EUCNN: Always on.

LOL at everyone

 

OH God! I can't belive this!


*************

On a sadder note, today the EUCNN has been informed that the body of farraday has been found in a ditch just outside of an undiclosed Correlian city. reportedly the body had a note on it reading, "I told you to pay me. Now that you have recieved a dose pf my skills, we're even"

The note was signed RN.

 

Why do the good always die young?

<wipes away tears>

 

Is it me, or has every anchor/correspondent been killed at LEAST once?

 

No, just those with news of any value. And the post never actually said that farraday was dead. Smells like a cover-up...

 

Chief party correspondent KansasNavy here. Today, I went undercover as the alias of bOb at one of the admin's parties. What I was was disturbing; shocking and terrible at the same time pathetic. The worst came when I began talking to Gen. Madine's Hairpiece. Here's what happened:

KN: Hairpiece, how you doi'n? Good party, aye?
GMH: Oh, you bet! This is GREAT! Hey, you wanna play a game?
KN: Uhh...I guess.
GMH: Okay, here we go. You try and hit the apple off of my head. Use that slingshot.
KN: Ready...fire!

*KN shoots a rock into GMH's eye*

GMH: AHHHH! OAHH! Ah you cross-eyed jerk. You gone'd hit me in da eye! Put that slingshot away and try something else.
KN: Umm...will this crossbow do?
GMH: Uh-huh.

*KN fires an arrow into GMH's shoulder*

UHHHH! Oaaahh... You inbred b******, you almost 'ade me spill my beer. Here; aim with my 357 Magnum.
KN: I'm not sure-
GMH: Do it!
KN: Ohhh...okay.

*KN fires, blowing away apple*

GMH: Hey! Good shot! I bet you can't do that again.

*KN fires, blowing away beer bottle*

GMH: EEEK! The piece in my eye aren't so bad; but THAT was my last cold beer! All right. Last time.

*KN pulls out rocket launcher*

GMH: Wh-what're you doi'n with that.

*KN fires rocket, hits apple, and goes on to destroy the bathroom*

GMH: Wow! Dhat was pretty cool. Try that again, huh? 2-for-2.

*KN fires rocket, hitting the apple, and goes on out the window blowing up a truck*

GMH: ...That was my brand new truck. Soon as I pick this shrapnel out of my ass, I am gonna give you such a whoop'n. Hey, where you goi'n. I'm talki'n to you boy!

 

Some folks'll never eat a skunk and then again some folks'll, like GMH, the slack-jaw yokel

 

NEWS FLASH! NEWS FLASH!


Today the EUCNN has been informed that it was not the body of farraday that was recovered, but the corpse of one of the admins, no names have been disclosed.

In unrelated news, a mysterious figure has been seen lurking aound outside the EUCNN building trying to get interviewed by someone. Rumors havve it that it is Timothy Zahn, acknowledged God of all things EU.

 

*EUCNN staff drop water baloons from the roof onto Zahn*

 

Controversial Point #1: The media is so liberal.

 

Hello. This is chief gameshow correspondent KansasNavy here with a special interview. I got a chance to sit down with Regis Philbman and talk Star Wars.

KN: Hello. How are you?
RP: Fine. Fine. I'm glad I get a chance to talk to you.
KN: Thank you. So...what do you like about Star Wars?
RP: OH! Don't get me started! The ships and the force and the Imperials-it's just amazing! AMAZING!
KN: Yes. It is a-
RP: I love the way Han and Leia fall for each other. Terrific I tell ya! It reminded me of a time when me and Kathy went out -this was a couple of years ago, mind you - to a dinenr party, and we got stuck in this traffic! Well, you GUESSED IT!! A bus had turned over, killing three senior citizens! Well, Kathy and I were so upset, that we decided to take a little detour down Rodeo Drive!
KN: We're kind of-
RP: Guess who we spotted!
KN: I really don't-
RP: That's RIGHT!!! Jay Leno had crashed his car RIGHT into the same resturant we were going to. So we had to go see some movie called-what was it called Kansas?
KN: Uhh...this really...'Star Wars: Special Edition'.
RP: WRONG!!! It was the movie 'Pocahontas'. Actually, we didn't see that movie. We thought about seeing-
KN: What does this have to with Star Wars, Mr. Philbman?
RP: Is that your final answer?
KN: W-what are you-
RP: Don't interupt me, son. Well anyway, we keep on driving and see that bus again. So...I start honking to get that ambulance out of the road!
KN: You know what?
RP: How am I supposed to know-
KN: SHUT UP!!! Just, shut up! You just need to listen to other people for a change, man!
RP: What!? Alls I ask for is a little respect, two TV shows, and a few ties. Come on...

fade

 

LOL! This entire thread is continuing it's tradition of total excellence. All the posts are hilarious.

 

LOL This thread is absolutly hilarious!!!

 

Next: A special report- what are the reporters at EUCNN "Always On"? Find out, after these messages.

 

And, more importantly, where can you, the consumer, get some?

Stay tuned.

 

And now for the EUCNN front desk.


fdy:Hello, this week in the senate Chancellor FID announced he will not be running for reelection. He sited health problems and a need to get some lovin' as his reasons. Since the tragic death of his cat fluffy the chancellor has not introduced any new legislation nor done anything not worthy.
Foriegn Minister barnsthefatjedi was morose over the nes, reportedly screaming "It's about time".

The EUDF's lateast blunder the "stealth thread" designed to sneak into PSA and support EU speculation was shot down over the Sci-fi 3d forum. Search efforts are on the way but are being hampered by weather conditions and natives throwing digitally enhanced spears.
The crew of four is missing presumed banned.

In other news the YVMF has discovered a new rare type of daisy. They are optimistic that with this they will finally be able to crush the jedi and "make that crud we eat taste better".

There was a small fire at Hans deli, while no one was hurt several Yankees were so shaken up they dropped two to the Braves.
In related news Yanksfan was talked off the ledge of the Hater Community by Ben_Solo. Using such encuraging words as "Go ahead and do it, no one likes you anyways" he was able to refocus her attentions. The doctors report that Ben_SOlo is in stable condition and is doing "really well now that we've removed the foot up his arse".

Finally there is a poll open about the British Prime ministers...please ignore it as it is obviously an unwanted intrusion of "Real" life into our beloved EUC.

And thats the news as I see it.

 

Today it has been reported to our trustworthy anchor KN, that Zahn is suing the EUCNN for all its worth. Fortunately for the staff of EUCNN, we are worthless. The apparent reason for the lawsuit, a waterballoon dropped from ten-floors up and the refusal of the EUCNN to acknowledge his alleged God-hood.

In other news Rouge Null has been arrested on charges of assassinating an admin, and shoving an above-average piccolo player up farraday's rear orifice. He was in a daze as the arrest occured, apparently hopped up on yohoo and pure sugar.

 

The suit by Timothy Zahn against EUCNN has been dropped mysteriously. Zahn is author of the interesting Cobra trilogy, the brilliantly plotted Blackcollar duology, and his upcoming Young Adult novel, entitled Angel Mass, which promises to be a wonderful, exciting story for readers of all ages. Due out in November, at bookstore near you.

 

In other news, Genghis12 was arrested for beating up Zahn and calling him a "No talent idiot, Hambley could write better than you if we cut both her arms off, and forced her to write with her feet"

Zahn was not injured, because, surprisingly, Genghis12 punches like my sister.

In other, other news, 100% of people polled say that Lord Bane should get a haircut, and 90% say that farraday should get a bikini wax. 50% say that Darth Duck is the greatest, and the other 50% say barnsthefatjedi is.

more on this never.

 

In other news, the YVMF reports being rather angered by the obviously editorial slant given to the earlier story about the daisy. Here with us to give us his viewpoint is Shedeao15, head gardener.

So, Shedeao15, hey what the heck is that? Get away! AWAY, I TELL YOU!!!! SECURITYYYYY!!!!!


On a sadder note, our head anchor person was found impaled on a rubber snake. The death has been ruled accidental.

 

LOL. Not quite ROTFLMAO standards, but these posts certainly stir up an audiable chuckle. Your God is satisfied for now.

KNEEL!!!

 

I was waiting for that!


*********************

Today it was discovered that not only is barnsthefatjedi not a god, he isn't even human! It turns out that barns is a mass of ants that have learned to make themselves look like, and talk like a human. When confronted barns disintegrated into millions of ants and scurried away. The ant that gave "barns" his god complex was stomped by KN, who was the confronting reporter.

 

Infidel! How dare you compare me to a swarm of vermin! This blasphemy will not be tolerated!

Sends plague of ants at Rouge Null

















Adjusts straight jacket

 

Null squashes all the ants and laughs as he injects barns with a powerful sedative.

"No need to be grumpy you nut job. That's all I need, a god who's pissed at me!"

 

In other news, Rouge Null and barnsthefatjedi have been committed to the "Assylum", there they will receive round the clock care, and padded rooms, with pillows. barns wil be treated for his "God" complex, and Rouge will be treated for undisclosed reasons.

In election 2001 news, Darth_Duck Rocks