[NRW] The tragic death(s) of Anakin Solo

Anakin Solo suffered a severe injury when every cell in his body exploded, leaving him something of a pasty sticky mess. However, the Yuuzhan Vong were able to clone him and then substitute this perfectly good body for recovery by the Jedi whom proceeded to burn it. Sadly, the clone Anakin was not taken off the pyre even as he screamingly burned to death. This was because of....as Leia put it...

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"We've seen worse twitching from Darth Vader whom was only unconscious when we started burning him."

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The Yuuzhan Vong promptly revived Anakin Solo by judicious use of duct tape and skin grafts before transferring him to a secret location in the Imperial Center where he broke free and promptly ended up killing Irek Ismaren before Roganda Ismaren substituted his body for her sons due to the damage Anakin inflicted upon the boy first and the fact that Roganda is a dumb harem girl.

Anakin thus became the BADDEST JEDI OF THEM ALL due to his Jedi-ness coming out of his KNEECAPS! The multitude of lightsabers and cybernetic enhancements did not avail him against fate though since Anakin Solo had predicted his own death at the hands of Tahari much earlier. This destiny was fulfilled when he was promptly executed by the little girl with the aid of Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade.

Anakin Solo's head continued to be viable though and sticking it in a little plastic baggy, it was transported by Face Lorran to the Lusunkya where it joined with Yssane Isard whom had been a prisoner all of these years. With the aid of Bomarr Monk technology, Anakin Solo was once more revived. Unfortunately, no sooner had he been revived that they promptly crashed the Lusunkya into the side of a Yuuzhan Vong worldship.

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Left bodiless and immaterial, Anakin Solo was much cooler than Palpatine and was not "All Dead." If Anakin was all dead, the only thing they could do was rifle his pockets for spare change. Anakin proceeded to then tell his brother "Stand Firm" before possessing him and defeating Omni, thus being the real hero of the New Jedi Order. Anakin Solo then proceeded to discover flow-walking as decided to travel back in time to save the galaxy from his grandfather Darth Vader.

Anakin did so by possessing Darth Maul seconds before he was about to kill Obi Wan Kenobi. But before Obi Wan could be explained not to train Anakin, the padawan mercilessly cut down the Jedi Knight. The reason for Darth Maul's perplexed look on his face was this was not typical Jedi behavior. Anakin was too BAD ASS to die that way though.

Anakin Solo promptly used his super-advanced technical skills to construct a robot body for himself as he travelled around doing good in the Clone Wars. On numerous occasions he reconstructed Durge and saved the life of Asajj Ventress before finally finding Obi Wan Kenobi again. This was when Anakin Solo dueled with Obi Wan a bit first to establish his dominance. Preparing to offer an alliance to save the galaxy from the Vong AND Vader, he was then shot to death by Uncle Owen.

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Undettered, Anakin Solo's immortality continued to save him as he managed to reconstruct his body through sheer force of will alone. This new body resembled Darth Maul's old body and preparing to manipulate the Emperor to fight the Yuuzhan Vong while recruiting Grand Admiral Thrawn to be his 'badass' army, Darth Vader promptly stabbed through his chest in their final confrontation and killed him again.

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Anakin had prepared for this eventuality and had his brain transferred to the Zabrak homeworld while he prepared to have a new body cloned for himself to transfer it too. This body would be made from his Uncle Luke so they could fight the S

 

Masterful. A work of genius.

 

Yes, Anakin Solo explains how DEATH IS ONLY THE BEGINNING

 

[double post]

 

great job!

 

(5 laughing faces, take that!)

That's great Charlemagne....dare I say genius?

 

That was the most hilarious thing I have read in a LONG time.

 

Nope, still dead.

 

Sounds like a season of Charmed...

 

Heh, sweet. The dietary jedi suppliments part was awesome.

 

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Underneath Darth Krayt's helmet, the years of ressurection and rebirth have of course had some tole on Anakin's boyish good looks. It's too bad that his last resurrection results in Anakin coming to terms with his sexuality and begins his romantic affair with Darth Wyrrlock.

(Which results in his nightmarish wounding 'down there' by Tahari and thus his need to be repaired by Cade)

 

Nope, still dead and straight.

 

I'm so proud of that meme.

 

I'm so glad to have a quick comeback to all the "resurrect Anakin" nonsense.

 

That's not faaaaair!

 

What was tragic about his death? It was fun. It's one of the few NJOs I didn't sell.