Saga Even Jedi Cry. Drama AU Author note added 121411

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Valairy Scot, Apr 21, 2009.

Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    BB has dug himself into a bottomless pit by the sounds of it. It won?t be a great loss if BB meets his maker.[face_laugh]


    The viper in their bosom, the means to an end and a balance caused by the eradication of Qui-Gon Jinn?s soul through the devastation of his padawan?s soul.
    Is he having second thoughts,[face_thinking] I certainly hope he does have a heart and doesn?t let anyone destroy Obi-Wan.


    If he had any chance, by Force any chance at all with her ? he had to give up this mad idea of revenge, of using Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker to get at Qui-Gon Jinn. He had chosen his path out of weakness. It was time to choose another path, one with her at his side.

    Now he is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. But has he left it too late to have her at his side. She may not forgive him his sins.

    The plot thickens.:cool:


  2. The_Zeltron Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 29, 2010
    star 6
    Wow, quite an update, Val![face_hypnotized]:D Or should I say, couple of updates. I'm sorry I missed reviewing the chapter before this one.[:D] Anyway, there's so much going on! I can't wait to find out what the boss decides! And BB is sick! Please don't let him get Obi-Wan![face_praying]

    Great, as always, Val! Can't wait for more! Thanks for the PMs![:D]
  3. Valiowk Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2000
    star 6
    Before getting to the heavy parts, let me first note that I would be quite interested in seeing Count Dooku in those robes adorning him [face_devil] (although I would probably be strangled by Dooku first if he were to know of this :p ).

    This part simply broke my heart. :_| This is the difference between an honourable person like Qui-Gon, who is careful not to further harm an already hurt heart, and he who played with Shmi's heart many years ago...

    Hm, I can't help but wonder whether this customer will turn out to be somebody we know... :confused:

    BB as hunter... [face_sick] I certainly hope BB doesn't get many more chances to wreak evil! [face_praying]

    Now I'm utterly confused - The Boss, not Sids, is supposedly Anakin's father? :confused: The plot just thickened considerably...

    I'm actually beginning to feel some pity for The Boss - although he must earn his own redemption, if he desires it. [face_not_talking]

    Great chapter - loved all the new twists and revelations! =D=
  4. serendipityaey Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 24, 2004
    star 4
    I love how you write Dooku, really enjoying it, and it makes me believe they really squandered Christopher Lee's talent in the movies [face_plain]



    And the Jedi. Strong, powerful, exuding a powerful masculine charm that evaporated her barriers ? why, her heart beat just a bit faster to think of him, to remember the feel of his hands upon her skin. She had sworn long ago not to let her heart lead her except when it came to her son, but then he had touched her and stirred it to life, a flickering flame that had needed the tenderness freely offered. She shivered, remembering his arms around her, his lips against her hair, his breath warm on her neck.

    One night of tenderness after so many years without: she had not thought to question such a gift. Sometimes there was no why, just time that transcended such things.



    Looooooooooooove this [face_love]


    Can't wait to see more of Obi-Wan... When does he get his lightsaber out? I want to see that confidence back! O:)
  5. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 6
    obimom And chilling. BB-quite insane, and the Boss has a heart after all, or he's just rediscovering it. BB is going after Obi-Wan...Oh no! Yes, yes, and ? oh oh!:eek:

    Charie I?m glad you like this Dooku. I wasn?t really sure how I wanted to play him for the longest time.

    Cade_Cryocharger? as well as the fact that the 'bad guy' really has a heart that exists. Maybe you are removing all the layers he had wrapped around it for so long, revealing what he had almost forgotten. Ah, yes ? there has been a lot of hidden layers in this story and I've finally gotten to the point of starting to unravel them.

    earlybird-obi-wan BB is stalking his prey; he wants a trophy on his metaphorical wall.

    gkilkenny It won?t be a great loss if BB meets his maker. I think his maker might flee?

    The_Zeltron You?ll see in the next chapter after this next one just how insane BB has become.

    Valiowk This part simply broke my heart. This is the difference between an honourable person like Qui-Gon, who is careful not to further harm an already hurt heart, and he who played with Shmi's heart many years ago... See :D I?m not 100% torturing Qui by turning him into an evil, mean, nasty man. Because he's not, no matter how he appears.

    Now I'm utterly confused - The Boss, not Sids, is supposedly Anakin's father? I'm actually beginning to feel some pity for The Boss - although he must earn his own redemption, if he desires it. Welllll, The Boss is convinced he?s Ani?s dad. :oops: Shmi says it?s The Force. That belief may ultimately be something that leads The Boss to at least straddle the line between good and evil ?so far, he?s tilted rather far to evil though he's been of the belief that he's balanced his evil with his genuine acts of goodness.

    serendipityaey When does he get his lightsaber out? Considering the stories I?ve been writing lately ? ah, you don?t want to know![face_blush]

  6. serendipityaey Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 24, 2004
    star 4
    I think all that romance went to my head [face_love]
  7. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 6
    serendiptyaey: Ah, but all that romance was a nice change from all the angst of this story. I needed that change of tone, and I think it might even have freed me up a bit on this story.

    Warning once again: some disturbing imagery ahead. And less dire, I am not an action writer. I hope this comes across as somewhat passable. I tried to block out some of the moves with my, ahem, decorative teddy bear [face_blush] (the cat did not want to cooperate in this endeavor).




    Chapter 59. Confronting One?s Past


    It had been a long time since Obi-Wan had done, literally, nothing.

    Lying on his back, one arm shading his eyes from the sun, he emptied his mind of all thoughts ? no worries about the future, no worrying about the moment?.

    Schwat!

    He sat up in shock ? that had sounded disturbingly like ? schwat! Something whizzed past him just as he cocked his head. Blaster bolts? Here? Who could be so careless? ?Hey, watch it, there?s someone here!? he roared.

    And careless it seemed to be, for the warning worked.

    Who would be shooting in the estate? There was nothing to poach; it was too close to the house for target shooting. No roving gang of criminals, he was pretty sure, even finding a smile for the thought, outlandish as it was. Serenno boasted a very low crime rate.

    Obi-Wan stood; then bent over to brush his knees, an action that may have saved his life.

    Schwat!

    Stumbling in shock, Obi-Wan dropped and all but burrowed in the ground and slithered in what he hoped was a safe direction.

    Another blaster bolt tore through a leaf not a hand span from his cheek, shredded reobi peppering him with sticky juice. Another narrowly missed his leg. One quick breath and he bounded to his feet, weaving towards the shelter of a copse of trees. Bolts missed him time and again. It wasn?t luck, Obi-Wan realized, but deliberate. Whoever was shooting at him was not ? at least, not yet ? trying to harm him, but horrify him.

    ?Master Dooku,? he pushed a call out into the Force, hoping the Force would reach the Jedi master. He could not feel the Force, but the Force was around him, he had been told. He had a Force presence that he was not capable of hiding; if the assailant was a Force user, he could not merely hide.

    He might not even be able to escape.

    It was likely he would have to fight.

    His fingers fumbled for his lightsaber and found ? nothing. His was at the bottom of a shaft in Naboo. All right, then, he would have to fight without it. He could do it; he had been one of the best of his age group at hand-to-hand in the Temple. But first he would have to lure the shooter in range.

    ?Oh, sweet Force,? he murmured, knowing this was not going to be easy. Somehow, he didn?t fancy being an unarmed target.

    ?Hold on, Kenobi, I?ve got your back,? A voice shouted from somewhere behind and to Obi-Wan?s side; with a quick swivel of his head he glimpsed a lightsaber at the ready, inactivated as yet, though not the person wielding it. Another Jedi on Serenno?

    ?Thank the Force,? he murmured for the miracle.

    A moment later, his world went dark.


    **


    Dooku?s senses were prickling long before he arrived at the Seat, compounded of a vague need that scratched at his sense of imminent danger that he should go back, that young Kenobi was about to need a defender as well as a pulsating urge to hasten forward, that someone was already in need. It was an unpleasant tug and the Force itself seemed conflicted ? but on one thing he and the Force agreed, what had happened was ahead and what was to happen was behind.

    Yet what harm could a young Jedi get into that he could not get out of?

    The boy seemed to have no predilection for tinkering with machinery; a pastime that could conceivably lead to pinched fingers or electrical shocks, but nothing worse.

    Overdoing physical activity might well wear him out; his body was still recovering its strength. Lazing in the sun, ?communing with nature? might redden pale skin
  8. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Ah! the action is intensifying, and Obi-Wan did what any self respecting person would do under the circumstances.

    Keep running Obi-Wan until you find help. In his present condition he is no match for that giggling fool BB.

    I presume it is him that attacked Obi-Wan.:eek:

  9. Lolly_Tolly Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 2008
    star 4
    Run, run as fast as you can, and hope that BB's not the ginger bread man!

    This is a great story. I've been tracking it for a while. :D Can't wait 'til next time.
  10. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Run Obi:eek:and keep on running until you are with Dooku.

    Great action and BB? Let Dooku kill him
  11. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    Wonderful, Val, That was wonderful! You pulled it together so beautifully and effectively. BB is truly insane, The kiss was chilling, and what left behind for Dooku to find was so creepy. I can't wait till you continue this next time.
    =D=

    Oh, and Qui-Gon sensed Obi-Wan's danger? If so, he didn't recognize it though, he turned it to concerns about poor Ani being picked on.:rolleyes:
  12. charie Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2007
    star 2
    Woohoo!!! Don't make us wait for more pleeeease?![face_praying]
  13. Valiowk Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2000
    star 6
    Great action-packed chapter, Valairy! =D= You had me holding my breath the entire time hoping that Obi-Wan wouldn't get hurt! Hope Dooku is able to meet up with Obi-Wan soon after tending to the other victim... [face_praying]

    (temporarily ignoring Obi-Wan's precarious situation [face_blush]) Awww. [face_love]

    I have to admit, I was really worried for Obi-Wan before you revealed that he was trying to lure his assailant into a false sense of security before tackling him. Even then, Obi-Wan's in no state for an actual battle - running for his life is indeed probably the wisest course of action at this point! [face_worried]

    Hope Obi-Wan doesn't sustain any more long-term injuries as a result of this attack! [face_praying]
  14. Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 25, 2006
    star 5
    Very exciting, and I think your action staging with the bear worked! I love seeing Dooku, Qui-Gon, and Obi-Wan in the fic all at the same time.

    So, I'm sick of being behind. Would any one of Val's fans care to give me a crash course so I can keep up with the rest of you all? E-chocolates to the awesome one... Please? I'll read it in bits and pieces but I want to be following along. Just enough so I'm not utterly clueless?
  15. serendipityaey Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 24, 2004
    star 4
    Well, he doesn't even have his lightsaber! But this is exactly what I wanted! I thought the action was fantastically written, but I'm no expert:D Liked seeing Obi-Wan fight. Loved this chapter, great job.
  16. The1stJediPrincess Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2010
    star 2
    Wow! Very well done. It was exciting and I was on the edge of my seat. More please.
  17. Raxacoricofallapatorius Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2010
    star 1
    I'm hoping our Obi doesn't get seriously hurt, but I guess it would be all right if it helped him somehow. [face_blush]


    I like how you dubbed it 'strategic retreat'. :D Does that mean he is going to put something on the end of his battle plan, maybe bringing BB to Dooku? Assuming, of course, the Count trusts his instincts.

    I'm dying for more. [face_hypnotized]
  18. The_Zeltron Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 29, 2010
    star 6
    Sorry I took so long reviewing. I thought I'd reviewed a while ago.[face_blush] Anyway, great chap, as always!=D= I can't wait to see what happens next!:D

    Thanks for the PM, Val!:D And I hope you get better soon.[:D]
  19. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 6
    gkilkenny Keep running Obi-Wan until you find help. In his present condition he is no match for that giggling fool BB. Oh, you might be surprised.[face_talk_hand]

    Lolly_Tolly Hey, long time no see! Hi!!

    earlybird-obi-wan Can BB even be killed? [face_thinking]

    obimom and Qui-Gon sensed Obi-Wan's danger? If so, he didn't recognize it though, he turned it to concerns about poor Ani being picked on. There?s hope for Qui-Gon yet. The Force keeps trying to chip away at him.

    charie Not too long, I hope.

    Valiowk Even then, Obi-Wan's in no state for an actual battle - running for his life is indeed probably the wisest course of action at this point! But is he fast enough, or Dooku close enough?[face_thinking]

    Luna_NightshadeThe bear didn?t seem to mind. Much. The cat would?ve ? and he has sharp teeth and claws, the little monster a/k/a cuddlebunny on HIS terms, if he deigns to grant affection.

    serendipityaey Liked seeing Obi-Wan fight. Then you should like this next chapter.

    The1stJediPrincess I was on the edge of my seat. Don?t fall off! :eek: Then again, it wasn?t falling off a chair that led to my current issue.

    Cade_Cryocharger I'm hoping our Obi doesn't get seriously hurt, but I guess it would be all right if it helped him somehow. Good Force, hasn?t the poor man been hurt enough?

    Does that mean he is going to put something on the end of his battle plan, maybe bringing BB to Dooku? Right now his game plan is survival.

    The_ZeltronThanks!

    For those who don?t know, I fell and fractured my left wrist ? my left ski slipped while going uphill and I landed on my wrist ? hard. It?s a ?fracture of the distal end of radius? and I?m forced to 1 handed hunt & peck typing (hit and run typing :( ) ? that is torture for a touch typist AND 1 who types all day at her job.

    I can?t yet say how this will impact my writing ? I?m not quite as frustrated typing as I was at first but it is pretty discouraging.:p

    I'm sure this chapter could still use some tweaking, but Obimom's bribes (threats [face_whistling] of additional harm[face_laugh] )were effective.

    WARNING: last of the disturbing images ahead.




    Chapter 60. Implementing a Defense


    Jedi Master Dooku hid his mounting impatience well. The wounded legalitor had been carted off to the medical center not long before, conscious enough to witness Dooku?s formal renunciation of the title.

    The dead female, identified as the legalitor?s business partner by the reception droid - found deactivated and undamaged in a corner - was carted off to await formal identification and whatever rites her family saw fit.

    The reception droid fussed and muttered, but no one paid it any attention. Its only contribution was the few seconds scan in its memory banks of a man?s entry and a woman?s surprised voice: ?You?re not the ? what are you doing to our droid??

    Then nothing.

    Dooku had no wish to see the details of what transpired next, but it would have been helpful to have it recorded. The visitor, almost certainly the killer, had been male, broad-shouldered and moderately tall.

    And dressed like a Jedi.

    The true Jedi, he, was not dressed as a Jedi. That seemed to confuse the constabulary droids, hence the wait for the supervising inspector and a connection to the Jedi Temple to verify his identity. Had it been other circumstances, he was sure Yoda and Mace both would have found the situation amusing.

    Like him, however, they were brief and to the point.

    There were only two Jedi known to be on Serenno and one was in front of them, Mace declared. The other? Sensing the line of inquiry immediately, Mace pulled up a hologram scan of Obi-Wan from the personnel files to compare against the droid?s all too brief view. Bulk could be faked, height enhanced, but certain biometrics could not.

    The constabulary was satisfied. An
  20. Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 25, 2006
    star 5
    Eeeeek! [face_worried]

    You and your cliffies! From that I'm assuming Obi-Wan is a goner, but with your cliffies one never can tell. The descriptions were so fast-paced and exciting, too.

    Looking forward to figuring out more about this BB character.
  21. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    VAL!!! :eek: You left it there??? But..but...

    Agh!!!:eek: :_|

    Oh, BTW,..you brought all this together brilliantly! =D=

    Any you took BB's shrine way further than even I imagined...good job with that..it really shows the sick obsession of a man gone completely insane.

    Hope Dooku makes it there in time...Oh save our Obi!!!

    :_|

    And poor Obi has to deal with that awful assault...[face_worried]

    Wonderful!! Glad my bribes helped..:D
  22. charie Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2007
    star 2
    Very Exciting!!!! I was on te end of my seat! I still am! More? :D Sorry about your wrist. Get well soon.[:D]
  23. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    I loved the part where 'the boss' is coming round to the light somewhat. He sees what he has done and his heart is fighting to be heard. He has created a monster and now we know that Anakin is just a pawn nothing more. When will Qui-Gon wake up:oops:

    Nevertheless I could say OMG BB is about to kill Obi. However, I know you would not do that.
    BB is going to get a surprise I just know it.

    Now I have to wait patiently... no impatiently.:eek:


    =D=
  24. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    BB is mad (like the Joker in Badman;))

    Obi-Wan:eek: evil cliffie:eek:

    And the Jedi are blind to what is lurking in the depths of the temple.

    Great exciting update
  25. serendipityaey Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 24, 2004
    star 4
    Gripping and disturbing, great writing, again :D I'm really getting sucked in, and I might have a guess who BB is... (am I supposed to already know that? I apologize if I'm a little slow [face_blush]) and poor Schmi :( and the boss really does have a heart!


    There was strength and layers of depth to Obi-Wan, but not hidden depths of deceit. He knew that, as surely as he knew the Force existed.


    [face_love] Love this line [face_love]

    And because my life is so horridly busy (i.e. baby wants attention NOW) I have to review this in two parts. Oh my :rolleyes:

    EDIT cont.

    Loved the fighting, I'm not really a huge fan of action, but you write it so well, very intense. I love seeing Obi-Wan's journey in all this, and the end :eek: can not wait for more! Yikes!
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