SWC How Star Wars Could've Ended in 1 minute

Grievous: It is a volcanic planet, you will be safe there!
Nute Gunray: Annoying droid! You do realise what you just said? Is there something wrong with your feeble programming?
Grievous: DROID am I!?
*General Grievous activates his lightsabers and starts cutting through the Separatist leaders*
Grievous (as he attacks): ROGER, ROGER, ROGER, ROGGGEEEER!!!!
*Grievous contacts Sidious*
Grievous: The Separatist leaders are all dead.
Sidious: One less job for me. Oh, also, Obi-Wan is behind you.
*Grievous is decapitated*

 

"You're all clear, kid! Now pull up out of that trench run and let's make the jump to hyperspace before the Death Star blows up Yavin IV!"
*Chewie barks his agreement*

 

Sidious: To cheat death, is a power only one has achieved, but I am sure if we work together, we can discover the secret.

Anakin: I pledge myself to.......hey! Wait a second. You just told me a minute ago that you had the power to save the one I love.

Sidious: *Looks around sheepishly, fidgeting his fingers*

 

Capt. Madakor: "With all due respect, the ambassadors wish to board immediately."

Gunray: "How about 'No'. Welcome to the blockade."

*BANG!*

It would have saved me another 2 hours of torture too...

 

Jabba: Your mind powers will not work on me, boy.

Luke: Nevertheless, I'm taking Captain Solo and his friends. You can either profit by this... or be destroyed! It's your choice. But I warn you not
to..

(Luke suddenly falls to the ground as he is shot in the stomach by a blaster. Looking up, he sees he has been shot by Leia.)

Luke: Leia! Why?

Leia: Are you kidding me? Three movies and this is the only costume I have that doesn't make me look like a per-pubescent surfboard.

(Luke dies.)

Leia: By the way, Exalted One, that guard over there is actually Lando Callrisian in disguise, you might want to have him executed immediately.

(Jabba laughs as he pulls Leia close to him.)

Jabba: Excellent. Now dance for me, my lovely.

 

"Alright, check this side of the street. The door's not locked-hey, look, it's those droids we were looking for! Zap & and grab 'em, blue milk's on me, fellas!"

 

Those are most definitely the droids that I'm looking for. Stop waving your hand. Are you hitting on me?

 

"I grow tired of asking this, so this will be the last time. Where is the Rebel base?"
"Dantoonie. They're on Dantoonie."

*Rebel base is actually located on Dantooine.*

 

Correct me if I am wrong, but I don't think Luke ever actually points the lightsaber in his face during the movie.

 

LUKE Uncle Owen...

OWEN Yeah?

LUKE This R2 unit has a bad motivator.
Look!

OWEN (to the head Jawa)
Hey, what're you trying to push on
us?

The Jawa goes into a loud spiel. Meanwhile, Artoo has sneaked
out of line and is moving up and down trying to attract
attention. He lets out with a low whistle. Threepio taps
Luke on the shoulder.

THREEPIO (pointing to Artoo)
Excuse me, sir, but that R2 unit is
in prime condition. A real bargain.

LUKE A blue bargain droid? Uh, no thanks.
*starts laughing uncontrollably*

 

Windu: I am going to end this for once and for all!
Anakin: Good idea.
(Windu kills Palpatine)

 

*Palpatine is electrocuting Luke*
Vader: Meh.
*Walks off*

 

George Lucas: Hey fox executives, I have this really cool idea for a movie that takes place in space-

Fox Executives: No, this will not be funded......

 

Vader: I have you now.
(He does)

 

"I've been looking forward to this for a long time."
"Yes, I bet you have."
*Greedo shoots first and hits Han square between the eyes and burns a hole through the Correllian's smuggler's brain. Greedo coolly walks to the bartender and flips him a coin.*
"Sorry about the mess..."

 

Han: What a wonderful idea. What an incredible smell you've discovered!
Leia: It could be worse.
Han: It's worse. Chewy get away from there.
Luke: No wait...
[Han shoots a blaster bolt that ricochets of 2 walls & then puts a hole through Luke's head. He falls onto the trash pile dead]
Leia: You idiot, the kid already tried that, it's magnetically sealed!
Han: Well excuse me Your Worship, I had everything under control until you led us down here! The kids alright, I think it just grazed him.
Leia: He's dead.
Han: Ah ok, well...can I help it if I'm a good shot!? Look he was just some farm boy anyway, he was never gonna amount to anything.

 

Jabba: These two rusty droids are gifts? Melt them both.

 

"Annie, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine."
"Really? You'll always only see me as a kid? Huh.... well then... are your handmaiden's around? Always thought that Corde-"
"Is dead."
"Oh. Well. Ain't that something! What about Keria Knightl-"
"Get out. Now."

 

How about this: those poisonous bugs Zam Wesell's droid planted in Padmé's bedroom bite her.

Sent from my stupid little astro droid using TapaTalk 2.

 

Qui-Gon: "He...is the chosen one... Train him..."
Obi-Wan: "Nope!"
*Obi-Wan heave-hoes the still-slightly-alive Qui-Gon down the Naboo reactor pit dusts his hands and walks off whistling a jaunty tune.*
Obi-Wan: "I'm gonna go find me those Naboo brothels I keep hearing about!"
*Qui-Gon lands right beside the bifurcated Maul who gives him a quizzical look.*
Maul: "Fancy meeting you here, Jedi scum."
Qui-Gon: "Oh, shut up."

 

"Luke there is a special deal down at Tosche station, forget this suicide mission and go buy some power convertors at a bargain price"

"yipeeee"

 

"There is always a bigger fish" - is not actually true, their bongo gets chewed to pieces

 

"Ben? Ben Kenobi? Boy, am I glad to see you."
"Yeah, well, I'm not you little twerp."
*Leaves Luke alone in the Jundland Wastes*

 

Palpatine: Learn to use the dark side of the Force...and you can save your wife...from certain death.

Anakin: What did you just say?

Palpatine: What? Me? I didn't say anything.

 

PALPATINE: They don't trust you, Anakin. They see your future. They know your power will be too strong to control. Anakin, you must break through the fog of lies the Jedi have created around you. Let me help you to know the subtleties of the Force.
ANAKIN: How do you know the ways of the Force?
PALPATINE: My mentor taught me everything about the Force . . . even the nature of the dark side.
ANAKIN: You know the dark side?!?
PALPATINE: Anakin,of course I don't know the Dark Side, I'm just a corrupt politician. Wait, wait... No... Hold on... Ooooooo, I'm "Darth Sideous"... Woooo...
*puts his hands in a light saber holding position and makes swinging motion with his arms, while making lightsaber noises"
ANAKIN: Oh, Chancellor, you're so funny.