Saga Desperatio-Angst right after ESB

Title: Desperatio
Author: Pelly-Welly
Timeframe: right after ESB
Characters: Luke Skywalker
Genre: angst (o my!)
Summary: Luke?s thoughts just after ESB.
Notes: O my..how did I end up writing about Luke Skywalker? Heh.
Disclaimer: George, he?s yours. The poem is 100% mine though.

To the reader: No, I didn?t spell ?desperation? wrong, desperatio is Latin for desperation. (according to the dictionary)
Please note that I've never written about Luke Skywalker before. I've tried my very best to keep him in character. Please don't flame, I just felt like trying this.
I know it's short.

Desperatio

Desperatio
black cloud
no light
I?m sinking,
drowning,
in black light.
Desperatio,
eats me alive.
Fighting,
I?ll never reach
the light.
I am sinking,
drowning.

Just a few days ago, I was just Luke Skywalker, Jedi-to-be and pilot.
Now, I don?t know what I am. Or who I am. Or why I?m still here.
It?s funny how a few seconds can change your life forever. It?s also funny how easy the human mind can be broken.
I thought I knew it all. I thought I could do it all.
But I was wrong. I was so very wrong. They were all wrong. All, except one.
My father.
All my life, I?ve dreamed about my father. He?d play games with me, take me to see things and he?d always make sure I was safe.
How very wrong I was.

And Ben..he lied to me. They all lied to me. It?s their fault! If they?d have told me, I?d still be Luke Skywalker, instead of?
Instead of what?
Instead of?who?
Because I?ve lost something there. Something? More than one thing.

I?ve lost my innocence.
I?ve lost my hand.
I?ve lost the father I?ve always dreamed of.

But most important, I?ve lost myself.
I don?t deserve friends: I?m a monster. How can they still love me? How can I tell them? How can I tell them that I am?
Darth Vader?s son.

But that?s not what I am! I will never be like him. Like..my father. Or maybe I will?
Why didn't I take his hand? I am a monster, I deserve death. I came back. I came back to poison my friends with my presence. I see their looks. They're worried. About me. About a monster.
I don't deserve their concern. I wish I could tell them. But I can't. I'll never be able to tell them the truth.
The truth.
He told me the truth. Why didn't you tell me, Ben? Did you think I was too weak to take it? Or were you afraid I'd strike you down? Were you afraid to see the truth?
Were you a coward?

No. The only coward here is me. I came back. I don't even dare to tell them. I can pretend. I can pretend that everything is allright.
But I know the truth. Darth Vader, my father, told me the truth.

He ripped my life apart.
He took my innocence away.
He took my hand away

How can I still call him my father? What kind of father would do these things to his child? Why do I call him father?
Do I want to be with him? Is that what I want? Am I such a monster?

Who I really am? I don?t know anymore. But I will find out, I?m sure.

 

Wow, Pelly!

This is just incredible! Such a beautiful, heartwrenching look into Luke's thoughts after Bespin. I imagine this is exactly what he was thinking and feeling at that time--so unsure about himself, afraid to tell anyone, and just heartsick over Vader's revelation.

Anyway, it's a lovely piece! You should write Luke more often. You portrayed him very well!

Kristeh

 

Oh, excellent viggie! You capture Luke's confusion, anger and sadness so well.

I?ve lost the father I?ve always dreamed of.

Loved it. I think this one line cut right to the heart of the matter perfectly.

 

Pelly-Welly, It's amazing! Great!

keep the good work

 

Oh Pelly.... I don't have words!!! See?? I told you this was going to be great!!! And, indeed, it's great!!

It's so powerful.. oh my!!! Loved it! Very, very well done

 

Excellent Job. You portrayed Luke's feelings very well. Luke thinking himself not worthy of his friends and considering himself a monster, heartbreaking. I am just glad that we know everything turns out fine in the end. Write more Luke fics in the future please!

 

I like it! Poor Luke. Good story.

 

I am very glad you all liked it. I was afraid to post it, because, as I said, I've never written about Luke before (not in a serious way, that is), and I wondered if I could keep him in character.

kristeh: If someone like you says so.. Thanks! I must say your stories inspired me. .

Gina: Thanks! It's weird: that line was the first one that popped into my head, and then the story sort of came out aswell. (I wrote the poem a long time ago though)

luthyen: Thanks My loyal reader, lol

LaYa_: Thanks! And also thanks for telling me to post it, that helped

JediVegeta: Thanks *blushes* I'll see if I write more Luke stuff. The whole angst genre is new to me, since I'd rather make people laugh, than make them cry..

Dally: Thanks Let's all hug Luke shall we?

 

Wow, that was sweet! After that, you only want to give Luke a really big hug and tell him that everything is all right - that was a really great look into his mind!!

 

Oh, wow! This is a really powerful, really moving vignette. Poor Luke. You've done an awesome job, Pelly-Welly.

 

Awesome job! You've done a great job with one of my favorite moments in Luke's life. BRAVO!

 

All you people make me blush Thanks! This was an experiment (sp?), and it seems it was a good one .

Csillan_girl: Master! *runs and tackles* *hug* Thanks! Yeah *sniffle* let's hug him. (cruel joke, to me, Darth Vader means Darth Father, lol..the "Vader is dutch for father" thing).

amidalachick: Thanks Really makes us wanna kill Palpatine, huh?

VaderLVR64: Thanks so much for reading&reviewing. Your stories (along with Kristeh's and the ones I'm forgetting now thanks to the long schoolday) inspired me. Ah, if only things could have been different. *sighs*

 

This was really great! I like anything with Luke in it, but this was really well done.

 

Wow! that's pretty much all i can say, WOW! That fic was totally amazing. How sad and beautiful! Really i have to give you tons of props for this fic, i mean really wonderful. I just love how you really go into how terrible Luke must have been feeling right then. I'm totally impressed.

Take care!

 

That was so sad! Poor Luke

I think you've done a wonderful job portraying Luke's feelings.. I don't know how to explain... but, while I was reading, I had a lump in my throat... I could feel his agony, his sadness.. his anger, for being who he is.

It's really great, you should write more stories like this one

 

Hi everybody.

MY-T-Chewbacca: Thanks!

lukeskywalkerJM: Wow, thanks! Very nice of you

VadersMiharu: Thank you And, *shameless plug* I have more angsty stories, see my bio.