Original SW Poetry and Other Writings

Here's an idea. I know some of us are budding poets and writers. Here is a place where we can put or Dooku haiku or maybe an Anakin and Padme couplet. Or maybe you have a crazy (original) idea for a new SW short story or joke. Let's be creative and see what we can come up with here.

For my first contribution, a bad SW joke.

Luke is at a dinner party where an exotic food is being served. Unsure of how to eat it, if he should use his hands or a utensil, Ben's disembodied voice says, "Use the fork, Luke."

Okay, I warned you it was bad. Okay, so now I've given everyone incentive to do better than what I just did.

 

O.K. Here's an email I sent to my sister back in December. She lives out in Portland, and I don't get to see her too much. She got me hooked on Star Wars back around 1980 or so, and she had all the original figures. Now we both collect, and trade off lists of "wants". Not a holiday has gone by in the last 4 years where anything other than SW figs have been exchanged. With that bit o trivia, here's my poem (Read on the same pace as "The Night Before Christmas"):

'Twas a week before Christmas, and all through my house,

sat numerous figures, too many to count.

When into my mind did the question appear:

which figures do you care for, sister my dear?

The Force did not aid me, not even a bit;

you'd think I'd remember, ain't that some ***t?

And telepathy fails, as Christmas draws nigh

so I sit at the keyboard, I type and I sigh.

If I'd written it down, in the form of a list

then perhaps at this moment I wouldn't be pissed.

So with Christmas approaching, I simply must ask:

Just which Star Wars figures did you request in the past?

They may not quite make it to you right on time,

but trust me, you'll have them, or else I am slime

And now do I finish my dumb Christmas poem,

(Not quite as tedious as the lame Ethan Frome)

and I shall take leave, and hope you will write;

so I again can go shopping, what a delight!

End

I know--it's terrible, but when you're a geek, you're a geek. I don't think I'll be writing for Hallmark anytime soon. Hope you enjoyed!

 

Came up with this one while helping a friend move yesterday...

Did you hear about the new TV show they're making? It's supposed to be a crossover between "Star Wars" and "The X-Files".

Yup, thats right. It's called "The Clone Gunmen".

/me runs away and hides now...

-Zordok

 

I don't honestly know which joke is worse, yours or mine. No, wait, mine is bad overall, your's is bad (a groaner) for the punchline.

Here's another title of a crossover between a Fox show and Star Wars...Darth Angel.

 

CANTINA MAN
(sung to the tune of Piano Man)


It is sunset at the end of week, the regular crowd shuffles in. There's a Jedi sitting next to me making love to his Corellian gin. He said, "Son, can you play me a memory. I'm not really sure how it goes. But it's sad and its sweet and I knew it complete when I wore a Padewan's robes."

chorus
Sing us a song, you're the cantina man. Sing us a song tonight. Well, we're all in the mood for jizz melodies and you've got us feeling all right.

Now, Zekk at the bar is a friend of mine. He gets me my drinks for free and he's quick with some spice which alway is nice but there's someplace that he'd rather be. He says "Bail, I believe this is killing me." as a smile ran away from his face. "I'm sure that I could be a holo-star if I could blast out of this place."

chorus
Sing us a song, you're the cantina man, sing us a song tonight. Well, we're in the mood for jizz melodies and you've got us feeling all right.

Paul is a smuggle or artifacts a who never had time for a wife and he's talking with a glitbiter who's still a good fighter til one puts an end to his life.
And the Gungans are practicing politics as the Gamoreans slowly get stoned. They're sharing spice they call glittestim but its better than dying alone.

chorus
Sing us a song, you're the cantina man. Sing us a song tonight. We're all in the mood for jizz melodies and you've got us feeing all right.

It's a pretty good crown for the end of week and the owner giver me a smile because he knows that it's me, they've been coming to see to forget about life for a while.
The noise sounds like a swooper bar and the air smells like ale. And they sit at the bar and put creds in my jar and say, blast out and get a life, Bail."

fade out with chorus again



Hey, it's my first try!!!!!!1

 

That's outstanding! Get Weird Al on the line!

 

Very good, but here's something I've wanted to ask for years - is anyone else kind of disturbed that the music is called jizz wailing?

Jeff

 

I never heard that before, Bishop, but if that is the case, yes, it is disturbing.

So far so good...anyone else got anything they'd like to share. (I have to work on something better than my lame joke...)

 

Well, I'm working on a Han/Leia fanfic, basically as a response to the putrid treatment of my fave characters in the EU fiction. And after reading Troy Denning's e-book, which was supposed to "repair" some of the damage done (needless to say, it was awful! Yaack!--he couldn't write good romance if it bit him in the a$$--not that I expected that he could, to begin with...).

I was challenged by a friend of mine on the Organa-zation list to write a different estrangment story, a better one than what we have, and then bring back to together in some fabulous, appealing way. Essentially to try to recreate the feeling we had in the films. Not that I'm the best to try this, but I thought I'd give it a go.

Here's the basic setup:
Three years have passed since the Battle of Endor. The New Republic exists, but it's a shaky infancy. The last remnants of the Empire have relegated themselves to the Outer Rim, but continue to plague the republic.
Leia has assumed the position of her people as the viceroy of New Alderaan, but is also on the New Republic council, and her life is very full. Han has retained his status as general, and is working to wear down the Imperial resistance.
They have married within the last year, but only through the New Alderaanian courts--no pomp and ceremony. And they have a son, Arran, who is little less than a year old at the time the story opens.

At the story unfolds, an old friend of Leia's has been elected as the Minister of Commerce for New Alderaan. A man by the name of Arban Xirann, whom she grew up with (their fathers were friends, but on different ends of the political spectrum), and who was off-planet when Alderaan was destroyed. Having cleverly enriched himself under the Empire, he has returned to serve his people, and to renew his friendship with Leia.

But Xirann is more than he seems, and his machinations will subtly and effectively damage Han and Leia's relationship. To add fuel to this fire, our heroes must deal with a new element that has been added to the rag-tag Imperials' repertoire. Without power in numbers, they have resorted to guerilla tactics and virtual terrorism, but not just with explosives. They are now employing biochemical warfare. And the terrorism has made it into the central systems. Hundreds are dying, and as the days pass without solution for the New Republic, the people are growing rebellious and angry.

It becomes clear there is an insider, but who? Han and Chewie set off to find the answer, with Wedge and Rogue Squadron behind them, while Leia works to protect her people, who have become a target...

There's tons more, and I've been working on it for about 6 months now, writing little bits here and there in my spare time, although it has slowed down in favor of my costume, and I'm sure I'll have rewrites in the future. If anyone would like to read what I have, let me know and I'll email you some tidbits you can munch on. And if you want, I can send you the missing moments story that was published in "Delusions of Grandeur I", if you're curious.

Or you could tell me to shut up and stop showing off...

...don't hit me!...

 

I currently have a multipart story being read by betareaders for the Force.net's fan fiction site.

I call it Loyalty Betrayed. Basically it the story of an Imperial agent who is betrayed by the Empire and begins working for the Rebellion, she is rescued by none other than Boba Fett from an Imperial Intelligence holding cell where she is being tortured to reveal her rebel contact and a secret is revealed at the end of the story as to why Fett helps her.

 

clickie

 

It sounds like we have some really good stories here. Could they be turned into a fan film? Perhaps this is something to look into at the marathon meeting.

 

MY LIFE
To the tune of my life by Billy Joel. Hey, what can I say, I like his music.

Got a call from an old friend, we use to be real close.
Said he couldn't go on with the Jedi code.
Lost his hand, lost his wife, now he's tripping on the dark side.
It all happens between the third and the fourth episode.

He don't need me to worry for him, he's Darth Vader.
He's just having a ball with his new friend, Darth Sid.
He don't care what I say anymore, he's a dark lord.
He hunts Jedi for sport and that's why we all hid.

He just said, "Admit I've grown up, Obiwan.
You always thought I was the Chosen one.
I still belong. Don't get me wrong. You can speak your mind, but forget the light side."

First I told him that he couldn't do this or that.
And I told him to always trust in the Force.
He did his own thing and Count Dooku knocked him flat.
For his power comes from a much darker source.

I don't need you to worry for me, Old Obiwan.
I don't want you to tell me to Pademe, go home.
I don't care what you say anymore, I am Darth Vader.
Go and find your own wife and leave mine alone.

 

All this writing and such prompted me to go through some of my older work, which I hadn't looked at in years, and I thought I'd share a little bit of it. This piece I wrote as part of a birthday gift to Jenni (skywalker1138) in which I broke up the KB 12" Han/Boussh Leia/Luke, and gave her the Luke. But I felt the Luke should come with more, so I wrote a small piece to go with it!

Well, here goes! Critique as you will, and as I find more stuff, I may post more in future (but they'll be short--otherwise I might get in trouble for taking up space... or for wasting your time! ) Hope you like it!

SHADOWS

by Beret Elizabeth

The dilapidated landspeeder rumbled low as it slowed to a halt, stirring up mad clouds of shifting sands beneath its metal hull, the quartz-like grains shimmering in the reflection of the late binary afternoon. With the clank of shifting gears, its lone occupant locked the speeder in place, shutting the engine down as its protesting whine was carried on the lofting western winds. Cloaked in the color of midnight, the figure departed the speeder, his gaze fixed on the scene which lay before him.
Ruins. It had only been three years, but they were ruins nonetheless. The scorched, exposed hull of what once was a typical desert dwelling for the moisture farmers of Tatooine. Imbedded deeply into the earth, adjoining apartments surrounding a sunken central courtyard, the domed, windowless vestibule and garage--a perfect arrangement against such natural predicaments as a sandstorm.

Fire had once ravaged this dwelling. Before that, it had been filled with the sounds of home--the drone of domestic contraptions, the hum of conversation, the lilt of a woman?s gentle laughter.
It had all vanished in the space of a few moments. Moments to him. It might have been hours for them.
He skirted the twisted remnants of pipes belonging to the dwelling?s personal moisture vaporator, noting the contraption had long since been stripped for parts, and moved to the vestibule, picking his way among the crumbled, weathered remains of its domed vaults, working his way down the steps to the central courtyard.
The situation was no different here than it had been above ground. Carnage. That was the word for it, he thought. Pure carnage. Man and nature, in tandem, had created this destruction.

He closed his eyes, almost as if in pain.
The final impressions, the final moments still lingered here, drifting like ghosts, wisps among the dunes which had formed in the corners. Fear and dread collected with the grains of time.
He could almost hear his uncle?s voice. Strong. Demanding. Almost rebellious. And hers... quiet... Pleading... pleading...
Silence.

By the Force, it hurt too much. He shouldn?t have come here, never should have... But he had to. He was unsure as to the exact reason for his coming, yet it seemed cathartic, somehow, as if he had come full circle. Perhaps out of a twisted sense of morbid curiosity, too. He could envision his former self in his mind, pulled out of the depths of his memories. He had left so quickly, it had never really settled completely within him. There had even been times in the ensuing years where he could easily delude himself into believing they were alive--that he could return home whenever he wished, and they would be there, waiting...

Instinct drew him to his old room, into remembrance. The logical aspects of his mind noticed how stripped the room was. None of his old belongings remained. Dust clouded thickly the remaining sticks of a melted chair, the blackened tatters of an old woolen blanket that he rubbed absently between his fingers, the wall niches cracked, scorched from the heat of the former blaze. With wry humor, he remarked how thorough the Jawas had been.

But they hadn?t stripped the memories from these walls. The hours spent in that melted chair, studying the wonders of the galaxy with the rapt attention of a daydreaming youth. The little treasures and gadgets that filled his leisure, waiting to be rigged for h

 

Okay, poetry..not star wars related, but some of my best work I'd say so here's a little haiku to warm the soul...


poor curious george
the man with the yellow hat
likes spanking monkeys



(read that one in front of my creative writing class in college..went over really well except for the grad student who was teaching it. Took the whole silly class far too seriously)



Marcy =)

 

That's hilarious, Marcy! Thank you for making my dreary Thursday so much better!

(Damn Lakefront festival--they won't let me park for free tomorrow!)

 

you say it's dreary
i say it makes the grass grow
thank God for rain

 

Aaaaahhhh! It's "Attack of the Haiku Clones"! Everyone run for the hills!

(Yeah, I know, it's not very witty... I'm too tired for clever rejoinders, so this will have to suffice! )

 

I wrote a poem called "Jean-Luc"

Tea
Earl Grey
Hot

 

umm this is a little obi-wan story... he maybe 7. this has no relation to epi1 or 2. if you don't like it.... sorry!!!!!

Star Wars Episode III: Return of the Haunted Bantha
By Red_Jedi_Knight
It was all just a bad dream. It was all just a bad dream. It was all just a bad dream. It was all just a bad dream. Obi-Wan continued this mantra over and over as the shadows got bigger and bigger. Finally it was too much.
"MASTER!!!" Obi-Wan cried as he ran from his room and into his master's launching himself onto the bed once he had cleared the door.
Qui-Gon Jinn was awakened by a stab of pure fear from his padawan then was jolted into full consciousness as the 9 year old landed directly on his chest. What little air he had was forced out of his lungs by the nearly 70 pounds on him.
"Padawan would you care to get off me?" he said in a calm voice. Obi-Wan looked down, his face still full of fear. Slowly, he nodded and inched off him to the side of the bed next to the wall. "Now would you mind telling me why you are trying to wake most of the temple by yelling and running around?"
Obi-Wan got quite red and began to inspect the blankets on Qui-Gon's bed. "Well... when I was over visiting Bant yesterday, we watched Return of the Haunted Bantha. She thought it was just funny but I didn't think so." he mummbled quietly.
"So this holovid scared you?" Qui-Gon asked calmly. Obi-Wan nodded. "Well you just have to remember that it was only a holovid and holovids can't hurt you. Now we have work we will have to do in the morning. So please go back to bed." Qui-Gon carefully lifted his padawan and set him back on the other side. Obi-Wan hurried back to his room and jumped on the bed.
The haunted banthas could hide under your bed. They could be anywhere. Obi-Wan curled up in his blankets and squished into the corner of the wall his bed was next to. He tried to sleep but it never came.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning Qui-Gon saw that Obi-Wan had less energy to work on katas and made more mistakes then usual. Qui-Gon carefully noted these flaws and tried to correct them but Obi-Wan just became self-conscious and shy. Qui-Gon was at a loss at what to do for his padawan.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"NO! STAY BACK!! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM !!" Qui-Gon was jolted again into wakefulness by Obi-Wan's scared cries. This time he got up and went to the second bed room. He found Obi-Wan tangled in his sheets, most of the blankets were on the floor. He was struggling roughly and was sweating hard. "NO! You can't take Qui-Gon!" he cried again.
Qui-Gon moved to his side and gripped his shoulders shaking him lightly. "Obi-Wan, wake up."
"No, you ....wha..." Obi-Wan opened his eyes and gazed at Qui-Gon, "What happened?"
"You had another bad dream, you were yelling in your sleep."
"The haunted banthas were trying to take you away from me." Obi-Wan looked embarrassed, "I had to stop them.... then they tried to take me." Obi-Wan finally looked up and Qui-Gon could see his eyes well up with tears.
Obi-Wan must have thought he had seen something for suddenly he burst out, "I'm sorry," he hugs his master tightly and cried into his sleep shirt, "I know I'm a disapointment but I can change. I won't be afraid of anything just like you, just don't leave."
Qui-Gon was in shock. He held Obi-Wan close to him and tried to figure out where his apprentice had gotten the idea that he would ever leave him. "Obi-Wan look at me." When the small, round, tear streaked face looked up Qui-Gon couldn't help but smile. "I would never ever leave you, a herd of haunted banthas couldn't drag me from your side. I am here to love you and help you become the wonderful knight I know you can become. Nothing will ever change that. And to tell the truth... I used to have nightmares about swimming." Qui-Gon confided.
Obi-Wan's eyes went wide. "You did? Why?"
"When I was very young I dived into the lake and when I came back up my swim trunks were on the over side of the lake. I used to dream that it would

 

That was a nice, short story. I enjoyed it. I can just see a little child Obi-Wan doing just that. Very cute!

 

Red, that's a great vignette! I really enjoyed it!

 

YEAH CONFIDENCE BOOST!!! thank you all!!!!
red*

 

Wish me luck! I just submitted a novel-length story to Tfn's fanfic site! My betareaders gave it 2 thumbs up so now I wait, anxious and nail-biting, for the reviewers to approve it for archival.

 

Good luck.