EUCNN: Always on.

Discussion in 'EU Community' started by farraday, Jun 2, 2001.

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  1. Fire_Ice_Death Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2001
    star 7
    LoL, nicely done, sorry if I haven't been Online in awhile.
  2. Rogue1-and-a-half Manager Emeritus who is writing his masterpiece

    Member Since:
    Nov 2, 2000
    star 8
    LOL! That was hilarious. Funny thing is I do have terrible allergies. I really am always doped up on something.
  3. eaglejedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 2, 2001
    star 5
    Actually, GAJ, you don't pound the whole planet to dust, you just fry the surface... And you need an Imperator-class Star Destroyer... do you have one?
  4. Rogue1-and-a-half Manager Emeritus who is writing his masterpiece

    Member Since:
    Nov 2, 2000
    star 8
    RH: Good evening, this is Rogue1-and-a-half, special correspondant inside the bowels of the Expanded Universe Defence Force. I'm here tonight with Jedi Merkurian.

    JM: Hello.

    RH: So, tell me, Merk, how long have you been on the boards?

    JM: Well, I've actually been here for a little over a year now.

    RH: Well, great and a lot of that time was spent as a part of the EUDF wasn't it?

    JM: Yes, it was as a matter of fact.

    RH: Now, Commodore Ganner is on a leave of absence for a short time. Isn't it true that he left you in charge?

    JM: Yes, my rank is actually D-Comm. . .

    RH: Sounds like some kind of pesticide.

    JM: Which means Deputy Commodore.

    RH: Ah, so you love the EUDF don't you?

    JM: Of course.

    RH: You'd do anything for it wouldn't you?

    JM: Well . . .

    RH: Even kill for it?

    JM: What?

    RH: Never mind. We'll come back to that. Do you ever wish that you had started the EUDF?

    JM: Well, it would have been neat if I had been the one, yes.

    RH: But Ganner beat you to the punch didn't he? So you hate him don't you?

    JM . . .

    RH: DON'T YOU??

    JM: Half, listen . . .

    RH: Isn't it true that Ganner never left? You killed him didn't you? So you could take his place?

    JM: That is absolutely ludicrous. I don't have to take this.

    RH: You hired Rouge Null to pop a cap in his tail, didn't you?

    JM: No!

    RH: Just so you could be in control?

    JM: No!

    RH: You disgust me!

    JM: Hey, I'm innocent . . .

    RH: Then what about these documents I have here?

    JM: Before you show those documents, I'd just like to say that I know where you live, my friend.

    RH: Huh?

    JM: You heard me. And you're doing a great job as Delta's squad leader. You might find a little extra in your pay envelope this month.

    RH: These documents probably aren't that important.

    JM: You're a good man.

    Announcer: Tune in next time when we'll again shine our light into the underbelly of the EUDF.

  5. Rouge Null Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 24, 2000
    star 5
    So RH, can I see those documents? My... employer... needs me to make sure you get it- I mean he gets them. See Merk, told you I could save you the money.

    OH ****!
  6. Kwenn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2001
    star 5
    Ahh! Murder in the EUDF!!! Agh! Agh!
    *Jumps out of window*
    "Kwenn, it's not real!"
    *Leaps back into room throught broken window*
    Whew! The EUDF is safe!
    Or is it?, yes. Yes it is.
  7. GrandAdmiralJello Comms Admin + Moderator Communitatis Litterarumque

    Member Since:
    Nov 28, 2000
    star 10
    I seem to be missing something... This thread used to be humorous. Now its repetitive.

    And yes, that is what I ment. I do have an ISD.

    Back to my original topic... I for one, want to see some original news. Or at least some interviews that don't end up exactly like all the other ones.

    I hope you people don't put a price on my head for being dissenting.
  8. Rouge Null Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 24, 2000
    star 5
    Okay, so the contract is for five million on GAJ. I'll set one of my assassins right on it mr. farraday.
  9. Master-Omaj-Kadub Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 22, 2000
    star 4

    This question was poised to me by one of our padawan....

    Has the EUCNN done a report on how many Clubs and groups there are in the EU???
  10. Fire_Ice_Death Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2001
    star 7
    As a spokesperson for farraday(okay so Im not really) but really he has given me a statement. He said at the time that we aren't considering it.
  11. Lord Bane Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    May 26, 1999
    star 5
    While thinking of dying ideas, I happened upon a small news station...
  12. Fire_Ice_Death Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2001
    star 7
    farraday has chosen to let this one falter, or so it seems. ?[face_plain]
  13. KansasNavy Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2001
    star 4
    KN: Hello, I am KansasNavy. I have returned from my business venture in Iraq selling...uh, Beanie Babies.
    Tonight, I have an interview with the lovable ex-Chancellor Fire_Ice_Death. Welcome Fire_Ice_Death.
    FID: Hyello there.
    KN: Right. Our first question is a question that has been bugging many members of the EUC. What does it take to make someone quit just like that?
    FID: Well, it took a combination of things. First; I had too much work to do that I was slowly having my soul eaten by the Devil within me. Second; I am allergic to cats. La-
    KN: Excuse me. Cats, you say? Why didn't you just rid youself of them? Use an air rifle!
    FID: Hmmm...oops. Last; I was having my first...uh...period.
    KN: Oh...but your a m-
    FID: I know! I know! Next question!
    KN: So what are you doing currently?
    FID: I've set up a school for people without any common sense.
    KN: That's kind of ridiculous, Who would pay for-oh, wait, I see. Clever.
    FID: You bet.
    KN: So what do you do in your spare time?
    FID: I like to work on computers and play pranks on delivery boys.
    KN: HA-HA-HA! Who doesn't!
    FID: I know! This one time, I-I sprayed him with a squirt gun! AAA-HA-HA-HA! Oh, boy, did I get my ass kicked...
    KN: Sounds
    FID: Uh-huh.
    KN: So what's your favorite breath of air.
    FID: Gee...I gues it would be the one that gets me to the next.
    KN: Good to know. Tune in next time when we interview one of my favorite guests: a Senor Castro. Good night, and have fun.


  14. Fire_Ice_Death Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2001
    star 7
    Nice, remember, Im your superior officer in the HC. :p LOL j/k
  15. Wildwookiee Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2001
    star 4
    Good morning all, this is WW with today's report on things that are going on in my immediate vicenity...

    well, I'm here with Wildwookiee today and I'm asking him what he is doing...right now.

    "well WW, I am afraid that since it is 1:51 in the morning, there isn't anything going on right now"

    And there you have it folks, staight from the man himself...there is nothing going on in Kansas right now. And back to you KN
  16. Ben_Solo Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Mar 6, 2001
    star 3
    Very good and funny report KN.
  17. barnsthefatjedi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 17, 2001
    star 5
    Breathe thread! LIVE! Why has farraday abandoned thee in your hour of need? :_|
  18. KansasNavy Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2001
    star 4
    Hello. I'm KansasNavy. Tongiht was supposed to feature President Castro, but due to a party for Elian Whoever, he is no mood. So our guest now will be...uh...him.

    points to person walking by window

    That guy: Ben_Solo.

    B_S: Who? ME! Cool. I got to hurry, though, I have to get some milk.
    KN: This shouldn't take long.
    B_S: Wow, this is cool.
    KN: Right. Tell me; how does it feel to be second-in-command of the Hater Community? Especially since the leader is an egomaniac, yet is your friend.
    B_S: Well, I personally don't like it. But that's the way the ball bounces. Right?
    KN: No.
    B_S: What are you saying?
    KN: I'm supposed to be asking the questions. Is that clear? So you're-
    B_S: NO! I got to know; what-
    KN: What did I just tell you!? I ask the questions!
    B_S: What ar-
    KN: Can you not understand me!? No questions! So you're a member of the RotJDF. What do you do there?
    B_S: I defend the bloody movie you moron! Earlier, you said that the ball does not bounce that way. What did you mean
    KN: Ignorant... I guess I'll go ahead and answer that question. I meant if I were you, I would go for the top. Why be a grand admiral when you could be the emperor, right?
    B_S: I'm intrigued. How should I go about it?
    KN: Stop with the questions. Ugh. You should convince him he's hooked on phonics, and check him into a mental health facility. That's what EUCNN did to Shedao15 after he caused all that trouble.
    B_S: How do I do this unoticed?
    KN: UGH!!! Fine. Last question. Here's what we do-
    B_S: We?
    KN: Yes. Im also in the HC. Id like to gain from this, too.
    B_S: All right.
    KN: So we contaminate some of his...milk with some motor oil. We'll persuade him to think he was contaminated with plague. Then we-
    B_S: I thought you said we were going to convince him he's hooked on phonics?
    KN: I'm getting to that.

    Both realize camera's still on

    B_S: Umm...yes...that is a good recipe for...M&Ms.
    KN: Yeah...this is KansasNavy reporting. Good night everyone.


    Editorial: Ben-Solo's initials are funny...
  19. Wildwookiee Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2001
    star 4
    (hey I want to get into this as well)... I have a whole can of spraypaint flavored jello that we could use.
  20. Jarik Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 21, 2000
    star 4
    Oh my god. This is hilarious. I especially liked the 1 with the panel of genghis, Yanksfan, barnsthefatjedi, and padawan716.

    It's great.
  21. Ben_Solo Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Mar 6, 2001
    star 3
    A few points for you Kansas.
    1. As FID put it, i am your superior in the HC.
    2. I am not a Grand Admiral, but a Supreme Grand Admiral. evil laugh [face_devil]
    3. I dont have any intentions of over throwing barns.

    Other wise a very amusing report, especially the milk idea. I have saved that for later. [face_mischief]
  22. KansasNavy Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2001
    star 4
  23. Ben_Solo Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Mar 6, 2001
    star 3
    Dont take that tone of voice with me! [face_mischief]
  24. KansasNavy Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2001
    star 4
    Hi. I am KansasNavy. Tomorrow will be my birthday, and in honor of that, we will have my best moments. I will take the day off tomorrow, so this will have to be it.

    Some of my favorite moments were at the Chancellor debates:


    -KN:Chancellor, I listened very carefully to the Emperor's remarks, and I honestly do not believe he messed with the EU Senate. Now, FID...


    Some of my guests were also great people to talk to. Especially Fidel Castro...


    FC: Cool! I was thinking about joining the Discussion Forums, but Cuba don't run itself.
    KN: I bet it doesn't. Whar movie do you like best?
    FC: I'd have to say The Empire Strikes Back. The best part is when the Imperials destroy the shield generator. HAHAHA!!
    KN: HA! Mine too! We have so much in common.
    FC: You ain't so bad yourself.
    KN: Ahhh...really?
    FC: Yes. Do you like Dr. Pepper?
    KN: Yeah
    FC: Do you like nachos?
    KN: You bet!
    FC: Do you like football?
    KN: Who doesn't!?
    FC: How would you like to come watch football with me; and eat nachos; while drinking Dr. Pepper?
    KN: AH YES!!! Thank you very much.


    Though, most of my guests were a bit stuborn...

    KN: So you've commited murder?
    S15: What makes you think that?
    KN: The guard outside your cell told me.
    S15: Oh? I'll make sure that doesn't happen again.
    Steven Spielberg
    KN: No, you?re the right man. Now answer my question!
    SS: Don?t take this too hard, but I didn?t create the Star Wars Universe.
    KN: You gotta be-
    SS: No, no. It?s true. I made E.T., Jurassic Park, Saving Private Ryan, and A.I.
    KN: ...Can?t say I?ve heard of them.
    SS: They?re fairly popular.
    KN: ...
    SS: ...
    KN: Are you sure?
    SS: positive.
    KN: ...
    SS: ...
    KN: So what?s your
    SS: It would have to be the nimbostratus clouds.
    KN: Care to enlighten?
    SS: No. Lets just leave it like that.
    KN: Hello
    Sf: Im gonna tell you right now, I don't like you.
    KN: That goes for me too.
    Sf: Good
    KN: Fine
    Sf: Than it's settled
    KN: Er...why do you think it's funny to mock other threads in this community?
    Sf: Simple; it's funny! Moron...
    KN: We don't need to-
    Sf: Listen here, the only reason I'm doing this is because you promised to wash mow my lawn.
    KN: Okay. Okay.
    Sf: And you guys like to mock other people.
    KN: True.
    Sf: Ohh! I get it now! You're just gonna twist what I say and make fun of me!
    KN: ...
    KN: You look thin. Are they feeding you anything?
    zs: Last shipment was eaten by some Wooly Mammoths.
    KN: I thought they were extinct?
    zs: Then what was that ate my food? Was it a helicopter? Hmmmm...
    Regis Philbman
    KN: What does this have to do with Star Wars, Mr. Philbman?
    RP: Is that your final answer?
    KN: W-what are you-
    RP: Don't interupt me, son. Well anyway, we keep on driving and see that bus again. So...I start honking to get that ambulance out of the road!


    Sometimes, I even faced death face to face...

    KN: I was there for about an hour, until farraday tried to get the free candy out of it, and discovered me below all of it. Unfortunately, his hands were stuck below it now, and the Skittles in his mouth while he screamed for help only resulted in a comical laugh from the rest of the staff. Not until twenty minutes later and a games of charades, did they figure it out.
    KN: Say I was a Jedi-
    S15: You're a JEEDAI!?
    KN: No. NO!! I didn't say that!
    Shedao15 throws his chair at KN. 2 guards come in and beat him into submission
    Steven Spielberg
    SS: What!? You told me you just wanted to meet me! Whe-where?s the camera!
    KN: O-over there.
    KN runs out of studio when SS isn?t loo
  25. barnsthefatjedi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 17, 2001
    star 5
    Happy Birthday, Kansas [face_devil]

    Any attempts to claim my throne will result in your deaths! MUHUHUHUHUHHUHAAAAAA!!! [face_devil] :p
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