up at the rusted ceiling, watch tiny rays of sunlight stream through the holes in the metal. It was rich and golden, caressing my
  2. lordmaul13 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 2000
    star 4
    It has a cliffie? I didn't notice. :p

    No I don't hate you for it. But I do harbor a strong dislike. :p

    Just kidding.

    Great job. I would love to see you go on with it.

    lordmaul13

    Edit: I cnat' spel.
  3. Saber-of-Light Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    excellent viggie, TK! Sequel? [face_pleading]
  4. flying_fishi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2002
    star 6
    Great vignette, TK :D It well portrays the hopelessness of the fall.

    I love how you ended it, with the girl resigned to her fate.

    Very, very nice.
  5. LadyMairead Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 20, 2002
    star 4
    *sighs* Oh dear, how melancholy. Lovely viggie, your description was beautiful as always.

    Death shall have no dominion.

    I hated the words, mostly because intuition, combined with my natural pessimism, told me they were lies. Death was more abundant than life at the moment.


    Wonderful lines, they struck me right at the beginning and set the tone of hopelessness perfectly. I also like how she died at the end. I know that sounds awful, but life isn't always happy, and I think we tend to avoid that fact in fanfic sometimes. An interesting look into a few moments of a seemingly insignificant girl's life, who was snuffed out, apparently with no one the wiser. Sad, and very thought-provoking.

    P.S. I love the Oscar Wilde quote in your sig! [face_laugh]
  6. _Tenel_Ka_ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 11, 2001
    star 4
    lordmaul13: Thank-you very much! :D I'll see what I can do about the strong dislike. :p

    Saber: :D Thanks! ;) I'll continue it.... After I finish the next post for Glycerine. :D

    flying_fishi: Always appreciate a fishi review. :D I hope you like the next part as well.

    LadyMairead: Aw, thanks! Don't worry, the next part has an equally profound ending. *rolls-eyes* Nah, but I hope you like it too.

    So yes, I'll just post a little part II to this thing in the next few days, if you're interested.

    EDIT: Yup, that is definitely the best Oscar Wilde quote ever. :D
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